After we went to the program many people started to recognize us more. Even when we're just passing by at the near cafe outisde our company building we hear our songs being played. We are thankful for the fans that stayed with us through-out the 6 years, even though we're just four now Minhyun being a member for Wanna One we're thankful for the new chance we got. Before the program all of us thought that we wouldn't be signing another contract from our company and NU'EST will be disbanded, we accepted the invitation in joining because we're desperate. We want everyone to listen to our music as much as how we work hard for it. Truthfully, hardwork pays off. We got another chance. NU'EST W arise. 

 

 

 

We're starting again as NU'EST W, people are loving us. We're becoming well known to everyone, especially you. Nation's Leader, Kim Jonghyun. Everyone knows your name, the onibugi of Korea. People are starting to recognize how amazing leader you are, of course I know that you've been our leader for 6 years and we've been together since teh trainee days. I know you're more than capable of leading other members. The spotlight right now is on us but who wouldn't be captivated by your charisma, even I didn't escape it. We've been dating for 5 years now, since the trainee days to being an idol promoting overseas we've been together. 5 years with you is full of happiness, petty quarrels aren't avoidable but at the end of the day we're both in each others arm. You're my bestfriend, roommate, leader, enemy and my bugi. 

 

 

 

I'm happy that people are trying to know you, all these years I used to be the one that everyone's been talking about but now that popularity goes to you. They're getting crazy about you and now I'm worried. You're getting many variety shows, many cfs to shoot, don't get me wrong I'm proud of what you're doing and its for our own good but sometimes I can't stop to think about how many people you're encountering. You're doing well now, I'll be just like a pathetic person if I cling to you more. Those 5 years we've been together only our close friends know about us and of course the company forbid us at first but we tried to convince them and it worked out. Nobody know outside our comfort zone that you're mine. Many thoughts are trying to eat me up in this late of hour, I've been thinking a lot since the morning you left for shooting 'Night Goblin' but now laying on our bed facing the ceiling it comes down like a waterfalls.

 

"Ren-ah, why are you still awake?" maybe the only thing that gives me energy is when I know you're coming back to me everyday

"Oh..Did I wake you up?" I said, looking at your puffy eyes I know you're still tired from your shooting.

 "No, I'm fine. Are you all right?" You said while hugging me and placing my head to your chest, I'm so lucky to have you.

"I'm fine, I just had a dream. Lets sleep. its been a long day for you" I said and he just hummed, I know his tired but he wouldn't say it out loud. Now with our position I can hear his heartbeat, its like a lullaby that lead me to sleep. 

 

 

 

I woke up late and you were gone but you left me a letter beside our side table. 

 

 

 

Good morning beautiful,

I didn't wake you up because you look
so cute while sleeping, I want you to
get enough sleep. Have a great day!

I love you xoxo 

 

Love, your bugi.
 

 

 

 

 

 

What did I do to deserve you?

 

 

 

 

I suddenly got an idea, today I'll try to relax myself and go to a salon. I want to be someone who is worthy to be beside you, I don't want people see me as a hindrance for you to become a big star. I prepare myself with a simple navy blue sweater and blackpants with shoes given by our fans. I also brought with me a mask and shades I don't want people to recognize me. I told Baekho and Aron hyung that I'll just be going to the mall for a bit, they're busy with their own things and I don't want to disturb them. 

 

As I was walking to the mall, I'm happy that our albums are selling well in the stores. I also see many NU'EST merch being sold out. I remebered our event last week at Labiotte's, I was really happy when they asked us to be their endorsers the both of us got the chance to be together filming a cf. 

 

 

 

"Ren, its a surprise seeing you here" Sungwoo said, he's my friend working here in the salon. 

"I just need to relax, everyone's been eyeing us and everything. I want to look good for them" I said, I've been coming here since we debut and all the staffs know I'm from NU'EST.

"What are you saying? You're already looking pretty" he said while gesturing me to seat down. 

 

 

 

I chose to dyed my hair black. I've been here for 3 hours and I already texted Jonghyun that maybe I'll be getting home late but he doesn't reply, maybe he's still busy with filming. I heard his casted a fixed member to a show, I'm happy that he'll get the chance to be in different kinds of variety because I know its his dream to be a judge of something related to music. He's getting there. I didn't know I was making faces until Sungwoo speak. 

