a/n: this is going to  be very veeeery long. very veryyyy cheesy as well >o< i'm sorry TTOTT i apologize for any errors too. heh. enjoy! (for those wondering why it suddenly disappeared, i had to edit it because the italicized words couldn't be seen) aff censor is a bummer

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Squinting through the drowsiness, Taeyeon smiled as she saw the adorable face beside her, felt the feeling of their limbs tangled with each other, and smelled their mixed scents in the tousled bed sheet. Gingerly, she reached out, tracing the girl’s face with her fingertips. Beautiful.

The girl beside her shifted closer, nuzzling her face in Taeyeon’s chest while making cute little noises from the back of . Taeyeon smiled, albeit sadly, as she watched the person that could never be hers snuggle closer.

“Fany-ah…” she poked the said girl’s cheek. “Wakey, wakey,”

“Ngh…”

“Fany…”

Finally, her best friend’s forehead creased as she slowly opened her eyes, looking up at Taeyeon with a look of drowsy irritation. The latter fought a squeal at the cuteness. Instead, she settled on grinning and tapping the girl’s nose, “Good morning, Tiffany,”

Tiffany wrinkled her nose in reaction, “Taeyeon, it’s Sunday,”

“So what if it is?”

“Sundays are meant to be rest days.”

“Hm. Good point,” Taeyeon sat up, peeling the covers off her, “Sleep some more then. I’ll go make breakfast.” she was about to move off the bed when a tug on her pajama shirt stopped her from going. Confused, she looked over her shoulder and saw Tiffany looking up at her with a rather puppy-like expression she knew she could never resist.

“Can’t you stay in bed with me?”

Taeyeon raised her brows at the request, “Why?”

“You make me warm,” Tiffany mumbled, almost inaudible, looking down.

“What?” Taeyeon heard her loud and clear the first time.

Tiffany let go of the shirt, pulling the covers over her head, “Nothing,” she said, voice muffled, “Go make me breakfast, peasant,”

Taeyeon looked at the bundle of light blue sheets, the feelings of longing swirling in her gut. Her hand twitched, itching to reach out. She balled her fist and sighed, mustering a cheerful tone, “Aye aye, Your Majesty.”

During times like these, as wonderful these moments were, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain in her chest. As frequent as they shared beds together since high school that it had become a habit, as time went by and as feelings accumulated, it started to hurt to be that close, knowing it will never be anything more than platonic cuddling.

With one last look casted to the bundled sheets, she sighed silently and walked out of her room.

 

 

***

 

 

“Hey, you awake?”

Tiffany read the message just before sending the exact same thing. After tapping the backspace button with her thumb numerous times, she sat up on her bed, giving up on chasing sleep that had long left her. “Yeah. What’s up?” she replied.

“You and me. We’re both up,”

She smiled at the witty reply. As expected, Taeyeon could always make her day better despite the ty day she’s had. “Ha-Ha. Very funny, Kim Taeyeon.”

“Can I call?” came the reply. Before Tiffany could tap a letter, her phone vibrated, her best friend’s smiling face taking up the screen. She swiped the green button and pressed the device against her ear.

“Hello,” Taeyeon greeted, sounding weary.

It was ridiculous, how the sound of her best friend’s voice widened her smile. “Hi.” she replied, “You sound tired. Hard day at work?”

“Yeah… I just got off work, actually. Paperwork piling up, deadlines nearing…”

“Yikes,” Tiffany grimaced, “That sounds like the worst combination ever.”

“You bet. Boss swallowed a dozen of espressos. You should’ve seen him. I swear espressos are just as dangerous as .”

Tiffany laughed. “Did he bark around like a mad dog again?”

“Yeah. Remember Minjin from the printing department? She made a mistake and we thought he was going to bite her or something.” she sighed, “How about you? There should be a reason why you’re up,”

“I had a bad day,” she replied, “Got warm coffee spilled on me in the morning, left my car in the mechanic’s for a tune up which meant I had to commute—”

“But you hate taking the subway,” Taeyeon gasped.

“Exactly! As if that’s not enough, the weather turned sour and I realized I left my umbrella at home so I arrived soaking only to be out again because Jessica forced me into going on this date I don’t really wanna go to. The guy and now I can’t sleep for some reason,”

“Oh.” Taeyeon winced, “It went that bad, huh?”

“Yep.”

“You should’ve asked me to pick you up when it rained,”

“You just said you had a hectic day at work. Don’t wanna disturb you now, do we?”

“Yeah but still,” Taeyeon sighed, “Call me next time, yeah? I’ll be there, no matter how busy,”

Tiffany’s chest warmed up, “Thanks,”

“So, uh, what kind of guy is it this time?” Taeyeon asked

“The trying-hard-to-be-cool-but-ends-up-destroying-everything type. Also the empty-boasts-full-of-air-heads type,” her head started to ache at the memory of the unpleasant date, “Not my type at all.”

“Ah, that type.” Taeyeon paused, “What’s your type then? Come to think of it, I’m not quite sure of your type.”

“People like—” Tiffany stopped herself before she blurted out something stupid such as: ‘people like you’, because that would most probably end their eight-year friendship that she treasured the most. “I-I mean, people like puppies.” she said instead. “You know, the loyal, caring, cuddly, cute type. Those who’d always be there with you through thick and thin. Like a best friend,” she said without thinking. She slapped her forehead, realizing too late. “A-After all! Dogs are men’s best friend, right?” she laughed it off awkwardly, mentally berating herself for the slip-up.

Taeyeon didn’t reply.

Tiffany bit her lip, “Taeyeon? Are you asleep?”

“N-No, I was just…”

Tiffany thought her best friend must be cringing from the other line, “Too much info?”

“Y-Yeah, too much info.” Taeyeon replied, “You’re such a hopeless romantic.”

“Am not!”

“Are too,” Taeyeon stifled a yawn.

Tiffany heard, “Hey, you should sleep. You had a long day. Why did you call anyway?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Tiffany blushed, fingers curling. “Now that’s cringe worthy.”

Taeyeon laughed, “Thanks,” she suddenly said, “Seriously,”

“For what?”

“For being there,” Taeyeon yawned again. “I feel better, talking to you,”

Tiffany tutted, ignoring her burning face. “You should sleep, Tae. It’s late.”

“Technically, 3 AM is considered early.” For the third time, Taeyeon yawned, “Good night, Fany-ah.”

“Good night.”

“Lunch tomorrow?”

“You don’t even have to ask,”

 

 

***

 

 

“Hey,” Taeyeon greeted the girls seated around the table before taking one of the two vacant seats.

“Oh, hey Taeng,” Sunny said, craning her neck to look behind the newcomer, “Where’s Fany?”

“Got held up by work,” Taeyeon answered, browsing through the menu. “She’d be late but she’s coming,”

“Mm, okay then,” the loud chatter resumed in the table.

After taking a pick in the menu, Taeyeon called a waiter over and gave her orders, “I’ll have beef ribs, well cooked. One serving of grilled eel over rice. Two fruit cocktails—no, make that mocktails instead. Oh, and can you please remove the eel’s eyes? And please deliver the food when I say so.”

The waiter nodded, “Would that be all, ma’am?”

Taeyeon started to nod but stopped halfway. She smiled, remembering how big her friend’s appetite was, “For now,”

The waiter recited her orders before leaving. Taeyeon then noticed the attention directed at her, accusing and demanding and knowing stares boring on her face. She raised her brows, “What,”

“You ordered a lot,” Yuri pointed out.

“Was that for Fany?” Sooyoung asked.

Hyoyeon nudged her with her elbow, “Why would she especially ask for the eyes to be removed if it wasn’t?”

“Aww,” Jessica cooed, looking sarcastic, “Isn’t that cute?”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes, ignoring and pushing back down the blood rushing up to her face. “Mind your own business, will ‘ya? When did looking out for a friend become so wrong?”

“We didn’t say anything about it being wrong,” Seohyun spoke up.

“Seohyun’s right,” Sunny chimed in, “We were just admiring your…ah, admirable friendship.”

Her friends grinned and Taeyeon felt like a cornered animal with those seven pairs of eyes looking at her with such an evil glint. “Right.” she fanned herself, feeling flustered. “Can’t you, like, go back to your juicy gossips or something?”

Yuri smirked, “Yeah, whatever, Taeng,” finally, they took the topic off the two of them.

Taeyeon liked gatherings with her friends like this. They have all become busy people and it had become harder for them to meet up, thus every meeting was rare and precious. She treasured her time with her friends. However, as much as she loved the girls, they often and Tiffany. That was not fun. It always left her red in the face. Not fun at all.

She tried to join in the conversation, trying to focus on what her friends were talking about, though every once in a while, she’d check her phone and send Tiffany a message.

“Where’s Tiffany?” Jessica asked, looking at her watch.

“She’s almost here,” Taeyeon answered automatically, calmly sipping on her mocktail. “She just crossed the intersection. She should be arriving in a minute.”

Sooyoung gaped at her, “Do you have a tracking device attached on her or something?”

Taeyeon frowned at her, “Of course not,” she put down her glass, “She just texted me, Choi Sooyoung.”

At that moment, someone caught her eye behind Sooyoung. Passing through the glass doors was Tiffany, telling the waitress about their reservation. She looked beautiful as usual. Taeyeon specifically liked her work clothes. Office women are hot women. It was hard to tear her eyes away.

Then their eyes met, making their lips curve up slowly into a wide smile. Taeyeon held her breath as Tiffany’s eyes curved into those wonderful crescents.

Hi, her smile seemed to say.

Hello, Taeyeon tried to reply.

She heard someone clear in their table but didn’t pay attention (she also missed Yuri whispering, their cheeks are gonna burst), watching as Tiffany sauntered over to their table. Taeyeon automatically removed her bag that she placed on the vacant seat beside her where Tiffany sat.

“Sorry I’m late,” the woman apologized, “Work was hectic,”

Taeyeon silently gestured to the waiter to bring their food.

“It’s fine. At least you made it,” Sunny said.

The waiter arrived, placing their food on the table. Taeyeon took the bowl of rice and eel, deboning it.

“Of course! How could I not?” Tiffany exclaimed, “I’d drop anything to attend our dinners,”

“Say, Fany. Is that handsome co-worker of yours still available?” Sooyoung asked, interestedly leaning on the table.

Taeyeon finished deboning, pushing the bowl over to Tiffany in which the latter responded with a grateful smile and a mumbled thanks. “I think so. You interested? Should I hook you up?” she asked Sooyoung.

The tall woman wriggled her brows, “Do you even have to ask?”

Tiffany laughed and started eating as the girls switched to another topic.

 

 

***

 

 

“Hi,”

“Hello,”

Tiffany pulled out the chair across her best friend, smiling at the woman while doing so, before sitting down with a huff. It was yet another one of their dinners—now in a good ‘ole meat house they both liked to frequent—and she had been late for twenty minutes. Making Taeyeon wait made her extremely guilty, since the girl would always welcome her with a patient smile.

“I’m sorry I was late. Work was—”

“A bish,” Taeyeon supplied, calling the working ahjumma over, “It’s okay, Fany. I was late too, you know. Ten minutes, to be exact,”

Tiffany had to smile. Taeyeon always knew how to make her smile. “I was going to say that work was hectic but I guess that would suffice better. Your colorful vocabulary is outstanding,”

Taeyeon gave her a greasy wink, “I learn from the best,”

The stress caused by work was slowly lifted off her shoulders as she laughed, loving this side of her best friend; that dorky, lovable side that she always found cute and endearing. As her laughter died down, she silently watched as Taeyeon placed their orders, wondering how someone could look so good in such casual clothing of a sleeveless blue shirt, bare face, and un-styled hair.

“What?” Taeyeon suddenly asked, “Did I forget to order something?”

She really wasn’t paying attention to what the woman ordered but she shook her head nonetheless. Taeyeon knew exactly what to get and she trusted her to. “How was bumming out at home?”

“Lots of fun,” Taeyeon shrugged, “I woke up at—”

“Ten. Ate cereals for breakfast because you can’t cook anything decent other than cereals. And then you drag yourself back to your room and played with your phone, ending up falling asleep and forgetting to set your alarm so that’s why you’re ten minutes late,”

“I can cook—”

“Oh, please don’t you dare bring up your ramyun skills. And baking isn’t considered.”

“Well I played—”

“Sims on your laptop,”

“Dang it,” Taeyeon pouted that pout that she had grown to be fond of through the years.

Tiffany gave her a sideway toothy grin that stood on the line between a smile and a smirk, “I know you too well, Kim Taeyeon,”

“Of course you do,” Taeyeon said, now smiling back, propping her cheek on her knuckles.

