I never expected it to be easy. Keeping an eye out everytime I decide to do something less "adequate" to the korean's eye is a rather difficult thing to do. I sin, just as everyone else on this planet does. I have every right to sin. The worst part is that you are being judged for every sin and "sin" you do.

Neeless to say, mentaining the perfect image for the sake of avoiding drama and scandals is just as troublesome. I wish we would have more freedom rather than be judged for every single step we make and how wrong or right we make them.

My entire career, so far, has been decent. Obviously, with its ups and downs. However, it's been so long since my heart's fluttered so rapidly. Several years, I can say. How did I become like this? When did I become like this?

When did I allow myself to become so vulnerable to a...man?!

It was that show that started it all. I figured we had chemistry, while he was unsure whether to affirm or infirm it.

I didn't know why was that happening to me.. I told myself I wouldn't date a celebrity...meaning I also wouldn't catch feelings for one.

I failed miserably.

He was too damaging for my own good. Giving off such an overwhelming vibe, it was impossible for anyone to escape. I don't blame anyone for that, he even made Hani all bubbly.

 

—At that time, I saw a man so beautiful I fell in love...in the most innocent way possible.—

 

I think it was the confusion he gave me that kept me going. He would be passionate about something, then become all awkward in a blink of an eye.

I wanted to claim that individual, despite it being selfish. What I felt was impossible to put in words, let alone express properly. We hardly met after the show, but we always kept in touch one way or another.

Yet when we had breaks, we would meet. I liked see those as short dates, because he would always leave me hanging, craving for more of his attention.

Jaehwan...

My greed was steadily increasing. And he was well aware of that, there is no doubt about it.

Time was ticking, we were becoming busier with our schedules, and I prayed to whatever's Holy our comebacks would come at the same time so I would get to see him more often.

And...they did...Along with our small encounters.

And as eager as I could be, I accepted each of them without even bothering to think about hesitating.

I was like a child chasing her favourite.

---

 

 

The tension was increasing, though none of them dared to give up on their firm portrays. One of pure uality, confidence and maturity and another of content, yet misleading ideas. Kyungri, respectively Jaehwan.

It was dark, a dark, yet starlighty autumn night. She was driven to the Han River. The water was flowing so gorgeously, and the picture was completed by the colourful lights.

 

Her heart skipped a few beats.

His vision became crystal clear.

 

She lifted her head up, slowly, to take a glance at the man who was standing beside her, his eyes being glued onto the breathtaking peisage.

It took a few moments for him to signal her gaze, and that was the moment their eyes locked on each other. And without knowing, Kyungri's cheeks flushed in a rather deep shade of red, while Jaehwan's lips curved up in one of the brightest smiles ever to be seen. It was obvious their feelings for each other were genuine, all it took was for them to admit that.

This time it was not for a show, nor a comercial, like they did in the past. It was the reality.

 

—For what they wanted to do, there were no boundries, neither things that could hold them back or make them regret.—

 

Her gaze averted from his deep-browned eyes to his plump lips for a split second, thing that was obviously noticed by the latter. So, he took the iniatitive to inch closer to her face and firmly press his lips against hers. Eyes went shut in the very same moment, and they tangled up in an embrace so tight, as though they were holding onto their lives.

It was a moment she's been craving for, because she was now able to feel the real emotions beside the facade he would always put on.It's not like that was the first kiss they shared. There have been playful things going on, especially behind the scenes for "Oh my god TIP".However, it was just Jaehwan's insecurities stirring up Kyungri's emotions.

But now, the scene was beyond perfect. Their kiss was even better: sweet, yet passionate.

They pulled back just enough to gaze back in each other's eyes. Then, she leaned in and buried her face onto the crook of his neck, murmuring softly against his skin.

"Is there hope for more than this?"

He breathed a soft sigh, only fueling Kyungri's insecurities. And then he went voiceless. They say silence is also an answer, but not the oneKyungri had hoped for. Though, he tightened his embrace and his long fingers through her silky, cayenne strands of hair, only to leave her even more confused.

It took her courage to break the embrace that brought so much warmth and love, and with a rather expresionless portray, she fixed her gaze onto his glistening eyes for one last time, murmuring softly.

"You had me at "Hello" a few years ago. I'm unsure whether you're insecure yourself or just fooling around, but I've had the last of it. See me if you're serious about something, Ken."

"Kyungri, wai-"

"Don't you dare." she cut off, while departing herself from the place she was driven to.

He just watched her leave...and reality hit hard.

