In the beginning, I was lonely.

***

Footsteps rang loudly against hardwood floor, cutting through the quiet morning of a silent summer. In the background, a soft steaming noise was emitted from a rice cooker, the red light flickering to green, before turning off with a soft click. A hand shot out and grabbed the lid of the cooker, deft fingers lifting the pot out onto a mat. Blowing at the food, SeungWan turned towards the tupperware in front of her and arranged the ingredients neatly while waiting for the rice to cool down.

Moments later, she reached out towards the rice when-

“Ah! Hot!”

Dropping the dollop of rice she had scooped up with her fingers, SeungWan brought them to her lips and blew, brow furrowing at the white item.

“Be careful, dear.”

Her mother’s voice floated from behind the counter, where she was peeling apples while reading the newspaper. Pouting, SeungWan nodded before attempting at the rice again, this time managing to roll a ball around the salmon pieces she had cut up. Soon she had a plastic container filled with them and she couldn’t resist clapping her hands together at the sight.

Packing up the lunch boxes, SeungWan placed the bags by the front door, pushing her hair away from her sweaty brow. Glancing around, she caught the time on the large clock on the wall and stifled a swear, bounding up the steps like a maniac, the background to her mother’s exasperation.

“No running in the house!”

SeungWan sprinted down the steps once she had put on her uniform and grabbed the bags by the door, shouting out to her mother as she put on her shoes.

“I’ll be going now!”

Her mother hollered back fondly, the gentle swish of the newspaper page audible despite the distance.

“Have a good day! Remember to call once you’re there.”

SeungWan grinned and pulled the door open, feet pounding the pavement in order to catch her train on time.

***

I suppose you could say that my summers were filled with love.

Though at the time, I’d never think of it that way.

***

SeungWan glanced up from her fingers again, wanting to look around again and hoping that maybe, some time while she was crying, that she had somehow magically transported away from the woods and not be lost anymore.

Unfortunately for the six year old, her surroundings were the same as before, lush green painted against blue skies while the crickets crooned loudly around her.

It was still as beautiful.

And terrifying.

SeungWan burst into tears again, this time wailing loudly.

“I’m LOST!”

Her volume increased exponentially, to the point she almost missed a soft voice calling out.

“Hello?”

Like a record snagging on a needle, SeungWan’s cries sputtered to a stop, wide eyes glancing around for the source of the voice. Her eyes fell upon strands of hair floating in the wind, the purple glaringly obvious against the green of the environment. Following the mesmerising movement, SeungWan traced the flowing hair back to the owner-

And found herself looking straight into a white mask.

She blinked once, twice and then opened to scream, when the white mask moved to reveal its connection to a very human body.

The same soft voice rang out again.

“Hello? Are you lost?”

She stepped out from behind the tree she was hiding behind and now SeungWan could see it was an older girl, dressed in all white, the only splash of colour was her hair and the delicate intertwine of purple flowers on what she previously thought was a pure white mask.

All these details did not matter to the young girl because SeungWan had gotten up to her feet and immediately started running at the older girl, her young heart lighter now that help was here. She extended her arms, ready to give the stranger a hug when she met face first with the tree, the other girl stepping back behind the tree with impressive speed.

In pain but undeterred, SeungWan whipped around the tree, intent on giving her would be saviour that hug (to sweeten the deal. Or so she heard her father say.)

The girl dodged again and again, nimbly avoiding SeungWan’s gripping fingers.

However, SeungWan was anything but a quitter and she pushed her chubby legs faster, intent on hugging the life out of the girl and making her get her out of this forest.

This time, a branch smacked her neatly on her head, causing her to fall backwards onto lush forest ground, SeungWan holding her head with both hands as she whimpered in pain.

The girl, still brandishing the branch like a weapon, stuttered softly.

“I-I’m sorry, but I can’t let you touch me or I’d disappear.”

Utterly confused, SeungWan sat up and stared at the stranger, small hands still pressed against the bruise that was sure to appear later.

“Disappear?”

The girl in the mask nodded.

“You’re human, right?”

