sudoku books and rooftops | satzu

Small talk, cafeterias, and sudden changes are all things which Chou Tzuyu will never get used to, as each of these all convert a form of stress in her; an uncomfortable feeling which gnaws at your mind when people surrounds you. Ever since Tzuyu was a kid the academic part of school always been a bed of roses, yet whenever lunch break came around the roses crumbled and panic arose in little Tzuyu. In the beginning the other kids would bully or ignore Tzuyu because she never acted the same way as they did or because she said something unintentionally hurtful; Tzuyu then tried to keep quiet and to follow the actions of the other kids in her class, however, it was hard for Tzuyu to do so. A heavyweight in her mind kept its pressure and the doctor told her it was best for her to stop school for a little while – and so she did. 

With the noises and uncertainty of the other children’s behavior gone, the tight grip in her mind eased. Private structured plans and teachers excelled Tzuyu to an academic level of one which did not match her young age. At such a tender age, advanced algebra and differential calculus shouldn’t be the focus of life, the doctor had told her – and so they send Tzuyu to an actual high school. Despite Tzuyu's incapability of sensing things that relate to social intelligence, she still was aware of the shame she brought her father for not being able to act the way that was expected of her. High school was for Tzuyu learning at the social spectrum, in which she partially succeeded in, the doctor had declared. By skipping the first year of high school, two years, of almost unbearable stress and unanswered question, passed and new challenges arose for Tzuyu.

The choice of university was already decided beforehand by Tzuyu’s father. Something that Tzuyu did not mind, in fact, she preferred it to be that way. As the time came around, Tzuyu was sent to the South Korea to study mathematics and physics. The beginning had been absolutely horrific for the young Tzuyu; not only was both of the cafeterias on campus immensely huge with bad acoustics, they were also filled with unknown faces, who tried to hold small talks with Tzuyu. Furthermore, there were no assigned seats in the classrooms, which meant that every lesson held an uncertainty, which Tzuyu had no control over. 

By the fourth day, Tzuyu had figured out how to deal with the seat situation in the classrooms. She had figured out, that if she arrived four minutes before the class was to start she would be able to get the seat at the very left to the blackboard. The cafeteria, on the other hand, was slightly more difficult to find a solution for. The first four days were quite alright for Tzuyu when it came to lunch break; queues to get to the food and haphazard unoccupied tables were seemingly a regular – bearable. 

However, by the fifth day, a mass of different colored booths and loud yelling young people were present in the cafeteria. The booths read “Checkered Chess”, “Fun-Run”, “Ann and the Band” and so on. The young people in the booths all tried to talk to Tzuyu, not caring about the other people who also tried to speak to the exact same person. It did not last long before discomfort became apparent in Tzuyu’s eyes. In this drowning ocean of voices Tzuyu was afraid to lose herself, yet before she came to such point a young woman came to Tzuyu’s aid with an egg salad sandwich and a soothing smile. The young woman dragged Tzuyu out of the cafeteria and to a bench located near a great beech tree. There were not many people around, and the young woman told Tzuyu to take a deep breath and eat the sandwich – and so Tzuyu did. 

She introduced herself as Minatozaki Sana, and she told Tzuyu to just call her Sana. Sana asked Tzuyu if she felt distressed with too many people surrounding her, in which she didn’t let Tzuyu answer. She told that her brother felt the same way and that he as well emanated such feelings when he was put in comparable situations. To this new, yet seemingly useless information Tzuyu just nodded, as she would always do when she had no prepared answer. Sana told Tzuyu to stay there until the lessons started again, and with that said, Sana gave Tzuyu a flyer from the “Fun-Run” booth and disappeared behind the heavy doors of the cafeteria. 

After that Tzuyu did not expect to ever meet Sana again – given the great number of students attending the university. However, Tzuyu's expectations were not met, and Sana showed herself on many occasions in Tzuyu’s life from then on. She helped Tzuyu to structure activities after school, in order for Tzuyu to have herself occupied and to make some friends. Because of Sana Tzuyu had joined the swimming club, who trained eight times a week – four in the afternoons, three in the mornings and one training session on Sundays; keeping Tzuyu busy. In addition to that, Sana made Tzuyu get a part-time job at the library together with Sana herself, where they were to sort the old books and new books. It was an idea Sana got when she noticed how often Tzuyu would visit the library, and how often Tzuyu would complain about how out of order it was. Sana decided to address one of the secretaries of the library about her friend’s concerns for the books which were incorrectly placed. The secretary admitted that the library probably could use some extra hands, and by exactly a week Tzuyu had optimized the system and sorted the misplaced books. In doing so both Tzuyu and Sana had gotten themselves a regular job at the library every Monday and Friday. 

