For the first time in a year, Jeongyeon calls Mina.

It’s four in the morning, and Mina’s room is pitch black when her phone rings. She’s still half-asleep when she reaches for it under her pillow and looks at it with one eye open.

She reads the name across the screen, and suddenly she’s very much awake.

As she answers her phone with a soft hello, she wonders if she’s still dreaming.

“Mina,” she hears Jeongyeon reply just as softly, “did I wake you up?” At this point, she knows what’s happening is real. It’s been too long since they last spoke to each other that she almost doesn’t recognize her friend’s voice anymore.

“Yeah, you did,” she says bluntly. Jeongyeon’s her only friend whom she can be completely honest with, although after what happened years ago, Mina knows that that’s not always a good thing. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m okay,” Jeongyeon assures. “It’s just… I’m coming home next week, and I wanted you to know.”

The air is filled with silence as Mina decides what to say next. In the end, she settles with, “For good?”

“For good,” she hears the other girl affirm, making her stomach churn. It’s not that she doesn’t miss her friend. It’s just that a lot has happened since she left, and it’s not like Mina’s feelings are the only ones that matter here. In fact, her mind completely skips the part about considering her own feelings and immediately goes to Momo and—

“Does Nayeon know?”

She hears a sigh, and then, “You’re the first one I called.”

Damn it, Jeongyeon.

“You should call her. She deserves to know.” She deserves to know first, is what Mina means and what Mina doesn’t have to say.

“I guess you didn’t miss me at all, huh?”

“Jeongyeon—”

“I’ll call her,” her friend concedes. “I’m just scared, you know? I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t know what I’ll do when I see her. Heck, I don’t even have an idea what happened while I was gone.”

Mina isn’t entirely certain that she knows what happened either, and she didn’t even go anywhere. She tries to recount what she is sure of.

One. Jeongyeon left for the States a year ago to try studying there while living with her dad.

Two. It was unclear whether she was going to come back or not. She wanted to be with her father, but if things would not work out, she would consider going back to Seoul.

And that was why, three, it was only logical for her and Nayeon to break up, and so they did. If they were meant for each other, then they’ll find their way back to each other, or so they believed.

Finally, four, when Jeongyeon left, their group of four became three, and that’s when things fell apart.

Or maybe they’ve started to fall apart way before that, and Jeongyeon’s departure was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Anyway, Jeongyeon’s coming back, but Mina’s not sure if things can go back to the way they were before.

(She still can’t help but hope so.)

Mina suddenly feels all the loneliness that she’s kept bottled up for a year finally emerging which makes her honestly speak, “I do miss you, you know.”

We all do, is what she wanted to add, but she’s not sure if that’s true.

“Good,” she hears Jeongyeon reply, and she can almost hear her friend smiling. “That’s all I wanted to hear, so you can go back to sleep now.”

Mina laughs, finding relief in the fact that her friend hasn’t changed and still jokes around every chance she gets. “Get back here safe, you jerk.”

“Will do.”

After she hangs up, Mina collapses back into her bed and braces herself for whatever it is to come.

For the first time in a year, Nayeon talks to Mina.

And by talking, that means the kind with actual eye contact, not just the fake type that they’ve tried to do for the first few weeks of Jeongyeon’s absence, or even before that.

It’s the real kind of talking that they did back when they were real friends. Besides, Mina was friends with Nayeon first. Back during their first year in college, Nayeon was the one who introduced her to Jeongyeon, her long-lost childhood friend, and Momo, Jeongyeon’s roommate.

Mina bets that Nayeon regrets that now.

It’s not Mina’s fault, really. After all, Jeongyeon confessing to Mina near the end of their freshman year was the last thing she expected.

At first, Mina thought Nayeon and Jeongyeon were already dating, and even when they have already denied it, she was still half-convinced that Nayeon likes Jeongyeon anyway. Nayeon’s always treated Jeongyeon differently, and it’s obvious to everyone but the latter.

Not that Mina’s never oblivious herself. She was completely blind-sided by Jeongyeon, and she tried to recall if there were any signs of her friend liking her that she should have noticed before. Sure, the girl’s always been sweet to her, but Jeongyeon’s a caring person in general, so Mina’s never given much thought about it.

However, that wasn’t the first thing that crossed Mina’s mind after Jeongyeon’s admission. Instead, she thought about Nayeon and how she’ll probably be the first person Jeongyeon will run to after the rejection Mina was about to give her.

The following day, Nayeon started being unmistakably cold to Mina, which proved two things: one, that Jeongyeon already told Nayeon about what happened, and two, that Nayeon did have feelings for Jeongyeon.

Nayeon only went back to being friendly with Mina when Nayeon and Jeongyeon began dating about a year after. Mina was definitely happy about it not only because she got her friend back, but also because she honestly thought they were better together than her and Jeongyeon could ever be. She didn’t think she’ll ever have to worry about Nayeon being jealous again until Jeongyeon was leaving, and maybe she embraced Mina a second too long before boarding her plane? She’s not entirely sure. She just knows that Nayeon went back to not giving a damn about Mina after they stepped out of the airport.