SeungWan’s face screwed up slightly and nodded, unable to comprehend what had seemed to her a fact.

“Yes!”

The girl in the mask waved the branch and shook her head.

“I can’t be touched by a human or I’ll disappear.”

SeungWan opened to ask her what she meant by that when the little girl caught sight of a tail- make that several tails- whipping lightly behind the girl, white and pure with a tinge of purple swirling around the tips. Mesmerised, the small girl scooted forward, hands leaving the forgotten bruise and reaching forwards to what seemed like the softest thing SeungWan would ever feel.

When the branch whapped her solidly on the head again.

SeungWan let out a squeak, indignant until she remembered exactly what the girl (fox? Demon? spirit?) had just told her. She held her head with her hands again, directing her gaze towards the ground sufficiently chastised. She toed the ground and put on her best apologetic tone, fingers rubbing at the sore spot methodically.

“I’m sorry.”

There was a soft rustle and SeungWan saw the branch offered to her. She looked up and the fox girl waved it once.

“Hold onto it. I’ll guide you out of this forest.”

Tamping down her excitement and her urge to just hug the other girl again, SeungWan gingerly held the weapon with both hands, the both of them proceeding on through the woods silently.

It was when they were reaching the edge of a clearing that SeungWan swore she recognised that something happened. A dark figure darted past them and landed on a thick branch on a tree in front of them, dark red eyes looking at the both of them with interest.

“A human? In our forest?”

To SeungWan, it sounded like snakes hissing, irritating and loud, and she released the branch to clasped her hands over her ears. The figure laughed, a shrill sound that caused the hair on the back of SeungWan’s neck to stand.

“A tasty little morsel-”

The thing’s muffled words were cut off by the girl in the mask throwing her branch at it, her pale hand darting forward and whipping it forward like a dart. The end of it connected with the figure and the darkness bled away to reveal a strange looking bird, who took off with a very loud squawk once it realised its cover has been blown.

SeungWan slowly lowered her hands as the fox girl walked towards the branch and picked it up, offering it to SeungWan once again. She waited for SeungWan to hold it before continuing on. This time, they reached the edge of the forest without any interruption, the dark columns that spoke of the entrance looming overhead. Her face brightened at the sight and SeungWan hurriedly moved forwards, tugging onto the branch she was holding on.

Meeting with resistance, SeungWan turned around questioningly and saw that the fox girl was standing still, her tails flicking around her omnimously. The small girl gripped the branch tightly and pulled on it, forming a pout when the purple haired girl shook her head.

“I can't go past there.”

She shook SeungWan off softly and drew the branch back to her side, making a shooing motion towards the child.

“Go on. You'll be home in no time.”

Biting her lip and resisting yet another overwhelming urge to hug her saviour, SeungWan took a step towards the exit. Already, the quietness of the forest was receding and the hustle of the city was seeping in. When she looked behind, the fox girl’s image was wavering, like a mirage in the desert.

Though she was young, SeungWan could understand that if she left like this, she would never see the girl again.

So she whipped back around and cupped her tiny hands around , hollering as loud as she could.

“I'll come back tomorrow with a gift to thank you! Please remember to meet me here!”

The girl didn't acknowledge her, merely a white mask staring back at SeungWan. Being as persistent as she was, SeungWan shouted again, barely keeping her balance from the force of her words.

“I'm SeungWan! And I'll be back, fox lady!”

Silence.

SeungWan made a very unladylike noise and turned around, feet stomping against pavement.

And then-

A soft voice cut through the air, light and weightless like a feather floating.

“I'll be waiting here, SeungWan. And I'm called JooHyun.”

Whipping back around, SeungWan beamed at the girl, both arms in the air waving hard.

“Okay! Bye, JooHyun!”

JooHyun bled back into the forest by the time SeungWan reached the base of the steps, almost like a memory that had faded.

But SeungWan was young and she held the memory of a dear friend like the warmth in her chest.

And she was determined to keep it.

***

In the beginning, all I knew was the green of the forest and the quiet of the air.

***

“JooHyun?”

