Missing You Like Crazy

Insecurities are not easy to deal with. Sometimes, insecurities stems from the lack of confidence, long distance relationship and many more. Idol’s lives too are plagued by irrational obsession with perfection, weird – fans and the ever judging judgemental netizens.

Like any normal human being, idols too crave for attention and love. However their horrendous schedules are not much of a help to them.

Sana slumps on the sofa feeling upset. Mina and Jihyo were much calmer than Sana. With that said, that doesn’t mean they are not affected at all. This is like the 4^th time their partners have cancelled on them. They are not angry with the boys because they know the boys would be with them if given a choice. The boy’s schedules are damn packed. They have not much choice except to accept what the company has planned for them.

SN: I am so frustrated. (She finally let it out to her girls.)

JHO: I know right. (The leader sigh feeling disappointed that she has not had the opportunity to meet her boyfriend for 2 months plus.)

MN: I wonder what did I get myself in? It is hard being away from oppa but we chose to be in this relationship and we knew it will be tough. However I feel helpless when things turn out this way.

SN: I know right. I think by the time EXO is done with their repackage album, we will already be in full swings for our comeback. This is so hard.

MN: I know right.

JHO: Mianhe… As a leader I am pretty hopeless.

MN: Ani, don’t say that. This is as hard as it gets for both you and us. Don’t ever blame yourself for this.

24 Hours

Chaeyoung was listening to some music when she saw Jongdae’s name on the screen of her phone. It was 1 am and she wondered why he called her.

CYG: Anyeong oppa…

JD: I was just trying my luck to see if you are still awake.

CYG: It’s very late, why are you still awake? Don’t you have a pack schedule today.

JD: I know, it’s just that I miss you. (He answered not realizing his choice of words sounds more like a confession.)

Chaeyoung was a little taken aback. However, she cast her irrational thoughts away.

CYG: I think your body is tired. See now you don’t even know what you are talking about. (She tried to answer nonchalantly.)

JD: Ani… I am just being truthful with my heart. (He answered confusing the small girl.)

CYG: You are funny oppa. Are you drunk? (She asked as she laughs it off.)

JD: Ani… never mind just forget about what I said.

As the conversation continues, he grew worried. You see, Chaeyoung is young, talented and beautiful. She has lots of guys who crushes on her. He knew that many male idols who talk amongst themselves are wondering and even betting about who will win her heart. No one knew about Jongdae’s relationship with her (if any) other than Twice or EXO.

“Oppa, today someone asked for my number. Thank god, Mina and Sana unnie came to my rescue.”

Just that news alone is enough to stir unrest in his heart. The thing is he never sure if he should make a move on her. Their is quite big – 7 years to be exact. However, Jongdae is fully aware that Chaeng is very mature for her age. He also wondered with her maturity, couldn’t she sense his interest in her? Is she being nonchalant about his feelings? Or is she genuinely clueless about it? Worst, has she only considered him just as a friend?

Initially, he conscientiously avoid contacting her daily. He would text her or call her once a week. However, as time progresses, he would call or text her almost every night. He wondered if she waited for his texts or calls.

The number 7 is haunting him. Their is not something he dares to compromise.

Wandering Thoughts

She looks in the mirror as she combs her hair. As her minds strays into the wandering thoughts of Park Chanyeol, she didn’t realize she was being observed by Myoui Mina.

MN: Unnie…

Nayeon still in dazed.

MN: Nayeon unnie…. (She called out slightly louder startling Nayeon.)

NY: Huh… what?

MN: You have been combing the same spot for about 10 minutes already. Penny for your thoughts?

NY: It’s nothing.

MN: If you say nothing, then I am pretty sure it’s about 'you know who'.

NY: I never said it was Chanyeol oppa.

MN: I never said it was him.

Nayeon smiled as she felt shyly feeling embarrassed being caught by Mina. She quickly settles on the bed as she looks back at Mina.

NY: How is your relationship with Sehun? Although you guys made up in Japan, somethings feel strange.

MN: I am sure everyone sensed it too.

NY: Why?

MN: I think the both of us are just very different. We think differently. He is very jealous and I take every cautious step not to hurt his feelings but he hurt me a couple of times. You know the issue with Bambam?

NY: Hmm ya… but doesn’t he know the truth?

MN: He did. However, whenever his scandal with Bella, Hayoung and many more ladies came out I am not allowed to feel upset. He brushed it off and said that I was just being a jealous person.

NY: But how do you feel?

