“boys are stupid,” seungwan huffs, plopping down on the bench swing on her best friend’s porch. it sways slightly with the weight, creaking a little when seulgi goes to join her.

seulgi doesn’t say anything, but seungwan knows she’s listening. seulgi’s the best listener she knows - she could sit and rant for hours with seulgi next to her. 

“i can’t believe it was all a joke to him,” seungwan continues, burying her face in her hands as she thinks of her boyfriend - well, ex-boyfriend, as of forty-five minutes ago. “all just a stupid dare. so messed up, seul, that’s so ed up.” 

“i know,” seulgi speaks, voice cracking a little from not talking. “i’m sorry.” she pulls seungwan closer to her, aware of the bench groaning underneath her, letting seungwan lean on her.

seulgi thinks she’s good at that. she has always been the one that seungwan leans on. not soojung, not jisoo, her. she prides herself on it. 

“i would never do that to you, wan-ah,” seulgi whispers into the crisp night air, letting the words hang heavily in the silence. she wonders if seungwan understands what she really means, if she knows the implication behind her words.

son seungwan’s a smart girl, seulgi thinks. she can connect the dots.

“i know,” seungwan says, sighing and letting her head rest on seulgi’s shoulder. they stay like that for a minute (seulgi counts the seconds in her head, counts her heart beating fast in her chest). 

“promise me something?” seungwan breaks the silence, looking up at her best friend as she raises her head from her shoulder.

“what is it?”

“marry me?”

seulgi nearly chokes on air, spluttering with wide eyes. “we- we’re fifteen, wannie!”

“not now, dummy,” seungwan laughs, flicking seulgi’s bare arm with her finger. it hurts, a little, but seulgi is too shocked to register the pain.  “when we’re twenty-four - if you’re single, and if i’m single. promise me we’ll get married?”

seulgi can’t help but laugh. only seungwan - only her seungwan would think up this ridiculous pact. 

“okay,” she breathes between giggles. seungwan is laughing too, filling the air around them with a cheerfulness that is so unmistakably seungwan. “but it’s never going to happen.”

“face it, seulgi. you’re stuck with me forever.”

//

kang seulgi celebrates her twenty-third birthday alone.

it isn’t all too bad, she reasons. she has her dog. and sooyoung will be home in an hour. 

birthdays are always bitter for seulgi. every birthday is one year closer - every birthday taunts her, reminds her of that stupid pact she had made with son seungwan in the summer between their freshman and sophomore years of high school.

one year closer - three hundred and sixty five more days until seulgi’s twenty-fourth birthday. three hundred and seventy six more days until seungwan’s twenty-fourth.

she wonders if seungwan is single. seulgi sure is.

she lets her mind wander, spacing out as she lays on her bed and puts on some decent music to think to. her thoughts drift from place to place, but land on seungwan eventually (as they always do). she wonders how seungwan is doing. she wonders if seungwan remembers that it’s her birthday. she wonders if seungwan has contemplated picking up the phone and giving her a call. seulgi would be lying if she said that she hasn’t thought about doing the same.

“oh my god, just call her already,” sooyoung comments from her bedroom doorway, flicking the lights on. “i’m sick of your moping. it’s your birthday, you should be having fun!”

“sooyoung!” seulgi whines, sitting up in bed and running a hand through her disheveled hair. “i don't know what you’re talking about. i’m having a great time.”

sooyoung gives her a once over, taking in her roommate’s sour expression and sad eyes and decides she has had enough. “come on,” sooyoung says, attempting to pull seulgi out of bed by her arm. “we’re going out.”

seulgi lets sooyoung overpower her, but she plants her feet down firmly onto her carpet when her roommate tries to drag her out of her room. “nope. not going.”

“kang seulgi, you are ridiculously stubborn.”

“come on, sooyoungie. let’s stay in, watch a movie. i’ll even let you pick!”

“no way,” sooyoung wrinkles her nose at the prospect of yet another movie night with seulgi. “yeri invited me to go clubbing, and you know i’m not going to turn her down. so you gotta come with us!”

seulgi is so prepared to say no (she really is, she has absolutely no intention of leaving their apartment), but sooyoung turns on the puppy dog eyes and seulgi finds herself letting herself be dragged out of her room. “oh my god, sooyoung, fine.”