Both stared at each other, a little too long and still with those little smiles on their faces just like the many previous occurrence that was too many to count yet they both always fail to notice. Tiffany liked looking into Taeyeon’s eyes. They were filled with such profound warmth and comfort, making her at ease despite the fluttering butterflies and tingling nerves. She felt giddy at the way Taeyeon looked at her. Those gentle eyes made her feel…special.

Taeyeon never failed to make her feel so. Her friend was ever so attentive and caring. So kind and loving that sometimes, Tiffany couldn’t help but feel like there’s something more behind those little gestures that left big impressions. Whenever she thoughtfully sends her a gift that she bought because it reminded her of her, whenever she reaches out to gently tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and even when—most importantly when—she gives her that look that was reserved for her and her only. She felt special. She felt loved.

But she always reminds herself that it was a friendly love and Taeyeon was just being a very very good best friend. She didn’t want to assume that her feelings were reciprocated. It might destroy their precious friendship that they cultivated for years. No, she couldn’t possibly let that happen. She didn’t even know when those feelings started to grow. Through the years, it just happened, very much like a plant that grew with the help of the fertilizer that is Taeyeon’s…well, Taeyeon’s everything.

And because Taeyeon always gave her everything, she often wondered—

Their little staring contest was broken when the working ahjumma came with their orders. The woman was friendly. Friendly enough to comment on their relationship. Or what she thought was their relationship.

“Samgyupsal!” Tiffany squealed, smiling wide and clapping at the sight of the meat being placed on the table.

Taeyeon chuckled, “I know you too well, Hwang Miyoung,” she said, mimicking the woman’s previous words in a mocking tone.

Tiffany glared at her.

Taeyeon gave her a lopsided grin.

“Aigoo, look at you kids, clearly smitten. Ah, young love nowadays…really liberated, right?” the woman cooed and both girls flushed red, their expressions turning from playful to flustered, “How long have you been together, eh?”

“Oh, um, I think you’ve gotten it wrong—”

“Eight years,” Tiffany blurted before she could stop herself. She could feel the warmth on her cheeks but she pushed through anyway. She also felt Taeyeon’s surprised gaze and that only made her cheeks warmer, creeping up to her ears. “It’s been eight years, ahjumma,”

The woman chuckled merrily, “That’s real long! You good to go for marriage!”

Taeyeon coughed.

Tiffany felt her cheeks grow warmer. She probably looked like a tomato right now. “T-Thank you,” she laughed awkwardly. It wasn’t the first time that someone had mistaken them as couples. It always left them flustered and red. Tiffany didn’t know about Taeyeon but the butterflies in her stomach would go wild each time, though there was also the pang of pain, hoping that what others thought was indeed real, that they were indeed a thing.

It would always leave Tiffany wondering if she should let Taeyeon know and take things further.

But no. She was a coward. And so she would stay rooted in her place, not daring to cross the line.

Though this time, she took a step forward. A tiny, little, step but still a step nonetheless.

Neither of them had ever acknowledged it and says it’s true.

Until now.

“What was that?” Taeyeon asked when the woman had left. Her face was serious, her eyes intensely boring into Tiffany’s, asking a lot of silent questions.

Feigning nonchalance, she shrugged and flipped a piece of meat, “Might get a discount or something,” she said, eyes still on the grill.

And if she threw a quick glance across, she would have seen the way her face fell.

“Oh,” Taeyeon muttered, “Good thinking,”

Dinner that night was unusually quiet, the air heavy with unspoken questions and hidden truths.

 

 

***

 

 

Tiffany always did that.

She always did confusing, mind-blowing, heart stopping things that made Taeyeon want to pull her hair out. Her best friend always did not-so-subtle things that led her on and she ends up being angry at herself most of the time for falling for it.

Tiffany telling the ahjumma that they were indeed a couple—of ten years at that—was not the first.

She could remember their college days—the time she realized that she actually had feelings for her best friend—when Tiffany had started getting extra touchy with her (or maybe that was just some psychological thing that she started noticing and putting malice on everything). The way she’d always lace their fingers together, the way she’d always make up cute (cringe worthy) nicknames for her, the way she’d write all those gross things in her blog (it was in English but the Google Translate told her the gist of it), the way she’d randomly feed her from time to time, the way she’d stare at her with those eyes—she actually felt special. She felt loved.

(Of course she was special and loved. She was the best friend.)

But then she’d also notice how Tiffany was like that to everyone. The girl was touchy, all right. She called everyone else nicknames too. Who knew how many guys and girls she pretended to be in a relationship with just to get a discount?

Taeyeon unconsciously pouted as she watched her best friend go about the room, clad in her very own blue pajamas. She liked seeing her clothes on Tiffany. It gave off a familiar, domestic feeling that made her giddy.

“Hurry and come here, Fany,” she whined, already settled on the couch; tucked in her favorite Kaonashi blanket while cradling a tub of ice cream.

The woman yelled a ‘wait’ from the kitchen and returned with a spoon in hand. She sat beside Taeyeon, nudging her to share some of her blanket and snuggled close, making butterflies erupt in Taeyeon’s tummy. Tiffany smelled of lavenders and vanilla—Taeyeon’s shower gel and shampoo. Again, it gave off a familiar feeling that made her giddy. With Tiffany, she wouldn’t even need the blanket anymore. The girl kept her warm enough.

“Turn it on, hurry,” Tiffany said, already snatching the remote from her grip and pushing the ‘play’ button. The movie started and they were both engrossed, catching every word and watching every scene unfold while eating their ice cream with gusto.

They were so into the film (to the point where Taeyeon was fighting hard not to tear up because that would’ve been embarrassing) that both didn’t notice that they had finished their dessert. Spoons clanged, hitting each other in their search. It made them look at each other, laughing as their eyes meet.

“We finished it all, huh?” Taeyeon said, unable to tear her eyes off Tiffany’s smile.

“Yeah. Should I go get another?”

Taeyeon nodded and Tiffany started to stand when the former noticed something that made her stop the latter with a grip on the wrist. Tiffany looked at her, her position an awkward half-standing, half-sitting.

“Wait,” she pulled her back down, her eyes glued to that careless (cute) stain on her bottom lip.

Before Tiffany could reply, Taeyeon was brushing the pads of her thumb on the soft lip, wiping off the stain.

“There,” she gave her a smile, her eyes lifting only to meet intense ones. Tiffany had that look again. That only look among her many that Taeyeon couldn’t understand and that was saying something, since she was fluent in Tiffany.

They stared silently; even the audio from the video was turned down in their mind. All they could hear was their shallow breathing and the pounding of their hearts. When did they end up sitting so close? Wait, why was the distance between them reducing?

“Ice cream,” Tiffany blurted before their noses could bump, “I’ll go get ice cream,”

The breath she unconsciously held was released as Tiffany got off and all but scurried to the kitchen. She sighed, leaning on the backrest as her eyes bore on the screen, not really registering the movie anymore but rather, a different film—a film of the past. The touchiest thing Tiffany did.

That time when she’d gotten her first kiss.

It was their last year in senior high school and Taeyeon had just returned from a dinner date with her boyfriend. He was sweet, a gentleman even. And he was also Taeyeon’s first.

A lot of boys pursued her back in the day but she found herself saying yes to that particular guy. She couldn’t remember why. Maybe because he was cute and he was funny but then a lot of her suitors had been cute and funny as well.

(Or maybe, it was because she needed a distraction from a certain best friend.)

(And maybe, she was already crushing on said girl since high school,)

When she got home to their dorm—of course, shared with Tiffany—the girl had pounced on her and started grilling her with questions as to how the date went, excited that the girl who always turned everyone down actually went out with someone.

“Well, it was nice,” Taeyeon had said just to placate the gushing girl. It wasn’t a lie. It was indeed nice.

“I need the details!”

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she sat down on the couch with Tiffany and started recounting her date. The girl was good at reacting. She squealed at the right parts and cooed at the others and got angry at some.

“And he walked me back to the dorms,” Taeyeon said with finality.

“Did you hold hands?”

Taeyeon had rubbed her nape thoughtfully, remembering that their arms and fingers had brushed a couple of times and he looked quite distracted, “He might have wanted to,”

Tiffany gasped, “Yet he didn't?” she started fanning herself, “Oh, that must’ve been frustrating,”

Taeyeon laughed.

“And then?” Tiffany urged, “What happened then? No good-bye kiss or something?”

Her cheeks had flushed then, “Er…”

“There was, wasn’t there?”

“Maybe?” she leaned back, getting away from the suddenly eager Tiffany who was intruding her space. “Okay, almost. At the gates, we were hesitant to part and—”

“Aww!”

“—then we went silent, just looking at each other. The next thing I know, his breath was already hitting my face,” she remembered how his breath smelled like; breath mints. Maybe he had popped some on their way.

“But?”

Taeyeon sighed, ducking her head as her cheeks warmed up, “The guard chose that moment to exit the gate while telling us that it was almost curfew.”

Tiffany had blinked thrice before bursting into laughter.

Taeyeon remembered pouting.

“Hey, don’t laugh at me,” she whined, hitting her best friend with a pillow.

“I—But it’s—” her laughter turned to giggles and reduced to a smile, “That’s too bad, Taeyeon-ah,”

“Nah, it’s not. I think it’s for the better,”

“What? Why?”

“I…well…I…” Taeyeon looked away, scratching her cheek, “I wouldn’t know how to…”

Again, Tiffany laughed. And Taeyeon was certain she had pouted again that time.

“I couldn’t even find it on Google! What kind of thing isn’t on Google nowadays?” Taeyeon complained, going all out. Tiffany laughed harder which was okay since she had liked, still does, making Tiffany laugh.

“Okay, maybe it isn’t a bad thing after all,” Tiffany said after collecting herself. Then a gleam shone in her eyes. Taeyeon should’ve known better when she saw that glint. “I have an idea,”

She should’ve rejected the offer.

She should’ve said no.

She should’ve searched deeper in Google.

(It should be there, somewhere in the deep web,)

“What is it?” she shouldn’t have asked that.

“You know, nothing is better than doing it hands-on,” Tiffany started, the glint in her eyes glowing brighter and brighter. “You know that practice makes perfect, right?”

Taeyeon had felt dubious. She should’ve trusted her instincts. “What do you mean?”

“I mean to say that how about you practice? Even if it’s found in Google, you still wouldn’t know what to do, right? That’s why we have practical tests at school,” Tiffany said, “And I could help you with that,”

Taeyeon’s eyes had lit up then, painfully innocent and naïve, “You would?” then realization took place, “B-But that would mean…”

Tiffany had laughed at her reaction, pinching her cheek fondly, “Cute. But don’t you think it’s safer with me? We’re best friends, after all. People do this a lot back in America, this practice thing,”

“I—I suppose…”

Tiffany beamed, “Well, should we get started?”

She shouldn’t have nodded.

After that, she couldn’t remember much except for Tiffany inching closer, gently cupping her cheek and whispering ‘relax’ in a way that made her everything but relax. The feeling of Tiffany’s soft lips molding against her own was still so vivid even after years. She could never forget the way she felt like she ate millions of butterflies for dinner with those fluttering feelings swirling in her stomach, up to her chest. She could never forget the way goosebumps spread on her skin, hairs standing with every touch. She could never forget the way her lips tingled after the so-called practice. She could never forget the way it felt so right, though at the back of her head she knew that it was so wrong. She could never forget and her dreams the nights later helped her not to.

And now, after so many years, Taeyeon still couldn’t forget.

Another sigh escaped her lips as she remembered how Tiffany had smiled wide right after, telling her that she was a fast learner and not showing any signs that the kiss had affected her as much as it affected Taeyeon.

Oh, it affected Taeyeon, all right. It affected her so much that she dreamt of it for a few nights (even seldom until now) and she had given Tiffany’s lips a longer than normal look and she had done a crazy thing when she got drunk…

Taeyeon shivered, let's not get into that.

“You’re running out of ice cream,” Tiffany had returned, a tub of chocolate chip ice cream in hand. She squeezed herself in the blanket again, as though nothing happened a few moments ago.

(And maybe it was indeed nothing,)

“I’ll buy more tomorrow,” Taeyeon said, shoving a spoonful into and trying not to choke when Tiffany leaned her head against her shoulder. It had been eight years for heaven’s sake when will she get used to it?

“Mmm,” her best friend hummed, “Let’s do that,”

Taeyeon had to smile, warmth bubbling in her chest as she leaned her head against Tiffany’s, “Let’s.”

 

 

***

 

 

Damn.

Leaning against the cold marble counter, Tiffany tried to catch her breath. She had basically escaped the living room. Her bottom lip still tingled with warmth from Taeyeon’s touch. The girl didn’t even have any idea what she had done, innocently smiling at her after wiping her lip with her thumb which was a no-no when the owner of the lips was secretly crushing on the owner of the thumb. Heck, she could’ve died.