MN: Honestly… Instead of feeling jealous, I am more upset that he didn’t take the time to allow me to express my opinions. He is very possessive of me but don’t allow when I want to kind of assurance he is mine and mine alone, he doesn’t feel there is a need to.

NY: Have you guys talk about this?

MN: Many times. He just dismisses my words just like that. I hope it was just a phase but seeing how this have been going on since my birthday, I doubt things will change anytime soon.

No Longer Mine Alone

Mina exit the bathroom and comes face to face with the face of 8 worried girls.

MN: What are you girls doing? You’re scaring me.

Chaeyoung reaches out for her hand and pulls her to the bed. Mina looked around and Jihyo placed the iPad on her hands.

“Red Velvet Irene & EXO Sehun caught out on a date.”

“Netizens compiling a list of possible evidence that the God and Goddess of SM is dating.”

JHO: Is this the company’s plan? Did he say something about this?

MN: No, he did not.

SN: Let us not jump to conclusion. It could be a misunderstanding. You need to talk to Sehun and meet up with him.

TZ: Unnie, Gwencana? You look pale.

MN: I’ll be fine. I agree with Sana unnie. I will just ask him later.

JYG: Ara… do update us.

It wasn’t easy for Mina to keep herself composed. Her schedule is pack with recording, rehearsals, filming and the list goes on and on. It’s been close to 15 hours since the news broke out. She has yet to hear from Sehun. Maybe he is just too busy.

She finally decided to text him.

‘Busy?’

‘At the studio… just back from schedule. Practicing… why?’

‘Did you see it?’

Sehun knew why Mina is texting him. Not that he doesn’t want her to but because he doesn’t really know what to say. Lately his mind has been muddled by plenty of incoherent thoughts. He stared at her message and decide to be nonchalant about it.

‘The rumours?’

‘Yup…so what is the truth then?’

‘Nothing… we are not official or anything like that.’

‘Excuse me…official? Are you waiting for it to be official before telling me?’

‘Come on, stop acting jealous. It’s just rumours.’

‘So, you are telling me that you did not go out with Irene Sunbaenim together? Just the two of you?’

‘Huh?’

‘Did you?’

‘Why are u picking on me Minari?’

‘I am asking you a simple question my dear. Yes or No.’

‘I…. Yes… We did…’

‘Ara… I have gotten my answer. Good night.’

Honestly, Sehun is very worried. A silent Mina is like the calm before the storm. His heart felt unsettled. He decided to call her but his call was rejected. He texted her but no longer receives any reply. He believes that maybe the girl needed time to clear her thoughts.

Mina needed time not to clear her heart but she needed time to soothe her aching heart. She decided to not text him and let her sort out what she needs to do. She was thankful her members decided not to press her about the issue.

The Lotte family concert finally ended. While Sana and Jihyo managed to sneak out to meet their boyfriends, Mina chose to stay in the dressing room. Chaeyoung abandoned the thought of meeting Jongdae because she wanted to be there for Mina who has been feeling down lately. When the concert ended, Mina seems different. As she made her way to the toilet with Sana, they met Kyungsoo and Sehun at the hallway.

SN: Oppa don’t be late arraso.

DO: Arraso Ma’am… (He teases her.)

SH: Mina… can we talk?

MN: We can but not today.

SH: Please respond to my text. I am sorry okay. Don’t be angry… it’s just coffee and hang out with Irene noona nothing else. (Mina’s expression was unreadable.)

Too Good at Goodbyes

Sehun stared at Mina’s back for a few minutes before taking his steps to approach her. He felt different. He felt worried. He felt unsettled. He stood behind her and s his arms around her tiny waist and plants a soft kiss on her left cheek.

SH: Mianhe… I am a little late. Your cheeks are cold.

MN: Is it?

SH: Uhuh…

MN: Let’s stay like this for a while more. (She asked softly.)

Sehun could feel like something bad is coming. His heart never felt this way before. His nerves got worst when Mina turned to face him. As she hands hold on to the lapel of his coat, he could sense Mina wanted to say something but he beats her to that.

SH: Please don’t be jealous about Irene noona.

MN: I am not.

SH: But you’ve been acting cold to me.

MN: I don’t act Sehun ah… I was being cold to you.

SH: But you said you were not jealous.

MN: I was but that is not what I wanted to tell you.

SH: Then…

MN: What do I mean to you?

SH: Huh… you mean a lot to me. You are my girlfriend.