Today was Friday, which meant lessons from 08:30 till 14:55 and then from 15:10 till 18:00 library duty. The hands of the tropical colored watch above the blackboard slowly neared itself two-fifty-five, tormenting almost all the students, who were supposed to be listening to the professor’s speech about water jugs and their relation to differential equations. Everyone seemed very fixated on the watch – all except one, Chou Tzuyu. Tzuyu was diligently taking notes, despite not needing them. In fact, she just did so, because it was a common custom it seemed. The best strategy is to follow the actions of those around you, in order to fit in, Tzuyu had been taught. Time was crawling by at such a painfully slow pace that even the professor could not help himself to look at the watch; another ten minutes it read. The professor sighed and gave in to the remarkable power of time-perception and dismissed class ten minutes early.

An unpleasant feeling of uncertainty and distress spread across Tzuyu’s mind and chest as class was dismissed ten minutes ahead of her expectation. The young woman took a deep breath, grabbed her neatly patterned Rubik’s Cube and packed her belongings into her backpack. Rustles of papers, beats of footsteps and loud-Friday-radio-like voices all blended together and hammered onto Tzuyu’s eardrum, making Tzuyu almost nauseous. The feeling of uncertainty and nausea disappeared and was replaced by a recently discovered indescribable warm feeling, as she made her way to the local library. Tzuyu did not know where this feeling originated from, it was pleasant, yet unidentified. 

The smell of car petrol, the sound of boots hitting the icy surface of the pavement and the freezing airbrushing your nose came to a halt when the door of the library closed behind Tzuyu. Tzuyu passed by the middle-aged woman, who was sitting by the counter doing her nails. She greeted her politely and went to the back of the massive library, to a small closet-like room, with a door of oak wood, where she placed her backpack and coat. The tall shelves filled with books draped in all colors of attire greeted Tzuyu with warmth and peace; it was however not the same feeling as that of which she had been beginning to experience recently. Tzuyu embraced the soothing air of the library and made her way to the storage room. 

Unbound and unsorted books filled every corner of the storage room – a blissful mess. Tzuyu’s eyes scanned the room and found a tip of light-brownish hair behind a pile of books. 

“There – found it,” exclaimed the owner of the light-brownish hair, before intensely knocking her head into the edge of the wooden table above her. The sound of the knock was relatively quiet, as all the books cushioned any sound, however, still loud enough for Tzuyu to almost feel the pain herself. 

“What did you find, Sana unnie?” Tzuyu asked, and knelt down in front of Sana who was rubbing her now aching head. Sana stopped rubbing her head and pointed to the silver ring around her finger. “I took it off before going to the bathroom, and then I suddenly couldn’t find it when I came back,” Sana explained, as Tzuyu helped her to her feet. A nod and smile were given in response. Without noticing herself, Tzuyu’s fingers brushed across Sana’s forehead and put her hair behind her left ear. Suddenly Tzuyu’s heart pace picked up catching herself by surprise; swiftly she removed her hand to stop the feeling, yet it was in vain and the hammering continued.   

“Let’s get to work, Sana unnie,” Tzuyu said and turned to the pile of books on the table, which Sana had knocked her head into. 

Sana just hummed in response. They fell into tranquil silence as they turned to work. For the two of them, silence has become usual. That was due to the fact that Tzuyu, by the end of the day, would be too tired to hold a conversation, which Sana respected. Despite being of a talkative nature, Sana also treasured the calm silence. She felt that the silence reflected Tzuyu’s relation to her well. Sana had noticed, whenever Tzuyu falls silent with a person who she is not all familiar with, she would either stress herself or make small almost-yet-not quite audible sounds. However, with Sana, Tzuyu would show no sign of discomfort. This was something Sana was thoroughly happy and delighted about. 

The two young women fell into their regular work procedure with Sana mindlessly following Tzuyu’s orders. A good two hours of wrapping, arranging and placing books passed by in silence when Sana’s mind instinctively popped the delicate bubble of silence. 

“How does this even work?” Sana asked. She gave no further explanation to ‘this’ or anything else, nevertheless, Tzuyu understood. Tzuyu grabbed a book from the cart, which Sana was leaning against, and put it where it belonged.