Taeyeon had given her that look again. That look that never failed to bring up her hopes that maybe, just maybe, there was something. But then again, Taeyeon was gentle and kind with everyone, wasn’t she?

Shutting her eyes tight, she tried to calm herself down. The flutters in her stomach were getting annoying and it certainly wasn’t caused by the ice cream. She turned around, leaning back on the counter instantly regretted it. The sight of Taeyeon’s kitchen only brought up certain memories, ones that made the tingle on her lips stronger.

It was a memory back from when they were in college, when they had a small party—just with their small group of friends and of course, the house owner didn’t really willingly agree. 

It was several years after their first kiss. Well, it was just ‘practice’ but it was a kiss nonetheless. Tiffany had not expected it despite being the one who suggested, really. She thought it would be harmless (she was oblivious to her own feelings then) so why not give it a try?

But everything changed when those lips molded with hers. Frankly, she had never kissed girls before Taeyeon so in a way, it was also her first. She just naively thought it would be the same. Obviously, she was proven wrong. Taeyeon’s lips were made of extra soft and fluffy stuff, all right. She could still remember the sweet after taste of the girl’s cherry flavored lip balm. Her cheek was smooth and soft to the touch; a stark difference to men’s hard, and, well, manly features. It was, without doubt and competition, the best lips she’d ever kissed in her twenty two years of living.

And, well, it wasn’t the last time she was given the honor of tasting those supple lips.

The second time they kissed was in that small party she recalled they held in Taeyeon’s apartment. They had decided to have a celebration because Yuri had finally passed her calculus and poor Taeyeon had to host the party just because she lost a game of rock-paper-scissors. She had always been terrible at that game.

“Okay so how about this,” Sooyoung had said as they sat on the floor, forming a circle, “We should obviously play a drinking game,” the suggestion earned murmurs of agreement (except for Taeyeon who couldn’t drink to save her life and Seohyun who would save her life rather than drink).

“I’m out of this, unnies,” the youngest stood, sitting on the couch instead.

“Oh, c’mon Juhyun! Don’t be such a spoilsport!” Yoona whined, tugging on Seohyun’s hand.

“No, unnie. I’m not yet legal. Besides, did you know that it will accumulate—”

Well, let’s just say that that statement was interrupted by simultaneous yells of something along the lines of ‘stop!’

In the midst of this chaos, Taeyeon had meekly raised her hand, “Um, actually I—”

“NO!” everyone disagreed.

She remembered Taeyeon groaning, pleading out. Yet everyone didn’t let her to. She remembered those pleading eyes meeting hers.

“Come on, Taeyeon-ah. It’ll be fun,” she remembered saying with a smile.

And so Taeyeon stayed seated.

She shouldn’t have said that.

She should’ve helped Taeyeon out of that game.

The girls had decided to play a game of truth or dare, though the questions and dares came from a mobile app Hyoyeon had installed, programmed to spew questions and dares on a difficult level. The rules were simple: spin the bottle, the person who spun it would either ask or dare the person pointed by the bottle and if the victim succeeded to answer or do the dare, the other would have to drink a shot—vice-versa.

It had been pretty fun. She remembered laughing a lot. Their friends had been ridiculous and Hyoyeon’s app had amusing dares and questions. She could remember blindfolded Sooyoung blindly feeling around Taeyeon’s fridge, dared to eat the first thing she touch which, unfortunately, was a big chili pepper. Tiffany? Well, she played pretty safe.

“Truth or dare?” Sunny asked.

“Truth,” Tiffany confidently said.

Sunny shrugged, “Truth can be fun,” she grabbed Hyoyeon’s phone and tapped the screen, “Okay here goes. Have you woken up with a stranger on bed? ?”

Tiffany rolled her eyes. Easy. “Yes,” she honestly said and the girls broke out into ‘ooh’s and ‘aah’s.

Sunny drank her shot.

It went that way for a while and she had anything to worry about since her tolerance was pretty high. However, Taeyeon was having a hard time. Somehow, she always ended up drinking her shot. Tiffany could still remember how warm her cheeks had felt when she leaned on her bare shoulder somewhere through the game.

“You should stop playing,” she had whispered.

Taeyeon gave her a lazy smile, “Nah, I’m having fun,” she slurred.

Tiffany frowned. Clearly, the girl was already tipsy. A little more push and she’d eventually…

“Taeyeon!” Jessica yelled, having spun the bottle that pointed the said girl, “Truth or Dare?”

Taeyeon sat straight, or at least she tried to. She ended up having to lean on Tiffany’s thigh, her hand burning through the skin as the girl was wearing shorts. She smiled that intoxicated grin, “Dare,”

Tiffany turned, “Taeyeon, are you sure—” she remembered having silenced by a forefinger on her lips.

“Hush,” Taeyeon slurred. Her face was now flushed, “I’ll be fine,”

Then Jessica generated a dare from Hyoyeon’s phone that basically was the cause of it all. The look on Jessica’s face had transitioned from shock to mischief. That cat-like sly smile of hers was—and still is—pure evil.

“I dare you,” she drawled, “To make out with the person…to your left,”

Tiffany remembered blinking dumbly, trying to process before laughing—or did she choke in her own spit and went to a coughing spree? She couldn’t recall. But the anticipation and nervousness in her stomach was still vivid to her mind. Taeyeon had been sitting on her right so therefore, she was the person on the latter’s left.

Taeyeon had laughed as well, “Seriously?” she laughed some more; a hearty drunken chortle.

And then she looked at her.

Tiffany looked back, stunned and unable to comprehend what was happening. She was rarely silent in her life and that had been one of those scarce moments. She hadn’t said a word. Not a word of protest, or a word of incredulity. She was as mute as a, well, mute person.

It seemed like eternity. Taeyeon always had that magic of making time slow down when their eyes meet and Tiffany had been oblivious of her closeted feelings, though it had occurred to her countless times and every single time, she’d come up with a logical reason behind her absurd emotions—or at least tried to.

Then Taeyeon broke into a grin, “Nah,” she snatched up the shot glass and downed its contents in one go.

She didn’t know what to make of that.

Everyone had been silent then. Why? Tiffany had no idea. But she was the first to break the ice. She laughed and everyone laughed along and the game went on.

But that wasn’t the point of the memory.

The important part started when she excused herself to the kitchen (which still looked the same since Taeyeon was a lazy bum who disliked rearranging) because Taeyeon had started to look redder and redder and she just simply couldn’t let it pass. She herself was already tipsy at that time, though what was she thinking, going to the kitchen? Did she plan on brewing Taeyeon some coffee? Warm milk? Grab some soda? She had forgotten. What happened next made her forget.

Her eyes strayed to the little pathway leading to the kitchen from the living room and could still recall clearly how Taeyeon had walked in, swaying a bit just as she finished pouring herself a shot of soju (why oh why she was pouring herself some more alcohol, she couldn’t remember. Maybe she was too wasted to notice the difference between soju and water). She could also recall rushing up to the clearly drunk girl to help her walk.

“Careful,” she mumbled, “What are you doing here?”

“Following you,” Taeyeon lurched forward, into Tiffany’s arms. Her weight made the latter stagger back, almost falling if not for the cold marble counter, though the impact still made her wince. She could smell the alcohol mixing with Taeyeon’s scent—a scent she couldn’t quite point out until now, though she knew it was just…so Taeyeon.

“Tae, you’re drunk,”

Of course, a drunk would reply, “No, I’m not,”

Taeyeon had badly slurred the words and Tiffany somehow found it cute she actually smiled, “Please don’t be an annoying drunk,”

Taeyeon grinned back, “I’m always awesome, never annoying. And for your information, I ain’t drunk.”

Tiffany giggled and poked Taeyeon’s nose, “Well, at least you’re a cute drunk,”

“I’m always cute,”

Tiffany raised her brows, “I thought you don’t like being called cute,”

“Maybe,” she buried her face in the crook of Tiffany’s neck, making her voice muffle, “But if it’s you calling me cute, I don’t mind.” she leaned back; just enough for Tiffany to meet her eyes and see her frown, “Why is that?”

“I don’t know,” Tiffany’s voice had reduced to a whisper, “You tell me,”

Their faces had been so close Tiffany actually felt Taeyeon’s alcohol breath hitting her face. Their eyes had locked, each exchanging gazes that the other found hard to read. The tension in the air had been so thick; one could cut it with a knife.

And then Taeyeon’s gaze fell down.

Down…

Down…

Down to her lips,

“Your lips are soft,” the girl suddenly said, “And sweet…I like it,”

Tiffany gulped, unconsciously swiping her tongue across her bottom lip, “O-Oh yeah?” she stammered, “Well, if you like it so much, why didn’t you do Jessica’s dare earlier?” she blurted out without thinking. It was the alcohol in her system, she reasoned.

Taeyeon’s eyes rose back to hers, “It’s not right,” she said, “I don’t like kissing in public,”

“How about in private?” it was definitely the alcohol talking.

There had been a brief twinkle in Taeyeon’s eyes, “Define private,”

Tiffany often wondered if she had those twinkle in her eyes as well when she replied, “Mmm, I don’t know. Being alone in someone’s kitchen, maybe?”

Taeyeon stared at her for a minute and she remembered squirming, “Is this a dare, Hwang?”

Tiffany reached for the shot glass, lifting it up, “Maybe. You gonna take the shot again?”

A grin graced Taeyeon’s lips. Her fingers closed around Tiffany’s wrist, taking it down with the glass, “Nah,” she leaned forward, the small gap between them getting smaller…and smaller…

“I’d take the dare,”

 

 

***

 

 

“Congratulations on your wedding, unnie,” Taeyeon greeted the woman during the wedding’s reception, “I wonder when little Soonkyu would get married. That would be a pleasant surprise,” her eyes drifted to Sunny who stood beside her sister.

The newly-wed laughed, “A pleasant surprise indeed,” she said, “That would happen in, I don’t know, five, ten years later maybe?”

It was their wedding reception and though Taeyeon was dying to change out of her pastel blue dress and three-inch heels into comfortable jeans and sneakers, she was still elated for the bride and would endure the discomfort of her clothes to celebrate for the woman. She was like a sister to all of them, after all.

“Excuse me,” Sunny said, indignant, “I could get married to any man that I want,”

“Oh?” Taeyeon raised a brow, “Then why are you still single, Ms. Sunshine?”

“That’s obviously because I haven’t found the man that I want, stupid,”

“I thought you wanted that guy you used to work with,” Sunny’s sister chimed in.

Standing beside Taeyeon with their arms linked, Tiffany joined in the bully-Sunny-for-being-single operation. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her light pink dress (though Taeyeon thought she always did look gorgeous). “Yeah, I could remember you going all moony-eyed on that Minkyu,” she said.

Sunny made a nonchalant wave of her hand, “Meh. I realized I didn’t really like him that much. I haven’t found the right person and that’s it. You two, however,” she narrowed her eyes on Tiffany and Taeyeon, “Are still single despite having a nasty habit of man-hopping. Did you already, perhaps, find the right person?” she gave their linked arms a knowing glance before meeting their eyes again, wriggling her brows, “And, I don’t know, took them as your date to every event you attend, maybe?”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes, hoping that her concealer also helped conceal her rising blush. It was true that they both always went as each other’s plus one whenever necessary. It was kind of automatic. Whenever there was an event Taeyeon or Tiffany needed to attend, they just automatically become each other’s date because, well, it was convenient (and Taeyeon secretly liked it).

She tugged Tiffany closer without thinking, “Sunny, we’re already happily married, remember?” she said, pointing at her key pendant which Tiffany had a matching lock hanging on her neck. It was an inside joke in their circle of friends; that Taeyeon and Tiffany were basically married, though it had been long since it was last brought up.

“Yeah, I’m her wife,”

“We’re wives,”

Sunny and her sister stared for a moment, dumbfounded before bursting into laughter. Their loud, unladylike chortles made Taeyeon’s cheeks heat up even more but she urged it to cool down.

“You—You girls should see your faces,” Sunyoung managed to say between laughter.

Sunny snorted, “Fools,” she snickered.

In the middle of all that the groom made his way over to them and took his bride who was still smiling widely as she waved at them. Sunny left a moment later, a smirk on her face and a scandalous comment of, “Hope you had a pleasant honeymoon,” which left the two redder than ever.

Sighing as Sunny walked away, Taeyeon tugged on Tiffany’s arm, leading her to sit on their table. Her feet ached like heck and were probably redder than her face and she couldn’t imagine what the state of Tiffany’s had been. The girl was wearing higher heels, after all.

