Your Office, 8.40 pm

It was raining since lunch, and work did not help at all. You have 3 classes in a row that you couldn’t have a proper lunch, let alone dinner. You never liked teaching anyway, but that’s the least you can do after you graduated from English Teaching major. You stacked the last set of exercise paper on your desk and started to pack all your belongings into your bag. A fast dinner is all you need, or you will be late to your appointment with your boyfriend. And you also need time to grab 2 cups of Americano. You checked the wall clock, 8.40 pm. Oh, there is not enough time to do both, dinner and coffee. Either you get your dinner or coffee, and then you need to head to the studio.

You checked your phone, opened KakaoTalk and check if he’s confirming your coming tonight. Apparently there is no message. Only some from your sister in Daegu, asking your help to proof-read her essay. You opened one chatroom, from ‘hobi 3>’.

hobi      : “Eunsolllieeee~ are you free tonight? Come and see me. I miss you”

eunsol : “I’m free, but I don’t miss you that much to come and see you.”

hobi     : “Yaaaa~ aren’t you being too rude to me? I’m just thinking that we can meet up and have some time before I go to LA.”

eunsol : “Rude? How can I ever be rude to you? I’m just stating the fact that I don’t miss you.”

hobi      : “But I do miss you, so cut this talk short, you’re seeing me tonight.”

eunsol : “Let’s see, I have full class to teach today.”

hobi     : “Eyyyy Eunsolliee~ this is too much, I am free tonight, that doesn’t happen too often, you know?”

eunsol : “I know, I have Instagram, I know your schedule right away, ARMY is really something.”

hobi      : “You yourself are ARMY, can’t hear you complain anymore.”

eunsol : “I’m not.”

hobi     : “You are, I saw your playlist last month, you played Mic Drop, that ty first version of my recorded voice.”

eunsol : “I never bought the album anyway, wait- YOU STALKED MY PLAYLIST? Which one of us is the actual rude person here?”

hobi     : “Just that one time, because you left your phone on my bed, with the music player still playing.”

eunsol : “I thought I set a password on my phone for a reason.”

hobi      : “Come on, I even know your password.”

eunsol : “JUNG HOSEOK you will be dead tonight!!!”

hobi      : “So tonight’s a deal?”

eunsol : “ARRRRRGH!!”

hobi     : “My studio 9 pm, see you soon, I have practice right now, bring coffee please!”

 

(still) in your office, 8.44 pm

You couldn’t help but smiling re-reading the chats. Time is too cruel between you and Hoseok, but once a month should be more than enough to see each other and talk about all the random things you have with him. You jumped out from your seat when you realized you have 15 minutes to grab some coffee and go to Gangnam. You went out from your office and walked fast- almost running to a nearby coffeeshop to find the queue rather long. You sighed, but waiting is the only option for now because going to further coffeeshop will only waste your time, even worst than you do now.

 

On the bus, 8.55

You managed to get on the bus and stood there near the door, because there was no empty seat. What kind of people go home at time like this, especially to Gangnam? They should be rich enough to own and drive a car, right? Holding the coffee with one hand and holding the bus’ seat in front you with the other hand, you tried to balance yourself. Your feet started to feel sore from standing too long. Talking about the long time this ride is taking, you took a glance to your wrist watch and sighed as you realized you are already late for 10 minutes. Hoseok hates it when you’re late. You wanted to pull out your phone to let him know that you’re on your way, but you are not in the position to do that.

 

By the street,– you dont care about the time, you were late, that’s for sure.

You got off the bus and walked fast, since you saw some thunder which meant that it was going to rain soon. There was only one more block when water droplets started to pour heavily on you. Not bothering yourself to take your umbrella which probably located in an unknown part of your bag, you kept running and hold your bag on your head to cover your head from getting too wet.

You got into the studio just before the rain got harder. The lobby was empty and the air conditioner was not on. “Finally there is something to be thankful about” you said to yourself, at least you don’t have to be freezing in your wet clothes because of the usual cool temperature in the lobby.

You went to the 2nd floor and head directly to the restroom to change your wet clothes. Before getting to the restroom, you realized something, that you don’t bring any spare clothes. Turning around you walked past several empty studios to Hoseok’s personal studio. You entered the passcode and sighed before opening the door, knowing that you will receive a death glare from Hoseok, for being late, and (maybe) for being wet from the rain.

Surprisingly, the studio is empty. The lights were automatically on as you entered the room, showing no signs of living creature inside. You released the breath you did not know you were holding and slowly sat down on the couch. You put the coffee on the table and close the door. It was not perfectly closed, it was just nearly closed, to let Hoseok know that you were there already.