“thank you, thank you, thank you,” sooyoung cheers, grabbing seulgi by the shoulders and pulling her in for a hug. “you won’t regret this, unnie!”

seulgi seriously doubts that - the last time she went to a club, she woke up to a blinding headache, a missing one night stand, and a wallet seventy dollars lighter. but sooyoung is oh-so-determined, and maybe one night won’t be too bad. as long as she doesn’t invite any strangers home.

“now go get dressed!”

//

seulgi really wishes she had stayed in and watched a movie.

she’s sitting at the bar, by herself, sipping her coke and watching joy and yeri dance in the center of the dance floor.

they’re a cute couple, sure, but they would have been no match for her and seungwan. 

her and seungwan, after all, had been voted best couple in their school yearbook senior year. they had spent every school break together, going on road trips and sleeping in hotels and watching the stars in each others arms. they were the epitome of the word ‘goals’, as soojung would say. call her a hopeless romantic, but seulgi had been positive that they would be together forever.

until seungwan left her on her twentieth birthday.

the memories come flooding back fast, too fast, seulgi’s head dizzy and eyes watering over until the two girls dancing become two blobs floating in a blurry mob. seungwan’s voice ringing in her ears - “i’m sorry seulgi, i have to leave. we aren’t working out anymore.’’

she clamps a hand over in a desperate attempt to restrain the sob threatening its way out of , closing her eyes and catching her breath. just memories, seulgi reminds herself. seungwan is nothing but a memory now.

she wipes the tears from her eyes and orders a round of shots from the bartender. tonight is not a night to celebrate (seulgi’s birthdays are never nights to celebrate), tonight is a night to get black out drunk and forget all about seungwan.

she wishes she could say she’s good at it. 

//

she thinks that the stranger in the bar approached her between the ninth and tenth shot of soju. or maybe it was between the tenth and eleventh. the only thing she’s completely sure of is the girl’s name - eunae, she had told seulgi.

“i’m eunae. and you look like you need someone to kiss.”

well, she’s not wrong, seulgi thinks. and that’s how she ends up in jo eunae’s bed, hands all over her body and kisses outlined in red lipstick on her face. they sink into the mattress together, eunae sliding off seulgi’s jeans and pressing a kiss there and everything feels so good, seulgi has never felt more alive, not since -

eunae is good, really good, but seulgi comes unraveled with seungwan’s name on her lips.

//

seulgi wakes up to an empty bed, a raging migraine, and the sound of eggs being fried.

out of reflex, she rushes to check her jean pocket, counting through the bills in her wallet as she sits on the side of the bed. it’s not that she doesn’t trust eunae - her one night stands just seem to have a habit of stealing from her.

“i didn’t sleep with you to rob you,” eunae remarks from the doorway, coming into her bedroom and grabbing the wallet from seulgi’s hands, throwing it behind her.

protest dies on seulgi’s lips when the younger girl straddles her bare legs, wrapping her arms around seulgi’s neck. “so,” eunae starts, planting a kiss on seulgi’s jaw. “who’s seungwan? should i be jealous of him?”

seulgi turns almost as red as eunae’s bedsheets at that, memories of the night before rushing to her head. she remembers it all now, remembers eunae approaching her at the club, remembers following her home, remembers eunae’s mouth all over her body, remembers her her ex-girlfriend’s name. seulgi wants to slap herself - how stupid could she possibly be?

“h-her,” seulgi stutters, wanting nothing more than to jump out the nearest window. “her, not him.”

“you didn’t answer my question,” eunae doesn't miss a beat. “don’t tell me you have a girlfriend. i hate cheaters.”

“ex-girlfriend. i’m not attached.”

“you sounded pretty damn attached last night.” 

seulgi swallows, suddenly finding it hard to meet the other girl’s gaze. “i’m sorry. i guess i had a lot on my mind.”

to her surprise, eunae smiles, gives her another kiss. “it’s all good. i liked making you forget.”

//

seulgi comes home to an indignant park sooyoung. 

“where were you?” sooyoung explodes from where she’s perched on the couch, glaring at seulgi with an intensity that she has never seen from sooyoung before.

“i brought you tteokbokki,” seulgi deflects, holding up a carryout bag and dangling it so the younger girl can see.

the anger fades from sooyoung’s eyes for a second (seulgi thinks she’s in the clear), but reappears almost as soon as it left. 