“Well, you see,” Tzuyu started and grabbed another book. Sana pushed the cart further down the lane of bookshelves. “If I’m to use an example; then if the book belongs under the section of Fiction, its shelf number would be ranging from two-point-one-five to nine-point-one-eight,” Tzuyu explained and put two books into the self without even checking if she placed them correctly. 

“Books of the ‘Fiction section’ have an average of three to four copies with individual barcodes that consist of nine numbers,” 

“Say I was to use this as an example,” Tzuyu took a random book from the cart, that read “The Book Thief – Zusak, Markus” and showed the barcode to Sana. 

“Its barcode is 649205891, which means that it has to be placed on the third shelf with shelf number 9.11 next to the book with the barcode 02945863,” Tzuyu grabbed the book from Sana and sat it where it should be. 

“Still don’t understand,” Sana said. She has gotten used expressing every sort of feeling, as she knew that display of confusion from her side would lead to an equal amount of confusion on Tzuyu’s part. 

“Well – 58 matches 58, and 49 with the 49-” Sana stopped and interrupted Tzuyu’s explanation. 

“I can’t remember the numbers like you, Tzuyu,” 

“Oh, yeah – sorry,” Tzuyu grabbed the two books from the shelf and turned the barcodes to face Sana.

“See?” Tzuyu pointed to the five and eight. “And 49 with 49,” 

“There’s only one 49,” 

“No, look,” Tzuyu pointed to the four-nine of the book “The Book Thief” and then to the numbers of the other book, which were read right to left four-nine. “You see?” Tzuyu’s eyes shone with such joy that could make anyone happy as well. 
  
“You kind of lost me there,” Sana admitted. 

“You’re not lost, you’re right here, Sana unnie,” Tzuyu said, clearly a little confused by Sana’s choice of words. 

“No – it means that I don’t quite understand,” 

“Oh, okay – I see, sorry. I’ll remember that.” Tzuyu apologized as she realized her mistake. In which Sana nuzzled Tzuyu’s hair and lightly pinched her cheeks. “You don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong,” Sana assured and somewhat lightly scolded.
 
“I’m very thankful and proud of you for trying to explain it to me,” She knew that Tzuyu found it rather difficult to explain things to people, and so she was glad that Tzuyu tried. Tzuyu simply nodded. Before meeting Sana, praise of which did not relate to her academic performance was a rare almost unknown experience for Tzuyu. People would never praise Tzuyu for doing things, which she found difficult. Instead, they would scold her merely because she acted as she thought was right. On the other hand, Sana would always praise Tzuyu for initiating a conversation or going to the cafeteria by herself; praise that Tzuyu has yet to get used to. 

Silence once again fell upon them. It was a Friday late-afternoon and the test week ended last week, which meant that the library was deserted excluding the head secretary, Mrs. Moon, the janitor Chang, Sana, and Tzuyu. The soothing quiet of the books was companied by the creaking of the cartwheel and a steady typing from the very front of the room. An hour glided past the two young women and dinner time prowled about. Tzuyu went to retrieve their stuff from the closet-like room, meanwhile, Sana put the cart back to the storage room. Tzuyu handed Sana her coat but proceeded to carry her bag. Before heading out they bid goodbyes to both Mrs. Moon and janitor Chang as per usual. 

The sky was free of clouds, yet being in the middle of the metropolis, Seoul the stars were hidden behind the light and smog of the city. With no clouds, the smog-filled air felt twice as cold as the days before. Noses, ears and fingertips would become senseless if they were not covered. Hot packs, ear muffs, and scarfs were highly recommended if you decided to go about in the outside world. Unfortunately, neither Tzuyu nor Sana had ear muffs, hot packs or scarfs with them and so they powerwalked their way to the Chinese restaurant, which they always ate at after work on Fridays. The walk was no more than a rough estimate of eight-hundred meters, yet that did not correlate with the temperature of the surrounding air and both Sana and Tzuyu were freezing by the time they made it to the restaurant. 

“Welcome – oh it’s Tzuyu and Sana,” exclaimed the gray-haired woman behind the counter as the two of them stepped inside. The elder woman was Mrs. Yi, who together with her husband owned the very authentic Chinese restaurant. The elderly married couple and the two young university students had become quite accustomed to each other over the past seven months, as Sana and Tzuyu had come to the restaurant every Friday since they started working at the library. The restaurant was not fancy or modern, on the contrary, it was small and slightly run-down, which had worried the older couple quite a lot as they had no younger customers. However, as Sana and Tzuyu showed up their worries subsided a little. One Friday evening, where one of the workers had called in sick and there were more customers than usual for the little restaurant, Tzuyu and Sana had stepped in to help out. By that, the elderly pair had quickly grown fond of both Sana and Tzuyu. 

