99 days.

     i saw him..he still looked as attractive as ever, his face looked sharper like he has been losing weights, did he not getting enough sleep? did he eat frequently? his face was really bright the way his small eyes crinkled a bit when he smiled..his smile is still yet the most beautiful thing ever, it reminded me of sunshine...I noticed he changed the color of his hair too..it was bubblegum pink back then now it's light blonde. the blonde lock of his hair made him looked more attractive than he already was. his blonde hair complimented his milky pale skin, he looked like an angel.  

...i miss him..my heart ached every time his face came across my thoughts. 

but he looked genuinely happy...he's happy...without me. 

 

 

106 days. 

it's been a week since I last saw him. I can't stand not seeing him...i miss him so much that it hurts. now I'm back to square one hiding a few foots away from him. he was right there, handsomely dressed in a bubblegum pink sweater. his favorite color to wear. he used to say his shoulders look more broad in sweaters. his pink sweater matched with his white shorts, it hugged his muscular thighs perfectly as it complimented his long legs as well. in extra, he wore a white cap. the cap covered half of his blonde locks yet he looked breathtakingly good. I smiled bitterly as I remember the time when we were together. 

I was so drown in his beauty that I did not notice he was holding something. and it was a bouquet of bachelor button flowers. the plant represents anticipation, when you gave someone an indication that you are waiting for an answer. 

realization hit me hard. he's on a date. the smile on his face shows how nervous yet happy he was. I was to blind to notice. my heart stopped as I saw a figure in distance, the person is slowly approaching him from the behind. I gulped hard as the said person tiptoed and covered his eyes. 

"Guess who?" a high pitchy female voice could be heard.

He smiled sheepishly as his hands reached the back of her hands that covered his eyes and gave it a tiny squeeze. 

"Who else could you be? Of course it's our clumsy angel, Sana." He said with an amusing smile as he turned around and patted her head in affection. His eyes showed a glint of light as if he's glowing whenever she's near. His smile widened and he giggled cutely as she poured in slight annoyance when he messed her hair. I clutched my heart tightly in pain as my lips went numb from the biting. 

I tried hard to control my own emotions. 

Don't cry. Stay calm. Don't be a pathetic loser you used to be. 

My breathing became unstable as I swallowed the lumps in my throat. 

"Hey, I'm not that clumsy." Sana retorted cutely with her arms crossed. Daniel raised a brow at her and smiled at her smugly in a teasing manner. 

Sana rolled her eyes and continue, "Okay, maybe a little tiny bit?" she trailed off while looking at his reactions, still the same silly teasing smile. 

Daniel ruffled her hair and his hands travelled to her pinkish cheeks and brushed it softly in a loving manner. His smiles were warm and wide, his gestures were careful and gentle, and most of all, his eyes were full of love and hearts. Just like when he was in love with me. 

 

I quickly hid behind a tree, avoiding the painful scene in front of me. It was so hard to watch, although it was my own fault to bring it upon myself. My eyes were glistening with hot tears as I tried to suppress my sobs. My knees became weak and soon I found myself sliding and leaning on the tree. 

 

 

 

 

My arms were wrap around my own knees as I sobbed uncontrollably. It hurts. It really does.  

 

 

 

144 days. 

 

It wasn't even my first intention, to follow him. All I wanna do was to see him. I want to see him if he's doing well without me watching over him. Despite his manly and masculine physique, Daniel is actually really clumsy and soft.  He's like a human-puppy. 

 

And no, I'm not a stalker. 

I just want to see him and tell him how much I missed him, and how hard I've suffered from miseries when he left. Life had been so hard for me when he suddenly left, he was the reason I changed myself. He was the only reason for me to quit self-harming and suicidal thoughts, he healed me, and now he's the reason I started to hurt myself, yet again. He broke me. 

 

It was not entirely his faults, I believe there's a reason behind every problem and that's why he chose to leave. Maybe it was because of me, maybe I'm not good enough. Did I look that bad? Did I annoy him? Did I make him upset? Maybe I'm too fat, I should start dieting. Was I ugly? I could get plastic surgeries. Or worse, was it because of the scars? 

But he used to tell me how beautiful they were, how those scars were telling my own stories and how they glistened on my pale skin. He said the imperfections made me perfect. He said. 

Lies. Lies. Lies. 

All he did were deceiving me with mendacious words. He said those words just to make me feel better, he said it to make himself looked nice. 

He didn't mean every words he said if so, then he wouldn't have moving on so fast in short period of time, not mention he got himself a new relationship. Did the memories we built...by any chance- did he left those memories when he decided to walk away from me?

 

The glistening tears were pouring down one by one, as if they were following the flowing movements of my own blood. I smiled satisfyingly gazing down at my own wounded wrist.

 

The once scarlet blood that had oozed down my pale wrist in thick droplets are now spattered around my body. The blood that had flowed so freely from the severed wounded wrist now lay in pools around my unconscious body. 

 

Goodbye, Daniel.