I felt like I weighed 300 pounds because I was covered on so much guilt and regret. The will to get up was buried some where faraway as I laid in bed beside a sleeping Nichkhun. Nothing seemed to justify this as a rational decision; I'm just a unfaithful idiot.

I would like to say I got absolutely smashed last night, and couldn't remember how I got into that situation, but I can't. I made the decision with a sober mind while being just emotionally drunk.

Giving Khun the smallest of sign of affection was all it took for him to go wild. I tried to stop him, but the more I tried the more he did too. I gave in though because I was scared I'd lose him if I didn't. Now I was scared I'd lose Jay.

Sleeping with Khun made him happy, and that's how I wanted him to feel. It made me feel the complete opposite though. Sure, the act itself was pleasurable but I felt horrible doing it. I wanted Khun to be able to move on already.

I have done the exact opposite though.

It was early afternoon, the sun high in the sky. I couldn't bear to face Khun right now, so I packed my bags even though my flight wasn't until night.  I leaned over his body and gave him a light peck on the forehead, before writing him some parting words.

I'm sorry, but this is how I want to remember you.

I clipped the small paper to the photograph of my favorite Khun, the one that was my bestfriend, my brother. The drawing I would finish one day, when that person would return for good.

Thankfully, my and I got along well do he wasn't worried when I spent time with Khun. Even though I covered up quite well, security was always apart of the plan.

Taking off my jacket and bags was such a hassle, especially when it gave me away. I almost got mauled trying to put my shoes back on after. My rushed me to away to the wing where the flight would be, ensuring the fans wouldn't follow.

"Thank you ajhussi. I think I'll be ok now, so just be back for boarding."

It took much debate, but he let me be on my own. By now people who worked with me, or for me I guess, had figured out I preferred to do things independently.

I sipped a bottle of water, while playing with the last grains of rice in my take out container. It was going to be a long wait for my flight, expecially since I was alone. This changed when a crowd came towards me, video cameras at the ready.

It was weird sitting there because he people just took photos in silence. Eventually a boy picked up the courage to say sometihng,

"Y-you're eMpress? Wen? Right?"

I nodded politely, which sent him into spasms of excitement along with his other male comrads.

"Who's you're ideal guy? What are you doing in Thailand? What label mates are you closest with?" fired one of the girls in the crowd.

"I like a confident simple type of man who doesn't mind being goofy, I was here for a photo shoot, and I am closest with the 2PM boys"  I replied

This turned into an impromptu fan meeting, as more people began to take notice of me. My returned to the small restaurant to find me swallowed up by all the people. Luckliy, the staff there had sent employees to control the amount of people. They even set up a rope around my table as a precaution. Guess they liked the business I brought, since they didn't kick me out.

The original boy who had initiated the conversation actually seemed like a sweetheart. He reminded me a lot of Khun, with his mannerisms. There even was a glint in his eyes, and a quirk to his smile that made me think of him. The whole time, he held his spot at the front and just watched, not being impolite, rude, or loud.

"I'm sorry, but I must be leaving for my flight to Seoul" I sat up form my seat, shielded by my and an employee, "Thank you for supporting me"

"Wait" the boy, who was probably 20, squirmed through the bodies towards me, "Could I shake your hand?"

That was an odd request. Not a hug, a picture, or autograph, but a modest handshake. This impressed me.

Smiling, I extended a hand to him, which he took with wide eyes.

My eyes became as big as his when I saw his scarred wrists. I had been that person before, I knew what it was like. One thing could turn it around for these type of people, they just needed a catalyst. I decided I would try and be that.

"What's your name?" I asked

"It's Yong Bae, but I just go by Bae" he replied slowly in pure shock

I felt a tinge of pain, but put on a smile for the boy.

"Here, please take this" I gave him a small note with my autograph, addressed to him

He recoiled, putting it in his pocket, "T-Thank you " then gave me a deep bow.

I strutted away from the gathering, thinking of when I was in his position. The kind of person who took out every bad thing on themselves, because they believed they deserved it, were to blame. I wish that I had someone turn me around in the right direction. I hope that this small act made him happy, for at least the day. Happy; what was happy anymore? I made someone else happy last night, but that was at my own expense.