“do you seriously think you can disappear for a whole night, then come back with tteokbokki like it makes everything okay?” the younger girl is fuming now, standing up from the couch with her arms crossed. 

“you were with yeri. i didn’t want to bother you,” seulgi reasons, sticking out the bag in an attempted peace offering. 

sooyoung snatches the bag, eying seulgi down suspiciously as she does. “oh my god,” she says, the truth apparently dawning on her. “you totally got laid.”

seulgi blushes, fixing her sight on a point somewhere above sooyoung’s shoulder. she’s an adult, she shouldn’t be so shy about this kind of thing - heaven knows sooyoung and yeri aren’t. “maybe,” she finally exhales. “but you were too busy with yeri to notice.”

sooyoung laughs, all traces of anger gone. “not true! i noticed you were gone as soon as i woke up!”

“i guess yeri kept you occupied last night, then,” seulgi smiles, making her way over to the couch in their shared apartment. 

“you’re so embarrassing, seulgi unnie, seriously,” sooyoung sticks her tongue out at the older girl, collapsing on the couch next to her. “so who was keeping you occupied last night?”

“just this girl i met at the club,” seulgi hums, scrolling through her phone as she tries her best to resist the urge to click on the little call symbol next to seungwan’s name - three years and she still stares at seungwan’s name longer than she should.

“ooh, who?” sooyoung wriggles her eyebrows, and seulgi bursts out laughing. sooyoung is such a kid, it’s ridiculous.

“she was nice,” seulgi shrugs, not bothering to go into further detail. “hey, i think i’m gonna give seungwan a call.”

maybe it’s the lighting, but she could swear sooyoung turns a few shades paler at those words. “seungwan? why?”

“just feel like catching up,” seulgi lies, turning her gaze back to her phone. seungwan’s name is still saved as wannie <3 <3, untouched even after their breakup. she’s smiling in her contact picture, hair up in two buns, making a victory sign for the camera. beautiful, seulgi thinks.

“umm…” sooyoung trails off, the usually confident girl suddenly nervous. “unnie, something came in the mail today.”

“what is it?” seulgi asks, narrowing her eyes. something in sooyoung’s tone is off. it’s making her inexplicably anxious, wondering what’s got the younger girl so bothered.

sooyoung clears and grabs something off the top of the mail pile. “here,” she s the envelope towards seulgi, unable to meet her eyes.

kang seulgi is printed on the outside of the envelope in gold, name written in neat, unfamiliar script. she opens it up, sliding the card it contains out carefully.

the card falls to the ground as soon as seulgi reads the first sentence. sooyoung catches seulgi as she crumbles, rubbing soothing circles into the older girl’s back. the younger girl stiffens as a sob rips through the air, seulgi breaking down into her arms. “i’m sorry, unnie,” sooyoung whispers, trying her best to be comforting.

the card lays forgotten on the floor. it’s a nice card, sooyoung has to give it at least that. she had received an identical one in the mail with seulgi’s. 

“mr and mrs. son invite you joyfully to join the wedding of their daughter, son seungwan, to bae joohyun.”

yeah, sooyoung would have been surprised, too.

//

bae joohyun is a nice enough girl, seulgi decides, one facebook stalking session and two tissue boxes later. she’s a lawyer, she has rich parents, she seems to have her life together. there is, objectively, nothing wrong with joohyun.

but that doesn’t stop seulgi from hating her more than she’s hated anyone before. because that should be her, not joohyun, in seungwan’s profile picture. she should be the one getting engaged to seungwan, not joohyun. she should be the one who gets to wake up next to seungwan everyday, not joohyun. 

maybe it was naive, but seulgi had been hoping, with all her power, that seungwan would be single when her twenty-fourth birthday had rolled around. but now here seungwan was, getting married to some hotshot lawyer. 

and seungwan had the nerve to invite her, after ignoring seulgi’s very existence for three whole years. 

she has a lot to say to her ex-girlfriend; why did you leave me, why haven’t you called, why her? she tries to push seungwan out of her mind, tries to get some rest, but every time she closes her eyes, she pictures seungwan at an altar, standing next to a woman who isn’t her.

dear seungwan - what happened to forever? love, kang seulgi.

