Fourteen, you found love, whereas I had my first ever “heartbreak”. I told myself that everything would be fine, move on and don’t let feelings linger. But you could say that it made it worse. In order to gain your attention, I fel for another girl. Tactless, I know. We were both fourteen, yet we were going through so so different things.

Fifteen, you were still so in love, and I found my new source of happiness, my reliance, my pillar of hope. A new time killer. You were having the time of your life, enjoying the feeling of being loved; I had a great time crushing on this girl I got closer last year. But it ended, of course. A horrid year.

Sixteen. I fell for you again. 2 months. You broke up with him. I called you, trying to make plans with you during the holidays. You told me and I spent two hours on the phone, listening to muffled cries and soft sniffles. Broke my heart, obviously. From that day onward, I sworn to myself to never hurt you like how he did.

Seventeen, a year made of regrettable decisions, made irrationally and ignorantly. We got so much closer, until one day. I made a decision.

A sonnet to you, my love.

I

Maybe you’ll fall in love with how I always manage to smirk at you. You’ll end up calling me cocky. You’ll give a long talk about how much you dislike cocky people, and I’ll end up smirking more and more, just to annoy you. I’ll kiss you on your forehead and you’d end up blushing. You’d hide your head under the crook of my neck. I’ll grin until my cheeks get sore. And the best thing is that you’d never know if I’ll be smiling or smirking.

II

Maybe you’ll fall in love with how expressive my eyes are. On some days they’ll be expensive Gucci bags underneath, red and stress reddened, some days, they’ll be brighter than a 24V LED bulbs. On some days, my eyes will be too tired to do anything, and I’ll be nestled in the comfort of your shoulder or in your chest. You’d call me a hypocrite for sleeping late but I know, you would still love me, dopey eyed or not.

III

Maybe you’ll fall in love with my lack of street smartness, my inability to cross the road on time, without hesitation. Maybe you’ll yell from the other end, scolding me about how careless I am. Maybe you’ll be running behind me, reaching for my hand for that sense of protection. You’ll hold me back as I try to lean against the train door. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE YOUNG? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IT IS STUPID?” You might call me stupid every single day but you really mean love, you really mean the love of my ing life.

IV

Maybe you’ll fall in love with my mundane, boring coffee order. You’ll make all the stupid pick up lines as we sit in the café, waiting for it to stop raining. You’ll make me study for our coming exams yet I’d end up buying you another cup of flat white, trying to distract you by talking about endless possibilities. We could be cramped in a small little café yet being with you would make me feel like I’m on top of the ing world.

V

Maybe you’ll fall in love with how I have different personalities, “fatherly”, sisterly and child-like. “What would I be if we were Greek Gods?” “You would be Poseidon, sometimes goofy, sometimes angry but so fatherly.” You could be studying about Chemsitry and I would draw smiley faces all over your notebook and your hand, without consent. “STOP IT, YOU’RE LIKE A CHILD” But I know, you really mean that even though you’re annoying, I’d still love you, more than anything, next to my Macbook.

VI

Maybe you’ll fall in love with every single part of me, every single bit, every single fragment and you’ll want to hold me forver in your arms. Maybe, just maybe.

“Zhou Jieqiong, will you be my girlfriend?” I asked as I looked into her brown expressive eyes. They were always beautiful, dopey or not. It was as if I could see my future in it. I could see us slow dancing to sensual music on days where things were not so good. I could see us laughing at whacky jokes. I could see us going against all odds, together.

“Hmm, let me consider.” Anxiety started crawling up, it clogged my arteries. I felt like the blood that was supposed to be sent to my heart stopped flowing, instead, they were all replaced by butterflies and worms. Gross, but that was how I really felt. I started sweating profusely.

“If you’re not ready I can” I blabbered out of nowhere due to the overwhelming emotion was feeling; a mixture of worry and sadness.

“Yes. In a million times, yes.” Everything went blank. I was the happiest person alive. Almost instantaneously, I launched myself at Jieqiong, engulfing her in a hug, pressing my lips softly against her forehead. I thought to myself that maybe seventeen wasn’t that bad. We might live to make a lot of regrettable decisions but I knew that this would be the best decision I made in seventeen years.

“But promise me on thing.”

“Sleep earlier. You’re such a hyprocrite. You keep asking me to sleep early when you stay up until 3 in the morning doing research about your stupid thesis about female emotions.”

“Anything for you, love.”

“Promise?” Jieqiong held out her palm.

“Cross my heart.” I said as I drew a cross across her palm.

Author's note

Ah, I love stress writing. Defos not good for my studies but eh, napink > napain.

Wish me luck for my trial exams TT 

I'll probaby write a little more after that. 

Also, I hope you liked it!