As the interviewer comes to the typical question about their ideal types, MONSTA X has to bite back a collective sigh. They’ve answered this question so many times since their Korean debut, and it’s only tripled since their Japanese debut and the beginning of their world tour. They go down the line, giving their typical responses. For Hyunwoo: a cool girl of this era, for Minhyuk: someone who’s the opposite of him, and so on.  

“For me,” Hoseok says, shifting on his stool for better comfort, “it has to be someone who cooks ramyeon well. Since Kihyunnie cooks it well, I asked him to be my bride, but he said no.” He chuckles at the memory, despite the growing feeling of regret at his past mistake. Kihyun and the others laugh along with him, though Kihyun’s laughter is a bit tenser than usual. It’s a difference one could only notice if you’ve lived with him for as long as Hoseok as, so the interviewer is none the wiser.  

Hoseok chances a glance over at the younger, and he instantly regrets it. Kihyun’s looking over at him as well, a conflicted light shining in his eyes. He quickly looks away, though he feels Kihyun’s eyes remaining on him for a second more before looking back at to the interviewer as they continue down the line.  

The interview goes on without a hitch, and the boys climb into their vans to head back to the hotel. Hoseok sits in the front seat as always, his mood much more subdued than it had been in the interview. No one questions it, though, very much used to this shift. With their hectic schedules, it’s pretty commonplace. Hoseok glances out the window at the passing scenery, his chest aching at how the others behind him laugh and play around. He watches Kihyun’s bright smile that could light up an entire cosmos come to his cute little face as he laughs at some joke the maknae tells, and he finds himself smiling slightly as well.  

Hoseok looks away, the beautiful sight not exactly helping his mood. It only reminds him of that awful night, and that’s the last thing he wants to do right now. Maybe later, when he and Hyunwoo are in their room and the other is asleep, he’ll cry about it. If he cried about it in front of the others, Minhyuk and Hyungwon would demand to know what happened, and he’s never been good at keeping things bottled up from those two.  

The vocalist finds himself thinking of that night despite his best efforts. He sighs in defeat, turning away from their manager as he pretends to try and catch some shut-eye on the drive back. Though, in reality, he’s just succumbing to the waves of memories. 

“This ramyeon place is great!” Hoseok had said excitedly, slurping up a mouthful of noodles. Kihyun chuckled beside him, shaking his head at his hyung. They had just gotten done with walking around the town, and found this ramyeon shop by happy accident.  

“Mind your pronunciation, hyung,” Kihyun told him teasingly. He smirked at him as he took a drink, those addictive lips curling up in the most interesting of ways. He had never noticed before, but Hoseok realized through the mock-drama they filmed for MONSTA X-Ray that he liked Kihyun’s lips. He liked them very much indeed. Hoseok was too caught up watching them that he didn’t even bother to whine about Kihyun pointing out his lisp again. 

“It’s not as great as your ramyeon, though,” Hoseok found himself saying, moving to shove more food into his mouth. He had a feeling he was about to say something he’d regret later on, though he wasn’t too sure what it was. All he knew was all kinds of alarm bells were going off in his head, and if he didn’t manage to stop himself that something awful was about to happen that’d change everything. 

“I don’t even do anything special to it,” Kihyun had chuckled. He glanced over at Hoseok, watching as he almost frantically ate the noodles. “If you eat that fast, you’re going to choke on it, hyung,” he had jokingly nagged, though Hoseok could tell by his tone that he was growing concerned. Hoseok forced out a chuckle, even if it was muffled by the noodles hanging from his mouth. Kihyun rolled his eyes then, in a breath through his teeth at the older. Hoseok had slurped up the noodles, watching the younger out of the corner of his eye.  

For a while now, he’d been fighting off certain… feelings that were inappropriate to have for someone you live and work with. He’d always had a certain affection for the shorter he’d never had for his other dongsaengs, but he’d always just assumed it was because of how much Kihyun took care of him. But, after they filmed the drama together, Hoseok had realized it was more than that.  

“Would you marry me, Kihyunnie?” he had murmured, as if in a daze. He didn’t really know what came over him in the moment… Kihyun was just eating noodles for god’s sake. It’s something he’d seen the younger do plenty of times before, but something about watching him move so casually had triggered something within Hoseok.   

Kihyun had immediately begun to choke, coughing so violently some of the other patrons glance over to see what the commotion is about. Hoseok couldn’t help but laugh, and he reaches over to pat the younger’s back comfortingly.  

“Hyung!” Kihyun said, wiping at his watering eyes as he takes a drink of water to regain some semblance of composure. “You can’t just make a joke like that out of the blue… I nearly died.” Hoseok forced out a lighthearted chuckle, ignoring his shriveling heart. He averted his gaze and focused on eating more ramyeon, that having not been the answer he’d wanted at all. Silence laced it’s way between them, though it could have just been Hoseok mentally drowning in disappointment.  

He couldn’t even fathom why Kihyun had immediately thought it was a joke. Sure it had been a bit sudden, but he ought to have been able to have seen it coming on some level. They’d been growing closer these past few months and had been spending a lot more time together than usual, which was really saying something. Hoseok had even been getting much cuddlier with Kihyun, and the older had admitted on multiple occasions how he felt for him.  

“You were joking, right?”  