“Well, that was embarrassing,” Tiffany chuckled, removing her heels and massaging her legs. Taeyeon’s suspicions were right. Her feet had been aching. She leaned down and examined Tiffany’s reddened foot, “Does it hurt much?”

Tiffany smiled, shaking her head, “Not much. It’s bearable,”

“Well I don’t want you to bear with it.” Taeyeon mumbled, sitting up, “Wanna head home? I’ll massage them for you,” she wriggled her fingers.

Tiffany propped her cheek on her knuckles, “Are you really concerned or are you just using my feet as an excuse to leave, you anti-social house fairy?”

Taeyeon pulled an offended expression, “Can’t I be concerned with my wife?” she said, the ‘w’ word sending tingles in her stomach. Damn.

Tiffany laughed that beautiful laugh of hers that got Taeyeon staring with a small smile of her own. Eight years into their friendship and she still couldn’t get used to Tiffany’s beauty. How could someone smile brighter than the sun? After all those years, Taeyeon’s heart still skipped at the sight.

“All right then, wife,” Tiffany grinned, “Thank you for the concern,”

For a second, they just stared at each other. They probably looked silly with those lingering smiles on their faces because Sooyoung suddenly popped in between them, rudely sticking her arm between to reach for the bowl of macarons and said, “You look stupid,” in a gratingly cheerful tone.

Well, that broke them apart.

“You’re stupid,” Taeyeon retorted, trying hard not to seem flustered because beside her, Tiffany looked unbothered. That sent a tiny ache in her chest.

“You're stupid,” Sooyoung rebutted through a mouthful of food, “The both of you, seriously. You should go get married,”

Taeyeon grunted, sneaking a glance at Tiffany who only laughed. She sighed, “Scram, Syoung,”

The tall woman stuck out her tongue and walked off somewhere, leaving the two alone again. Taeyeon looked at Tiffany, noticing the thoughtful look in her face and decided to leave her at it, getting lost in her own thought bubble.

She’d never had a long, steady relationship in her life. She didn’t really know what’s stopping her. A lot of decent guys had slipped off her fingers because of…well, some excuses that didn’t make any sense…

He sings well but...

His eyes curves up when he smiles but...

He likes fish but...

His sense of humor is really good but...

And then she would always sigh, trying to mute the continuation to those sentences.

He sings well but...Tiffany's voice is nicer. It was a pleasant surprise when she sang for our music project...damn, I could listen to that voice forever. Oh, crap he was talking to me. What did he say again?

His eyes curves up when he smiles but...it's not really that bright like Tiffany's. Her eyes just twinke and it's so contagious and--wait, why is he smiling? Did I miss a joke?

He likes fish but...Tiffany hates them. Or their eyes. Just their eyes. She'd shriek and cling to me so tight, disturbing the other customers but I think that's cute, though we did get kicked out of a few restaurants...

His sense of humor is really good but...Tiffany's is the worst. So endearing. Remember that time when--

It was absurd, how she always compared everyone to Tiffany and how everything would elicit a memory about the girl, making her space out but she couldn’t help it. It wasn’t even like she had a chance. She knew it wasn’t healthy because if she continued at it, she’d end up signing up in the convent for the rest of her life and celibate.

(Tiffany, after all, was the one and only.)

She takes another glance at the girl who would probably be the cause of her being an eternal maiden and sees the same faraway look. This time, she decided to pry (but not without staring for a bit because damn, she’s beautiful). But Tiffany spoke before she could.

“Hey, Taeyeon,” she said, still looking at the distance.

She was startled for a moment before she croaked a, “Y-Yeah?” turning her head to stare off.

“When we reach our mid twenties—I don’t know, twenty five or something?” Tiffany started, “And we’re still both single, we should probably just get married.”

Taeyeon would’ve coughed but she grinned instead, finding the idea ridiculous. Tiffany threw it out there as casual as she’d say hey we should probably buy pizza for dinner. “Yeah, sure, why not,” she said.

“Everyone suggests so,”

“Yep, they do.”

Tiffany looked at her, raising her pinky finger, “It’s a promise,”

Taeyeon, in all her seriousness, hooked her pinky with Tiffany’s, “Promise,”

And then they laughed.

“Does this mean we’re engaged?”

“Probably,”

Well, it looks like Taeyeon’s plans of celibacy would have a slight change.

 

 

***

 

 

Taeyeon had started going out with people again. Tiffany thought she just didn’t want to end up married with her when they reached the age of twenty-five.

Now, Taeyeon walked to and fro in Tiffany’s living room, fussing over her appearance which the house owner already found impeccably perfect without effort.

It didn’t sit well with Tiffany; Taeyeon’s going to a date with others. But the woman asking her for help was like a punch in the gut. She had wanted to wretch and scream NO WAY! and lock her best friend in her closet but instead she forced a grin and said Why not? like the supportive best friend that she was, though the effort killed her. All she wanted was to be the person Taeyeon was working hard to look good for. The person—the damn lucky person who’d be the center of her love and affection. Tiffany fisted her hands, feeling a wave of unpleasant envy in her chest. How great could it be, to be in the position of that person?

“How do I look?” after countless times dashing around the room, Taeyeon finally stopped in front of her, looking deadly in her loose grey shirt tucked in a high-waisted, figure-hugging black skirt that accentuated her curves quite magnificently, giving off the perfect look of both casual and formal. Her black curls were gathered to one shoulder, exposing the milky skin of her neck and the jewelry dangling from her ear.

(How do you look? Well, you look f****ing beautiful goddammit you make me curse, woman and you have no idea how terrible I feel right now, sending you off like this.)

Taeyeon tugged on her shirt uneasily and Tiffany rolled her eyes, finding her anxiety unreasonable. If she had Taeyeon’s looks, she’d thank God every minute of her life and would flaunt it around as much as she could.

“Stop squirming, Taeyeon. You look fine.” she said, holding back the words she really wanted to say.

“Fine?” Taeyeon demanded, sounding panicky, “Just fine?”

“Oh god, you look fu—I mean, freaking beautiful, okay? I’d take you right here, right now,” Tiffany blurted out, causing an awkward silence and exchange of surprised looks. She coughed, averting her gaze. “If you weren’t my best friend whom I’d known for years and had seen in her worst state, that is,” she quickly added, pretty sure that she was blushing.

“Oh,” Taeyeon dropped her gaze for a second before going back up to Tiffany’s, grinning, “Well, that’s reassuring. Thanks, boo,” she blew her a raspberry and rushed to her room.

Tiffany scrunched her nose. That endearment was cringe worthy, all right. She could finally understand why Taeyeon squirmed every time she called her ‘boo’. Then the thought of Taeyeon having endearments with others popped in her head and she clenched her jaws, trying to rein in the green-headed monster inside.

Few minutes later, Taeyeon came out with her purse. Tiffany could tell that she had just re-sprayed her perfume, judging from the Cool Water scented air when she passed by.

“You sure he won’t stand me up after this?” Taeyeon asked as they walked to the front door.

“Anybody who’d reject you is either blind or is really dumb,” she mentally scolded herself for her second slip of the tongue. Taeyeon laughed as Tiffany basically pushed her out of her apartment, “Go, girl. You’re gonna steal hearts,”

(Yes, plural. Everyone who’d lay their eyes on her best friend would find their hearts missing in their chest. Tiffany was sure of that. Hers, after all, was already long gone.)

“Thanks,” Taeyeon gave her a grateful grin.

“You better tell me all the details, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,”

“Good,” for the first time that night, Tiffany smiled genuinely, “Go on, now. You wouldn’t want him waiting,”

Taeyeon checked her wristwatch and nodded, “Thanks, Fany,” she turned to leave.

“No problem,”

As soon as she saw Taeyeon disappear inside the elevator, Tiffany’s smile fell as she heaved a sigh. She leaned against the door as she shut it close, staring blankly into oblivion. Taeyeon’s perfume still lingered in the air. Her clothes that she meticulously chose from littered the living room. With another sigh, Tiffany went and picked them up, folding them neatly and fighting the urge to bury her nose into the fabric because that would be downright creepy. She the television just to fill in the silence as it was ironically deafening.

She hated the feeling of emptiness as Taeyeon left. The hollow feeling in her chest wasn’t pleasant at all

“Perhaps I should go out there too, huh?”

 

 

***

 

 

Tiffany had started going out with people again. Taeyeon thought she just didn’t want to end up married with her when they reached the age of twenty-five.

Well, it’s not like it wasn’t fair. She was the one who started going back out there, accepting various offers. She was the one who went into a serious relationship first. Yet why was it so ‘effing painful to see Tiffany smiling that bright smile of hers at someone else?

It wasn’t like she wanted to either, she defended herself. She had only done it because she didn’t want to end up hurt. Is being selfish every now and then bad? It wasn’t like they had something going on between them either. They were just friends—heck, they were best friends and best friends are supposed to support each other in everything they do but why the bloody hell did she feel so betrayed and downright possessive?

When Tiffany told her she was meeting this guy—a goddamned handsome one at that—she couldn’t help but feel crestfallen, though she herself was already taken. She had wanted to stomp her feet and whine like a kid deprived of her favorite candy. Smiling had been a difficult thing to do then but she managed. After all, best friends were supposed to support each other, weren’t they?

She sighed and uninterestedly poked her already melted ice cream with her tiny plastic spoon.

“Hey, everything okay?” he asked. He’s been conveniently silent and Taeyeon was grateful for it because pondering over Tiffany and keeping up with a conversation was hard to multitask, as the former always gets majority of her attention.

She sighed again, “Girl problems,”

His face contorted into a confused expression, tilting his head to the side. She could tell that he had absolutely no idea of what she was talking about. “I see,” he managed to say, though she knew he didn’t see anything at all because, boys.

“Well, why don’t we go for a drive? It might take your mind off things for a while,” he flashed a wide, charming grin and Taeyeon thought that he was a waste. It wasn’t hard to imagine girls pining after him and yet here she was, using him as a mere safety net. For the nth time in their almost two-year relationship, she felt guilty.

He was an amazing guy, perfect in every angle, in every way. The kind of guy who proved that chivalry wasn’t dead with a personality just as pleasing as his looks, a man who was dependable and trustworthy, and someone whom every girl could ever need and want. They went along well, too. Taeyeon didn’t just go there and picked whomever. She had to find someone of high quality, all right. Their personalities matched and they clicked faster than she could with other guys. He wasn’t impossible to like and Taeyeon believed that she could grow to like him eventually. She hoped she would. He was, after all, the best one in the flock.

“That would be nice,” Taeyeon said, smiling. They abandoned their melted deserts and he took hold of her hand, intertwining their fingers as they walked to the parking lot. Taeyeon wouldn’t deny the flutters in her stomach then. Any girl would blush when a guy as handsome as her boyfriend holds her hand.

He opened the door for her and opened the door to the car again—chivalry was up and alive in his veins, all right. Taeyeon smiled in thanks before climbing in the sleek dark blue Audi. Heck, their taste in cars matched as well. The door to the driver’s seat opened and he climbed onboard, turning on the music, which fit Taeyeon’s taste as well, and drove off.

They cruise the streets of Seoul, ordering junk-foods from the drive-thru, chatting about their lives, complaining about their work, talking about their dogs, and singing off-tune to their favorite songs while dancing goofily to the beat—pretty much everything and nothing. He was lots of fun to be with, Taeyeon admits.

This could work. This should work.

When they reached near her neighborhood, he put the roof down and drove slowly so the winds were bearable and pleasant, not the ones that would ruin their hair. The crisp autumn night breeze blew pleasantly.

“And then—And then—” Taeyeon tried to talk in between her laughter, “And then she freaked out just like that! In the restaurant!” she burst into chortles, shaking uncontrollably in her seat.

He smiled, watching her, “I should really meet this Tiffany friend of yours.” he said, “She sounds like an awesome person,”

“Oh, she is,” Taeyeon mused, her laughter reduced to a small smile, “She could be a bit embarrassing—” she snorted, “Okay, sorry. She could be a lot embarrassing but yes, she’s awesome.” her eyes softened, “She’s the best friend I could ever wish for, really.”

He looked over, noticing the gentle look that has taken over the humorous mirth in Taeyeon’s eyes. “It seems like she is,”

The car pulled over Taeyeon’s building but she made no move to get out. The reluctance came from the fear of being alone in her apartment again where thoughts would relentlessly bombard her. She’s had enough of those.

He cleared his throat, “So…” she looked at him. He looked flustered, “See you tomorrow?”

She smiled, “Sure,”

“Should I pick you up for work?”

“Nah, I’ll drive on my own,”

“Oh, um. Okay.” he said, “Aren’t you…er, going up?”

