… Our first meeting was in winter…

 

I wasn’t stupid. I knew my status was the lowest of the low with no chance of moving up in the high school hierarchy. I always tried to blend into the crowd and ignore the hateful whispers that seemed to follow me no matter where I went or how low of a profile I tried to keep. They were always the same every time I managed to over hear them.

 

Do you see what he’s wearing?

 

I can’t believe he’s still coming to school after what happened!

 

I always knew he was a bit odd.

 

Did you hear who he has a crush on?

 

Poor guy, having to deal with that kind of attention.

 

I ducked under a stray arm that made a swing at my head, whether it was on purpose or an accident I wouldn’t know. I always kept myself tucked close to the walls to avoid confrontation with any of the student body just in case one of them was bored enough to try and take a swing at me. It also served as one side of protection to any objects that may be tossed a bit too hard in my direction. I thought I had my technique of avoidance at school down pat until I turned a corner and ran into a solid mass of muscle that had me spiraling backwards, books hitting the floor with a series of bangs that had everyone in the hallway going silent. Attention turning to my current position sprawled across the floor.

 

Complete and utter silence.

 

It had me afraid to look up at the person I had run into.

 

The person that was still standing and looking down at me, probably thinking of ways to end me both physically and socially.

 

I made the decision to look up at the boy I had run into and nearly stopped breathing.

 

Standing in front of me was The Kim Jonghyun.

 

School heartthrob Kim Jonghyun.

 

The guy was the entire package.

 

Or that’s what I had heard.

 

“-you okay?”

 

“Huh?” Good job, Kibum.

“I asked if you were okay?” Jonghyun had a puzzled look on his face while holding out his hand. And I had to ask myself if he had been holding his hand out since the beginning. “You took quite the fall.”

 

“Oh… Um, yeah, I’m fine.” I gathered up my books and looked at his outstretched hand again. Should I take it? I could feel the stares of the student body, waiting for my next move. I took a deep breath before grasping his hand and allowing him to pull me to my feet.

 

And oh wow.

 

Those muscles weren’t just for show.

 

“T-thank you.”

 

“It’s no problem.” Jonghyun replied easily. “It was mostly my fault anyway, should have watched were I was going.”

 

“Oh no…” I glanced around at the other students, afraid of their reactions if I allowed Jonghyun to take the blame for this. “… It was all on me.”

 

“How about we both take the blame, -?”

 

“Um, Kibum, my name is Kim Kibum.”

 

“Well, I’m Kim Jonghyun” (Not that I needed to be told his name, how couldn’t I?) “And I guess we both should have been watching where we were going, huh?”

 

“I guess- “

 

“JONGHYUN!”

 

“Ah, sorry. That’s my friend, I was supposed to meet him right after class and he doesn’t like when I’m late.” Jonghyun chuckled, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. “I guess I’ll see you around than, Kibum?”

 

“Uh- “

 

I didn’t have the chance to reply before Jonghyun was sprinting down the hall.

 

Oh my god… I thought to myself … Kim Jonghyun just talked to me…

 

I didn’t even notice the muted chatter of the gathered crowd as I walked away.

 

… Spring was the start of our friendship…

 

I laced my fingers together to keep from drumming them against the table. I took a deep breath. I glanced at the boy sitting across from me, typing away on his phone before releasing the air I had been holding.

“Um, Jonghyun hyung, can I- uh- can I ask you a question?”

 

Jonghyun glanced up from his phone, smiling at me, he always tended to have a smile on his face when he looked at me. “What is it, Kibum ah?”

 

I unlaced my fingers, choosing instead to wrap them around the cup in front of me. “I just wanted to know… Is it okay that you’ve been spending so much time with me? What about your other friends?”

 

“What are you talking about, Kibum ah?”

 

“I mean… I’m not really- uh- popular and you are… And I’ve been hearing the things people at school have been saying… Some of them have actually confronted me about it…” At the look on his face, I quickly held up my hands trying to ease his anger. “They haven’t done anything, swear, just told me that I should- uh- stay away from you if I knew what was good for the both of us…”

 

Jonghyun closed his phone and set it on the table.

 

“Kibum ah, listen,” Jonghyun rested his forearms on the table so that he could lean closer, staring me dead in the eye, “I don’t care about what everyone at school thinks, okay? They’re all shallow jerks who don’t know how to keep their thoughts to themselves. And I never liked how they talked about you when they don’t even know you! Anyway, my actually friends adore you and that’s all that matters.”

 

“But hyung- “

 

“No buts Kibum ah!”

 

“… Okay.”

 

“Good. The mood is getting too gloomy for my taste so how about we head to Onew hyung’s? He agreed to give us free pizza if we watched movies with him.”