I stood in the aisle of the aircraft, waiting for the man infront to put his luggage in the overhead storage. He bent down to pick up his final bag, revealing the seats behind him, in which one sat Khun.

I had purposely gotten priority boarding, to avoid anymore public appearances. How had he gotten on before me? This issue was suppose to have been avoided by me leaving the hotel. I shyly peeked at my plane ticket, and cursed at my seat; it was beside him of course.

The only good thing, was that he didn't seem to see me. I was wearing a hat, sunglasses, and a scarf, whis covered up the majority of my face.

Awkwardly, I shuffled into the seat. Khun gave me a small glance, but just went back to looking at a magazine. That's when I saw it wasn't a magazine, but rather the photo I had left behind, and the drawing I had given him.

"Hello runaway" Khun sighed, still looking at the papers.

I tipped my sunglasses down, and glared at him over the rim "What gave me away?"

He smirked, "Your scent. I can spot that perfume anywhere."

Jay had bought me this perfume.

Soon we were in the air, and then allowed to move around the cabin. Of course, I just sat there in silence. I had too much to mull over in my mind. I toyed wit the scarf I was wearing, which was from Mir, to distract myself. It gave me comfort thinking of childish, innocent and carefree Mir.

"I really screwed up" stated Khun, being the first to speak in over an hour.

"More like you screwed me. " I grimaced. I couldn't help myself when it came to a good ual innuendo.

"At least did you enjoy it?" he muttered, chasing an icecube in his cup with the straw.

"You actually are ver- Nevermind. I am iust going to shut up" I grumbled, waving it off

"I really am sorry. I made a huge mistake" Khun apologized

"We made a huge mistake" I corrected, checking out his somber expression.

"I was stupid for thinking that would make you love me, or make me forget about you. I promise to leave Jay and you alone. "

"Thanks. As long as you are happy, that's what matters to me Khun" I whispered, becoming more timid as the truth came out.

I could still tell that things were rocky between us. I had just slept with Jay's good friend, and done it willingly. This would take a long time to get over, and forgive.

The heavy atmosphere pushed down my eyelids. This was probably my biggest weakness, falling asleep so easily and quickly. At least this killed the possibily of more chatting with Khun one on one.

I fluttered my eyes open, and noticed the blinking city lights. We must be in Seoul, getting ready to land.

I began to fantasize about bursting into my place, and seeing Jay waiting there with open arms. I discarded this thought, knowing I would just be disappointed when I arrived home to find no one.

The passengers began filing off, and I was next. I strutted off the plane, ready to paste on a nice smile for the public. There were only a handful of fans, and thankfully they weren't screaming their lungs out. Rushing through baggage claim, I headed for the exit.

It always made me emotional when I saw the people with signs, waiting for their loved ones to arrive. When they did arrive, it was absolutely heart warming.

"How sweet" I said to myself, spotting a fan sign. It said 'Welcome home eMpress'

Whoever was holding it, turned it around to reveal a second message on the back. I squinted at the writing, thinking I was hallucinating. 

The sign said "For You".

No, it couldn't be.

I hurried to the back of the crowd of waiting families to find the culprit. Wearing my Pokemon shirt, he couldn't be mistaken for anyone else.

Jay dropped the sign to the ground, and scooped me up into his arms. He squeezed me against his body,  before relaxing slightly to look at me directly. 

"I missed you so much Wen"

I had never seen him this emotional. He was actually tearing up, with a single drop trailing down his right cheek. 

I bit my lip, trying not to cry. I knew if I started, i wouldn't stop.

"Me too Jay" I whimpered with glazed eyes, that were filling up quicker by the minute.

Cradling my face in both his hands like he used to, Jay kissed me with raw passion. I wrapped my arms around his neck, locking my hands together.

I took a moment to the side of his face, feeling how hard and ragged his breathing was.

"Lers go home" I beamed, weaving my fingers into his.

He insisted on taking my suitcase, so I let him have his way. He had driven the company car here, which was surprising since we were 'broken up". Wonder how he made that happen under JYP's careful watch.

