Unlike their past misunderstandings, the problem Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are currently facing is somehow the hardest and risky. For the past nine months both males have been pretty busy because of specific reasons, Kyungsoo was studying for his doctorate degree in medicine and Baekhyun, well, he’s a member of a world famous boy group, EXO, who was busy preparing for their comeback scheduled in just a few weeks.

Even though Kyungsoo's very busy balancing his studies and the chores needed to be done in their apartment, he made sure that he still had time for his other half whereas his boyfriend chose to focus more on his work yet he still chose to be more understanding about his boyfriend’s status.

---x---

For the past three months, things drastically changed, in Kyungsoo’s perspective at least. Baekhyun’s sweetness towards Kyungsoo is not the same as before. If Kyungsoo tries to ask Baekhyun if there's any problem that they need to talk about, the older will just look at him as if he spoke using another language but still the younger decided to be optimistic and convince himself that all these actions are just results of Baekhyun’s fatigue.

That night was not like every other night, it was special for Kyungsoo. Baekhyun talked to him over the phone the night before with his unusually sweet voice and told him that he had reserved a table at their favorite restaurant just for the two of them. Of course the younger male was overjoyed to the point that he almost squealed like a little girl whilst he was in the middle of the convenience store buying some snacks, only realizing it a little too late when he a passerby hushed him.

He was getting ready for their date. Baekhyun told him to be ready by 6:00pm so he could just pick him up after their practice.

The phone beeped, startling Kyungsoo a little. He clearly wasn't expecting someone to text him at this moment. Nevertheless, he read it, “Hey Kyungsoo, I'll be home by 9 o'clock. We still have to practice this choreography we've been working on for a week.”

He read the text over and over again not paying attention to the tears that started to flood his eyes. Yet another date he scheduled and forgot about. It was the 3rd time this week. Sometimes, Kyungsoo wonders if Baek still loves him and was just staying with him just so it won’t raise any speculations.

---x---

"My little penguin, why are you still not up?" Baekhyun stretched out the last word, frowning as he hoisted himself up from the bed with an elbow to look at his boyfriend who was still in deep slumber beside him. How can someone with an angelic face be so scary when annoyed? Baekhyun laughed to himself as he remembered those times Kyungsoo literally kicked him out of the bedroom.

Baekhyun decided to wake his younger boyfriend up with a kiss on his lips and just like always, it worked. Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes as he stretched out his arms and legs, feeling the relief it brought.

"Why, sometimes, does it seem that you are more tired than I am when I'm the one who comes home late from practice?" Baekhyun kidded, earning a pinch on his side. Well, it's not a lie though. He came home at 1:00 am last night and found Kyungsoo already asleep with a medical book resting on his chest. Baekhyun kissed him lightly before roaming around their shared apartment to fix things that needed to be fixed with his remaining energy before washing up to finally go to bed and sleep soundly beside the love of his dear life at 2:00 am.

Kyungsoo snorted at his question and glared at him, "Well mister Byun, I accidentally fell asleep at midnight while studying and luckily I had set an alarm for 2:30 am in case it happens. I saw you were already beside me, soundly sleeping and was about to go back to sleep but something felt wrong so I went outside the bedroom only to find the pipe under the sink fixed but all the tools used still scattered so I ended up cleaning it up. Also, you forgot to put your dirty clothes in the laundry."

Baekhyun laughed, embarassed. "I'm sorry, little penguin. Say, to make up for what I did, how about let's go on a date at the amusement park? Don't worry, I can just wear a disguise. What do you think?"

The younger male smiled sweetly at his love before kissing him, "You never fail to make me smile."

---x---

Kyungsoo didn't want to be more stressed out so he wiped away the tears that stained his cheeks and smiled bitterly as he looked at the message he received one last time before he decided to go to their shared room to sleep rather than wait for Baekhyun to be home by 9:00 since he knows it’s not true.

"Do Kyungsoo! Wake up!" Baekhyun shouted, causing Kyungsoo to wake up startled.

Just as he had expected, Baekhyun came home later than 10:00pm. He was leaning against their door frame, arms crossed and irritation etched across his face.

Kyungsoo slowly got up and rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes. "What?" he asked, glaring at Baekhyun. Baekhyun better not woke him up just for nothing.

"Why didn't you cook anything?! I thought I told you that I'd be home after practice?! Why are you so useless?!" his last words surprised Kyungsoo. This isn't the first time that he shouted like that in nine months but it was the very first time that he said that Kyungsoo is useless. It stung like hell but Kyungsoo was quick enough to arrange his emotions into neat rows so that it won’t be visible to Baekhyun that it hurts.

