I awoke at what must have been coming up to 4am. I guessed this because the early Summer morning light was starting to creep through the gap in the curtains. I thought about reaching for my phone to check but I didn't want to move in case I woke the sleeping body next to me. 

Of course this wasn't the first time I'd woken up in Kyung's bed, not even the first time I'd woken up either-but it was the first time I had woken to /this/. If I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough I could still feel the memory of his fingers on my skin, how they traced my collarbones and circled my lower back, how his lips had felt on my neck, my shoulders, my thighs. He must have said my name over 6 million times the whole time I'd known him but last night the way he had said it made it into something new, something heavy. We had crossed into new and wonderful territory that neither of us could have foreseen.

In fact it wasn't even meant to be me here right now. Kyung had been seeing someone else, someone he had been crazy for. They'd met a month prior and had been seeing each other whenever schedule allowed them time. I hadn't met him but Kyung liked him therefore so did I. Last night was the night he was going to ask him to be his boyfriend (although we all insisted it was a little soon) and Kyung wanted it to be /perfect/. He didn't tell us any of the details though, he didn't want to be laughed at. He left to do it, leaving me in bed watching videos on my phone. I had all faith he would come home happy, it seemed inconceivable to me that anyone would have it in their heart to hurt my best friend. I was wrong. 

I got the call what I guess was about two hours later. I couldn't actually understand what he was saying, something about midnight snacks which only added to my confusion, but it was obvious it wasn't good so I pried a location out of him and went to find him, praying the whole way that he hadn't been injured and that whatever it was we could fix. 

He'd sent me to a park and as it was dark it took a little searching to find him, but eventually I found him in a clearing of trees. The setup was beautiful, he'd laid out a floral blanket and placed a picnic hamper in the middle and between two trees he'd strung fairy lights plugged into a battery pack. I could see why he thought we would laugh at him but seeing it in person was breath taking. But what really got me was seeing Kyung under the pinky glow, his skin illuminated and his white sweater glowing, even his tears were beautiful. He looked like an angel. 

Never once had I looked at Kyung like that but it didn't feel like a sudden realisation either. It was as if I was waking up from a dream that had given me new clarity on an old situation, but clarity I had always known was there somewhere, but left unaddressed. I can't explain it properly, but I suppose it isn't important. The important bit was that at that moment a possibility I had never thought to look at had shown itself to me. 

I knelt next to him and held him, rocking him backwards and forwards slightly as I let him explain to me. I didn't say anything, not as he told me about being stood up nor as he told me how when he had finally got in contact with him he had told him he wanted nothing to do with him anymore. There was nothing I could say to make it better so I said nothing, and once he had let it all out he offered me a snack in a small voice. I accepted it, and we ate in silence, Kyung clearly in deep in thought. 

"I don't even think I'm upset. I think I'm just embarrassed " he said after a while and I looked at him to let him know I was listening. "Embarrassed because I set all this up to get left here, embarrassed that I couldn't see what this really was. He was so captivating and I wanted someone so badly I think I would have done this for anyone who had shown attention to me" 

"It's not unusual for people to do that, to grab onto something. It's hard when we don't have the time to date, you get deprived of that affection, you yearn for it." 

He nodded but he didn't say anything else. 

We finished off the snacks and started to fall into easy conversation and finally I managed to make him laugh. It was the most awkward, dorky laugh but I couldn't help finding it beautiful. It belonged to Kyung so it was beautiful - that was a fact in my mind. I considered what it would be like to date him and came to the conclusion it would be hardly any different to now, he would still be my best friend but there would be no lines, no restrictions. It would take our close friendship and take away the final set of unspoken rules, nothing would be considered wrong anymore. The more I thought about it the more attractive the thought became. 

I must have been staring because Kyung had gone quiet. He was watching me with a look and I was sure he was thinking the same thing, I had no idea how I knew this I just did. Or hoped he was anyway. Like everything else we did it was something we didn't have to discuss, it was just that the time had come for it. It was the most natural thing in the world, like making yourself food because you're hungry. It didn't feel like fireworks, or an explosion or any of that people use to describe falling in love. It was a quiet and peaceful acceptance that this was what it was now. 

I'm not sure who kissed who first but it happened, and it felt right.