The university students seated themselves at their usual table, while Mrs. Yi buzzed around them asking if they were eating properly these days or if it was too cold and other grandmother-like concerns. Much out of character Tzuyu gently held Mrs. Yi’s hand and assured her in Mandarin that everything was well. Tzuyu then asked for the regular, and as that was said, Mrs. Yi walked as fast as her legs could carry her to the kitchen of the restaurant. Sana smiled proudly at Tzuyu. Not long after the food was served piping hot, matching the freezing weather outside of the comforting walls perfectly. The food was ingested while Sana talked about various things, which truthful were completely meaningless in Tzuyu’s eyes, but she for some unknown reason enjoyed the sound of Sana’s voice. As they were eating dessert Tzuyu suddenly remembered something she had to say, and so she interrupted Sana’s talk about her professor and their discussion of the desk, which was just a desk. 

“Sana unnie,” Tzuyu said in order to get Sana’s attention. She grabbed her backpack and started to rummage about in it till she found what she searched for. 

“Here – the details for the business-banquet-conference-like event of tomorrow,” explained Tzuyu and handed Sana a neatly written note. Tzuyu had invited Sana to a business event of the Korean department of her father’s company. Tzuyu’s father was the chief executive officer of a Taiwanese information technology company, which also had a Korean department. Her father was coming to Korea and had decided to hold this event for the workers and business partners. Being his daughter, Tzuyu was obligated to come as well. Yet as Tzuyu feared such events, she had chosen to invite Sana. Sana knew how to calm Tzuyu down whenever sounds and people would become too much for Tzuyu to handle herself, which was a possible situation at such events. 

“Oh, thanks,” Sana put the note in her pocket of her jacket. She knew that if she put it in her bag she would never find it again and if she put it in the pocket of her pants she would forget it.

The dessert had been consumed and they bid goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Yi. They headed into the cold evening of the bright lighted streets of Seoul and set the course to their respective apartments. Since Sana’s apartment was located somewhat on the way to Tzuyu’s own apartment, Tzuyu would always follow Sana all the way home – despite the fact the Sana had told Tzuyu not to do so. Tzuyu herself did not know why she felt the need to follow Sana home, yet she knew that if she did not, she would feel uneasy the rest of the night. So Tzuyu had decided to not follow Sana’s will in favor of her own will. As if she was a puppy worried about her owner, Tzuyu followed Sana all the way to her doorstep and then left as soon as Sana was out of sight. By that Tzuyu’s Friday was over and she went home reassured and calm.

The following morning was for Tzuyu filled with preparing for conversation outcomes and LEGO bricks. Tzuyu knew from experience that preparing questions and answers for conversation was a very helpful way tackling events like these. It may not prepare her for every conversation, yet it did help four out of five times. The event started at five in the afternoon, yet by twelve o’clock Tzuyu was done memorizing all answers and question that may occur. Until half-past three she killed time by disassembling and reassembling her LEGO Star Wars Death Star without the instruction book. By half-past three she showered and got properly dressed for an event of this sort. Tzuyu would usually wear dresses to her father’s business event, yet since Korea was significantly colder than Taiwan, Tzuyu had decided against that and chosen to wear habit pants and a tight-fitted button-up shirt. As the clock hit half past four, a driver of her father came to pick up Tzuyu to drive her to the hotel where the event was held. 

They arrived at the hotel a little to five o’clock. As Tzuyu stepped out of the car she was instantly greeted by the sound of multiple car engines, voices, and stilettoes clicking against the concrete. The smell of expensive car petrol filled the icy air and Tzuyu grimaced. She buried her hands in the pockets of her coat and scanned the crowd of unfamiliar figures and faces. On the note Tzuyu had handed Sana yesterday, she had written to meet her outside of the building five minutes to five. However, stress and tension arose in Tzuyu as she could not spot Sana. Thankfully, the feeling did not last very long as a familiar soothing voice called her name, closing out any other sound or sense. Sana’s arms closed around Tzuyu’s body and suddenly all the distressed vanished into thin air. Tzuyu drew a deep breath and savored the calmness in the stressing surroundings. 

