It isn’t fair.

Why are you walking towards me?

Just stop.

 

 

The figure just won’t stop in her tracks.

 

 

 

Please.

I’m so tired.

 

 

She comes in for a hug – a tight one at that. I feel myself being squeezed by the older, for a moment, I felt suffocated. It wasn’t because she couldn’t let me breathe – it wasn’t that tight to that extend.

I felt my heart suffocating.

I questioned myself on why I keep letting her do this, keep letting her have her own way. The hugs we share no longer granted the same warmth, the same feelings. It all felt like a one-way relationship in which, I no longer feel anything but only jealousy and unfairness.

Who the hell are you – you in which you think you have the decision to come and go as you please? You seek me for comfort as though I belong to you; like a home. I had enough.

I like you too much, but you like others more.

We share a special bond that the other members don’t; we’ve been friends for 6-7 years now. I know you better than anyone else but now I don’t, you’re almost like a changed person, the only thing not changed was the fact that how you always came coming back to me when you felt like it.

 

But now, I just want to push you away.

 

 

 

 

 

She looks surprised at my very action. I wonder what’s going through in her mind – at the very least, mine is full of her. She seems not used to me rejecting her, after all, this was the first time. I see her visibly fixed the expression on her face, trying to cover up what unpleasant emotions she had on her face and marched forward.

“Chaeng. It’s cold, so let’s cuddle!” She exclaims with open arms.

I couldn’t.

I don’t want to.

“No…” I muttered. “No.” Before I know it, I subconsciously took a few steps back.

“B-but why? It’s cold, Chaeyoung-ah.” She frowns. She can’t seem to comprehend why I’m acting like this. Of course, she doesn’t.

 

 

 

 

It’s always been like this. Sana. Momo. Sana. Momo. Why come to me when you got them? You flirt, you kiss, you hug. Go on, I’m watching. Why does it feel like I like you way too much? I’m standing right beside.

Sana likes you a whole bunch, doesn’t she?

Momo adores you a lot, doesn’t she?

Don’t come to me after they leave. Don’t come to me after everything ends. Do you think I want your half-baked attention then? Why does it seemed like I’m always trying so hard to get your attention? I give you subtle hints, but all I’ve got is a bundle of flirting that I didn’t sign up for. I didn’t sign up to watch you guys do this and that.

You’re weird.

Just because, they aren’t free, you come to me? Why am I the last option? Am I always at the losing end? I feel all these uncertainties but there’s still one thing I hate the most.

It all feels too good, too good in a sense where it feels almost wrong when you approach me. I shouldn’t be feeling like I won when you come back to me in the end. Why do all these make me feel so happy, yet upset? Why do I feel like I’m satisfied?

 

 

 

 

“Why do I feel like I like you way too much? Much more than you will ever feel for me?’

 

 

 

Song of the Day: "I Wait." By Day6.