Does hurting him make Baekhyun happier now than seeing him smile? Or Baekhyun’s just really tired and not thinking that straight so he unconsciously said that to Kyungsoo? Whatever the reason is, Kyungsoo doesn’t know anymore.

Kyungsoo slightly groaned but managed to remain calm, "It's because I assumed you were going to eat with the boys. You did not tell me that you’ll be eating here."

Finally standing up, Kyungsoo went to the kitchen followed by Baekhyun who asked him to cook his favorite food. As he just settled the plate of food on the table, Kyungsoo suddenly felt a wave of nausea hit him causing him to tightly grip the side of the table to steady himself before continuing what he was doing.

"What's taking you so long, Kyungsoo?!” Baekhyun called impatiently from the living room.

Kyungsoo suddenly felt the side of his eyes heat up. 'No. No. No. Don't cry.' He chanted to himself in his thoughts as he called Baekhyun to eat dinner.

"Are you really my boyfriend?" Baekhyun, already changed in his pajamas, asked while giving him a doubtful look. Kyungsoo was about to answer back when he felt the budding tears at the same time he felt another wave of nausea hit him so he quickly ran to the bathroom instead.

---x---

"Baekhyun-ah! We're still not done practicing. Where are you going?" Chen asked Baekhyun, holding his wrist to keep him from leaving the practice room. "Kyungsoo's sister called a while ago, she said she talked to her brother over the phone and said that he sounded very sick. He said he has a fever but didn't want to interrupt our practice so he didn't call me."

Suho overheard their conversation and took his hand away from Chen, "Ah. Baek, just go to him. Make sure he'll get well soon. Send our regards to him. It's been a while since he last bonded with us. Tell him we'll see each other soon." He told Baekhyun and the other members agreed, telling him that they'll just talk to their instructor.

Baekhyun almost got a ticket because of how fast he drove just to go home to his beloved. "Baekhyun, is that you?" he heard Kyungsoo call out from the living room as soon as he entered the door.

He kicked off his shoes before he almost ran to Kyungsoo who is burning and has a runny nose. "Why are you home so early?" the latter asked Baekhyun who had already settled himself at the foot of the couch where Kyungsoo was lying down.

Baekhyun kissed his lips and forehead, ignoring the burning skin of the younger and the fact that he might get sick too, "Your sister called to inform me that you're sick. Don't worry now, love. I'm here already and I won't leave your side until you get better."

---x---

As soon as he was done, the younger male put down beside the sink two plastic strips he was holding, washing his pale face with warm water and looked at the mirror only to see Baekhyun looking at him with an unreadable expression plastered on his handsome face.

"Are you sick? I heard you vomiting a while ago." He asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

Kyungsoo quickly picked up the strips and put it in his pajamas’ pocket before facing him. The news he was about to tell Baekhyun was not completely forgotten but set to be told another time, not now.

"Don't pretend that you care. I might end up hoping, again, that it's true. To answer the latter, no. Must be because of the food that I ate before I slept. Anyways, I'm fine." The younger of the couple lied, anger seething his voice. The older nodded and walked back to their bedroom. Kyungsoo fixed himself, following his boyfriend of eleven years which he saw already covered in a blanket.

Lying down beside him, Kyungsoo turned of the light placed on the bedside table. Baekhyun didn't even move an inch, obviously tired because of the whole day spent in the practice room, completely engrossed in whatever he was doing with his phone.

''Night." Kyungsoo faced his back towards his back towards his other half, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He felt Baekhyun move to put his phone away as he also faced his back to the younger male. "Night.” He mumbled.

---x---

Before sleeping, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo often cuddle with each other when they are both home early.

Hugging Kyungsoo close to his chest, Baekhyun whispered in his ear, "I love you with all that I am. Nothing can ever keep me away from you. Nothing can tear us apart. I won't let that happen. Ever. We'll build our family with the love that we share. We'll shower our kids with affection. I'll make it happen. Remember that... Good night."

"I know you won't. I won't let it happen either. Nothing can change my love for you which has grown over the years we are together. I love you, Baek. Good night, see you in my dreams," looking up, Kyungsoo gave Baekhyun a peck on his lips.

---x---

Baekhyun’s already asleep but Kyungsoo’s still up thinking of options. Options and things that would happen if he chooses to leave the love of his life. It hurts but he just can't avoid it now, can he? Now that other people might be involved.