 

“I guess that sounds kind of nice and if Onew hyung is offering free food, who are we to deny him?”

 

It was like a dream when Jonghyun grabbed hold of my hand to drag me out of the café because I was falling for him. And falling hard.

 

… The next is something that could only be described as summer love…

 

What does one take on vacation?

 

I have been sitting cross-legged on my bed for nearly an hour, staring blankly at the duffle bag in front of me. Thinking about what I should take with me for the week-long trip that Jonghyun and his friends had invited me on.

 

That’s right.

They invited me to go on a week-long trip to the beach and I couldn’t be more excited! But it left me with the realization that I had no idea how to pack for this kind of thing. Sure, I had been on trips with my parents on occasion but I feel like this was something different and needed to be planned accordingly. Hence the sitting and staring.

 

I had already tossed in a few pairs of shorts, tees and a tank top along with a pair of bathing suit bottoms. (Though I doubt I would even get into the ocean since I couldn’t even swim properly) My toothbrush, comb and flip-flops were tucked away in the side pockets of my bag.

 

I tapped my finger against my chin.

 

… What else, what else, what else…

 

“Kibum-ah! Your friends are here to pick you up!”

 

Shoot.

 

I zipped up my bag, confident in my abilities to pack and slid off the bed while slinging the bag onto my shoulder. If I happened to forget something, surely there would be a store nearby where we were staying.

 

“Coming!”

 

When I got to the top of the stairs, Jonghyun was at the foot of them waiting for me.

 

“Hey Kibummie, ready to go?”

 

“Yep!” I grinned at him as I reached him, letting him take my bag to carry out to the car. “Thank goodness those muscles aren’t just for show.”

 

“Oh, shush you,” Jonghyun chuckled while elbowing me gently in the stomach. “Thank you for letting Kibum come on the trip with us Mrs. Kim!”

 

“Oh, it’s no problem,” my mother replied, “I’m just glad to see Kibum getting out of the house for once. Now you guys go have fun, okay?”

 

“Will do!”

 

“Okay mom, l love you!” I kissed her on the cheek as Jonghyun dragged me out the door. “I’ll call you every night!”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Kibum ah!”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Do you want to play volleyball with us?” Jonghyun was grinning while tossing the ball back and forth. “Onew wants to take a break for a bit and we need another player.”

 

I looked up from my phone with a grimace. “I know we haven’t been friends for very long but I thought you would have known by now that I’m no good at sports.”

 

“You don’t need to be any good to play.” Jonghyun reasoned already pulling me up from where I was seated on the sand. “I don’t mind if we lose.”

 

Rolling my eyes, I dropped my phone on my shirt and let Jonghyun lead me to where Minho and Taemin were arguing about something I couldn’t quite catch. Onew gave me a high-five as he passed by to show the switch in players. “You are so going to regret this.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

I watched as Taemin chased after Onew with a sparkler, noticing not for the first time that the maknae of their group got off on terrorizing his oldest hyung. Listening to Onew’s cries of ‘Taemin ah no!’ or ‘Taemin ah, I swear if you don’t stop-‘ with a grin on my face. I had never had a group of friends quite like this and it was nice. I could see myself remaining friends with them till the end if they would have me.

 

“Hey.”

 

Jonghyun plopped down beside me, handing over a vanilla/chocolate swirl cone with rainbow sprinkles. “You like rainbow sprinkles, right?”

 

I grinned while accepting it, touched that he remembered. “Yeah, they’re my favorite thing actually.”

 

There was a scream from the left which had the both of us glancing over, witnessing Minho manhandle Onew into a chokehold after the elder had fallen on top of him while avoiding Taemin. “Do you think getting sand into my shorts is funny hyung!?” Onew was cackling but at the same time crying so I couldn’t really tell if he was sorry or not.

 

“They’re idiots, I swear.”

 

“I think they’re pretty great.”

 

Jonghyun looked thoughtful. “I suppose it’s a good thing that they’re my idiots than, huh?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

We let a comfortable silence fall between us as we continued watching the other three mess around. It was another minute before I thought to get up and end the bickering when I felt Jonghyun shift closer, one of his arms slipping in behind me on the sand.

 

“I’m glad you’re apart of us now too.”

 

“Are you really?” I asked while trying to ignore how close he had gotten. I could almost feel the brush of his arm against the small of my back which sent a shiver up my spine.

 

“Yeah.” The breath that brushed against my ear was what had me whipping around, our faces so close that I swore I could see every detail that I had found myself falling for. “Hey, Kibummie?”