 

---

 

When you suffer from a heartbreak, everything seems to become a mess no one could clean up.

 

I should've been wary.

I should've never given in.

I should've done many..

But most importantly, I should've put an end to it while I still could.

 

She couldn't believe herself. She was made a fool out of...because she always put him first. He was always the priority, not the option. The sole, unique one.

 

It took Kyungri some time before arriving to her apartment. And she found herself sitting down on a swing in the front park, tears streaming down her face as the flashbacks were running down in her mind.

 

She loved everything about that man. His mesmerizing smile, his cheerful laugh, his unique sense of humour..but most importantly, she loved his touch. Gentle, loving..one that sent shivers up her spine.

She knew she would miss every bit of it. Yet, a part of her still hoped he would come, sooner or later...that he would be, for once, honest with himself.

 

"Ken, ugh.. You're such a moron.." she muttered to herself as she broke down in tears, even harder than before.

 

She didn't even realise how she'd ended up on a bench, hugging her knees, crying to her heart's content as her face was buried down. However, she soon ran out of tears, and her body became so cold that she dreaded for warmth..

 

"How can one shatter another in this many pieces...?" Kyungri asked herself.

 

No one knows. That's the mystery of love.

 

---

 

She gathered herself to enter her apartment. It was 2.33AM.

Her apartment was already dim-lighted, scented candles adding romantism to the scenary. It was a gesture impossible to be unnoticed. So, Kyungri made her way down the hall, to enter her living area.

 

There he was, standing composed in the middle of the living area. His figure looked as flawless as expected. Dark attire, a knitted turtle-neck shirt that enhanced his slender figure, alongside a pair of ripped jeans and Oxford boots..with his arms crossed over his chest. His slicked-back hair was to die for. That's Jaehwan for you.

 

He placed his coat on the sofa and made his way towards her who was a firm example of a "crying mess". With a wet napkin, he wiped off the prominent tears visible of her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

 

On the other hand, she was numb. Her mind was trying to process everything. Was it a dream or was it reality? How did he get there in the first place? But...everything was as real as it could get.

 

Jaehwan pulled her in for a tight embrace, now being the one to bury his face onto the crook of her neck, savouring her sweet scent.

"I'm sorry, Kyungri.." he spoke softly.

In an instant, her arms found their way around his waist, for an embrace as if her life was on the line. Yet, instead of tears, a soft smile crept up on her face as she rested her head on his shoulder.

She found herself becoming rather tensed at their intimacy. It was not the usual intimacy they would share. Everything oozed a different vibe. Not the one of need, but of pure affection.

And so, Kyungri found the confirmation she needed and gave up on questioning anything else.

"I'll get as serious as I can get, so please, bare with me." said he as his hand reached for hers, locking their fingers together.

 

That was the moment when everything came clear. He was just as unsure of her feelings as she was of his. But the "heartbreak" was the sole confirmation they both needed...and everything came altogether, picturing the perfect scenario for a romantic outburst.

 

Affection was all over the place.

 

His hands were on her waist, taking a rather tight grip. Her hands were locked around his neck, lips pressed together once again, for a kiss filled with desire and passion. Groping each other's bodies, they breathed rather heavily against their mouths as tension was rising in the air. Soon, Kyungri found herself pressed firmly against the wall, her legs tangled around Jaehwan's hips, pieces of thick clothing scattered around the room's floor.

 

It's obvious their necks were now filled with several prominent hickeys, as though to officially mark the begining of one loving, lasting relationship.

 

Between heavy breaths and moans, and all the passionate roaming, Kyungri voiced rather huskily.

 

"Tell me I won't wake up alone again.."

 

"Never again." whispered he upon placing tender kisses on her exposed skin.

 

---

 

And she did not. He was there, laying beside her, sleeping in the most peaceful manner. The sun's rays crept their way between the curtains of Kyungri's room, and her eyes immediately flew open, looking around.

She breathed a sigh. One of relief.

 

Scooting closer to her lover, she rested her head on his chest and listened to his slow, steady heartbeat, the brightest smile forming on her face. And her figure was soon surrounded by a pair of arms and a kiss on top of her head.

 

"Morning, Ke-"

"That's Jaehwan for you. We're not in the public's eye." he cut her off with a rather hoarse tone.

 

That tone sent a shiver up her spine, but she bursted in a soft chuckle at his attempt to sound serious. Yet, as crystal clear as everything could get, just as quick as everything "shattered" in thousands of pieces, they glued themselves back together, completing every empty spot. And in the end, it was still him before her (for her)...and her before him (for him).