If Kyungsoo leaves him, there might be a chance that Baek would be happy. It hurts just thinking about how Baekhyun would be happy without him but come and think about it, Kyungsoo might find someone else that he can love more that he loves Baek and will love him more than he loved Baek. It might seem a little silly to think about finding someone now that he loves his boyfriend with all his heart ever since the day they met each other.

If he stays, yes, he's happy with him but waking up to see that Baek seems to not care anymore? It’s like waking up just to find yourself in front of the entrance to hell.

With tears streaming down his face like waterfalls and a heart that’s already been broken to millions of tiny pieces, Kyungsoo considered the first option and got up from bed to get dressed. He carefully pulled out his suitcase under their bed, piling his belongings as silently as possible to avoid waking Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo, putting the last of his things in the bag, started to get up after closing the suitcase but soon froze in his tracks when he saw Baekhyun move and breathed out in relief when he continued his deep slumber.

The young man fetched a pen and paper from Baekhyun’s bedside table. He started to write a farewell later to his beloved.

---x---

Dear Byun Baekhyun,

First of all, know that I love you with all my heart. Always remember that. But despite that, I can't be with you anymore.

I was so happy ever since we started to live together. I was thinking about all the nice things that would happen but our life living together was not like what I imagined it to be. We were okay for the first few months but for the last three months, you’ve been breaking your promise to treat me as if you’re my servant. You made me feel unloved. I ignored the first few times it happened but from then it went on. To cut the story short, you failed to fulfill your promise, you were treating me like your servant, ordering me around and taking out your anger on me, there were times you'd hit me, not like the way you treated me when we were still living separately. Sometimes thoughts come to my mind like what if we hadn’t moved in together? Would we be facing this kind of circumstances? I don’t know anymore.

I miss the love that we shared. I miss the soft, sweet kisses that you used to wake me up in lazy mornings. I miss your warm hugs. I miss you being there when I need you. I miss your body. I miss all of you. Most importantly, I miss 'us'. I miss the things we always do together. I miss everything about us.

I'm still holding a grudge against you though. You were busy with your 'practice' when I needed you most. In case the news haven't reached you yet, my dad died last month. I tried to tell you a lot of times but you’d always brush me off with “Can it wait?” and before I could even answer, you had already left. Don't you worry now. I found a way to quickly adjust to the permanent changes in my life. Crying myself to sleep is like a habit for me now. Kidding. On a serious note, it was kinda hard but I managed to get over my grief without having someone by my side. Without having YOU by my side.

I guess I did a good job back then. I'd like to wish myself a good luck living without you. I wonder if I'll be able to do that. Let’s hope so. I also guess that the love that we shared for years is wasted now, isn't it? Our 11th anniversary passed without you greeting me even once. Actually, I think I need to get used to that too.

I'll leave you now. I hope you’ll find someone better than me. I hope that you will be happy now that I have decided to leave you. I'm sorry.

You'll always have a special space in my heart. You were my everything. I experienced almost every first times of my life with you. Though to be honest, I did not expect that you would be the first one who would break my heart which you once said "You may look strong but I know that you have a fragile heart and I promise I will take care of it forever." Nonetheless, you are my first love and the only person I entrusted my heart to. Nothing will ever change that.

Neomu saranghae, Baekhyun hyung.

Your little penguin, Do Kyungsoo

---x---

Ignoring the teardrops that showered his cheeks, Kyungsoo neatly folded the paper while walking to Baekhyun's side of the bed, bending forward to kiss his cheeks and forehead.

He choked back as sob when he kissed his hyung’s lips one last time, looking at the clock. It's already 2:00 am.

He carefully placed the letter on Baekhyun’s bedside table and grabbed his car keys and wallet on his way to the door.

With one last look on the older’s angelic sleeping face, Kyungsoo whispered "I love you, Baekhyun-ah. Always and forever” as he closed the door of their bedroom.

The young male smiled sadly as he put a hand on his flat belly as he mouthed the words "I'm sorry," tugging along his suitcase as he started to walk himself to the parking lot.

While Kyungsoo was on his way to nowhere in particular, little did he know that Baekhyun woke up confused when he felt the other side of the bed cold and looking to his right, he saw the neatly folded paper carefully tucked under a picture frame that holds his and Kyungsoo’s picture together at their favorite beach on their tenth anniversary.

---x---
fin.