She held his gaze, “Later,”

“Okay,”

They locked eyes for a moment before Taeyeon grinned at the apparent tension in the young man. She leaned in, dropping a kiss on his cheek and ruffling his hair fondly.

“H-Hey! Not the hair!” he protested, though his cheeks were flushed.

She giggled, finding him cute. “Thanks for tonight. I had fun,” she opened the door, “Bye,”

“Bye,” he said, a tinge of disappointment in his tone before he drove off. The car had turned to a corner and disappeared when Taeyeon finally realized what he had been expecting.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. The poor guy had expected a good-bye kiss. On the lips. Why am I so dense?

Sighing, she trudged to her building, robotically punching her floor number in the elevator then in her door only to be surprised to find her lights on and television blaring.

“How was your date?”

Taeyeon’s jaw almost fell, “Fany?”

Tiffany gave her a look, “What, am I not allowed to have sleepovers in my best friend’s house just because said friend is taken?”

Indeed, she was dressed for a sleepover. Taeyeon’s blue pajamas fit her quite nicely and that oddly made her flustered. The image of Tiffany in her clothes always did her in.

“N-No…it’s just…” Taeyeon shook her head. She didn’t expect Tiffany to be there, though the woman always welcomed herself in her apartment without her permission, but ever since they had their relationships, things had become a bit different. Nevertheless, the sight of her best friend made her heart leap with joy. “Scoot,” she chided and plopped down beside the woman.

“Aren’t you changing clothes first?” Tiffany pushed her away, “You reek of your boyfriend,” she wrinkled her nose.

“His perfume is nice,” Taeyeon said, pushing against Tiffany playfully.

“Whatever,” Tiffany relented, “So, how was your date?”

“Hmm?” the movie Tiffany watched was good, Taeyeon was immediately engrossed.

“Your date. How was it,”

“Oh. It’s all right,” she said absently, “We did this and that,”

“What exactly is this and that,”

Taeyeon turned and saw Tiffany looking at her seriously, matching her tone, “Whoa, hold up. What’s wrong?”

Tiffany shook her head, “Never mind,” she said, eyes returning to the screen, “Change your clothes and come back here with a blanket. That’s an order.”

“Aye aye, your majesty,” Taeyeon rolled her eyes yet complied, changing into her comfortable oversized shirt and shorts with her favorite Kaonashi blanket tucked under her arm. She returned to her seat and Tiffany curled up next to her immediately, making the simple task of breathing hard. With her right arm and shoulder claimed by Tiffany, she was stiff as a pole.

“Tae,” Tiffany spoke, “It’s almost Christmas,”

“Uh-huh,” Taeyeon hummed, “What would you like to have?”

Tiffany fiddled with her phone before shoving the screen to her face, “This one,” she said with a mischievous smile.

It was a picture of an expensive diamond necklace. Huh.

“Okay,” Taeyeon shrugged.

Tiffany laughed, “Thanks, boo,”

She turned stiffer, if that was possible, when Tiffany turned her head, her nose brushing against her neck as she breathed in. “I like your scent better,” she murmured and inched closer, hot breath fanning against her neck, “I missed you,”

Just like that, all of her efforts of moving on went down the drain.

 

 

***

 

 

Tiffany watched the snow fall down through the tinted window. The jingles of Christmas filled the air, giving the restaurant a Christmas-y feel. There she was, in yet another posh restaurant with a classy man whom she claimed to like and had a relationship with for a month now. She had went on with her—as Sunny put it—man-hopping hobbies for two-years now ever since Taeyeon had a serious relationship that still went strong until now.

But there was no denying the hollow feeling in her chest. This year, there was nothing merry about her Christmas at all.

She shifted her eyes from the window to his chiseled face when he started to talk. Was it about work? A random occurrence in his day? It was hard to tell. She wasn’t really listening.

Don’t get her wrong; he was handsome and nice and all and she did like him, even if just a bit. He was a successful businessman; the type that had slick and stylish black hair, crisp, freshly-pressed suits, and shoes that could pass as a mirror, as reflective as it was. His face was manly handsome. Not acceptable as cute but handsome with those chiseled jawline, high cheekbones, thick brows, and hard lips. She had a taste in manly men who wore suits. Mainly because they reminded her of her father; trustworthy and dependable.

Then her phone vibrated and she forgot all about her preference in men. She never really looked at girls but this one was an exception and Tiffany never knew why. She was far from her type with those soft brown eyes, squishy cheeks, and supple lips. She was both cute and beautiful (and perhaps, in her own way, occasionally handsome).

From: Taeyeon 

Hi. Are you still going on that Christmas trip with him?

Tiffany bit her lip. For years, they had never failed to spend Christmas together. Yet this time, she might be putting a break to that cycle. Oh, how she wanted to just stay in her or Taeyeon’s apartment and laze around with warm mugs of chocolate instead of travelling around in the harsh winter weather with him. But she couldn’t. If she wanted to move on successfully, she’d have to put as much distance between them as possible, as much as she hated it.

“Who’s that?” he asked, his voice a deep baritone.

Tiffany put away her phone, twirling her pasta around her fork, “It’s Taeyeon. She’s asking about our plans for tomorrow.”

“Ah, right. Speaking of that,” he put down his fork and elegantly wiped his lips with a napkin, “You haven’t given me an answer yet. We have to go tonight, you know.”

Tiffany chewed a mouthful of pasta, just to keep her busy. She chewed thoughtfully, reluctantly choosing between what she wanted and what she needed. She desired to be with Taeyeon, just like the old times. They would bake cakes and cookies and have fun with their friends before sleeping over each other’s apartments. She would wake up to the sight of Taeyeon smiling down at her, looking very much like an angel with the sunlight illuminating her beautiful face.

But she needed to be away from all of those. Any more of Taeyeon’s gentleness would eventually push her to the edge. She’d sooner or later burst and she knew that if she does, she would definitely regret it. The chance that Taeyeon reciprocated her feelings was low. She didn’t want to hope as expectations often led to disappointments. She needed to be away from Taeyeon and he was the perfect getaway.

She took her time with her food and washed it down with her wine. He waited patiently, looking at her with those expectant eyes that no girl could say no to. By the time she put down her wineglass, she had made her decision.

“I can’t,”

After all, there was that one fact that she both wanted and needed Taeyeon. It wasn’t really much of a choice.

He nodded, “Very well,” he reclined on his seat, and started talking about other stuff. It was another pleasant quality that he never questioned her decision and instead respected them. This time, Tiffany paid attention to their conversation which stretched to long hours, as they got engrossed in chatting.

“My, my, would you look at the time,” he chuckled, glancing at his Rolex, “I suppose I’d have to greet you a Merry Christmas, Tiffany,”

“Merry Christmas,” she replied with a smile as they clinked their glasses for a toast. Time slipped by quite quickly. It was now thirty minutes into Christmas.

“It’s late,” he said, “Should we go now? I’ll drive you home,”

She nodded her answer and they stood, walking to his luxurious sedan with linked arms. When they reached a certain intersection, Tiffany told him to turn right instead of left.

“But your apartment is that way,” he argued, confused.

“You’re driving me home, aren’t you? Then you should drive this way,” Tiffany gave him a smile and that pretty much solved everything as he obeyed and turned right.

And Tiffany was home again.

She didn’t bother ringing the doorbell, going straight for the pass code which beeped open as soon as she pressed down the numbers 3981. The apartment was dark which was unusual because Taeyeon often stayed up late during Christmas. Perhaps she fell asleep, Tiffany thought. She removed her heels and made her way to her best friend’s bedroom, saw the bulk of the blankets and smiled. Taeyeon really did sleep early this year.

She was about to get out and proceed to the guest bedroom when she heard the slightest whimper that made her freeze. A thoughtful frown replaced her smile. Just when she thought it was nothing, she heard it again. There it was: a sniff and a muffled sob.

Concerned, Tiffany slowly made her way to the lump that was Taeyeon. The sounds grew louder as she neared, gripping her heart. Worry gnawed at her insides and she managed to stay calm enough to gently put a hand on the bulk of blankets.

“Taeyeon?”

The sounds stopped and Tiffany tried again, patting this time, “Taeyeon?” she softly called.

“T-Tiffany?” came the muffled reply, “Why—” her voice broke, “Why are you here?”

Tiffany frowned, “Taeyeon, are you alright?”

No answer came.

Sighing, Tiffany sat on the side of the bed. “Taeyeon,”

Still no answer.

She pried the blankets off, surprisingly without challenge as she expected Taeyeon to give a fight. Wide, bloodshot, and tearful eyes met hers and for a moment, she didn’t know what to do. Of course, Taeyeon was crying. The sounds she made told her so. But to actually see the girl in that state…she felt something break inside.

“Come here,” she spread her arms.

Taeyeon sprang up and clung onto her tight. She started crying again, wetting Tiffany’s dress but she didn’t mind. Her own arms wrapped around her best friend’s slim waist, comfortingly running a hand up and down on her back. A lump formed in and she tried her best to swallow it down. Taeyeon needed a shoulder to cry on, not another girl to comfort. She would not cry no matter how heartbreaking it was.

“I—I thought,” Taeyeon croaked between her sobs, “I thought you were leaving,” she hiccupped.

Tiffany held Taeyeon closer, “I didn’t. I won’t. Christmas is our thing, remember?” she recalled back in their school days when her best friend wouldn’t go back home for Christmas just to keep her company because her family was in the States. “Merry Christmas, Tae,” she whispered.

Taeyeon didn’t reply but she did tighten her hold. “I…” she started to say after a while, “We broke up,”

Tiffany could feel her heart break into a thousand more pieces. So it was all because of him, huh? She liked him that much, huh? As stupid as it was, the green-headed monster decided to stir inside her at that moment. The unreasonable emotion of jealousy rearing its ugly green head.

She grit her teeth and caressed Taeyeon’s hair, “I understand,” she said, voice too soft.

Taeyeon pulled away, her tear stained face inches from Tiffany’s as she cried out, “No! You don’t understand!”

“Taeyeon,” Tiffany cupped both of her cheeks, “You’re an amazing person. You’re very pretty, you know? And very talented. And very kind. And very lovable. It’s his loss. There are a lot of people out there. You deserve someone better. Someone who’d love you for you,” she said, the words tasting bitter on her tongue.

(Deep down, she wished Taeyeon would see that that someone is her.)

“No,” the girl shook her head, “I broke up with him. I…I broke up with him because…because…” tears started to reform in her eyes.

Taeyeon looked so pain-stricken that Tiffany had to pull her close again, mindlessly kissing the girl’s temple. “Shh,” she comforted, “It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me,”

“No, Tiffany, you don’t understand,” Taeyeon mumbled, clutching the fabric of Tiffany’s dress, “I…I… I lo...” she trailed off and Tiffany felt the weight in her arms getting heavier. She checked on the other woman and saw that she was fast asleep. Oh well, crying that much could be exhausting.

Slowly, she put Taeyeon on the bed, changed her clothes, and removed her makeup before crawling beside her, cradling her in her arms gently as though she would break with one wrong move. She kissed her forehead before closing her eyes. Merry Christmas.

 

 

***

 

 

“Merry Christmas, Taeyeon,”

She groaned and tried to open her eyes which were unusually heavy as though another layer of eyelids were placed on top of them. She blinked once, twice, before the image of Tiffany hovering over her with that gorgeous smile, tousled hair, and a just-woke-up face.

Then she remembered last night.

The night when she decided to break things off with her longest running boyfriend of two years. He was lovely. She could feel his sincerity but throughout all those years, her heart still had other ideas. While he offered everything to her, there she was thinking about someone else. Finally, she decided it was time to stop leading him on. With a few words of ‘I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore’, she cut off the leash that she had put around his neck. It just wasn’t fair to him. No matter how hard Taeyeon tried, her heart still yearned for someone else.

It broke her heart to hurt someone who’d always been nice to her but she headed home, feeling a sense of freedom. Feeling a bit giddy, she sent Tiffany a message, asking if she was still going to that trip she planned with her boyfriend (and hoping that she would say no). Hours passed by and no reply came. Taeyeon had to assume the answer was yes, she was still going on that trip with her boyfriend.

That had been the last straw. Through the years, they had spent lesser and lesser time together but she looked forward especially to Christmas. Their friends would arrange a party and Tiffany would go. But he had to happen and crash the party. Taeyeon had never felt so alone. And that led to a silly emotional breakdown.

Then Tiffany suddenly came and wiped her tears away. There and then she knew that she was stuck. Well, celibacy would still welcome her with open arms. She could always sign up for the convent.

“Tae? You feeling okay?” Tiffany asked, her smile turning to a concerned frown, “You look horrible,”

“Thanks,” Taeyeon croaked out, voice hoarse. She turned to her side to face Tiffany, engaging her to a staring contest.