 

“What?” My eyes met his and I couldn’t look away.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

I in a sharp breath. “… Y-yeah”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

One of Jonghyun’s hands had come to rest against by neck, thumb brushing against my jaw and I couldn’t help but wonder how it got there... He was leaning closer, his breathing brushing against my lips on every exhale. Was this really happening or was I just having a vivid dream though I had no recollection of every falling asleep.

 

“Positive…”

 

And then Jonghyun’s lips were pressing against mine and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. They slipped shut as one of his hands slipped up to cup my cheek so that he could tilt it just right so that he could deepen it. This was it. My dreams were finally coming true and I couldn’t believe it. Jonghyun’s lips moving against mine felt as natural as breathing.

 

When he finally pulled back I took a minute to take a deep breath before I felt my eyes fluttering open to stare up at him. I probably looked like I was in a daze at this point and only hoped that I didn’t look like an idiot. And that Jonghyun would kiss me again. Because I could go for another one of those.

 

“Wow…” Was all I could say.

 

“Definitely wow.” Jonghyun answered, “Can I kiss you again?”

 

As an answer, I just grabbed him by the front of his tank top and yanked him towards me. Lips crashing against each other and this one wasn’t anything like the chaste one we had had before. It was teeth and tongue that had me breathless when he pulled away. (When in the world had he pressed me into the sand?)

 

I was about to say something when hoots and whistles came from behind us. It took me a minute to break my gaze away from Jonghyun’s but when I finally tilted my head back (the sand was going to be everywhere) I could see the others looking at us with huge grins on their faces with double thumbs up from all.

 

“I thought you two would never get it through your thick heads!”

 

… And fall is when it all ended…

 

Today was the day.

 

The day I’m going to tell Jonghyun that I love him.

 

I wanted to wait a little bit longer but after talking to my mother about the whole thing, she told me that if I really loved him, no matter how long we were together, I should tell him. And I did love him.

 

A lot.

 

I just hope that he doesn’t react oddly to me telling him that I love him…

 

Clutching the strap of my bookbag with both hands, I glanced around the hall trying to see if I could see the shorter boy anywhere with no luck.

 

Where could he be? We had promised to meet up after the last bell but I couldn’t find him no matter where I looked. Taemin, Minho and Onew all told me that they had no idea where he was when I texted them asking if they had heard anything from him. The students were starting to file out of the building and I was grateful.

 

I was texting Taemin once more when I glanced up so that I could turn the corner, freezing in my spot.

 

Down the hallway was Jonghyun… And a girl? They seemed to be arguing and I made to move towards them when the girl moved forward, yanking Jonghyun down so that their lips met in the middle… and Jonghyun wasn’t pushing her away… He was letting it happen…

 

Why?

 

Why were they arguing? Why were they kissing? Why wasn’t Jonghyun pushing her away?

 

No. no. no.

 

This couldn’t be happening.

 

…

 

But it was happening.

 

I was witnessing it with my own two eyes… How can I deny it?

 

I started backing up, clutching harder at the strap of my backpack. I didn’t want to see this. I could feel my heart breaking. My eyes never leave the two as I back up. I have my hand pressed against the wall as I move back, trying to keep myself from falling whether in shock or my own clumsiness.

 

No. no. no.

 

I feel the wall give way to air and I’m around the corner, heart pounding against my chest.

 

I need to get out of here.

 

I need to get away before someone notices me.

 

Before… he notices me.

 

Not that he would…

 

He’s too busy.

 

Too busy for a lot of things.

 

He couldn’t even come look for me when we had promised to see each. After I finally decided to tell him that I love him. Love. Loved. I don’t want to love him anymore but I do.

 

I take a deep breath.

 

And then I run.

 

Run and run and run.

 

I make it to the doors and push them open. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. My vision isn’t clear and I know I should stop before something but I can’t. I can’t stop running. If I stop running then it will all come back to me and I don’t want that. I don’t think I can stand to see that sight again. I really can’t. The one person who treated me better than everyone else.

 

… The first person who I had ever fallen in love with.

 

I make it to the bottom of the steps. I attempt to wipe away the tears but they just won’t stop. Stumbling forward, I made it to the crosswalk but ignored the shouts behind me before I hear the slamming of breaks and the blaring of a horn.

 

It’s like a strike of lightening and then the pain is radiating through my whole body.

 

… The edges of my vision are starting to get fuzzy… and I’m not sure… Why… What happened… There’s so much… pain… so… much… pain… oh. There it is. A kind of… numb feeling… there’s so much noise… loud noise… white noise… someone’s shouting…

 

Is that my name?

 

Someone’s calling my name.

 

What’s my name?

 

“K- “

 

“-Bum!”

 

... And then everything goes black…

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

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