 

You send a message to Hoseok right away.

Eunsol : “hey hobi, I’m here in the studio, where are you? Sorry for being late.”

No answer. It was kind of cold both from the wet clothes and from his silence. You suddenly remember Hoseok usually keeps some of his clothes here, for him to change after shower or after the dance practice. You searched everywhere until you find it near the cabinet beside the computer. You frantically opened it, trying to find some dry clothes that fits your size. You were thinking about going to the restroom change over there. So you grab a pair of Hoseok’s gray training pants and a black Trasher jumper hoodie. Bringing the clothes with you, you walked to the restroom and change immediately.

Suddenly, the lights went off, it was blackout. You let out a muffled scream but immediately stopped after a moment, realizing the lights were still on outside the restroom. Anyone outside? None of the studio was opened and nobody was around when you got here. Any problem with the lights in the rest room? You were not really scared of the darkness, but you were shocked. Moreover, you are not comfortable being alone in the restroom, knowing there might be someone outside, who probably just turned off the lamp on purpose.

You went out from the restroom really quick and tiptoed back to Hoseok’s studio. The door was half-opened. So it was Hoseok. How dare he put on a joke like that. You were ready to yell at him, but when you got inside, it was a hell different surprise.

It was Yoongi.

“Oppa?”

“Eunsol? What are you doing here?” his eyes went rounded for a moment.

“You turned off the lamp in the restroom? What is in your mind?” you yelled furiously.

He lips shaped ‘O’ but then he began to laugh. He tried to hold his laugh, but he failed and answered while chuckling “Sorry, I thought you were Hobi. You know Men & Women restroom are under 1 switch.”

“Didn’t you see my bag here? I thought you were a cautious person.” You cursed in low voice. “On top of that, if that was Hoseok in that restroom, you should have heard his scream right away.” You spat at him angrily.

Yoongi was still chucking and giggling from what he think a funny act he just did. “Sorry Eunsol, just stop yelling...-“

“Don’t you know how shocking it was there? Especially because it was raining outside, I thought it was a blackout!!” You are cruel as hell..”

“You are never never afraid of something like a blackout, just keep it cool.” He easily said, taking the coffee from the table. Pretty sure he would drink it.

“Oppa, don’t! That’s not yours.” You quickly said.

“You know what, I’m just trying to stare at the coffee & the cup, anything that is not you.” He said, carefully fixing his eyes on the coffee logo printed on the cup.

“Ck ck enough with the cheesy lines, I thought we have stopped it long ago.” You hated to say this but you needed to.

“Yaaa!!! It’s not it, I got over you real fast you know. It’s just, why don’t you put on the hoodie, you see-through T-shirt is rather distracting, thats all.” He nagged, his face has turned grumpy in a split second.

“You ert!!!” You turned around in disbelief that you have not put on the hoodie and only wearing a white T-shirt and the training pants. Thanks God it was only a bit wet, but he was right. “He must be enjoying several seconds staring at my bra before he said it.” Your ears were all red and so were your cheeks. .

You put on the hoodie and came back facing him while he was still staring at the coffee cup.

“Can’t I drink it, really?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrow, tilting his head to the side a little bit.

“Sorry Oppa, nope, those are for me and Hoseok.” You said coldy.

“So.. Hoseok is supposed to be here, then?” he asked, with the same furrowed eyebrow.

“Yes,-“ 

“But where is he?” he add some bothered look you always hate everytime he talks about Hoseok and you.

“He is on his way.” you said.

“Last time I checked, he was supposed to have is hair re-dyed this evening. Should be finished by now, actually.” He said.

“Oh, then he should be here in a minute.” You said, clasping your hands together and finally sat on the couch.

“Oh, okay. You seem to believe him so much, don’t you?” he added with that annoying tone once again.

“Of course, why would I not believe him?” you were annoyed and spat back.

Yoongi smirked and suddenly the room felt too hot. He sighed and fixed his eyes on you.

“Sorry Eunsol, for making you sad and uncomfortable. Ahhh, what am I doing? I used to be your bestfriend, Yoongi, Yoongi, and Yoongi. I even let you talked to me informally. Called my name informally. Let’s just talk for a bit before Hobi’s here. Can we?”

“Only if you drop that annoying attitude everytime you talk about Hoseok.” You sternly said.

“Okay you have my words.” He smiled and you felt a lot more relaxed at that. You always love his smile. He has a kid-like gummy smile that make your heart flutters, it has been your weakness ever since you were both still lived in Daegu.

“How are you?” he started off easy.

“Good, just being very occupied by work, that’s all.” You answered non chalantly.

“But not too busy to have some time with Hobi, I see?” he cut off sarcastically.