“Good morning,” Tiffany said, not breaking their eye contact, “Where’s my present?”

Taeyeon frowned, “Aren’t you going to ask?”

“I am asking,”

“No, not about that. About last night,”

Tiffany raised a brow, “What about last night?”

Taeyeon knew that look. Tiffany wasn’t going to ask. She felt relieved. “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to go to a Christmas Vacation with…who was that? I don’t remember but he’s like, the thirteenth or something?”

Tiffany hit her arm (not so softly. Tiffany threw mean punches), “He’s the fifth. Don’t exaggerate.”

“So, why aren’t you with him?”

Tiffany shrugged, “Traveling is a hassle. Now, where’s my present?”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and mumbled something about impatient spoiled brats, which earned her another hit from the said girl, while rolling over to the other side, opening the top drawer of her nightstand, and took out the fancy velvet box with a pink ribbon attached.

“There you go,” Taeyeon nonchalantly tossed the box over but kept a watchful eye on the woman’s reaction which didn’t disappoint.

Tiffany’s eyes went wide, “No way…” she muttered before gingerly untying the ribbon and opening the box. She gasped, “Oh my god, Kim Taeyeon you have gone overboard!”

Taeyeon grinned, “You asked for it,”

Tiffany’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. Taeyeon laughed and took the necklace inside the box, nudging the woman to sit up, and attached the diamonds around her neck.

“There,” she leaned back, observing her handiwork, “It suits you, though you’re in pajamas, it still suits you. Do you like it?” she asked, “Of course you do. You better. You specifically said you wanted that one. You should like it.” she nodded by herself.

Finally, Tiffany smiled a wide toothy grin that spewed rainbows and unicorns, “Thank you,”

“Oomf—!” Taeyeon fell backward as her best friend tackled her into a hug. She laughed, feeling all sorts of giddy in her stomach, “You’re welcome. What about my present?”

Tiffany leaned back, hovering over her, “Why, you got the best present.” she flipped her hair, “I'm your present. I did cancel my trip with him to spend time with you, after all.”

Before Taeyeon could process any of that, Tiffany quickly added, “Kidding. I’ll give you your present later, though it surely has nothing on this necklace.”

Shaking her head, Taeyeon pulled Tiffany down, wrapping her in her arms, “No,” she said, inhaling the scent of her hair, “The necklace got nothing on you. You are the best present I ever had. Merry Christmas, Fany,”

“Cheesy,” Tiffany said but Taeyeon could feel those slender arms hugging her back, “But Merry Christmas to you too, Tae,”

 

 

***

 

 

“Happy Birthday!”

Tiffany smiled so wide until she could no longer see anything. She was pretty sure that her eyes were now reduced to mere lines but it was a happy birthday. It was August 1st, a day when she could smile as wide as she could.

“Blow your candles, Fany-ah,” Yuri urged, bringing the cake to the birthday girl.

“Hey guys, thank you. Really,” she told everyone, meeting every joyful gaze with her own until she her eyes stopped to a rather soft and gentle one that held a different look from others. She held Taeyeon’s gaze for a while before shifting to the lighted candles.

25, the candles said.

She gulped at the numbers, biting her cheek at what it signified. Her eyes strayed back to Taeyeon again, wondering if the woman still remembered the silly promise they made three years ago. Her best friend was single. Tiffany was single (she broke up with him a week after Christmas). She didn’t know if that was good or not.

“Hurry, Fany-ah. I wanna eat the cake,” Sooyoung stepped up, blocking Taeyeon from her line of sight, “Food first, eyesmex later, yeah?”

Tiffany frowned at Sooyoung, though she could feel her face heat up, “One word from me and you ain’t getting any of these, you bottomless pit,”

“Now, now, no need to get so hostile, princess,” Sooyoung immediately tried to placate her. The tall woman stepped aside so she could see Taeyeon again, who now had an amused expression. “Take your time, no rush.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes before her gaze locked with Taeyeon again. Feeling rather bold, she kept their eye-contact as she slowly leaned forward, parting and puckering her lips as she blew the tiny flame. Wisps of smoke rose to the air and her friends cheered, slicing up the cake but she kept her eyes on Taeyeon’s, who also stood unmoving, hoping to convey a message.

You. You're my wish, Taeyeon-ah.

Before she could make sure that her message was understood, Jessica pulled her to the table, serving her platters and platters of food. Everyone gushed over her and though they were only nine, it sure was rowdy. Her friends were being silly as usual but it was quite a sight; nine good-looking women in a private pool, wearing bikinis. They were too noisy that Tiffany often forgot she was friends with pretty girls that people usually drool over.

She sat on the edge of the pool, sipping her fruit mocktail as she watched her friends play around the water with beach balls, inflatable flamingos, and just drowning each other, really.

“Hey,”

Tiffany turned at the voice, holding her breath for a moment. Hips effortlessly swaying hypnotically, Taeyeon walked towards her, looking illegal in her short shorts and white oversized button up shirt that stopped just above her knees, its sheer fabric doing nothing to conceal the black bra she wore underneath. From experience, she knew that Taeyeon was rarely considered hot—okay, she was drop-dead hot when she doesn’t try hard like when she steps out of the bathroom fresh from shower with tousled wet hair and loosely tied bathrobe or when she flashes that lopsided grin of hers that never fails to make Tiffany’s heart do gymnastics (but when Taeyeon did try to be hot, well, let’s just say that didn’t turn out well but Tiffany found it cute).

“H-Hey,” she managed to sputter out as her illegal best friend sat beside her, feet dipping in the water.

Taeyeon gave her one of those said crooked grins about earlier and indeed, her heart did somersaults and 360 flips, “Happy birthday,”

Tiffany averted her gaze to the water. Any more of Taeyeon’s beauty and she would combust. “Thanks,” she gulped a mouthful of her drink, suddenly feeling thirsty.

“You’re old,” Taeyeon teased.

Tiffany snorted, “You’re older,”

“True,” Taeyeon laughed, “We’re already twenty-five. Time flies. It was like yesterday when you were wearing pink braces and couldn’t pronounce anything properly but now your vocabulary is very much more colorful I’m so proud,”

Tiffany jabbed her with her elbow, “Shut up. Don’t tempt me to bring up your horrible past or else you’ll regret ever saying a word,” she threatened.

Taeyeon winced, “Scary,”

“Remember that time when you tried to cut class but ended up hanging in the school gates instead because your coat got caught in the gate? Or do you remember that time when you ran around with a broom between your legs because you thought you were Harry Potter? How about that time when—”

“Oh my god, stop! I got it, Fany. I got it. Not messing with you anymore. Got it,” Taeyeon shivered, looking mortally mortified.

Tiffany smugly smiled, “Score,” she bumped her shoulder to Taeyeon’s, “Tiffany – 1, Taeyeon – 0,”

“Yeah?” Taeyeon faced her, looking determined. Tiffany met her gaze, not willing to back down, “Well then, will you marry me?”

Tiffany almost fell into the pool.

“S-Sorry?”

Taeyeon’s eyes glinted mischievously, “Remember that time when you made me promise to marry you when we reach the age of twenty-five and we’re still single? Well, we’re both twenty-five now and we’re both still single so will you marry me?”

“Sure,” Tiffany inched closer, hoping that she looked confident and not constipated, “I never go back on my word,”

Clearly, Taeyeon was taken aback. The smug look was wiped off her face, “Wh-What?”

Tiffany leaned further forward, “I mean, I did promise,” she said, “And you brought it up so why not?”

She did the mistake of looking at Taeyeon’s lips which were so painfully near. Damn, when did things escalate this fast? Her mind became hazy and she was weak against the pull that brought her in. Slowly…slowly…just a bit more…

Then she met Taeyeon’s eyes, still wide in what she misunderstood as fright.

Tiffany forced out a laugh.

She sputtered out her quiet laugh, clapping her hands all the while. That was close. She shouldn’t have risked it. What could happen if they did kiss…the friendship that would be broken…Tiffany didn’t want to think about it. Through the years, she had indeed become a great actress in hiding her feelings. Sadly, she had lots of practice.

“You—” Tiffany faked a snort. Her heart broke at the image of Taeyeon’s stunned look but she managed keep it up. “You should’ve seen your face! Tiffany – 2, Taeyeon – 0!”

Taeyeon was unusually quiet; Tiffany had to take a peek. The look on her best friend’s face was unreadable. She wasn’t laughing along, she didn’t look mad either. Taeyeon just looked at her, the intense look in her eyes making her unsettled.

“Yeah. Good game,” Taeyeon said in a small voice then she cleared , looking away. She moved to stand, “I—I’ll go get a drink,” she excused herself and disappeared inside, leaving Tiffany dumbfounded.

She blinked a couple of times before realizing that her friends had gone quiet. She looked around and saw the seven of them looking at her with solemn looks in their faces. Have they been watching all along?

“I—We were playing around and then—she—”

“Go after her, Fany,” Sunny told her.

She got up and ran.

 

 

***

 

 

The cold water did nothing to make her feel better.

Taeyeon put down her glass as her eyes glazed to the distance, focusing on nothing in particular. There was that irritating I-shouldn't-have-done-that and a why-am-I-being-like-this feeling swirling in her chest eating her up in self-disgust and regret. Normally, she would’ve laughed along as she was accustomed to Tiffany’s a-little-over-the-line teasing after all (the girl was gonna be the death of her). It turned out that she wasn’t in her normal state earlier.

Sighing, she rubbed her face with her palms, trying to push down the unpleasant feelings churning in her stomach. She needed to get over it and get back there as soon as possible before Tiffany could sense anything wrong. After all, it was her best friend’s birthday. She couldn’t afford to ruin that.

Finishing another glass of water, she steadied herself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. She took in a deep breath, bracing herself before she turned around. And well, as Taeyeon’s luck would have it, there Tiffany was, blocking the doorway. Damn, she’s not ready yet.

She put her game face on and smiled anyway, hoping that it wasn’t too shaky, “Hey, want a drink?” she said, hoping to sound casual.

Tiffany raised her mocktail, “Already have one, though I do want to have a word,”

Taeyeon gulped, “Sure,” she thought she sounded fine, though inside she was in a state of panic, alarm bells going off in her head. What did she want to talk about? Did she find out? Was Taeyeon acting too obvious? Everything she feared of and buried in the back of her mind came rising from their graves, haunting her thoughts once again.

“Are you okay?”

Taeyeon’s brow shot up. She did not expect that. Maybe she seemed rather sick than lovesick? The thought made her relax just a tiny bit because she knew better than to put her guard down with Tiffany that sly sly girl. “Yeah, of course. I’m fine. Why do you ask?” she replied.

Tiffany’s expression held concern. She shifted and Taeyeon saw a bit of curiosity. “Are you sure?”

Taeyeon smiled. She didn’t like worrying Tiffany, “Yeah, don’t worry.”

Tiffany chewed on her lower lip and Taeyeon saw hesitance, “Then why did you react like that?”

Her heart rate sped up, “React like what when?”

Tiffany couldn’t meet her eyes, “When—When we were joking around with that silly promise we made three years ago...”

A ten ton weight seemed to fall on Taeyeon’s chest. Her vision staggered with rage. The terms ‘joking around’ and ‘silly’ did it in for her. She lost control of herself and blurted, “That’s not something you could joke about so easily,” her own tone surprised her. She sounded seething, boiling just below the brim.

Even Tiffany was surprised but that was only for a split second before she turned furious, her brows dipping and her eyes taking a fiery look that was utterly intimidating. “Excuse me? Not something I could joke about so easily?” she scoffed, fists planted on her hips defiantly, “Well, I’m sorry but have you forgotten that you were the one who started it?”

Tiffany had a point but Taeyeon was beyond the point of reason, “Don’t turn this on me,” she tried to sound calm but hints of aggravation still managed to come out. It was like a crocodile half submerged in the water; you could only see its eyes and a bit of its hide but the image was enough to send chills of terror down your spine.

Tiffany, on the other hand, was a full-on nuclear explosion with nothing to hold back. “Don’t turn this on you?” she demanded, voice rising, “It is on you!”

Taeyeon took a deep breath, “You took it too far,”

“It’s was a joke, wasn’t it? It had always been! Why are you taking this so seriously, anyway? What’s it to you? It’s not like you would actually marry me, right? It’s not like you would actually want to?” Tiffany burst out, “You're taking this too seriously. What right do you have to react like this when you have no intentions of actually fulfilling the promise? You don’t, right? I’m sure you don’t. You’re so kind, and gentle, and loving but you’re like that to everyone—”

One step, two steps, three steps.