MN: Do you still get the fuzzy giddy lovey feeling at the thought of my name?

SH: What are you trying to say?

MN: When you are out with Irene unnie, what did you guys talked about?

SH: Nothing serious… we just shared our troubles and concerns. She is like a big sister to me.

MN: Look at me … can you honestly tell me that you can’t see her feelings for you?

Sehun was shocked. He never thought Mina would find out about that.

MN: Does she know about us?

SH: I … I don’t think so. Why should I tell her about us? Our love life is private.

MN: Sehun look at me in the eyes…

SH: I am, aren’t I? (He responded feeling annoyed.)

MN: Do you like her?

Sehun was speechless. He couldn’t answer because he doesn’t have an answer or maybe he was not willing to answer her question.

MN: So, do you?

SH: Stop it! (He raised his voice at her startling the petite princess in front of him.)

Mina held it in. Her tears were at the edge of her eyes awaiting to spill from Sehun’s sudden outburst. She watches as he let go of her hand and walks over to her sides.

SH: You already know the answer, didn’t you?

Mina nodded in disappointment.

MN: Since when did you like her?

SH: Since I started sharing my thoughts and feelings to her.

MN: Wasn’t I enough for you?

SH: You are but you and I sometimes don’t get to meet for months. Since she was there and around, it was easier. And for me to be like Kyungsoo hyung and Sana is just too troublesome.

Mina’s heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. It was silence for a couple of minutes before she finally opened .

MN: You know I have never thought of giving up this relationship even when I knew one day we may or may not drift apart.

SH: What are you trying to say?

MN: However, when you finally confessed that you are no longer mine alone, I need to do some thinking. It is late, oppa. I will contact you when I am ready.

Mina took her first step away from Sehun but he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist.

SH: Mianhe…. I promise I won’t think about her anymore.

Mina slowly peeled his arms away from her waist. Sehun refused to loosen his grip.

MN: Hajima… you have got to be fair to me. I need time.

Sehun’s heart can already foresee what would happened. He couldn’t lose her. He refused to let go. Mina finally had enough and pushed his hands away before staring at him straight in eyes. Her eyes glistened as she held every bit of pride left not wanting to cry in front of him. The disappointment in her eyes is like a blanket of pain covering Sehun’s heart. He watches her leave him without even turning her back once at him.

Mina entered her room quietly. She puts her bag as she took her towel. Nayeon who was reading could already sense that somethings were wrong. The moment Mina entered the toilet, Nayeon quickly rushed to Jihyo and they both acknowledge something bad must have happened. A few minutes later, they could hear the gentle sobs from the toilet.

Her Smile … Now Gone

Since that night, Myoui Mina is no longer the same. It’s like as though there is an automatic switch in her. When the cameras are up and the schedules are on, she smiles gently for the camera but the moment when it stops, her smile is gone. Chaeyoung is very affected by Mina’s change. Mina wanted to lean on her members but she refrained herself from doing so fearing that what she said may affect the members personal relationships with the EXO boys. Thus, she chose to keep quiet. Her appetite was affected and she lost lot of weight.

Jihyo could no longer take it. That evening when they were left alone in the dorm without the managers, Jihyo called for an emergency meeting. Mina assumed that it was a team meeting but she soon realized her sisters gaze were on her. She avoided looking at their eyes for fear of breaking down.

 

JHO: Minari… we are not just colleagues or friends. We are your family. Do you think we can continue looking at you suffer like this? (She started the conversation.)

Mina looked down as her hands grabbed on to the cushion. Nayeon who could no longer take it quickly envelopes her in her arms. Mina’s tears immediately fall like a river. She returned the embrace as she cried her heart out. That night, she poured her out to her members without holding back. Finally, the Myoui Mina had her breakdown. It’s the only way for her to learn and grow from whatever she is experiencing.

Sad Goodbye

It has been weeks since she last responded to any text or call from Sehun. After much thought, she finally mustered the courage to pen her heartfelt thoughts. Call it cowardly, Mina no longer has the courage to look at his face.

Jagiya,

Thank you for teaching me the meaning of patience and perseverance to go after what your heart desires. I think I have learnt to be a better person by opening up heart and accepting you. However, you forgot to tell me that feelings change quite fast too.

Since everything has come to this, let’s go on our own separate ways. If we drifted apart, I believed we could still salvage the relationship but sadly it is not. Since I am no longer the only one who holds your heart, I believe that we are not meant to be.