Anyway, there’s nothing Mina can do about it now. There’s no use fussing about the past when she can only change the future by dealing with the present.

The present being a Wednesday morning, roughly a week before school starts, in a convenience store near campus, wherein Mina goes to the counter only to see that it’s Nayeon in front of her in line.

Mina hasn’t had a close encounter with Nayeon for a year, so her heart jumps at the sight of her friend (if she can still call her that), but her chest tightens even more when Nayeon greets her with a warm smile.

“Long time no see, Minari,” Nayeon says affectionately, like they’re normal friends who had a normal fall out only to normally bump into each other on a normal day. “How’ve you been?”

“Good,” Mina lies through her teeth, “and you?”

“I’ve been great, too, but once Jeongyeon comes back, I’ll feel even better. I’m sure you’ve heard.”

Nayeon says all of those with a smile so wide Mina’s afraid Nayeon will break her pretty face, so Mina answers, “I’ll take a wild guess and say you guys have decided to pick things up where you left off.”

“Of course, we did,” Nayeon affirms and eyes the single cup of ramen and bottle of water in Mina’s hands. “Is that all you’re getting?”

Mina nods, feeling slightly embarrassed about getting those for lunch. She’s been moping in her apartment all day and only went out to the store because she was feeling too lazy to go to any place else that sells actual food. Once they’re in front of the counter, Nayeon takes the items from Mina’s hands and puts them together with hers, only handing them back after she’s paid for them. When Mina tries to pay her back, she merely shakes her head.

“It’s nothing,” she assures, and Mina mutters a small ‘thanks.’ As they step out of the shop, Nayeon adds, “You should swing by our apartment once Jeongyeon’s back. Momo misses you, too.”

Mina bites her tongue, stopping herself from questioning the last statement, and replies with, “Sure thing.”  

Nayeon gives her a tight hug before they part ways, and Mina watches her walk away until she’s out of sight.

When she gets to her apartment, she leaves her food on the table and goes back to bed. She has already lost her appetite sometime between seeing Nayeon and hearing Momo’s name.

For the first time in a year, Momo looks for Mina.

Mina’s first class is only halfway through when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She takes it out, hiding it under her desk, to find Momo’s text asking her what time she’ll be having lunch.

She doesn’t know what that means. Maybe it means that Jeongyeon’s finally back in school. Maybe it means Nayeon’s unavailable for lunch because she’ll be meeting up with Jeongyeon to talk with her alone.

But Mina knows what it does not mean. It definitely doesn’t mean that, after a long year of absolutely nothing, Momo just suddenly misses her and wants to hang out. To prove her point, she looks at the text above Momo’s recent one and sees its timestamp with a date from last year.

They used to be inseparable. During the time when her friendship with both Jeongyeon and Nayeon was delicate, she depended mostly on Momo. Having Momo as her only close friend wasn’t bad at all. They didn’t have that much in common, but they were good together anyway.

There were times when she thought they were too close to be considered just friends, moments when they’re alone and Momo would give Mina a look that would make the latter think the former’s about to kiss her, but she never did.

Then Jeongyeon left, and Nayeon moved into Momo’s apartment, taking Jeongyeon’s room. Gradually, Momo started forgetting that Mina even existed and spent time with Nayeon instead. Sure, the three of them still hung out at first. However, Mina would always feel out of place with Momo not even helping ease the obvious tension between Mina and Nayeon, so she began making excuses and eventually stopped seeing the two.

If Mina’s instincts were right, Momo and Nayeon were sleeping together. Maybe they were even dating. And maybe Mina was just imagining things when she thought she and Momo had something, but she told herself that’s not the reason why the thought of her two friends together would always leave a bitter taste in . She told herself that it’s because of Jeongyeon who’s officially Nayeon’s ex, and okay, it wouldn’t be cheating, but still, she’s her friend, their friend. She told herself that it’s because Momo didn’t even tell her about it. She told herself that it’s because Momo threw their friendship away that easily just because she had Nayeon and whatever it was that they had.

And so, for a year, Mina got used to being alone, only for Momo to reach out to her now like there’s anything fair about it.

She puts the phone back in her pocket, leaving the message unanswered, knowing fully well that it’s not because she’s not supposed to text in class.  

For the first time in a year, Momo knocks on Mina’s door.

It’s weird for Mina to open the door for Momo, not just because it’s been too long since the last time she’s here, but also because Momo used to skip the knocking part even when Mina’s not inside. She has given Momo a spare key since she’s always around. At least, she used to be. Maybe she’s even lost the key.

But Momo’s here now.

She’s standing outside her door with a huge box of pizza and an unsure smile that Mina returns. She steps aside and lets Momo in like everything’s okay.

Everything was not okay.

Jeongyeon texted her earlier, telling her Nayeon wanted to go out too but she declined because she already had plans with Mina, so Mina cancelled their dinner plans for her, convincing her that making up with Nayeon is definitely more important and that they can always hang out some other time.