Now with the initial adrenaline rush gone, I was left with guilt eating me away. I really had cheated on Jay, hadn't I. There is no emotional attachment -and that is what a relationship is based upon- but only lust. Then the next question would be if I now felt something for Khun, and I didn't; I was sure of it. A straight 'yes' or 'no' could not be used for this problem, but regardless it was a mistake. I now ran the risk of losing the person who I really did love as a partner, a companion, and a soulmate dare I say.

I always tried to give myself reality checks, making sure I was still a functioning human opposed to factory made celebrity. As I looked at my hand picked outfit, paired with the fact I had slept around, this was now up for debate.

I really had become lost, hadn't I.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Taecyeon's Perspective

"Wooyoung, where did you put the stuff we bought today?" I hollered into the kitchen

"On the counter hyung" replied Wooyoung

Today we had gone shopping for the filming of a parody of Abracadabra. Since only Chan, Woo, and myself were here, we invited 2AM's Jokwon and Seulong to join us. I finally got to play stylist, and pick out all the things we'd be wearing. Jokwon's outfit was my personal favourite. They'd be in for a surprise.

I heard the door slam open, and then clang shut. I went out to see who was stomping in.

"Hey Khun, what's got you all worked up?" I asked, watching him storm off to our room

"Women! That's what! I hate them!" he scoffed, taking off his shirt.

"Woah there. Care to explain why?" I picked up a pair of pants that had fallen out of his bag. They were really soft, and looked my size. I pointed to them, seeing if I could wear them.

"No. They're Wen's" he spat back.

I shook my head while tossing them on to the floor.

"Wen, as in our Wen. Girlfriend to Jay, Wen. Smoking hot We-"

"Yes! Obviously her." yelled Khun

I awkwardly leaned against the bunk, before posing my next question

You have her pants because- wait, you two.... did you?"

Khun smirked, "Ya. And it was one of the biggest mistakes in my life."

I in a breath, surprised at his answer

"She wasn't good? I thought she would be considering how often her and Ja-"

"Taec" Khun shook his head in disappointement and frustration, "You're missing the point. I slept with Wen, who is conveniently dating Jay, as in our leader, our friend."

"I know that, there's nothing you can change though. It was just physical, so what's t-" I broke off the last part, seeing Khun's face, "You didn't take it as just that, did you."

Khun shrugged his shoulders very nonchalantly. He clearly was really upset, since he was pretending to be this low key.

"What am I going to do. If Jay finds out... I don't even want to think about what would happen to the group" sighed Khun, rolling into his bunk.

"Like I said; it's done, you can't change what you did. I'm sure Wen feels just as bad, it wasn't just your choice. Don't take it out all on yourself. " I said, climbing into the top.

"Doubt it. I saw Jay at the airport, he came to pick her up, and they were all over each other. Great time for him to come back." he grumbled sarcastically

I think Khun fell asleep, because he stopped responding to me. He probably just was ignoring me though, I didn't blame him, he had a lot going on.

On the other hand, I still had at least an hour of energy left in me. I pounced on to the ground expertly, not even making a creak in the floor, and headed off to the kitchen where I'd find Chan. I spotted him seated at the counter sure enough.

"Chan, are there any left overs?"

I stumbled backwards, seeing that it wasn't Chan but Jay. I didn't think he'd be coming back to the dorm this soon. Had he heard raging Khun, wailing away about screwing his girlfriend? Hope not, because that would really .

"Oh, hi Jay." I corrected

He turned around in the chair, "Hey Taec, how was Wild Bunny today?"

"It was good, you'll get to see what we've been up to since you've been gone." Glad he didn't seem to know about Khun's crisis, "How's Wen?"

"She's really tired. She said she didn't sleep at all yesterday night." said Jay

I stiffled my laugh; that was some good irony.

"I'm sure she is really feeling the effects then, that's for sure" I responded slyly.

"Well I'm going to bed, so later Taec" Jay waved lazily as he dragged his feet down the hall.

I felt bad for Khun, Jay and Wen. They all had really complicated messed up lives now. It made me feel the worst thinking of how Wen said she never wanted a life like this.

I know my brothers Jay and Khun, and my new sister Wen well though. They'd figure it out; somehow.