Oppa, Mianhe if I am not like what you envisioned. Sorry I wasn’t able to be therefore you to hear your worries and pain. May you be blessed with someone who could be there for you at all times. Mianhe, I could never bring myself to look at you anymore. Give me time, who knows one day I could face you and smile at the wonderful Sehun who were once mine.

M. Mina

The Pyeongchang Concert is what Sehun has been excited for. He can’t wait to meet Mina. He has not heard from her since that night. She didn’t even reply to his text when he congratulate her on her comeback.

As TWICE had their rehearsals, Sehun could see that there is no longer a glow on her face. He knew he was responsible for how she is right now. He couldn’t wait to make up to her. He bought her a Tiffany silver band with their initials engraved on it. He wanted to say sorry and make her feel better with the gift.

It was frustrating when he could see that TWICE avoided EXO for most of the time. The girls were very cautious about not hurting Mina. Jihyo and Sana made it very clear o their partners that they would not get involve with Mina’s and Sehun’s issues.

He lingers around the corridor hoping to meet her. Just when he was about to walk away, he came face to face with Jihyo and Sana.

SH: Is she is still angry with me?

JHO: That is not our place to say.

Sehun began to hate the nagging feelings in his heart. His heart lightened up a little when he saw her text.

Let’s meet at the usual place at 1am.

Ottae?

Jihyo was a little surprised that Junmyeon suggested for her to bring Chaeng along for their date. She was worried when he said Jongdae misses his little sister but gave in hoping that they really are having the brother and sister relationship. What confuses Jihyo more was Chaeyoung’s reluctance. Chaeyoung’s refusal is making things seems complicated in her eyes. Chaeng eventually gave in and followed Jihyo.

As the girls make their way into the villa by the sea belonging to a sunbae, Chaeng was feeling nostalgic. She was reminded of the time when Jongdae made pasta for Sehun, Mina and herself. Those were good memories. Now all the good memories are gone because of the way Sehun is treating Mina.

Junmyeon immediately welcome Jihyo with open arms before playfully messing up Chaeng’s hair.

CYG: Oppa... not my hair…. (She whines like a baby.)

Jongdae who was in the kitchen cooking dubboki felt a little nervous when he heard her voice.

CYG: I thought Jong oppa is here. Where is he?

Jongdae smiled feeling great that she asked for him.

SHO: He is at the kitchen making dinner.

CYG: Never mind, I will wait in the living room.

JHO: You sure?

Jongdae was a little disappointed because this is not the first time she avoided her. Anything ‘bad’ that Sehun has done to Mina will make Chaeng step further away from him.

SHO: You can watch the tv and the remote control is by the side of the sofa. We’ll hang out at the second floor living room arraso.

CYG: You are coming down for dinner, right?

JHO: Depends… Jongdae oppa is only cooking because he knows you will be hungry.

CYG: Ah nae….

Chaeyoung felt nervous because just the thought of him being considerate and cooking for her touches her heart but she just doesn’t want to be close to EXO members any longer. As she waited by the sofa, her heart is telling her to do otherwise.

She slowly tiptoed to the kitchen. She actually loves the way Jongdae is in the kitchen. She finds him very attractive in an apron. The way he holds the knife makes him look suave and professional. His shoulders make him look dependable. She smiles to herself as her mind drifted somewhere only she knows.

As Jongdae turns around to put the food in the big bowl, he caught Chaeyoung smiling at him. He returns the smile but noticed the girl was daydreaming. He puts the saucepan down and walked towards her. After a few waves and a slight pinch on her nose, she was brought back to reality.

CYG: Oppa…. (She whines again.)

JD: Why are you just standing here?

CYG: Just feel like standing here… (She denies nervously.)

Jongdae pulls her hand and walk towards the island top. Chaeng smiles at him.

CYG: Can I have some please… (She pleaded cutely.)

JD: Andwe…

CYG: Wei? Why can’t I?

JD: You jolly well know why.

Chaeyoung pouted and sigh. She doesn’t want to get into the topic. She crossed her arms together and stare at the tall oppa in front of her. Jongdae find her sulking too adorable. Chaeng has no time to react when he lifted her and sat her on the kitchen island top.

JD: You broke your promise to me.

Chaeyoung know where the conversation is leading. Jongdae who watches Chaeng nervously play with her fingers scoot closer. Chaeng kept her eyes on her thigh. Jongdae softly lifted her chin and smiled at the girl. The kind of smile that would melt anybody’s heart.