SeungWan pulled her bag closer to her side and smoothened out her skirt, eyes darting around the clearing for the purple haired girl.

The clearing, always beautiful at this time of year, greeted her back with small purplish flowers, not unlike those decorating JooHyun’s mask and waving green blades of tall grass. Wind blew against SeungWan’s face lightly, as gentle as a lover’s caress.

She squinted against the sun and found the person she was looking for, JooHyun sprawled out on the ground like always, masked face tilted towards the sun, akin to a sunflower following the rays. Smiling, SeungWan made her way towards the girl, careful to avoid some of the flowers that were in full bloom. Once beside her, the brown haired girl took care sitting down, making sure that there was enough space between their arms.

“Did you have a good day at school?”

SeungWan busied herself with her skirt.

“It went okay. I got high marks for a quiz again so that was a good point.”

JooHyun’s face turned towards her.

(Not for the first time, SeungWan wished that she would just take it off, wanting nothing more than to have the gaze that burned like a million suns directly on her face.)

The mask covered so much but even then, JooHyun was emotive enough that her concern was noticeable, SeungWan realising that she had already come closer.

(Closer and closer...

So close and yet so far).

There was a pause, a lingering question in the air, before JooHyun pulled away, taking with her the air from SeungWan’s lungs as well. The fox spirit shook her head once, twice and then spoke again.

“That’s good.”

Again, the silence of the forest enveloped them, a repetitive occurrence nowadays now that SeungWan has reached high school.

JooHyun has been pulling away, fanning hot and cold with her concerns and her cold shoulders, making SeungWan half want to just break away and run free.

Or to just spend her days like a normal highschool girl.

(And yet-

SeungWan can’t seem to pull away.)

She attempted to grasp at something, anything, to push away this stifling silence, stammering over her words to get JooHyun to look at her again.

“S-so! What shall we do today?”

JooHyun didn’t reply at first, only moving to lay back down on the grass. She gestured to the skies with one hand, voice soft against the rustling flowers.

“Let’s give the sky some attention today.”

SeungWan let out a breath, the sound lost against the hum of crickets and laid down by JooHyun, a infinitesimal amount of space between them.

(Just to be safe.

Always be safe.)

The sun was warm on her face and SeungWan closed her eyes, soaking in the warmth that came from the light. The tension eased from her chest, the gaping hole twisting close and then there was calm behind her eyes. Beside her, JooHyun radiated warmth and soon, laying under the blue sky, with only JooHyun on her mind, SeungWan forgot the silence from before.

(Her fingers twitched, just a breath away from another set of fingers.

Just like the silence, lingering, haunting, always reminding SeungWan of the price.

Just not now.)

***

What was love exactly?

If I were to tell you my version of it, you wouldn’t understand.

But I’ll try.

***

True to her word, SeungWan was there by the steps where JooHyun had left her the day before. Between her fingers was a box of chocolates, hard earned through tearful pouting and scrubbing dishes the night before, the box nearly dented in by the amount of force she was exerting. Carefully, she walked up the steps, taking care to avoid the cracks.

Upon reaching the top, she spotted JooHyun by the shadows, the Fox spirit half blended into the forest. Her image wavered slightly, before focusing into view once SeungWan crossed the threshold. Smiling widely, SeungWan held out the box of chocolates for the purple haired girl, grin growing larger when JooHyun gingerly took the box from her.

The fox girl looked at it curiously, turning over the box and startling when the chocolates rattled against cardboard. She turned her attention towards SeungWan, a frown settling on her face.

“What is this?”

SeungWan’s lower lip jutted out and she answered loudly, taking two steps towards the other girl.

“Chocolates! You eat them!”

Again, JooHyun just stared at her and then stared at the box before tucking it by her side carefully. She took a step backwards from SeungWan who had stood too close and touched a tree, tilting her head.

“Thank you.”

They stood around awkwardly, SeungWan shuffling her feet and glancing at the other girl through her bangs, watching as JooHyun peeled off the packaging gently. Small hands pawed through the chocolates slowly, SeungWan noting that even her fingers were stained purple, a dash of colour on an otherwise white skin. Enraptured, SeungWan moved closer, completely forgetting the one rule her new friend had warned her about.

