Jisoo could not remember a time wherein Lisa is not a constant in her life, could not remember not knowing the girl, could not remember life before the blonde rebel came crashing into her life. 

Her brain's damaged, honestly. 

Who doesn't remember her own mother? 

All she sees is blood and coppery smell and panicked screaming and sirens and when those monsters haunt her at night she'd almost suffocate herself by her own pillow, wanting to remove the lingering ringing in her ears but then her phone would actually ring and Lisa would be on the other line, her usually harsh mouth whispering gentle words that soothes her and she'd fall asleep, phone in hand and a smile on her face. 

Jisoo doesn't know how but Lisa always knows and she calls her every night and every time Jisoo falls in love with her, tries to hold to the moment tighter because she's afraid of losing the girl and it would be okay to stay like this so long as she'd never lose her. 

Jisoo closes her eyes, fingers crossed. She hopes it'll last forever. 

"What would you say if I tell you I love you?" Lisa breathes, her eyes distant and Jisoo frowns because Lisa usually always looks people in the eyes and she knows she's serious but Jisoo could not believe her ears. 

She forces a smile. 

"I love you too, Lisa. You're one of my best friends."

Lisa heaves a sigh, brushing her fingers through her hair in what looks like frustration and Jisoo is also frustrated with herself because Lisa clearly meant something else but why would she like Jisoo anyway? 

Jisoo starts to stand up, dusting off her skirt and she offers a hand to Lisa who slouched at the bench. 

"We still have class, you know? The others would be looking for us and—"

She stops when she's suddenly yanked forward, Lisa's fingers securing a grip on her wrist and suddenly she could feel hot breath against her neck and Lisa buries herself deeper into the hug and Jisoo relents. 

"I'm not some who'd cowardly back away. I know how I feel Jisoo and I ing love you so much it hurts because I can't tell you and I want to always tell you because I've been in love with you since the first time we crashed into each other and you might not feel the same way but please don't hate me—"

Jisoo hugs her tighter to shut her up. 

"I don't. I would never hate you," Jisoo bites her lip to ease the aching dropping feeling in her chest because why does she feel so nostalgic when right at the moment Lisa's still here and she loves Jisoo. That's all that matters. 

"I love you too much to hate you. More than I should."

Lisa cried. So did Jisoo. 

They're such crybabies and they end up just sitting there the whole time, hugging and crying. Jisoo's not sure if she made the right decision but Lisa's happy so she's happy. 

Jisoo's afraid of change. 

The thought of going out your comfort zone, not knowing whether it's gonna be worth it or not and so what if you gain things because you could also lose and you could lose someone and sometimes it can never be undone so change is frightening. Change is what destroyed her family. Change is what made her lose a mother she could not remember. 

Jisoo's afraid of change but Lisa changed her life. And it's somehow a good change. 

The door creaks, its sound echoing. 

There's a deafening silence and Jisoo understands her father is busy and despite the celebration earlier at the school, she still feels clog up, that hollow feeling crawling up to suffocate her. She hates this house. 

Jisoo throws the keys to the living room couch before she moved to the kitchen. 

She laughs as she walks, "I guess it's just me and the air again lol."

There was a loud clang before all the lights turned off and she could hear some whispered cursing. And then silence. 

"You guessed wrong."

Then the lights . 

"Happy Birthday!!"

There was a huge cake in the shape of a chicken, the number 16 placed as a crown on the head. Ballons littered the place, actual buckets of chicken placed on the table and some wrapped gifts and sets of books beside them. 

Party poppers popped and she could see Irene and Jennie's startled reactions, Joy and Yeri snickering as they continued throwing confettis, Wendy taking pictures, Chaeyoung and Seulgi holding a banner with her name and face on it and finally, Lisa holding out a smaller version cake, a big grin on her face as she comes closer. 

"Make a wish, unnie." Lisa breathes and Jisoo smiles because her wish is already here. 

Jisoo only wishes for this, having Lisa and her friends around and she couldn't be anymore happier and if there was any other wish she'd wish it's that this will last longer and she wished it can be forever but forever's a long time but right at the moment she could feel tastes of what it could possibly feel like. 

Jisoo loves this moment and she's happy to have found this change and she can't wait what more tomorrow would bring because she's blessed to have these friends in her life and she can't describe how much she's happy to have Lisa. 

Right at that moment Jisoo was happy. 

But it's kind of like the calm before the storm. 

Change is still a scary concept. You gain or you can lose. However, sometimes you just gain and gain and sometimes you don't just gain good things. Sometimes you gain something you don't want and sometimes that something can change your life forever. Sometimes its for the worse. 

Jisoo sits uncomfortably. She could feel the criticizing gaze and malice coming from the opppsite side of the table and her whole body is aching to run away but she was specifically told by her father that they'd have breakfast together because he was going to introduce someone and she couldn't refuse because he had such a smile on his face she hadn't seen in a long time. 

She's happy for her father really but she hopes it's not what she thinks it is. 

He comes in with a grin, kisses the cheek of the woman in front of her and offers Jisoo a big encouraging smile as he sat with them. 

"I know I haven't been around much lately and I know your mother is irreplaceable but it's been years Jisoo and I know you are a very understanding daughter and I love you for that," He starts, as if it would make the impact of what he was about to say much softer, "So Jisoo, sweetie, please meet my girlfriend and your soon to be stepmother."

Jisoo tries to keep a smile on her face as the woman gives her a fake one herself. 

 
 
The storm's here. 

[a/n] : late i know. i was supposed to finish this before nano right? but then i had such a good idea to join both softball and basketball teams and a dance competition for our intramurals and they were all unfortunately scheduled on the same day so in the end i got sick, i'm still sick but nanowrimo's here and i'm stressing so much now i have to write more than i have to im really sorry y'all if this is crappy and late. please do tell me what you think.