“Yoongi! You told me you’ll stop it, didn’t you?” you couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Wow, who said that you can talk to me informally right now?” he stood up, furiosly.

“Nobody. But I’d prefer to call you Yoongi, because you were only 5 months older than me. And you know what, ‘oppa’ was actually the word that made us become cold like this!” I couldn’t stop once I started.

 

Two years ago.

“Hey girl, come over here and listen, I need your comment please!!”

“I need a moment Yoongi, it was too cold out there. Can you at least let me sit for a minute?” you said, sitting on the guest’s chair.

Yoongi left his seat immediately to check on you. “You’re cold?”

He touched your hands, you currently put them under your armpit. “Where is your gloves? You told me you have them with you all the time”

“I kind of left it today.” You slowly said and smiled playfully.

“Yah, don’t make me feel bad, you know I always promise your parents that you will not get sick here.” He nagged, immediately warmed your hands by cupping them in his hands and blow on them softly.

“Yoongi, that was a long time ago. You were still a trainee. It is all different now. You are busy with work, you are famous. I don’t even deserve to sit here and listen to your track. I’m cheating on all the ARMY out there.” You said.

He chuckled while blowing your hands.

You always said your thoughts out loud, and you always have concern that Yoongi is not supposed to be your only bestfriend. He’s not only yours. He is everyone’s idol.

“That’s fine, you are not cheating on them. I asked you to, so if they find out, tell them it’s me who cheats, not you.” He said, now sitting on the floor near my feet, his hands are still on mine, squeezing them softly.

“You are such a filthy jerk.” You said.

“That’s not a good answer to your bestfriend cheesy lines.” He got up and pulled you out of the seat. “Now sit there and listen to my work.” He said.

The track was short and great, as usual, it did not take as much time as the time you take to go and visit him in this studio. You quickly listen for several times and gave comments. That’s all you need to do anyway.

You clasped your hands together because they were sweaty. Time and fame cannot stop you from loving him, but you could never let him know. Love may broke the friendship you’ve built for years.

“Are you still cold?” he looked at you in concern.

“No.” You stopped clasping your hands, but he came and took your hands in his, again.

“What are you doing Yoongi? I said I’m fine.” You need to set a distance before your heart goes wild, you were thankful the first session of hand blowing was short, now if he continues to do that, you won’t be able to hold back anymore. To tell him how you feel.

“Nothing, I just want to hold your hands and have some logical reasons to do it.” Yoongi smiled and stared at your eyes, and there you could hear your heatbeat.

“Mwo, what do you mean?” You shifted uncomfortably on my seat.

“I mean, exactly what you mean, Eunsol.” He said it, soft and slow.

“Wait, are you telling me that-“ you started to question him.

“That I’ve been struggling so hard to hold myself-“ he cut you off.

“Wait, Yoongi, I also hold myself from many things when it comes to you.” You finally told him, you cheeks went red.

“Me too. I hold it for long enough and I think I don’t need to tell you every little detail, because I know you feel it too?” he fixed his eyes on you, asking for something you know you could not resist.

You smiled at his words, you lost your logical side of you.

“Tell me Yoongi, what do you hold yourself from?” you squeezed back his hands on yours.

“A lot.” He said.

“Just pick one thing and don’t hold yourself, just give it a try and see how it goes?” You suggested carefully.

He smiled and said “Okay, ask me that question again?”

“What question?” You didn’t understand.

“What do I hold myself from.” He said, still smiling.

“What do you hold yourself from?”

“This.”

He kissed you, his hands cupping your cheeks, it was warm and sweet.

It was your first kiss.

 

One year ago.

You always knew, becoming bestfriend was a lot easier.

There you go again, standing outside BTS’s practice room, crying, and regretting last year’s event, the night you let him kiss you. All the happy things, the dates, the hugs, the kisses, the presents and the happy laughter, those could only survived for the past 1 year.

He changed, a lot. He was not the same Yoongi anymore.

“Oppa, please stop yelling at me.” You said.

“I told you I don’t need your lunchbox, it made me look weak, like I need to eat ontime. Who do you think I am? If it’s not perfect, then practice is not over. I can’t eat ontime. How should I make you understand that eat ontime is not in my priority list? Wait, looking at my schedule, you’re probably not there, too. Go home and eat it yourself.” He stormed back to the practice room.

Suddenly a familiar voice occured behind you.

“Let me eat it.” It was Hoseok.

“No, no, just live me alone & let me cry for a moment.” You said.

“I’m not going anywhere near you and Yoongi hyung, but if a girl is crying in the middle of BigHIt’s hallway, I should probably hide her somewhere.”

