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We left them behind. We free, they mourn.

 

 

Zelo. I was found dead with 5 shots on my body, one strike to my heart -causing my death. The reason I was been shot? Nothing. It just some stupid misunderstood I had between me and my classmate. My parents were Kim Himchan and Bang Yongguk. I was their adopted child, but nothing could make me think I wasn’t their own child. I left them without any notice, and that was my biggest regret. I wish I could tell them how lucky was I to have them to be apart of my life.

 

After I died, I still can see both of you. We are so near, and yet so far. To my mom, Himchan, please don’t cry so much. I still see you crying even though I already left the world for 2 months. Mom, I miss your burnt pancake, I swear to God, if I could live only one day, I’ll eat that burnt pancake for whole day. Mom, I know you can’t forget me, but it’s very hurt to see you crying. My room, after I died, you never stepped into it, even once. The messy bedroom I made, you just let them be because you want to think that your son, Zelo is still there, right?

 

To my dad, Yongguk. I know, you cried for me secretly. You kept our last photo together inside your left pocket and you were always looking at it. You were so calm when I was still alive. You never get mad even I broke your car’s side mirror. But last night, I see the true rage of you. You were alone in office, works were piling up on your desk but you couldn’t care. You took out our photo and you stared at it awhile. Seconds after you threw all your works on the floor. Papers and pens were scattered on the floor. You screamed but no one was listening but I did hear you, dad. You put your hands on the desk and head was facing down. I see your tears on that desk. “Oh God, Junhong,” you said.

 

My murder case was closed after three months and the shooter was only get 2 years jail-sentenced. I saw mom crying inside the court room. “You deserve to die. You kill my baby,” you screamed. Everyone was looking at you and dad was on your right-side. Dad held your arm and helping you to calm down. But you were still crying. At last, your started to get tired. You sat on the cold floor outside the court room and dad hugged you. He gently kissed your head with his hand caressed your back. You hugged dad -crying on his chest.

 

“Zelo, are you ready?” Daehyun asked me.

 

Daehyun was my guider after I died. He was older than me by hundreds of years and made me called him hyung.

 

“I don’t know, hyung,” I shook my head.

 

Daehyun sat beside me on the couch -we were in the living room of my house. We both looked at my parents that were sitting across of us.

 

“We could go through this together,” said my dad to mom.

 

“Hyung, if I go to heaven now, will I able to see them, like this?” I asked Daehyun.

 

“When you to heaven, you will meet new people. The memory that you’ll have with them is strong that could erase your memory down here,” Daehyun told me.

 

I glanced once again to my parents, “I love them, hyung,” I told him.

 

“I know, Zelo. I love my parents too but I couldn’t remember them. I believe they must be in heaven now, but I couldn’t find them because I don’t have any memory of them,” Daehyun told me.

 

Daehyun had told me before how he died on hundreds years ago according to his guider. He was 23 when he died. Young and energetic, like me.

 

“Our Zelo is fine up there,” I heard my dad spoke to mom.

 

“Your Zelo is still down here, dad,” I told him, even though he couldn’t hear me.

 

“So Zelo, what’s your decision?” Daehyun asked me, like he always did, every day.

 

“Not now,” I told Daehyun.

 

I saw my mom started to gardening few months later. It was a late progress but I was at ease. She was talking to roses she planted -asking the rose to bloom beautifully. Dad sneakily came from back and hugging mom. He landed a sweet kiss on mom’s cheek. Mom was smiling. During dinner, dad told about his days on work, and even joked. Mom told him about movie he watched with his friend on that day,and recommending my dad to watch it too. I was happy, finally I felt at home, again. They exchanged kisses at the dining table and I excused myself to go upstairs. I entered my room -still messy like the last time I left. My fingers traced down the papers left on the desk. It was Mr. Youngjae’s poetry work. Supposedly I needed to pass up on that day I died, but I forgot to bring it to school. I read each line I wrote and I couldn’t remember I wrote that. I tacked the paper on the soft board, with a hope my parents will read that.

 

Jongup came few days later with a file on his hand. He was just getting back from school. Mom placed a cold ice tea in front of him before taking a seat across Jongup. “Mrs. Bang, I have something to give to you,” Jongup told mom while handing him the file he held. Mom took it from him. Jongup gestured him to open up and mom found few papers inside it. It were my poetry works from Mr. Youngjae’s class. Jongup explained about the papers and leaving mom right after that. He wanted to give my mom some space. Mom read every single line from the papers. He just knew the other side of his son.

 

On that night, mom entered my room, for the first time since I left. He switched on the lamp and walking to my desk. He placed down my poetry works on the desk carefully. He even sorted out scattering papers on the desk. Dad joined mom right after and standing beside my mom.

 

“Zelo was a very good kid,” dad said to mom. My mom was nodding in agreement.

 

“Remember on the first day he came to our home, Yongguk? He was shy. I baked him cookies without knowing he was allergy to peanut and we ended up at the hospital right after he ate two cookies,” mom smiled when remembering my childhood memory.

 

“Remember he asked me a hip hop CD for his birthday and he was 9 years old on that time,” dad told mom.

 

“Because he wanted to be a rapper,” mom said.

 

They were in a long silence before mom starting to pick up books and magazines on the floor.

 

“Yongguk, he will be fine, right,” mom asked dad.

 

“He sure will be fine, Chan. Don’t worry,” dad gave a smile to my mom.

 

Mom hugged my dad, and dad was placing his arms around my mom’s waist.

 

“You don’t want to hug them?” Daehyun pointed to their direction.

 

I looked at my hands, they were transparent and I could see the wooden floor I stepped on. Slowly, I walked to them and spreading my arms. They were transparent, but somehow magic happened and I could feel warmth touched my skin when hugging them.

 

“I love you,” I told them

 

- - kkeut - -