Which is probably why Momo is here.

And, damn it, if Mina’s right about Momo and Nayeon, she can’t even begin to imagine how wounded Momo must feel right now.

(Probably as wounded as she feels herself.)

Mina can’t help but silently sigh as Momo takes a seat on her couch. She’s not in the mood for comforting anyone, but it looks like she doesn’t have much of a choice. Sure, Momo probably doesn’t deserve Mina’s sympathy, but Mina’s a sweep-under-the-rug kind of person, so she knows she’ll probably spend the rest of her night consoling Momo like everything that happened during the past year’s nothing but water under the bridge.

She excuses herself and brings the six-pack of beer out of her fridge, figuring Momo will need it. She’s pretty sure that she’ll need it, too, but hey, she’s not the one with a broken heart here.

(Or isn’t she?)

Momo’s almost done eating a slice of pizza when she gets back to the living room. Momo tells Mina to help herself while Mina gestures towards the beer and tells Momo to help herself, too. When Momo declines the liquor, Mina opens up a bottle for herself, thinking Momo will follow her lead when she realizes that Mina’s fine with her drinking.

One bottle ends up being three, and Momo is still refusing to drink, and does this stubborn girl even know how well beer goes with pizza?

(Not to mention how well beer goes with talking to your old friend who ditched you out of nowhere.)

Long story short, Mina ends up drinking all six bottles which is definitely not a good idea since it’s been more than a year since the last time she’s gotten drunk.

She feels tipsy, and her head is having trouble keeping up with the small talk they’re doing. She rests her head on the back of the sofa, doing her best to pretend like she understands every word Momo’s saying until she hears, “Are you okay?”

“Mhmm,” Mina hums, finding it hard to speak. It’s probably because she’s intoxicated and definitely not because Momo’s currently moving Mina’s stray hair away from her face and tucking them behind her ear.

“Do you want to sleep?” Momo asks, and Mina shakes her head. Mina’s supposed to be the one taking care of her, not the other way around. “By the way, can I sleep here?”

“Since when did you have to ask?”

“Since I stopped coming over for a year?” Momo says with a humorless chuckle, and the atmosphere becomes heavy, making Mina wish she could pretend she didn’t hear anything and just go back to making small talk. “I know I can never apologize enough, but I’m sorry for disappearing on you. I just… had to work a few things out.”

Sure, you did.

“Matters of the heart?”

Instead of nodding, Momo just gives her a tight-lipped smile. “It’s always the heart that screws everything up, right?”

Right, Mina thinks, and God, she’s very much smashed, but she’s still not drunk enough for this conversation.

“Were you in love?” Mina asks, and, boy, does she hate herself for not being strong enough to even ask Momo directly about Nayeon.

“I think I still am,” Momo says with the saddest voice, but why is Mina the one who feels like crying?

Mina swallows, determined to say or do anything to wipe the sad smile off of Momo’s face. “I’m rooting for you, you know?”

“For what?” Momo blinks in confusion.

“For her,” Mina clarifies, a lump on preventing her from saying Nayeon’s name out loud. “Whomever it is that you love.”

It’s not a complete lie. Sure, she wants Jeongyeon and Nayeon back together, but she’ll always put Momo’s happiness first, and, Christ, when did everything get so complicated?

“Really?” Her friend, just her friend, asks in disbelief. “Because I think she deserves way better than me.”

“You’re the best person I know, Momo,” Mina says before she can stop herself, “even if you don’t seem to realize it.”

“You’re the best person I know,” Momo counters, and Mina’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or if it’s the way that Momo says it that makes her head spin.

Then why didn’t you fall for me instead lies at the tip of her tongue, but she swallows those words down. What comes out of is, “Then why am I still alone?”

It sounds miserable and desperate and pathetic, and Mina’s not sure if it’s better than what her heart wanted to say.

“I’m sorry,” Momo apologizes again, reaching for one of Mina’s hands. “You have every right not to believe me, but I promise I’ll never leave you alone again.”

The worst part, Mina thinks, is that she actually believes Momo. Despite everything that happened, she believes that Momo will stay by her side and make her feel loved, even if it’s not in the way that she wants Momo to.

Suddenly, she can’t bear the weight on her chest anymore, and she can’t stop her tears from falling. She feels Momo wiping them away from her cheeks, making her cry harder, so Momo embraces her while she breaks down.

This is the complete opposite of how she imagined the night will go, with Momo calming her down, leading her to the bathroom to wash her face, and pulling her onto the bed.

She falls asleep feeling arms around her waist and lips against her forehead.

For the first time in a year, Mina dreams.

End notes:

I could write a sequel, but I’m also very tempted to leave this story like this. There’s also the glaring fact that I should be writing my thesis instead of writing stories, but I’m absolute trash, so sue me.

If you’re as masochistic as I am, don’t wait for the next part and just pretend the story ends here. Otherwise, send me threats @ up-for-anything-really.tumblr.com.

(I’m just kidding please don’t send me threats.)