“Shall we go inside?” Sana asked, pulling out of the hug. Tzuyu just nodded in response and following two steps behind Sana as they made their way inside the hotel building. At the entrance, they were greeted by a charming young man, who looked to be around their age. He offered to take their coats, which Sana handed him and then he disappeared into the crowd in the cloakroom. As Sana was no longer wearing her coat, Tzuyu came to notice how absolutely stunning Sana looked. She was wearing a long-sleeved wine-red-violet dress that reached a few centimeters above her knees – Tzuyu thought that the dressed looked pretty, especially with Sana wearing it. 

The two young women squeezed themselves through the massive crowd of people and into a big hall with tables filled with a variety of fancy alcohol and light delicious looking food. As they tried to find a place to stand, Sana and Tzuyu were both handed a transparent-gold-colored-bubbling liquid. When they finally found a table to stand by Tzuyu’s senses started kicking in at its maximum. Sounds and smells hit Tzuyu unfiltered and she started to become unaware of her own body. As more and more people entered the spacious hall, more noise encircled Tzuyu. Only as Sana squeezed her hand tightly her focus collected itself. A quite familiar tall well-dressed man was making his way towards the two university students. Before Tzuyu could register anything else the man was standing right next to her with Sana’s hand in his. 

“You must be Ms. Minatozaki – pleasure meeting you,” the man said in Korean with an accent many times stronger than Tzuyu’s. As he let go of Sana’s hand he simply nodded at Tzuyu, who also simply nodded back. 

“The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Chou,” Sana politely responded and smiled, despite being slightly bewildered by the greeting between the father and daughter, who have not seen each other in person the past eight months. 

“Tzuyu’s told me a lot about you – you are currently taking your master degree in psychology, right?” Before Sana could confirm Mr. Chou’s statement he continued.

“In case you are interested – whenever you finish your master and other necessities – you are very welcome to come work as a psychologist at my firm.” 

“Nowadays, stress is a common illness and to preclude that I and a few other companies have decided to install psychologists, where the workers are to go if they feel stress creeping in – something which has proven itself to be very fruitful,” Mr. Chou explained to a perplexed Sana, and handed her a business card he had pulled out from the inside of his blazer. Tzuyu, who had been standing on the sideline the whole time, was not perplexed by her father’s actions towards her older friend – her father was truly a businessman. 

“Thank you, Mr. Chou – I’ll keep that in mind,” Sana put the business card into her purse, which hung around her shoulder. Mr. Chou smiled charmingly at Sana, a smile that looked much like Tzuyu’s, yet carried a whole other feeling to it. He was right about to say something when a voice called for him. 

“Oh, seems like I’ve to go – very nice meeting you, Ms. Minatozaki,” 

“Likewise, Mr. Chou,” 

“And Tzuyu,” he turned to look properly at his daughter. “Keep up the good work,” Mr. Chou patted Tzuyu on her left shoulder and bid goodbye, where he thereafter disappeared and mixed with the crowd of well-dressed business people. For the first time, it was not Tzuyu, who was baffled by the actions of another person, yet Sana was. As fast he had appeared, equally as fast he had disappeared. Sana turned to Tzuyu for clarification, if that was how he always acted; a clear and simple yes was all Tzuyu answered. Tzuyu did not see her father often, yet when she did it would always relate to business or else he would make it business related, one way or another. 

The next time they saw Mr. Chou was just a few minutes later with a microphone standing in the middle of the massive room, speaking to the crowd of people surrounding him. He thanked everyone for coming, and he hoped that everyone would enjoy the evening. He also said a lot more, yet Tzuyu did not bother to listen. He said the almost same thing at every event he held, and Tzuyu found the majority of his speech highly inconsequential. Despite finding it trivial, it was still her favorite part of any event, as people would be totally quiet for a minimum of ten minutes, allowing Tzuyu to calm down. 

As the speech came to an end, the inevitable buzz of human voices started once again. People moved from place to place to speak with each other and the movement of the shoal of humans was unpredictable. This was absolutely a suffocating environment for Tzuyu. Not even a minute after the end of the speech a small group of women, around the same age of Tzuyu’s father, approached the two university students. The group of women all wore too much and too heavy make-up for women their age; seemingly it was an attempt to cover up the unwanted wrinkles. Tzuyu quickly found her best fake smile and put it on, as the group of middle-aged women came closer. She recognized their faces and their voices as they greeted her and completely ignored Sana. Their piercing voices cut directly through Tzuyu’s ear-drums and caused twice as much damage as the crowd of other people. Despite their shallow characters, Tzuyu did not mind them all too much. They asked and spoke only of stuff, which Tzuyu had rehearsed and memorized, such as:

“Tzuyu-ah, look at you. You have grown so much since we last saw you,” 

“How is school?”