You cried even harder and trying to run away ASAP to the exit door, but he stopped you.

“Go out through the back door, there are fans outside the front door, and stop crying, I will eat this.” He took the lunchbox from you.

“I think this will end in the trashcan.” You replied.

“No, it will end up in here.” He pointed out his stomach. He smiled so wide, it was true, his smile is contagious.

“Thanks Hoseok.” You have no more energy to debate with anyone, so you just let him go with your lunchbox and gave him a weak smile.

There were so many fights between you and Yoongi, all the fights are from small things, because Yoongi was being too much on anything. He probably didn’t handle stress well. You were feeling so useless because as a girlfriend, you failed to give him stress relief. You were probably more of a burden than a source of happiness for him. It was much easier being a bestfriend.

The other BTS members knew your relationship did not went well, but never once they dare to step in. Only this time, you were helped by Hoseok. He had helped you many times before on a group basis, he interacted with you as a BTS member, but you didn’t know his personal intention. Once you knew, once you knew what he cared for, you tried so hard to step out from BTS and the idol life, but Hoseok always had a way to come to you. You finally gave up and gave him a chance. It was a secret between you and Hoseok at first, because you did not want things to become awkward between Hoseok and Yoongi. Once your relationship was revealed, Yoongi was being the worst version of himself.

-end of flashback-

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok’s Studio, 9.36 pm

“Oppa?” Yoongi asked, in confuse.

“If I had an option, I would have never called you ‘oppa’. That ruins everything.” You spat.

“You never had to call me that!” He spat back, slow but dangerous.

“We spent 1 week not talking to each other because you said I never gave you a nickname, for sake!” you yelled at him, furiously.

Yoongi sighed and leaned his back to the couch. “I didn’t know I was that bad.” He got up and sat beside you and clasped his hands while hanging his head low. He did not look up at you at all.

“What else? What are some of the things I have done to you? What are the things I have not heard about me? Tell me.” He looked calm, but intimidating.

“Why should I? If you are still emotional, don’t talk about it. You are a grown up now.” You decided not to answered him.

“The only reason I was emotional is because you never talked to me out of it, we broke up as lovers, I can handle it. But as bestfriends? and don’t talk back to me, that is the thing I regret the most, probably more than you do, because you gave me the chance, but I messed up. That night, I waited you in that park, all night long, I wanted to hear you yell at me, cry and curse at me, but you didn’t show up. That way, I will always something left over here!” He pointed at his chest.

“Anger?” you guessed.

“Regret. Also you didn’t give me a chance to apologize for the last time.” He said coldly.

You were too shock to say anything. It was complete silence for seconds.

“Look Yoongi,” you want to respond, but your chest was so full you could not say anything.

Suddenly, your phone ringed, an unknown number was calling. You picked up the call.

“Hello? Eunsollie it’s me Hoseok, I’m sorry my phone is out of battery and I just finished um.. let me tell you later. I’m in front of the studio right now. In the public phone booth. Can I still come to see you? Are you even still here? I came here and being so sad thinking that you may have came home already, but I think at least I should try and head here first, so...”

“Hoseok, breathe, it’s okay, I’m still here. Go up here, you still have one cup of hot- I mean cold Americano.”

“I am really sorry, I’ll see you in a minute.” He chuckled accross the call. You could imagine his smile just by hearing his laugh.

You smiled brightly after hearing his voice, and you put the phone on the table.

“Is it Hoseok?” Yoongi asked, taking his bag from the floor, and put it on his shoulder.

“Yes, you can leave now. Thanks for staying.” You said shortly, unable to find any words to respond to the earlier conversation.

He walked past you, to the door, and turned his body very quick. He looked at your hands and then to your eyes.

He said, “Let me hold your hands.” And leaned in to reach your hands.

You pulled your hands from him.

“No Yoongi, Hoseok will be here soon. I don’t want him to be-” you resisted.

Still, he hold your hands firmly and lean in closer to your face, his eyes meet your eyes.

“I just want to end this, the same way I started this. For ruining our friendship, for being a total jerk, for being the reason of your tears, I’m sorry. I’m sincerely sorry.” He looked sad at one second, and my hands started to tremble.

“Yoongi-“.

“Tell Hoseok I’m here just to take my flashdisk and leave, don’t say that I was staying here. I will say the same to him. And don’t tell him this-”

He gave you a quick kiss on your cheek.

“Should be enough for the last kiss. Bye!”

You stared blankly to the hallway and heard noises downstairs. He must ran into Hoseok.

 

When Hoseok came, he found you crying, and he promised not to came late again, more than anything, because he said he never see you crying that hard before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-The End-