Just as she was about to reach for JooHyun’s fingers, a loud voice cut through their silence, the small girl jumping on the spot at the sound. JooHyun’s head whipped towards the noise, SeungWan’s attention following her lead and found a red haired girl peeking from inside the tree.

“Please don’t touch JooHyun.”

SeungWan gaped at the intruder while JooHyun moved away from her, a frown marring her pretty face.

“SooYoung, it’s alright. She knows.”

The tree spirit, SooYoung, merely shook her head and stared directly at SeungWan, the young girl squeaking meekly at the hard glare.

“If you touch her, she’ll disappear. She is very precious to us so I’ll appreciate you understanding that.”

She shot SeungWan another glare before melding back into the tree, gorgeous features winding into veins and bark and suddenly the tree was just a tree. JooHyun sighed and gestured for SeungWan to follow her, moving so quickly that it forced SeungWan to jog to keep up.

Throughout the journey, the woods kept whispering, loud and ominous in a way that had SeungWan wishing that she could cover her head with a blanket. Up front, JooHyun’s white dress was slightly out of reach, fading in and out of the green of the forest.

Finally, just when SeungWan was about to start screaming at the voices to stop, they exited the forest into a field of flowers.

Her eyes widened at the sight, mouth dropping open at the purple flowers that decorated the ground, delicate and beautiful, not unlike the girl currently frolicking through them. Laughing out loud, SeungWan gave chase, her smile widening when JooHyun seemed to play along, the fox spirit darting in and out through the flowers.

After what seemed like eternity, SeungWan flopped down onto the ground, tired out from all the running around. Noticing that JooHyun had continued hovering at her peripheral, SeungWan stuck her hand out and wiggles her fingers, silently inviting the girl to sit beside her.

JooHyun seemed to shrink away at the sight of her hand, even putting her own hands behind her back, as though the sight of them would cause SeungWan to grab them.

Confused, SeungWan sat up quickly and was about to just pull JooHyun beside her (she was a little hurt, to be honest, at the rejection) when she remembered the red haired lady’s words. Her arms dropped by her side and she questioned meekly, unable to comprehend not touching.

(Her parents always gave her touches, loving rubs on her head to lifts off the ground like a plane.

SeungWan can’t understand a life where you can’t touch anybody.)

“Why...why can’t I touch you?”

JooHyun did not look surprised at the question, face resigned as though she had been expecting it.

(Looking back, she probably was.

The way her face had turned older, even though in that moment, JooHyun had been the same age as her.)

“I was found in this forest, when I was younger, by the spirits.”

JooHyun turned to stare into the distance, white mask gleaming in the sunlight, momentarily blinding SeungWan into silence.

“I can’t remember much but according to SooYoung, I was very injured when I was found. They thought hunters had gotten to me, as I was a cub at the time.”

SeungWan nodded, noting the use of the word cub.

(She slipped it between the recesses of her memories, intent on studying as soon as she got home.)

“They brought me to the mountain god. The god who looks after this forest and all that came from it.”

The wind picked up, pulling along purple strands of hair with them. SeungWan watched as they danced, flicking in the air while they caressed JooHyun’s face.

(And suddenly-

So suddenly-

An ache in her chest.)

“The mountain god saved me. She gave me immortal life. But at a price.”

JooHyun raised an arm and a tail twirled around her bicep, one of the many that suddenly appeared.

Or that SeungWan had failed to notice.

(Even back then, JooHyun herself was the most distracting about her. Not her spirit status or her tails or even the colour of her eyes.

Just her.

But this is a story for later.

Much later.)

“If a human touches me, I will disappear.”

SeungWan wrenched open , her jaw somehow stuck after witnessing the dance between JooHyun and the wind.

“What do you mean disappear?”

JooHyun turned towards her, her blank mask a vision in the blue sky and spoke softly.

“It means you’ll never see me again.”