 

"Tough day? I guess, Where's Jonghyun by the way?" Sungwoo said, he knows about me and Jonghyun. He's like my bestfriend, when things are getting out of hand I always went here to relax myself. 

"He's shooting another show" I said masking my sadness but that didn't really helped. 

"He's getting busier than before and I heard many producers are fighting for him to guest on their channels" he said. 

"Yeah, I'm proud of him. He's getting more attention now after the program 101" I also heard that not even producers are fight over him. 

"I heard many idols said that Jonghyun is their ideal guy type" Sungwoo said looking at me with a worried face. Its a modern world now, of coure I know that. I've been reading articles in the internet, I saw some idols showing their affections to work with Jonghyun. 

"Yeah but I trust Jonghyun" I said trying to assure him that I'm fine, am I really? 

 

 

As expected I came home late. I entered our shared room and I saw Jonghyun already sleeping, I walk straight to him and touch his face. He looks tired again I hope he had time to eat proper lunch earlier.

 

"I miss you so much" I said while looking at his sleeping face. 

"Oh you're here" I woke him up but he's eyes is still sleepy. You shouldn't work so hard, everybody loves you already. I love you

"Go back to sleep, I'm just right here" I said while sitting beside our bed, he just hummed and hold my hand to sleep. You immediately dozed off again. I wouldn't trade anything for this looking at you while sleeping but I remembered what Sungwoo said many people are admiring you. Do I deserve you? Can I still be with you? I want to be beside you everyday. 

"Am I still worthy to be with you?" I whispered to myself.

 

I stood up to prepare myself to sleep when I saw your bag, I was just going to fix it because it was messy and full of used clothes already when I saw a pink letter. Out of curiousity I opened it up,

 

Hi Jonghyun!

 

I hope we'll have something to work with 
in the future. I heard so many things 
about you and I want to get to know you.
This may be odd but I hope you'll call 
me 103XXXXX0. Have a great day!

 

xoxo, Hyuna.

 

 

 

And that made me freeze in the spot. I didn't know it was true, I thought it was just false articles but its true. Everyone wants you even Hyuna sunbaenim. I've read it last week in one article that she wants to work with you but I thought its just that but this letter didn't seems to be like that only. I'm scared, I trust you but I don't trust myself Jonghyun-a. I simply returned the letter inside his bag. What happened today, why is there Hyuna sunbaenim letter with you?

 

 

 

 

"Good morning beautiful" you said while looking at me, I just woke up from sleep. And waking with your face first thing in the morning erases every worry in me. 

"Good morning too, you don't have anything today?" I said.

"Nope, I'm all yours for today" you said. It was the sweetest thing any guy/girl whould want to here form his/her lover. 

"Really? Then lets go outside and have breakfast together" I can't contain my excitement I got the chance to be with him the whole day.

"I don't want" you said acting cutely. 

"Ya, don't pout like that. You're not a kid anymore" being with you seems like the old days, we have nothing to worry about. 

"Can I have a kiss first?" You said still making a cute pout.

"Its too early and I haven't brush my teeth yet" I said when now you looked like a beaten puppy

"Hey I'm sorry its just that--" I was cut off when suddenly you kiss me, I miss this, I didn't have the courage to fight and kiss you back. 

"I don't care if you have the worst morning breath, I'll still kiss you every morning I get" You said after our kiss. I'm so inlove you with you Kim Jonghyun. 

"Now get ready! I'll cook you breakfast!" you said before going out of our room to the kitchen.

 

 

 

Before I went out to the kitchen, I first check the news or look for some new articles in the net. I was scrolling when an article caught my attention. I opened it and the news in it made me worried and made my insecurities coming back like a thunder. You'll be having a guesting show with Hyuna sunbaenim, you'll be guesting with Hyuna sunbaenim at 'Knowing Brothers', did you know about this? I looked in it and it says it isn't confirm so I guess you stil don't know. I've read comments and I see so many positive comments cheering for the both of you. They said you'll two would look together on the show, they anticipate it so much. I tried to ease my worries by searching for what people think about the two of us 'Jren' and

 

 

"JRen is fake"

"Jonghyun is better with someone else"

"Jren is so gay"

"Why are you shipping this kind of idol?"