//

the wedding is in six months. 

the invitation is pinned to the bulletin board in the kitchen, bright and boastful and beaming. sooyoung takes it down every time she passes through, but it somehow always finds its way back.

sooyoung doesn’t get it. she doesn't understand why seulgi keeps putting the invitation back up, she doesn’t understand why seulgi’s intentionally tormenting herself over the wedding. she asks her one day, before sooyoung leaves for class, and all she gets in return is a shrug. “a reminder,” seulgi says, before turning back to her breakfast.

sooyoung wants to scream. she wants to rip the invitation up in half, call seungwan and tell her that there’s no way in hell they’re going. she hates seeing seulgi so distraught, hates how the older girl shuts herself up in her room all the time, only leaving for work. she hates seungwan, too - hates how seungwan just up and left and abandoned seulgi. sooyoung doesn’t understand how seungwan could have ever done that.

sooyoung looks at yerim and sees her everything. she knows that, at one point, seulgi was seungwan’s everything too

so how could she just leave? 

//

“let me get this straight. you’re going to get coffee?” sooyoung asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. seulgi only nods and grabs her purse, trying to leave the apartment, but the tall girl in front of her refuses to let her go.

“with seungwan?” sooyoung questions, still in disbelief. she wants to force seulgi to stay inside, wants to scream until she get answers - until she somehow finds a way to stop seulgi from all this self-destructive behavior. 

seulgi nods again and tries to push past sooyoung, rolling her eyes when her roommate doesn’t move a centimeter. “get out the way, sooyoung,” she mutters, crossing her arms and staring the younger girl down.

“you’re going to regret this, seulgi,” sooyoung sighs, suddenly sounding older than she is, and seulgi feels bad for a moment. she shouldn’t be dragging sooyoung down with her - she knows how she feels about this whole situation. sooyoung doesn’t like seungwan. seulgi can tell from the look in her eyes every time her name pops up in conversation. 

“sooyoung..” seulgi trails off, trying to find the right words. “i know how you feel. i just want one last conversation with her. just for closure. you know?”

“closure. right,” it’s clear that sooyoung doesn’t believe her, but she lets seulgi go anyway.

//

seulgi doesn’t get closure.

what she does get is seungwan sitting at a coffee table, looking as beautiful as she did three years ago. she gets a shy smile and her usual coffee order waiting for her in seungwan’s hand - “i remembered,” seungwan says, sliding it to seulgi’s side of the table.

seulgi wonders if it’s a peace offering or an apology. a “let’s be friends” or a “sorry for leaving you behind”. 

knowing seungwan, it’s probably both. so seulgi takes it, lets the hot coffee sting as she tries to ignore how seungwan smells the same way she did when she left her that night three years ago. 

“you go by wendy now,” it’s not a question, it’s a statement, seulgi feeling the lump in growing as her ex looks into her eyes.

“things change, seulgi.” 

“i don’t like it.”

“you’ve never liked it.” 

seungwan isn’t wrong - seulgi’s always hated change. she’s always needed constants in her life; one of the reasons why she liked seungwan so much. seungwan was always there, every holiday, every summer, every weekend, until she wasn’t anymore.

“why didn’t you call?” seulgi asks, trying her best to avoid seungwan’s intense eye contact. she looks at the ground, then out the window, at her coffee, at seungwan’s forehead - anywhere but the eyes. seungwan’s eyes have always seulgi in. 

“you could have called,” seungwan responds casually, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “communication is a two way street, you know.”

no, i don’t know, seulgi wants to yell. how could i know when you left without a word?

seulgi doesn’t say anything, just takes another sip of her drink (seungwan really had remembered her usual order. she isn’t quite sure how that makes her feel). seungwan seems to take that as her cue to start asking questions.

“are you single?”

“yes.” seulgi had tried to date, but she had seen seungwan’s eyes in every girl.

“joohyun has a sister, you know…” seungwan trails off awkwardly, for once not meeting seulgi’s eyes.

seulgi’s jaw involuntarily clenches at the mention of the other woman. she knows seungwan sees it, but she can’t help it. every time she thinks of joohyun, she feels like smashing something. 

“i don’t want to date joohyun’s sister,” seulgi says, voice coming out unnaturally hoarse. “the only person i want is right in front of me.”

“seulgi…” seungwan murmurs, tears welling up in the pretty brown eyes that seulgi loves so much. “you can’