There’s nothing better than to silence someone using your own lips.

Taeyeon wasn’t really thinking. Tiffany was starting to sound stupid. It was the kind of speech she should be telling her, not the other way around. How dare she imply that she didn’t have feelings for her when she simply was bursting with it? Kissing Tiffany killed two birds with one stone; she get to shut her up and prove her wrong. Tiffany – 2, Taeyeon – 1.

But things go wrong easily especially when you’re kissing someone you like who also kisses back. Bonus points if that someone was your best friend whom you’re not supposed to lip-lock with. Things happen after another as both were carried away by the heat of the moment. Taeyeon even forgot to question why oh why now was Tiffany kissing her back.

Then she was pushed back, their lips breaking apart abruptly. The lost of contact woke her up. Her eyes went wide. The expression on Tiffany’s face was disturbing, her jaw agape, brows furrowed, and eyes wide and (Taeyeon hated this part) teary; a perfect how-dare-you look of incredulity.

As wonderful and knee-melting as the kiss was, Taeyeon was starting to regret. Fear had a vice-grip on her chest and crept up . No. No, she couldn’t let this end just like that. She scrambled for an excuse, desperate to patch up a broken vase with useless tapes and glue, getting her own hands wounded in the process.

“T-Tiffany, I—” the words got stuck in . She what? She didn’t mean to? Yes, in some point she didn’t. But that would let Tiffany think that her previous assumptions were true. That she didn’t like her. That should’ve been fine. Tiffany should think that. But for some reason she knew she shouldn’t let her.

Before she could compose the right sentence with the right words, Tiffany’s jaw had hinged up and clenched and soon Taeyeon stood alone in the room, eyes following the retreating woman before tears clouded her view.

 

 

***

 

 

"Stupid...stupid...stupid..." Tiffany chanted as though it could actually reverse time and bring her back to Taeyeon's arms where she could melt to a puddle of giddiness as she confessed her deepest feelings.

But chanting 'stupid' over and over only made her feel, well, stupid with a little miserable on top. She had no idea why she reacted that way. Sure, the kiss surprised her and butterflies choked . Taeyeon kissed her. That was, like, her goals in life achieved. But Taeyeon kissing her didn't really say anything about the girl's feelings (yeah, sure, call her thick). For all she knew, her best friend just really wanted her to shut up. Yes, she could have just clamped her hand over or simply tell her to (which Tiffany would’ve been thankful for at that time because looking back, she did spout nonsense) but Tiffany didn't want to give it any meaning. She didn't want to hope for nothing.

But why did she run away? She even got teary (FYI, those were tears of joy). Perhaps she was scared. Scared of what, exactly? She had no idea so she didn't buy that excuse. The other seemed more plausible: perhaps she was being stupid. Yes, that sounded right.

Now, she lay in her sheets (she haven't gone out for three days and had to take a sick leave from work, though she suffered no sickness. Lovesickness maybe), feeling horrible and goddamn scared and dreadful.

Taeyeon hadn't followed her out. The girl left the party few moments after what happened. Their friends said nothing about it, thankfully, but they might as well have because those worried and pitiful looks thrown her way was twice worse than an ineffective pep talk. Three days later, Taeyeon still haven't sent any texts like, hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean to kiss you please don't misunderstand  or even better, hey, I really like you will you marry me?

The future...it frightened her. She did not want to think of what might happen. Now Taeyeon probably thought that she didn't like her that way and that she was disgusted or revolted or something like that. Then their friendship would go awkward and would slowly tear apart and they would dwindle down to being strangers faster than Tiffany could say kill me now.

She feared that this was it, this was the end. All those years of precious friendship going down the drain just because she had ed up and ran away when all she wanted to do was melt into a puddle of miserable goo.

Tears of frustration squeezed out of her closed eyes. All these problems and worries, the heavy load on her shoulders without someone to help her carry; she was on her own. She sobbed at that. She desperately wanted a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, gentle eyes gazing at her softly, someone who would whisper reassurance in her ear while soothingly combing her hair—someone who would share all her burden and worry without complaint.

Her phone vibrated, interrupting her moment of self-pity. She paused for a while, about to unlock her screen only to end up staring at her lock screen which was a picture of her and Taeyeon being their normal selves; posing weirdly at the camera.

She erupted into another series of sobs, the text message long forgotten as she buried herself in her sheets of misery once more.

Damn, she wanted her best friend back.

 

 

***

 

 

It had been four days now but Taeyeon still wasn't ready to leave her sheets.

She had been, as Sunny ever so eloquently put it, moping ever since she did her grand exit from Tiffany's birthday party. Locked in her room she was ever since, isolated from the world. But her friends knew her pass code and invited themselves in much to Taeyeon's annoyance.

"We don't know what happened but we're worried," Sunny had said as she sprawled on the blue beanbag in the corner of her room, munching on the chips she stole from Taeyeon's cupboard, and looking every bit but worried as she chewed obnoxiously, "We all know you're the suicidal type,"

Suicide? Oh please. She wouldn't kill herself for such a petty mistake (she did pound her head on the wall one time, muttering 'stupid' along with every hit, but that didn't count).

Well, alright. No, it wasn't petty. Their friendship was on the line. She had always wanted to send a text message, try to patch things up and end it all with a happier note just so she wouldn't lose her—according to Tiffany herself— bestest best friend (she had told the girl countless times when she posted that Instagram caption that a word such as 'bestest' doesn't exist but Tiffany wouldn't hear the end of it).

But her lips would always tingle as her thumb hovered above the 'send' button. The memory of Tiffany kissing back was too good to be true but it was there, stored in the VVIP section of her brain, popping up every now and then. Then she would hesitate, her thumb shifting from the green button to the backspace as she absently chewed on her tingling lower lip. Why did she kiss back? Why didn't she push her away earlier? What if she felt the same?

As any scientist working on a new discovery would, she needed time (preferably a long, long time) so she could compare notes, search Google, and come into a conclusion. Given that she at writing her thesis papers back in college, she probably would never finish such a complicated research. Celibacy had never sounded simpler.

If she had the choice, she'd be cooped up in her room until she was ready to face Tiffany again, which would probably take centuries, since she was slow at growing a backbone (that had nothing to do with her lack of height, she insisted). But today was the fifth of August. It was their day. Every single one of their friends had a leave reserved for this day. It was their anniversary and no one was allowed to miss it. That meant Taeyeon had to drag her sorry over there and party. That also meant Tiffany would be there too and Taeyeon was far from ready. Heck, she has not even gone halfway through the introduction part of her research yet.

Well, bros before hoes.

She literally moved like a slug, dragging her feet into the shower and crawling back to her room to put on clothes. She wanted to wear a horrible outfit that would mirror her misery but decided against it at the last moment because her best emo attire was still in the hamper, unwashed. Instead, she settled with a blue and white pinstriped button up and badly ripped blue jeans. Blue was her color and wearing it made her cheer up a bit.

She took her sweet time in putting on makeup and fixing her hair, though she was already running late. Since she couldn't ditch the party, the best shot she could do was arrive late, preferably when the party would almost be over and she'd only have to endure at least five minutes in the same room as Tiffany.

That was the plan. Keep her friends' temper in check by replying to their messages, take the longest route to Hyoyeon's (this year's venue), show up, say hi, eat a chicken leg or two, and pretend to have an emergency so she could get out of there.

But her plans usually don’t end up well. An hour after their promised call time, Sunny, Yuri, and Sooyoung had yelled at her through the phone to get her moping there or else said would be kicked hard.

"Taeng, if this is about Fany, please remember that you were friends first before whatever-happened-between-you happened?" Yuri had said, "At least do this for us? This is an annual thing. Once in a year, man. You love us too, don't you?"

And because of that guilt-tripping fiend and hazardous threat, Taeyeon found herself stepping on her gas and driving over thirty. Yuri was right. They were friends. Had always been. There were the girls too and she loved them more than anything. Screw her Tiffany issues. She might not know what to make of that kiss but she did know that she wanted to at least stay friends. Best friends.

"Unnie! You came!" opening the door, Seohyun hugged her before ushering her in, "I thought you wouldn't come. What took you so long?"

"Got held back by traffic," even in the foyer, the music was so loud and she had to raise her voice to be heard.

Seohyun gave her a disbelieving look, "How're things going with Fany-unnie?"

Taeyeon turned, appalled, "Excuse me?" she sputtered, "Why do you all people know about that?"

"It’s hard not to notice. You're joined by the hips, unnie. It's easy to know when something's wrong," Seohyun grabbed her hand and tugged when she hesitated to enter, "Come on, they've been waiting for you. Don't worry, Fany-unnie's not here yet,"

Taeyeon blinked. It was unlikely for Tiffany to be this late. The longest would be twenty minutes but an hour and thirty? Odd. Was she perhaps eluding her? "Why?" she heard herself asking.

"She said Michelle-unnie had ordered her to do some errands but she's coming. Now, come on," Seohyun pulled again, "Sooyoung-unnie's gonna eat all the meat!"

Now that was likely. Chuckling, she followed Seohyun's pull and entered the living room. The lights were colorful yet dim. There were balloons and streamers and fog and bubble machines. The air smelled of grilled meat and barbecue. Hyoyeon sure knew how to throw a wicked house party.

She found her friends going about. The loud music she heard in the foyer was apparently from Sooyoung and Yuri who sang a duet soulfully to the microphone, complete with impromptu choreography. Jessica sprawled on the couch, supportively shaking her tambourine. The rest was in the dining area, eating away.

Yoona spotted her first. The girl rose to her feet with an enthusiastic, "Unnie!" and walked up to her other side, draping her arm around her shoulder, "Come, come, have some food,"

She sat with the girls in the table, chatting and catching up. Her friends were such a loud and hilarious bunch that Taeyeon soon forgot why she didn't want to go to this party. She missed her friends terribly. They were the best when they were complete. Although technically, they were missing one member but it was fine. She knew Tiffany would just contribute to the loudness and embarrass herself. Being away from the woman for four days...it was refreshing, now that she thought about it. Seohyun was right. They were joined by the hips, almost always together and never apart. Those four days were stifling but it had also been a breath of fresh, strawberry-scented intoxicating perfume free air.

They moved to the living room (forcing Sooyoung and Yuri to let go of the microphone) an hour later and decided to watch a movie. With Hyoyeon's high-end 72-inch plasma TV and high-quality sound system, watching a movie is a must when in her crib. Taeyeon sat beside the armrest, all snuggled up for movie night. Instinctively, she put a throw pillow on the space beside her in reservation before she caught herself and threw the pillow away. Tiffany was two hours late. Maybe she wasn't coming after all.

"Hey, where's the mushroom?" Taeyeon asked no one in particular, hoping she sounded nonchalant but she knew her friends didn't buy it. If they did, there won't be worried glances thrown her way.

Sunny pulled an incredulous look, "Wouldn't you know?"

Taeyeon's shoulders drooped as she shook her head.

"Well, that's new," Jessica said with a lifted brow, "Usually, you'd be the first one to know,"

"Yeah, that's right," Sooyoung chimed in, "Complete with her exact current location like a creepy human GPS,"

Right then, Hyoyeon read from her phone, "She just passed by Apgujong, ten kilometers away. Oh! Oh! She turned right at the traffic light!" her friends snickered.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and flung a pillow at her friend, "Shut up, Hyo. I don't sound that bad," she tried to frown but the pull on her lips was irresistible.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever Taeng." Hyoyeon waved a hand dismissively, "You guys should really kiss and make up. I don't like your mushiness but it's unsettling to see you two like this."

The girls made sounds of agreement and Taeyeon sighed. Kiss and make up, huh? If only it was that easy...

A hand on her thigh stole her attention. She gave Sunny a questioning look. The girl just handed her her phone.

From: Fany Fany

Done with my errands~^^ im on my way. Wouldnt miss august 5th for the world (;

A sense of relief washed over Taeyeon as she read the message in her head, complete with Tiffany's husky voice and cheerful tone. Suddenly, she felt the thrill. Thoughts such as what did she wear for tonight? Did she wear her lock pendant? How did she style her hair? Where exactly on her way was she on?

Sunny took her phone, "Feeling better?"

Taeyeon smiled at her, "Tons. Thanks,"

The movie started and they all fell into hushed silence. Only the crunch of chips and popcorns and the hiss of sodas could be heard as the girls slowly got engrossed in the movie. Troublesome thoughts soon left as Taeyeon shifted her attention from reality to the storyline of the movie. They were watching a Japanese anime film where the girl couldn't speak because of some curse (Taeyeon later found out that it was all psychological. Damn it, complicated human minds).