“We saw your brother in the news last week – the two of you have certainly grown into great young adults,” 

“Your father’s speech was absolutely amazing, wasn’t it?” 

“Your father’s company has indeed been doing well lately,” 

“Have you considered following in his footsteps?”

“We have heard that he has just divorced – he must feel so broken,”  
 
Indeed, a very superficial conversation. Starting out with questions revolving Tzuyu and then quickly to question and gossip about her father. The conversation ended relatively fast as they were given the answers they wanted, and the group of middle-aged women retreated into the crowd again. Sana patted Tzuyu on the shoulder and told her she had done a good job. Tzuyu smiled sincerely at Sana – it really did help to have Sana with her. After the group of middle-aged women had disappeared another person came to approach the two young university students. A crooked smile was plastered all over the approaching young man’s face – an expression, which did not sit well with Sana, yet Tzuyu remained unfazed. Tzuyu was not good at interpreting facial-expression; she had memorized the various versions of happy, sad and angry, however, no expression was alike, despite conveying the same feeling, which made it very difficult. If Tzuyu did not recognize the expression she would either keep a natural facade or she would choose to smile. The young man was a familiar face to Tzuyu – a bit too familiar. As he finally had made his way to them, he held his hand out and Tzuyu shook his hand. 

“Long time no see, Tzuyu,” he said, with an accent that matched Mr. Chou’s accent quite a lot – heavy and clearly not Korean. He did not even look at Tzuyu. Instead, his eyes wandered all over Sana’s body, which was fairly prominent in her dress. 

“Indeed, Minghao,”

Tzuyu let go of his hand and stepped slightly out in front of Sana. She was not quite sure as to why, yet she felt out of control of her own action. Somewhat, a feeling of disgust had risen in her. Tzuyu nodded in response. It was indeed a long time since they had seen each other last. The last time Tzuyu had seen his face was right before the door of school’s lockers closed around her. Tzuyu felt conflicted between being relieved and irritated that he seemed to aim his conversation at Sana. When Tzuyu came to realize that she did not need to listen to his words, she chose not to. However, she did not want him to speak with Sana for some reason, yet she did not want to speak with him herself either – indeed a conflicting situation.

Half an hour had to pass by before he chose to give up on Sana. He politely excused himself and left. Tzuyu was glad that he was now gone; this gave Tzuyu time to breathe, even if it was just for a few minutes. After the group of middle-aged women and Minghao had left a stream of different people started to approach the two young women. They ranged on a spectrum of two axes with four quadrants. The first axis defined their pleasantness and the second axis defined the difficulty of conversation they were holding – where ten was fairly difficult and negative ten was exactly according to the rehearsed phrases. The majority of people fell into the second quadrat; fairly nice, pleasant people with not all too difficult ways of expressing themselves. However, there were still some people who fell into quadrant either one or four, with expressions and phrases, which Tzuyu had not prepared for. 

Three and a half hours passed by going about here and there to speak with people and to eat a bit of the food presented at the buffet-like tables. Tzuyu was starting to feel extremely distressed and it showed. She was no longer able to overlook the noise of everybody. The unfiltered sound waves of people’s voices mixed with each other and amplified whenever they hit Tzuyu’s tympanic membrane. The more people who came to talk with Tzuyu the more Tzuyu’s mind lost its control of its own thoughts. At this point Tzuyu had a difficult time being in her own body, she felt as if she was unable to sense anything of herself. Sana could see that Tzuyu was struggling to keep it up; she knew that Tzuyu needed to go somewhere else, even if it was just for a little while. 