The petite girl relaxes her shoulder a little. When their eyes met, there seem to be an understanding between the two. It felt weird that their 7 years doesn’t matter right now. His hands now resting on the counter top with her legs in between. After a few moments of silent, she decided to rest her arms on his shoulders. As he tucks her hair behind her ears, she felt an intense feeling she never felt before. As they continue their stare, the sound of Chaeyoung’s grumbling tummy breaks the silent and causes the two to burst into laughter.

CYG: Oppa… I ‘m hungry….

JD: Arraso… let’s bring the food out.

Both enjoyed the food in silent.

Chaeyoung wondered why her heart beat a little faster today. She cannot understand what was going through her heart and head when she stares into his eyes.

Is he nice to all girls?

Or am I special?

I thought he treats me like a little sibling?

Am I being greedy because I think I want more?

We have this skin ship or was what I felt when we touch is not considered skin ship?

Jongdae couldn’t wrap his head over Chaeyoung’s response.

Can’t she sense my feelings?

Or am I being too aggressive?

Does she even like me?

She did rest her hand on my shoulders. Does that prove she has feelings for me?

It’s Over

Mina saw him leaning on his car. Her steps got heavier. She watches his back thinking how much she once believed that she could rely on him. The nostalgic feelings she is experiencing cannot be compared to the disappointment that she feels towards him. She approached him slowly and finally leaned on the car too just beside him.

That act alone scares Sehun. Normally, she would run up to him and snuggles in his coat or jacket. He could sense the distance she put. Mina was so tempted to hug him. But… how can she hug someone who loves her and another woman at the same time. And sadly, Mina couldn’t hate the other woman because Irene unnie is the ever sweet and gentle lady while she is just a foreigner in this country.

He reaches out for her hand and held it tight. It was super cold. He was thankful that she did not push him away. For her, she just wants to enjoy this feeling for the last time. She slips in the letter she wrote into his hands.

MN: Read it…

SH: Come on… let’s talk things out…

MN: Read it oppa….

Sehun read the letter over and over again. This isn’t happening. He got pissed off.

SH: You want a break up just because I have some feelings for Irene noona. It’s just hanging out with her and not that I cheated on you. Why are you making a big deal out of nothing?

MN: If it is nothing, you wouldn’t be this angry. It would be nothing if you are just hanging out with her. It is something else when you have feelings for her.

SH: Minari…

MN: You said it’s just some feelings? Do you even hear yourself?

SH: I worked so hard to earn your trust.

MN: And you know very well that you have broken it.

SH: Minari...

MN: Oppa… I don’t have the energy to hold on to someone who is not holding on to me.

SH: I only said I like her. I didn’t say I would leave you for her.

MN: If I hang out with Jimin oppa, would you like it?

SH: Why are you calling him oppa?

MN: Would you?

SH: no… I would be damn piss.

MN: Why is it okay for you to hang out with another girl who you ‘like’ but not okay for me to hang out with someone who I treat as a friend?

SH: Minari… Stop being childish arraso!

MN: Oppa… I gave you my heart knowing very well you have hurt me once. But I still give you my heart because I love you so much and I only love you. I have never even weigh any other guy or thought of sharing my worries with any other male besides my father, brother or you. I didn’t even share anything with the oppas in JYPE all because by doing so, I am not being fair to you. But clearly all those were not things you considered.

SH: Mina yah… you know what… I am ty. I screw up. But can we just get through this.

MN: Mianhe... I can’t. I am doing this for us. It’s not like you will be alone when we break up. You have someone you could turn to. Now you don’t even have to think about hurting me.

SH: Let’s talk about this another day. Maybe you and I are both too tired and our minds are clouded with emotions. We’ll fix it when you have calmed down.

MN: Oppa... I am calm. I am clear. I am sober.

Sehun embraced her tightly as both of them cried.

SH: I am sorry…. I am so sorry I screwed up.

MN: Things happen for a reason. Maybe there weren’t enough reason for us to stay together. (She whispered as she sobs into his arms.)

SH: Mina ah…

MN: One day… I hope to look back and smile as I reminisce about the sweet memories we once have.

When 1 Door Close Another May Open

That night so many thoughts went through their heads.

Chaeyoung POV

“What is this feeling that we have between us?”

Jongdae POV

“Would she accept my heart if I say I love her?”

Sehun POV

“Why did I hurt her? How can my feelings change in the short span of time?”

Mina POV

“I did the right thing. I took a step back for his happiness. But why gifting him happiness hurts so much?”