It was 10:45pm, Sunggyu wasn't home yet. I continued to stay in YouTube and social medias, tried hard not to think of him and anything else. When I looked at the time again, it showed 12:10am. Sometimes he stayed out late with friends for some celebration, so it might be good if he came back late, I told myself. However, there was some kind of uneasiness hitting my nerves the whole night and it was really annoying.

Shut off my iPad, I decided to tuck in to soothe my brain and my eyelids which had protested since some time ago. When I was about to put out the lights, I heard the sound of the main door opening. Quickly retrieved to the living room, I saw a tired Sunggyu walked in as well. He was startled when he saw me, "You still awake..." I smiled weakly to him, "So...?" He dropped his gaze to the floor followed with a heavy sigh. Knowing what it meant, my heart fell to the ground together with a quiet sigh.

I went near Sunggyu and slowly wrapped my arms around him. Didn't say a word, he buries his face to my hair and leaned on me lifelessly. I rubbed his back softly hoping to soothe his feeling, it took him some time to find his strength again, then he hugged me tightly as if I'm his only support at this very moment. 

When he loosened his arms, I pulled away to look at his gaze, sorry and sadness filled his eyes which ached my heart to look at. Gently his face until he caught my gaze, he smiled weakly and patted my hair softly, then he pulled my hand and headed to the couch. We sit on the couch together, quietly, didn't know what to say for quite some moment. 

"I fail as a leader." Sunggyu finally spoke followed with a soft sigh. I reached out to held his hands firmly but he continued, "I couldn't even convince my dongsaeng......" I knew he was going to say this, put all the blames on his shoulders again, "If you put it this way, I fail as a noona too because I couldn't convince him either." He turned to look at me, not mad, but couldn't think of anything to say. He pulled away his hands and ruffled his hair frustratedly, followed with a heavy sigh again.

"He's a strong-willed person...... and persistent...... it's not your fault at all......" I spoke softly tried to reason with him. We all knew it for a while but we still hoped for the positive. We tried hard, but none of us able to change his mind. We knew his troubles and understood his frustration, that was why we couldn't even blame him for what he has chosen. Sunggyu leaned on the couch with eyes closed, frowning, and pressed his nose bridge when thought of all the consequences that waiting in line.

I turned to facing him and massage his temples, he gasped and exhaled for the soothing sensation then loosened his eyebrows as immediately. Still closing his eyes, his hand moved to my back and gestured me to sit on his laps, so I shifted myself to sit as how he wanted me to, making us both cozy and comfortable. He rested his hands around my waist, smiling in the relaxing way. I continued the massage for a while until he opened his eyes and looked at me with a sweet smiling gaze, "Thank you." It troubled him for quite some time, he was stressed and tensed. Now that I saw him smiled, I smiled in relief too. 

Sunggyu seemed to read my mind, he pulled down my hands and kissed them several times, "I'm sorry, I've caused you worried again." I smiled and shook my head, "Don't start it..." He laughed at my tease, my favourite big laugh, and he looked lighter, so I continued, "Let the staffs do their work, they're not paid for doing nothing." He looked at me while thinking of the possibility and asked carefully, "Will you be part of it...? This time?" I looked away and thought of it seriously, then shook my head, "Don't think I could do it, not at the moment...... Jung Yeop would understand......" Then, I became teary.

I tried hard to hold myself since Sunggyu came back because he looked terrible. Two must not fell together. However, when it started to sink in and when we had to deal with the reality, it hit my nerves and took me over altogether. Sunggyu pulled me down for a full bear hug and rubbed my back to soothe my feeling. I buried myself on his shoulder like a kid and felt his warm lips kissed around my hair and my forehead. His scent and his firm arms helped to ease away my tears, but the sadness still lingered inside me. 

"How was he when you left just now?" Of course I cared, he was like my younger brother, just the thought of him forced to face everything alone made me feel bad. "As usual, he didn't say much... or show much, but I know......" Sunggyu shook his head and smiled weakly. Yes, he wasn't the expressive type in real life, usually shy and awkward. Even though he didn't say much, with all the years we went through, we knew him well. We knew everything. "You... mad at him?" I asked carefully in Sunggyu's shoulder and he shook his head as instant, "I wish I am... I wish I could throw my anger to him, things would be much easier and simpler, but... no... not when we know the reasons......" 

I pulled away and looked at Sunggyu, surprise to see some blurry tear trace around his eyes, but it was understandable, we were like family, who wouldn't feel sad and worried when it turned out this way? He reached out to wipe my tears and answered my worries, "I'll keep an eye on him, will call him out for drinks too, but not now. You know him... he needs to be alone for a while and... he has loads to plan and sort things out...... " He was right about it, he was always right about the members. "Don't worry, I won't abandon him, I'll find a way to nag him and irritate him as usual, because I'm forever his hyung." He looked pleased when I laughed at it, he was indeed the most thoughtful hyung, the best leader, and of course the sweetest boyfriend.

Then, he pulled me down to lied onto the couch together with him, we shifted from the bear hug to the bolster hug. His limbs went around me tightly as if securing me from falling down to the floor. After a long silent, he spoke softly, "You know, when I left home to Seoul, my parents must have felt the same... and now I have to taste it myself......" I moved a little to catch his gaze, he looked very sullen and vulnerable.

"Lily......" Surprise filled me because he would only called my name when things became serious. He shifted himself to look at my eyes, "......promise me you won't leave me......" I looked at his gentle gaze, knowing why he became this sentimental. "I never knew it would hit me this hard, imagine if it was you...." He reached out to my face gently, "......would you promise me, please...?" I nodded a few times and saw him smiled in relief, I mirrored his smile and leaned in for a deep kiss, he answered me forcefully and emotionally.

When we finally parted from the kisses, we returned to the bolster hug again. "I couldn't imagine how would the fans react....." I sounded sad and anxious again which I couldn't help it. "It's a new chapter to all of us, I couldn't imagine either......" He replied calmly. "I hope he could do well, same goes to our group." I spoke genuinely, so as Sunggyu, "Me too... but there's nothing left we could do now... like you said, let the staffs do their work then, we'll see......" Sunggyu's soothing voice worked its effect on me again, with his arms around me firmly, I felt calm and safe. Hence, I nodded in answering him and hoped for the best for everyone I cared and loved.