They were in the middle of a conversation with a friend of Tzuyu’s father when Sana excused the two of them to go to the restroom. As they made their way out of the big hall Sana grabbed Tzuyu's hand in fear of losing her. Tzuyu became confused when they did not walk towards the restrooms, but the wardrobe instead. By the wardrobe, they met the charming young man from earlier. He said nothing when the two young women approached, he merely went into the cloakroom and when he returned he had Sana and Tzuyu’s coats in his hands. He handed Sana the coats and said: 

“Twenty-five and from there on, take the stairs – the alarm will go off at the floors above,”

“Thanks – I owe you one,” Sana said and turned to Tzuyu, who still was too taken by the distress and panic in her body to wonder what Sana and the young man meant. Sana handed Tzuyu her coat and dragged her along. They entered one of the many elevators and Sana pressed the button that read ‘25’. Neither Sana nor Tzuyu uttered a single word and quiet music filled the air as the elevator made its way up. When the elevator reached the twenty-fifth floor its doors opened. Tzuyu who was still somewhat beside herself did not react; Sana who had not let go of Tzuyu's hand continued to drag her along. Sana determinately set off for a sign with a little man who looked as if he was rushing off to a door. As she spotted the sign hanging above a door further down the hallway of the fifty-fifth floor, she immediately opened the door. The door had hidden a vastly long staircase. If you were to look down the stairs, it seemed as if they continued on in infinity, yet if you were to look up they came to an end fairly quickly. The room of the many stairs was only lit up by small reddish lights, which were similar to those of a bicycle. 

Tzuyu did not know how but suddenly she found herself on the rooftop of a reasonably tall building in the middle of Seoul. Beside her was a pretty young woman whose breathing was visible in the cold weather. The light which the moon reflected from the sun shone upon the busy metropolis, who itself did not seem to care about the amount of light it emitted itself. The pretty young woman told Tzuyu to sit down, as she closed the metal door behind them. Tzuyu did as she was told. As Tzuyu had seated herself on the freezing material of the rooftop of the hotel, the pretty young woman seated herself as well. She handed Tzuyu a Sudoku book and a pencil. With no hesitation and no words, Tzuyu opened the book and began to fill in the empty squares with the matching numbers. The pretty young woman Sana, who did not become affected by such social situations, enjoyed the calm of the stressful and noisy streets of the city below them, while also admiring the beauty of the distressed girl next to her. Tzuyu’s eyebrows pointed downwards and her eyes were filled with concentration. Sana knew that it was not the Sudoku book, which caused Tzuyu to bring forth such an expression. 

Sana breathed in and out and came to realize how cold the weather truly was. She chose to move closer to Tzuyu, to then wrapped her arms around Tzuyu’s left arm. The hurricane that once had ravaged in Tzuyu’s mind and body was becoming weaker by the second. By five minutes it had reduced itself and had become a storm. By ten minutes the storm became a breeze, and Tzuyu became aware of her own body. She became aware of the weight on her left shoulder and grip around her left arm. Tzuyu did not dare herself to look to her left. The sensation of her heart hitting her ribcage triggered for a pleasant, yet unwelcome feeling in her stomach. Tzuyu inhaled and held her breath for five seconds. Subsequently, she exhaled and focused on the vapor produced by herself. The hammering did not stop, instead, it excelled as breathing was felt on her neck. 

“Thanks,” Tzuyu’s voice was felt strongly in the silent air. She closed the Sudoku book, which was now halfway done, and put in her lap. Sana shifted closer to Tzuyu. It was rare for Tzuyu to ever verbalize her gratitude. However, Sana knew that Tzuyu was grateful for the help she was provided. Tzuyu mainly expressed herself through actions. One day, a few months after their meeting in the chaotic cafeteria, Tzuyu had shown up at Sana’s doorstep; without a warning or notice beforehand – eminently not Tzuyu’s regular behavior. In her right hand, she held a small box and in left, she held a teddy-bear, which Sana had indicated to want weeks prior. Tzuyu had said nothing as she had handed Sana the box and the teddy-bear. She did not even let Sana speak before she headed her way out of the apartment-complex – she merely yelled that swimming practice would start soon. The box had contained a simple, yet elegant silver ring, which Sana wore every day from then on. Sana let her fingers run across the ring on her index finger of her left hand. 

“Always, Tzuyu,” Sana said. None of them dared to look at each other. Tzuyu was scared of her own mind. Scared of the things her mind wanted for her body to do. She did not know how to interpret the feelings of her mind. Unaware of the appearance of her feelings and became uncertain and scared. The actions that followed the state of mind, had always been difficult to decipher whether it was her own or that of another person. Yet, at the very moment, Sana was showing Tzuyu that her own feelings and wanted actions were ultimately the most difficult to handle. Tzuyu lost the control of her actions as she turned to look at Sana, who was resting on her shoulder. Unable to remove her gaze, Tzuyu became frustrated with herself. Infinity passed by before Tzuyu’s gaze was returned. The weight on her left shoulder eased and Sana’s eyes shone into Tzuyu’s. Suddenly Tzuyu remembered the cloakroom boy. An inexplicable odium arose in Tzuyu.