"Jonghyun deserve better"

"Ren should stay away from JR"

"Ren is dragging Jonghyun down"

"Choi Minki should go back to Busan"

 

 

 

I'm scared. This isn't true. This is not true. They are all wrong, everythings fine. We're fine, Jonghyun is fine and I am fine. Am I really fine? Am I pathetic?  

 

 

 

 

 

"Should we go on a date later?" You said happily facing me. You prepared pancakes with jam, eggs and bacon for breakfast.

"I'd love that" I replied.

"Maybe we could go to Everla--" you were cut off by your phone's ringing.

"Hello?"

"Yes..yes"

"Really? I understand"

"Today?" you said to the other line while looking at me

"Yes, thank you. I'll be there" I guess we won't ba having a date today. 

"The company called me, they said I have a shoot today." You said looking apologetic to me. 

"Its okay, we'll have another date. I understand" Of course, you're a super star now.

"What is it now? Another varriety show?" I added, I hope this isn't it.

"Yeah, they said I'll be guesting with other idol." You replied

"Who's the other idol?" Please I don't want to hear it. Please not now, please.

"Hyuna sunbaenim"

 

 

 

Its like I'm being drown by cold water. I don't know what to do, I am weak. 
Jonghyun left for the shoot and assured me that he'll go back as fast as the shoot finish, I wanted to tell you to stay and just be with me today but I can't do that I don't want to be someone who'll be a wall from your dreams. I want you to chase your dreams and I know this is your dream to become an idol that everyone adores. I understand, I'll be cheering for you at the side. 

 

 

 

"Kim Jonghyun and Hyuna on Knowing Brothers"

"They look good together"

"Please do 'Lets get married'"

"Hyuna should feature Jonghyun on her next album"

"I'm excited for the two together on the show"

"Are they dating?"

"Please date"

 

 

 

Reading the articles broke my last straw. Everyone loves them, I don't deserve to be with Jonghyun I'll just be a hindrance to you. I'm happy for you knowing that your path now is clear and your dreams are within your reach. I hope everything will be fine now after this. I don't deserve you, you deserve someone who is worthy to be beside you. And I am not that someone, maybe those 6 years are enough for the time for the two of us. Maybe this is better, my insecurities are eating me up everynight debating if I truly deserve someone like you and in the end people already know that you deserve better. 

 

 

 

I asked the company for a hiatus and I'll be going back to my hometown for now and I'm glad they immediately let me. I don't like to be here in Seoul after the program 101 I've been stressing out and Minseok hyung said I should visit him and I think this is the perfect time. I already said goobyes to Baekho and Aron hyun, they were surprised but I know they know that since then I've been off. Honestly, I don't want to go back here. I'll just stay in Busan, I'm tired physically and emotionally tired. I didn't notice that there were tears from my eyes when I'm packing, I wanted to stay but this is for the best. I left a letter on top of the bed, I'm not that harsh to leave without saying goodbye to you and I hope someday we'll see each other again but not right now.

 

 

 

 

To: Jonghyun

I'm sorry, let's break up.
Please don't try to look for me.
be happy.


- Ren

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

END

 

 

 

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note:

 

 

Hi Guys! Thank you for reading this fic. I know its a bit different this time, we didn't get a happy ending JRen. I was into sad song these days, I don't know but for me listening to sad songs make me calm. I'm not really sad to relate in those songs but its making me calm just by hearing them, am I weird? Haha.

Anyways, I hope you still like it. :))))) Leave some comments of your thoughts about this fic, I'll be happy seeing them ♡

 

Also, please read my other stories. It's not perfect but I'll work hard to give you a better JRen fic! JRen fighting!!!! I hope you'll got the chance to watch their movie, "Their Distance" I heard its a great movie. Keep on supporting NU'EST! NU'EST FIGHTING!!!

*I hope you'll support my other JRen fics! Big Deal, Perfect and If You ♡

 

Check my twitter for updates:
@Minki_choiren

Let's all stream 'If You' on melon! Fighting loves!!!! SUPORRT NU'EST ♡

 

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