Hoseok had looked back over at Kihyun only for his eyes to betray him. He had always been one of the members more open to showing his feelings. He’d always known himself to be an easy person to read, but now he’d wished for the opposite to be true. Kihyun’s eyes flickered with an unreadable light, and he quickly looked away.  

“We can’t, hyung,” he had said in a low voice, silently refusing to look into Hoseok’s eyes. “You know that.” He had then stood up, and , after paying for both their meals, left Hoseok without another word.  

It had taken the older a while other hour to just gather enough strength amidst his heartbreak to stand, much less make it back to the hotel.  

The van pulls to a stop, jarring Hoseok from the painful memory. He opens his eyes, rubbing at them as if he’d just woken up, even though he’s really just making sure there’s no stray tears. He gets out of the vehicle and starts towards his and Hyunwoo’s room. He doesn’t even bother saying anything to the others, though he can feel all their eyes watching him with concern.  

It isn’t until that evening that the door opens to signify Hyunwoo returning to the room. Hoseok is in the bathtub, soaking away all his troubles in a bubblebath a fan had given him during a signing event. He can hear Hyunwoo rustling about in the room, dishes clinking as he goes through the scraps of leftovers Hoseok had had from his typical room service dinner of a steak, coke, and fries. He smiles softly at the familiar goings-on. It’s nice that there are some things you can always count on, like your same-age friend and roommate always eating the food you leave behind.  

Hoseok doesn’t take much longer in the bath. He knows it must be late, since Hyunwoo had stayed behind with the others to have dinner, and he ought to get to bed before it gets to be too much later. He quickly pats himself dry and slips on a pair of underwear, and pulls the drain in the tub to allow the fragrant water to drain.  

Imagine his surprise when he opens the door expecting to find a taller, tan, fit man on the other side yet finding the complete opposite.  

Kihyun is sitting at the desk, reading a book by lamplight. His glasses are pushed up all the way on his nose, and he’s got his beanie pulled down on his head. Hoseok is so shocked by the younger’s presence he stops mid-step, and can’t do anything but stare at him. Kihyun takes a moment to notice his presence, glancing up almost lazily to see the older gaping at him in surprise.  

“Oh, hyung,” Kihyun says, his lips as he stands and puts his book away. He pushes up his glasses despite how high up on his nose they are already, a nervous quirk Hoseok’s noticed throughout the years. “I wanted to talk with you after dinner, but Hyunwoo-hyung said you weren’t feeling so well…” Hoseok has to bite back a sigh at his own lie from before. Hyunwoo had asked him where he was when he texted about dinner, and Hoseok had excused himself due to some odd bug he possibly could’ve caught. At least, that’s the best he could come up with.  

“Y-Yeah,” he stutters out, chewing on his bottom lip. Kihyun gives him a skeptical look, and Hoseok knows he’s been caught.  

“I told Hyunwoo-ya to take my room for tonight with Minhyuk,” he continues. “The last thing we need is an epidemic with our crazy schedules, and I’ve taken care of you when you were sick enough times by now I’m pretty sure my immune system can handle anything you throw at me.” He pauses, pursing his lips. “But, since you’re obviously feeling fine, I guess we can talk.”  

Hoseok doesn’t know what to say. A part of him is indignant at his dongsaeng for calling him out on his lie, while the other is incredibly nervous at the conversation he’s about to have with him. He silently moves to his bed, sitting down in a visible acceptance of the younger’s words. Kihyun in a breath as he goes to sit on Hyunwoo’s bed, now his own, and watches the older.  

“About what you said in the interview…” he begins, unsure of quite how to go about saying this. Hoseok stares down at his bare feet, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Kihyun watches as his hyung begins to swing his feet to and fro, unable to keep himself from noting just how cute the action is. It sufficiently distracts him from all he’s planned on saying. He pats his lips thoughtfully, trying very hard to refocus.  

“I’m th-thorry if what I athked made you un-uncomfortable,” Hoseok murmurs, still unable to meet Kihyun’s gaze. He silently admonishes himself for his own stutter, and focuses hard on his next statement to make sure and avoid it. “I d-don’t hold it against you, or anything. I understand what you said… It’s just going to take me some time to get over—” 

“I said that we can’t,” Kihyun interrupts, finally speaking, “not that I didn’t want to.” 

Hoseok’s eyes snap up to meet Kihyun’s gaze, only to find his pupils shaking slightly in anxiety. The sight squelches down whatever words Hoseok had prepared within his throat. He’s never seen the younger so nervous before... It only serves to make him seem all the cuter and more endearing to Hoseok.  

“Kihyunnie, what’re you—?” 

“We’d have to be careful… really careful,” Kihyun goes on, dropping his eyes. “But, I don’t think I can go on like this. I care for you too much to be worried about any sort of consequences if someone from the company found out anymore.”  

He stands then, and closes the distance between them to place a chaste kiss on the older’s lips. It’s a mere brushing of their lips, but it’s enough to set Hoseok’s entire being on fire. As Kihyun pulls away, Hoseok can’t help but lean in for more, outright craving more. A small smirk plays its way across Kihyun’s lips, and he sits beside his hyung. Their knees slightly brush up against each other, which doesn’t exactly help Hoseok’s nerves. They sit in silence for some time, neither quite sure what to do or say. They feel as if this has been a long time coming, but that doesn’t ease their collective anxiety. 

This is dangerous territory, they know. They glance over to each other simultaneously, each trying for a smile.  

It’s then they know they’ll make it through just fine, just so long as they’re together.