“How do you know the wardrobe-boy?” Tzuyu asked, breaking their eye contact and looked anywhere but in Sana’s direction. 

“Oh – you mean Seongwoo oppa? – he is also a member of Fun-Run. You know, the running club,” Sana explained, as an unknown expression, to Tzuyu, flashed across her face.

“I see,” was all Tzuyu said. The given answer did not satisfy her, yet she also did not know what answer she was searching for. Discomfort spread across Tzuyu’s features and Sana noticed that. 

“What’s wrong – I thought you were okay again?”

“Yeah, I am. I just- I for some reason don’t like Seongwoo,” Sana had an idea as to why Tzuyu was not fond of Seungwoo. She kept it as wishful thinking, yet she did not know how long it could be kept as merely wishful. 

“Why is that? – I mean you don’t know him,” Sana said, much more provocative than it had sounded in her head. 

“Exactly, that is what I don’t know!” Frustrated she turned to Sana. 

“It’s just you-” Tzuyu stopped herself. 

Sana’s face was much closer than she had expected. Their eyes found each other and locked with a chain lock. Tzuyu could see an ocean of expectations and emotions in Sana's eyes. Emotions she was familiar with and some of which she was not. The chain lock broke and Tzuyu’s eyes glided to Sana’s lips. Out of pure instinct, Tzuyu let her tongue run across her lips. Saliva filled Tzuyu’s mouth and she hurried to swallow it, for it to not run down her chin. The surrounding air was no longer as cold as a few minutes ago. Vapor escaped from Sana’s just slightly parted lips and Tzuyu noticed that Sana’s eyes, as well as her own, ran from the lips to the eyes and then to the lips once again. Billions of thoughts drove around at thousands of kilometers per hour in Tzuyu’s mind. They did not stop and Tzuyu just waited for a traffic accident to happen. Yet, before it came to that point, curiosity and impatience had gotten the better of Sana. Sana's lips had instantly stopped the high-speeding thoughts. For once in her life, Tzuyu’s mind stopped and her instincts took over. Tzuyu closed her eyes, and let her lips carefully dance along with Sana’s to the silent music of the winter night. An eternity of peace was boiled into five seconds. Tenderly Sana pulled away and found Tzuyu’s eyes not filled with wonted rumbling thoughts, yet with compassion and hunger. 

Instincts still controlled Tzuyu and she leaned forward to capture Sana’s lips once more. Sana let herself be caught. The careful movements from before turned a bit bolder each second into the kiss. Heat spread from the center of the body out to every possible part. Muscles tensed and arms moved to feel the other person. Sana’s fingers ran over Tzuyu’s jawline and stayed put there. Meanwhile, Tzuyu’s right hand found Sana’s waist covered by a heavy protecting coat. At a point, dioxygen was very needed and they were compelled to pull away. Vapor escaped from each breath and fogged their sight. 

Nothing was done from that point on and Tzuyu’s mind began to collect itself. Fear filled Tzuyu. She knew what it meant for two people to kiss. Times at the library where boredom found Tzuyu, she had picked up some books which were put in the ‘Young Adult Fictions Department’. Most of the books involved young people who kissed in the end and became a couple. Tzuyu was not sure what to do with the thought of Sana being more than a friend; it was not unpleasant, yet it was something of which was filled uncertainty. Before Tzuyu’s mind could make it any further, Sana took her stand and made her way to the metal door. 

“Let’s get home, Tzuyu,” Sana’s smile worked soothing, and Tzuyu calmed down a little. Tzuyu said nothing and merely nodded as she followed Sana. Sana did not wait long for Tzuyu. She continued down the emergency staircase of the tall building. Tzuyu made it to the staircase, and she just for a second let herself be filled with a warm pounding feeling, as she watched Sana walk a little ahead of her. The uncertain future of the two of them did not sit well with Tzuyu’s initial reaction, however, the warm feeling and calmness that Sana could provide Tzuyu, overshadowed any other feeling – that Tzuyu was quite alright with. As Tzuyu noticed that Sana was waiting for her, she followed Sana with her mind in the calmest state she had ever experienced it to be in.