SeungWan’s mouth dropped open and she stood up quickly, hands folded behind her as she jumped up and down in protest. She ignored JooHyun’s sudden flinch and shouted loudly, her head shaking so hard she nearly fell over.

“No! I don’t want you disappear!”

JooHyun was still, voice calming as though talking to a cornered animal.

“I know, I won’t.”

“I really, really don’t want you to disappear!”

“And I won’t, just be careful-”

“No!”

At this point, SeungWan could already feel the onslaught of tears at the thought of losing her new friend, unable to differentiate JooHyun’s words anymore. Sniffing loudly, she opened to wail again when JooHyun cut her off, the purple haired girl hovering close, near enough for SeungWan to feel her comforting presence, yet far enough to be safe.

(The first of many.)

“It’s okay. You just have to make me a promise.”

SeungWan fell silent and nodded, tears slipping down her face.

“You have to promise not to touch me. Ever. Okay? Then I’ll be here forever.”

(Back then, forever sounded impossibly lovely, like the myth of the rainbow and the bridge of love with shining pots of gold and everlasting happiness.

Back then, SeungWan knew nothing of forever and the pain it brought.)

SeungWan sniffed loudly and nodded.

“I promise never to touch you! So please stay with me forever.”

JooHyun’s mask slipped up slightly, allowing for SeungWan to spot a small smile. She stared at the startlingly human expression, jumping when JooHyun dropped a crown of flowers on her head, fingers reaching up to touch the soft petals.

“A sign of our promise. We’ll be friends forever.”

SeungWan lowered her hand from her head and then she grinned, a fool like expression with tears dribbling down her face and her nose red.

But she cared not for it, only understanding of forever.

“Friends forever!”

***

In the beginning, there was an interruption to an otherwise quiet life.

***

“Are you in love with someone?”

Silence.

“Hey!”

SeungWan continued to pick at her food, barely registering the voice calling her. In her mind’s eye, she kept replaying the way the wind had picked up yesterday and blew JooHyun’s mask off, revealing the rarely seen face.

“Son SeungWan!”

Finally (and somewhat annoyed at the interruption of her daydream), SeungWan looked up from her food, finding herself face to face with a menacing pair of chopsticks. The wielder, Seulgi, waved it impatiently, SeungWan pulling back in the event her eyeball was taken out. Frowning, she pushed the chopsticks away and her lower lip jutted out, eyebrows furrowed in her best friend’s direction.

“You nearly blinded me!”

Seulgi returned the pout full force.

“You were ignoring me!!”

The both of them continued to make faces at each other before SeungWan finally stopped the mock fight, waving a hand and asking lightly.

“What did you say before?”

Seulgi paused, eyes widening as SeungWan watch her try to recall with utmost concentration.

“What was it- Oh yeah! I asked if you were in love with someone!”

SeungWan’s hands paused, chopsticks raised midair while holding onto a piece of rolled egg, for just a moment before they resumed their journey to . She took a delicate bite of her food, chewing thoughtfully before answering.

“I’m .... not in love with anyone. Where did you get that idea?”

(How to explain hair like spun silk and eyes like glimmering starlight, soft and bright and just as rare?

Or the fact that SeungWan has never considered it love but rather, a promise of forever, a promise upon a promise of summer nights and winter mornings.)

Seulgi pouted again, the tips of her eating utensils jabbing into her food petulantly.

“Really? It seemed like you were.”

SeungWan popped another piece of her egg into .

“And again, where did you get that idea?”

Seulgi her chopsticks to her right, barely missing SeungWan’s nose with the path it took and pointed at a boy sitting at a couple of tables away. Embarrassed, SeungWan quickly pulled her friend’s arm down, hissing loudly at Seulgi.

“Seulgi!”

Seulgi tugged at her hand and hissed back.

“What?! I’m just saying, if you could reject the jock, then you’re definitely in love with someone!”

SeungWan scoffed loudly and poked Seulgi on the forehead with her free hand.

“, that just means I’m not interested!”

Seulgi’s mouth fell open, aghast at the statement.

“How!?”

Wendy gestured back exasperatedly.

“I just am!”

Seulgi continued to gape at her, rice falling from her