La la la...

Notice the rain as it slowly falls

Upon the flowers and plants

Notice the darkness as it consumes

The whole place whenever it rains

Your beauty overflows just like the rain

It sings with the wind

Is it okay if you don't

Ever stray from me?

Jongdae loved the rain. It seemed to wash away the attention of everyone from the distracting neon of the city. People, whether driving or walking, slowed down. Some who couldn’t find it in themselves to stop running around couldn’t do so while it rains. It was time for people take shelter, giving others more reasons to take time to rest.

But the past few days weren’t so for the young man who was dressed down to warm sweatpants and grey sweater. It was the rare day-off for him and the members and like always, there was a portion of the day where he was by himself. But despite the lulling sound of the rain falling down their dormitory’s balcony, the noise that had being going on for months upstairs seemed to be constantly robbing him of the solace he found at times like these. Solace that he needed with all that seemingly never-ending challenges he faced as an artist individually and with his team. 

Pahbo.

Jongdae was jolted from his thoughts, and turned towards the voice behind him. The person was frowning at him, but that familiar eye twinkle told him that there wasn’t any anger towards him.

Are you sure you really like the rain? What’s up with the frown?

The said frown was broken into a small smile by his friend’s reprimanding, yet gentle voice. His friend was always the one to be more motherly than him, in ways. Shaking his head at the thought, he could only turn back to the view of the balcony being washed away with the late afternoon rains. His friend stood beside him, now silent, as they both watched the skies release the heavy waters that it had carried over time back to the earth.

You always tend to worry too much. Stop trying to stop the rain inside you, Dae. It's meant to fall.

Jongdae’s eyes darkened at that, his grip tightening on the mug of coffee he had been holding since he came to watch the rain drench everything outside his walls. Letting out a shaky breath and closing his eyes, he spoke in a barely audible voice.

“I can only take in so much myself, you know. I don’t think I can take in more of it falling on me.”

His breathe hitched as he somehow felt an arm around his shoulders, holding him tight.  

The rain doesn’t tell you to take it all in yourself, Jongdae. Even rains can break mountains, but breaking doesn’t mean you have to crumble. Not if you share your all that’s weighing you with those around you.

As if on cue, the rains seem to intensify as thunder roared above. Jongdae kept still, eyes still shut. But the presence beside him let out a familiar warm chuckle.

Woah there thunder boy! Easy there. See? If you try to carry on too much, the weather will just get worse. Right now, I need you to breathe okay?

Seeing that the brooding male wasn’t budging, his friend began to squeeze his shoulders tightly, until it Jongdae began to slightly squirm in discomfort.

If you’re not going to do as I say, I’m going to give you weird tickles in your stomach that would make you want to take a number two in the bathroom right now. A really smelly number two, but your body would be so relieved you would breathe again but then you’d have to-

Jongdae groaned at his friend’s outrageous words that in any normal day, he would laugh his heart out and probably return the “threat” even worse.

Breathe, came his friend’s voice again- this time no longer teasing, nor reprimanding. It was gentle, yet firm. His friend didn’t stop repeating that one word until he was able to draw out a long sigh.

Breathe, Jongdae.

This time, Jongdae breathed in slowly, feeling his chest expand and something inside him loosen its hold. As he breathed out in the same pace, he felt something in his mind clear even for just a bit. The noise above him seemed to lull into a muffled sound. The rain seemed to be calmer now, though it showed no signs of letting up yet. But it didn’t let out the rage it had earlier.

My world is swallowed by the torrent of rain

Just like how you captured me

My flaming heart won't ever be stopped

My love is overflowing

My emotions are screaming in joy

Whenever it rains and I'm with you

Remember when we started? When you started? I’m not talking about when you came here to train Dae. I’m talking about when we started to dream as kids. You told me then, why you loved the rain. Do you remember?

Jongdae’s lips began tremble as those memories began to flood back. When he and his friend would laugh and find the humor out of the craziness they faced as they grew up. Back then when they did what they needed because they understood somehow why they did. Back then when they did what they wanted because they saw the beauty of it themselves, despite others not accepting or passionate about it as they were.

Like many others like him, he had been running the race with the pressure of reaching that next step up in the ladder that reached the view and recognition of more onlookers. Like many others like him, he need to set his sights on that next step after the other. But he had been so focused on getting there, he had forgotten why he was running the race in the first place. He didn’t mean to, but those memories slipped away with the constant running.

But somehow, now…they came back.

