"Yuta."

Tick.

No.  He didn't want to hear it.  He turned the faucet up higher and continued scrubbing the plate that was clean long ago.  Maybe if he didn't listen to what Jaehyun had to say, everything would go back to the way it was before.  When they shared the sweetest of kisses, when they held hands all the time, when they completely and wholeheartedly loved eachother.  

Things were simpler then. 

Yuta wanted all the firsts back.  Their first time holding hands, their first kiss, their first time arguing, the first time they made love.  He wanted to snatch them back from the greedy hands of time and truly appreciate them.  He wanted everything to be new and exciting again.  

Tick.

He thought that maybe he should apologize even though he didn't do anything wrong.  Honestly, Jaehyun hadn't either.  They were falling apart at the seams and there was no one to blame.

What if he had tried harder?  What if he held his hand more?  Kissed him more?  Told him he loved him more?

Would it fix them?

Would they love eachother again?

Tick.

"Yuta."

Their kitchen was filled with silence.  Yuta took a deep breath and with all the calm he could muster, he grabbed a dish towel and dried his hands.  He ignored the way his hands shook as he put the plate on the drying rack.  He refused to turn to meet Jaehyun's eyes.  He knew that if he did, there was no going back.  All his emotions would pour out like a tidal wave.

He stared into the sink- their sink- and tried to stop the tears from falling.

He was in their apartment, in their kitchen, washing their plates in their sink, listening to their hideous red clock tick.  He realized that soon, none of this would really be theirs.  Not anymore.  They'd sell the apartment, move their stuff out, and probably never speak to eachother again.

They'd delete eachother's numbers, pictures of eachother on social media, pretty much everything that reminded them of eachother.

Tick.

Yuta wanted to cry.  He wanted to scream.  He wanted to tell Jaehyun that it was his fault, or his friends', or his family's.  He wanted to tell Jaehyun that it was his fault for loving him so hard, and Yuta loving with just as much vigor.  

Their love was like a flame:  bright and happy at first, but doomed to burn out at some point.  They had no more love left to give.

At this point they were with eachother because it was what was familiar. 

His grip tightened on the edge of the sink as he tried to control his emotions.

Tick.

Soft, gentle hands grabbed his shoulders and made him turn around.  Yuta's teary eyes met Jaehyun's and the last of his resolve crumbled just as he did into his arms.  Now that the tears came, they wouldn't stop.

Jaehyun didn't say anything.  He didn't need to.  He slid down to the floor, still holding Yuta.  They cried over lost love together.

Eventually, the ugly red clock that Jaehyun insisted on getting read 12:30.  They didn't speak.

Tick.

1:13.  Yuta was out of tears.  But, still, they sat. 

Tick.

2:06.  Yuta wondered if Jaehyun was crying, too.  He'd always been a quiet crier.  

Tick.

The silence consumed them as they only thought about eachother:  what they loved, what they lost.

3:52.

Tick.

"Yuta."  Jaehyun's voice cracked.  He had been crying.

The smaller didn't bother to respond.  He knew that the next thing Jaehyun said would send four years down the drain.  But still, he had no choice but to listen.

"We're destroying eachother.  We're still holding onto eachother because it's what we're used to.  We're trying to love, but we ran out a long time ago."

Yuta would cry again if he still had tears.  He only held onto Jaehyun's arms tighter and said, "I want to love you, Jae.  So much."

"I know.  We just burned out.  There's nothing left."

"Maybe in a few years..."  Yuta didn't finish his sentence, but Jaehyun understood what he means.  Maybe we'd love eachother softer.  Appreciate the firsts.  Take it slow.  Start all over again.

"Yeah.  We could do that."

4:12.

Tick.

Yuta thought and hoped and prayed that maybe he and Jaehyun could meet again, either in this life or the next.

They could love again.

For now, Yuta had to worry about the gaping hole in his heart that seemed to grow larger by the second.

Tick.