Not many things moved Jongdae down to the point of tears, though his heart was always touched. But tears came this time, in steady streams just as the rain had reached a calm flow outside. It was quiet again for a few beats, the arm around the crying male rubbing soothingly on his shoulders. It was a small gesture, but somehow it had lifted the tightness that Jongdae didn’t notice he had been wearing for so long.

I need you to focus on the sound of the rain, and let it dull the neon lights that have become too bright for you to look at or too hot for you to hold. I need you to remember that there is warmth that the rain can bring out of everyone, in different ways. Bring your heart back home. Just as you helped others to. You can cry now Jongdae. And it’s okay.

Whether it was the gentle yet strong conviction in his friend’s voice or his friend’s words, the dam broke within the young man’s heart. With every sharp pain that arose, he cried harder. And with every tear that he let loose, a portion of that seemed to dissipate. The arm around him now made soothing circles around his back, reminding him to breathe in between and never stopping to tell him softly,

It’s going to be okay.

Notice the rain as it stills

You're also going to say "goodbye"

Is it okay if sometimes

I embrace and sway with you?

The rain is the only witness

“You loved the rain too, you know,” Jongdae croaked, as he slowly calmed down, “I remember.”

He still couldn’t look at his friend, but he could feel the soft smile he reckoned would be sent towards him.

I’m glad you do.

There was another beat of silence as Jongdae slowly trod back to the living room couch that faced the balcony, his friends presence following him. He let out a sigh, now relieved, as he sat back after placing the cup of coffee on the dark wooden side table beside the picture frame that decorated it. The rain had become a gentle tapping on the windows, and Jongdae closed his eyes as he let its sound bring a familiar sense of calm. Feeling the need for a warm drink, he reached back towards the cup, only to find that it had become lukewarm. Something that his friend would definitely react with a “Tsk!” with a passionate shaking of the head, followed by a nag.

Look at that. Your beloved coffee has even become forgotten, ‘cos you kept on glaring at the poor rain.

“I can start a fresh batch to brew. Maybe later, after I can pull my legs to walk a bit again. It’s tiring, but I need to if I want to, right? I can do it, right?” Jongdae said pouting, slightly whining at the last part while staring at the cup of coffee. He could guess that his friend would be sending him a fond smile, and bring make a class lesson out of that moment again.

Of course you can.

Finally looking up, Jongdae gazed at the framed picture that sat besides his cup of coffee. It was him, his friend and the people they cherished together. His friend’s last memento before circumstances led  them to go on different directions. Turning the frame he read the small note from his friend that was stuck on the back of it (obviously, scribbled on the last minute).

Even if we’re not together, the fact that we have shared memories will always connect us. In times you are alone, I hope the memories, no matter how small, keep you warm when it rains. I hope the sad ones too, will remind you that we all need rest.  Never forget to rest your heart, when it does.

----

It was the weather that his time alone would somehow feel somehow more refreshing, where he felt the world would be in tune with his inner worries, where he could tap into the memories…

Including memories of a certain friend, who loved the rain “because it shows that even the skies say, it’s okay to cry when things get heavy.”

A memory of someone who sometimes would appear in his mind, and be the voice that keep him anchored in the sea of emotions, he couldn’t always express. A memory that reminded him to believe, to hope, sometimes to be extra cautious, but always, to love.

A/N:

Oftentimes we are told be like mountains in the face of storms, unmoving, steady. Most of us think, this means we have to be unbreakable. That we can’t be weak.

But I realized that even the mountain soil erodes, and gives way when it no long could hold any more water. But it doesn’t necessarily break apart. Instead, through rainwater, rivers and streams are born and these bodies of water can soon be carriers of life and also the bodies that give drink for those who need. These rivers are breaks in the land, in the mountains but instead of being something hateful, these breaks can be a means to nurture a better life. The rainwater in a way isn’t just absorbed by the land alone. Instead, what it cannot take in, the other bodies of life around it take in in various forms. These rains are meant to be shared, and not be carried alone.

For us and the weathers we have to go through in life, perhaps we could adapt this new way of viewing mountains. It’s okay to learn to stand the pains of the hardships of life alone. But it’s even better if we could also remember that it’s okay, not to be strong at time. It’s okay to let others help us bear our burdens. It’s okay not to be always on the top of things. It is okay to live a life that isn’t studded with what society would often mistakenly say are the “finer things in life” (Because these finer things aren’t actually don’t cost a dime.) It’s okay to stop what’s not working for us. It’s okay to realize that what we once thought we wanted, isn’t what is for us. It’s okay to look back at times, and remember. It’s okay to be scarred. It’s okay to commit mistakes. It’s okay to start over.

I hope we find strength even while it rains.