Some girls commented on how handsome the male lead was while others nodded in agreement. Sooyoung, the I-used-to-live-in-Japan girl, pointed out errors in the Korean subtitles every now and then. Jessica suggested that she could shut up.

Halfway through the movie, Taeyeon stood, "I'll go get ice cream," she excused herself and strolled to the kitchen.

She rummaged Hyoyeon's fridge for her favorite tub only to get distracted by the gummy bears she stored in the freezer. Those tiny, gummy little treats were her kryptonite. She meant only to have a bite but then she insisted it won't hurt to have two...or three...

"Jessi, where's the popcorn? They told me—Oh ,"

The profanity came when Taeyeon closed the refrigerator, finding herself face to face with Tiffany who had apparently been tricked into believing that Jessica was in the kitchen and not Taeyeon. They stared at each other for three long seconds before Tiffany started to fidget.

"Oh, um, I thought—they told me—I didn't know—" Tiffany stumbled with her words, "I'm sorry I—I should just lea—"

Taeyeon wanted to say 'no' or 'wait' or 'don’t'. She really wasn't thinking when she extended her packet of candies to Tiffany with a, "Gummy bears?"

Tiffany stared at her blankly.

Taeyeon coughed to hide her embarrassment. Four days of no communication and the first thing you say is 'gummy bears?' Stupid Taeyeon, "I meant to say that we should talk,"

"Over gummy bears," a faint smile pulled at Tiffany's lips.

Taeyeon felt her own lips tug up and her shoulders relax, "Yes. Over gummy bears."

Tiffany finally broke into a smile, "You're right. We should talk," she sighed, stress ebbing from her every pore. Her smile fell and Taeyeon could see how tired the girl looked. Dark circles were apparent around her eyes and she seemed to have lost some weight. Taeyeon worried if she had been eating or getting some sleep.

"We should get some fresh air," Tiffany suggested, "We can't—We can't talk here," she gestured wildly around with her hand.

Warmth flowed up to Taeyeon's cheeks as she nodded, "Right." she cleared , "Wanna walk?"

Tiffany shook her head, "Balcony," she pointed up, where Hyoyeon's room would be. It was connected to a balcony where the night view of Incheon glittered in the distance. Taeyeon agreed and they both tiptoed around their friends, climbing the stairs stealthily like a pair of really naughty ninjas. Her heart raced with thrill and anxiety. The long awaited talk with Tiffany was finally happening. She would finally defend her research, which she still haven't finished by the way. She felt like it was her first time standing before the board of judges, except Tiffany was way prettier and made her a lot more nervous.

She looked down at the city lights, clutching her packet of jelly. It made a sound, reminding her of its presence. She turned to Tiffany, "Gummy bears?" she offered again.

Tiffany smiled, "Thanks," she took one pink bear and nibbled on its ear.

They remain silent for a few minutes that felt like eternity. Thoughts and unspoken questions turned the air around thick. Taeyeon shifted from foot to foot, pondering if she should talk first or if she should wait. Her hands turned clammy and she her lips every now and then as went dry, throat feeling like sandpaper. Numerous times she opened and closed like a fish, hesitating each time.

She sneaked a glance at Tiffany which didn't really help with her train of thought as the woman's straight, un-styled hair got blown softly by the wind, her gaze serious and thoughtful (probably melting down some random building out there), brows furrowed with concentration. She wore pastel pink sweater crop-top and high-waisted pastel pink pants. Taeyeon looked at her own blue attire and smiled to herself. Pink and blue. Their colors. But she remembered why she wore blue in the first place; to be some sort of comfort, to be in a familiar color you know you own. She wondered if Tiffany had the same reason too. After all, as different as they may be, they were also too much alike sometimes.

If so, then she wanted to give Tiffany the comfort that she needed.

"So," she spoke, breaking the silence with a slice on the thick air, "About your birthday,"

"Yeah?"

Taeyeon cleared , "I—I'm sorry about tha—"

Tiffany silenced her by raising a hand, indicating 'stop', "Why did you do it?"

Taeyeon was thankful Tiffany directed her intense gaze somewhere down there, melting down the roads instead of her. But with Tiffany's eyes on her or no, she still didn't know how to answer that question. She knew why she did it. The thing was, will Tiffany be able to accept it?

She looked at the woman. "What do you want to hear?"

"The truth,"

Then their gazes locked and all she could think of was 'oh f**k'.

She looked away to get a grip of her thoughts before she could melt and stupidly mutter 'uhh' under her best friend's stare. If she continued staring in Tiffany's eyes like that, she won't be able to form a coherent word and there won't be any talk happening.

"I got...angry and frustrated," she wet her lips that dried up again, "I felt misunderstood so I got indignant. You said—no offense—stupid stuff. You said I didn't care when in fact, I do. You said I'm like this to everyone when I'm not. I mean, you don't see me going around cuddling people as they sleep, do you? Heck, I haven’t even slept on my ex's bed even after dating him for three years. You said a lot of things that wasn't true. Like—like having feelings for you,"

Just like that, the secret she nursed in her stomach for long, long years was out in the open. It felt like she just gave birth to a child after those four days of painful labor. Now she was waiting for the doctor to confirm if the baby was alive or not. If Tiffany felt the same or not (she had the weirdest analogy sometimes, though it was still somehow related. At this point, comparing a confession to child birth was the weirdest).

When Tiffany didn't answer, she started to fidget and fought the urge to bolt. Calm down, she told herself, that's what happens in those books, right? They confess and the other party takes time to digest and the confessor would start to panic and leave before the other could say that they felt the same and--

"What feelings?"

Taeyeon might have or might have not made a high pitched yelp when Tiffany spoke. "W-What?"

"Oh, you know, I just want you to define what feelings exactly,"

She tried to evade the eyes that searched hers. What should she say? What should she say? Oh god. "Er....I may or may not have developed beyond friendly feelings for you through these years..." she managed in a small voice.

Tiffany just stared at her, blinking once only once. Just when she was about to run, the woman spoke.

"So you're telling me that you like me?"

"May...be?" Tiffany raised a brow and she scampered to fix a direct answer, "Okay, okay. I do like you, all right. Damn it, I more than like you,"

"You mean...you like me not just as a best friend? Like, in a...romantic way?"

Taeyeon considered lying but sighed instead. It was already out there. She was already dying she might as well just die. Perhaps this was how it felt like to be a victim of mercy killing.

"Yes," she finally met Tiffany's eyes and blurted out before she lost her sudden spurt of courage, "I like you more than just as a best friend," she thought she sounded quite firm but in reality, she was fighting hard not to scream and pull her hair out. So much for being calm.

For a moment, Tiffany stared at her and she could almost see the gears in her head working as it processed what she just said.

Then she started to hit her.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! What the heck--ow!" she protested as heavy hands slapped her arm repeatedly. Now what the heck is wrong with this woman? A serious slap on her face, an outrageous scream, or a dramatic walk-out, she did expect but hits that made her remember the hits her mother gave when she misbehaved was something that didn't cross her mind.

"You should've just said so, you idiot!" Tiffany reprimanded, "You just had to be so damn vague and cryptic as though we're talking about the top secrets of our country making me so freaking nervous you stupid piece of paper!"

She said 'stupid piece of paper' as though it was the worst thing she could speak of. Taeyeon was bewildered. "What are you—ow! Why are you hitting me?" she demanded, the jitters of after-confession now gone.

"BECAUSE I LIKE YOU TOO, IDIOT!" Tiffany yelled so loud the whole city probably heard it as well.

Taeyeon's ears rang. She blinked once, twice, thrice. Dang, now she understood why Tiffany blinked so much.

Holy shi* no shi* she likes me!

"Oh," then a smile slowly formed on her lips as Tiffany's face flushed from embarrassment. "So," she leaned on the railing, a full on toothy grin on her face, "Are you always this abusive to people you like, Ms. Hwang?"

Tiffany retorted, "Oh, I could be more," with a big step forward, she closed the distance between them, laced her arms around Taeyeon's neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

Taeyeon thought she must be dreaming as their lips melted into each other even better than she had imagined it to be. For the first time, it was a kiss not just for practice. A kiss not caused by intoxication. A kiss not pushed by anger.

It was a kiss for the grand performance that really mattered. A kiss shared by two sober people who were aware of what they were doing and what each other felt. A kiss pushed by genuine love and affection.

In other words, it was a wonderful, mind-boggling, knee-melting experience Taeyeon would never grow tired of even after how many years, decades, centuries have passed.

Her brain short-circuited, her heart jolted, her body overheated as they spoke the language only they knew, letting each other know of that one message: I love you.

Taeyeon smiled into the kiss and cradled Tiffany's cheek gently. It felt real but she still couldn't believe that the girl she never thought she'd have a chance with would actually return her feelings just as intense if not more. Suddenly, everything felt right. She felt like floating, chest bubbling with warmth, happiness, and contentment and all she could think of was, oh god, I love this girl.

Things escalated pretty quickly as ten years of pent up emotions of want, need, hunger, thirst, and love erupted between them. Taeyeon staggered back into Hyoyeon's room without knowing how. Perhaps Tiffany opened the door, or maybe she did. Their lips molded with each other, devouring everything hungrily as hands wandered and ravaged, seeking places that were once forbidden but now open for business strictly just for each other's touch. Tiffany's lips still tasted like strawberry. Damn, Taeyeon loves this chapstick. Her skin was smooth and so darned soft to the touch she felt like she was smothering a baby.

The next thing she knew, she was pushing Tiffany down to the bed, straddling her. How she was suddenly taking the lead when the other woman was the one who pushed her in was a mystery to her as well. It must've shocked Tiffany too because she gasped into the kiss and Taeyeon gladly took the opportunity of entrance. But they were humans and puny humans needed oxygen to live.

They pulled away just enough for their lips to be apart for a moment as they tried to catch their breath. Tiffany's arms were still wounded around her neck, her hands buried in Taeyeon's hair while one of the latter’s supported her weight, the other disappearing inside the former's crop-top. She took a peek of Tiffany, seeing the woman's eyes half-lidded, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. Damn beautiful Taeyeon couldn't resist stealing a quick, chaste kiss.

"You're beautiful," she breathed out as they parted again. It felt good to finally say those words. She kissed her again, slowly. "You," she recaptured her lips, "Are," and again, "So," and again, "Beautiful,"

Tiffany looked at her through dark, half-lidded eyes and smiled, "Yeah," she said, "I know,"

They stared at each other before bursting into laughter. Taeyeon laughed so hard her arm lost strength and she rolled off to Tiffany's side while the latter burst into a fit of her signature silent giggles, her eyes disappearing and her cheekbones were showing as she turned to face Taeyeon. Laughter subsided to wide, idiotic smiles and Taeyeon felt like she could melt into the comforter as she became the receiving end of Tiffany's full-force smile. But she managed to keep it together as she doubted Hyoyeon would appreciate a puddle of melted Taeng goo messing up her sheets. For long minutes, they just lay there, staring and smiling like big idiots that they had been.

"Is this real?" Tiffany asked.

Taeyeon shook her head, "I don't know. I'm having problems believing it too," she admitted.

Tiffany giggled, "We sound stupid,"

"We are stupid,"

Tiffany winced, "True. So we were just torturing ourselves all these years, huh?"

"Yep," Taeyeon affirmed, "But it doesn't matter now." she laced her fingers through Tiffany's, fitting snuggly, "We're together," she squeezed.

Tiffany squeezed back, "We've always been together,"

"But aren't we, like, together together?" Taeyeon asked.

Tiffany shrugged, "I don't know. No one asked the question,"

"But isn't it kind of automatic since we both like each other as more than just best friends?"

"Correction: I more than like you," Tiffany said, "Besides, no doors would open without you opening it,"

"I more than like you too," Taeyeon grinned, scooting closer, "But with technology nowadays, there are automatic doors—"

"Shut up and be my girlfriend, Kim Taeyeon,"

Taeyeon felt like her cheeks were going to rip apart, "Oh, but I already am,"

Tiffany smiled and cuddled up with Taeyeon, tucking herself under her chin and burying her face in her chest. Taeyeon smiled and planted a kiss on top of her head, pulling her closer. Oh how nice it was to do something more than just platonic, friendly cuddling.

"Stupid midget,"

"Violent pig--ow! Hey! See? Violent!"

"That's what you get for saying stupid things," Tiffany said into Taeyeon's chest, voice muffled.

Taeyeon sighed loudly, "I guess I won't be having the upper hand in this relationship, huh?"

Tiffany chuckled, "You could try,"

For the first time in four days, they slept sweet and sound, dreaming of sugar, spice, and everything nice.

 

 

***

 

 

Even with Taeyeon's fingers laced through hers, Tiffany was still unable to believe it all.

Taeyeon's hand was warm and comforting and it felt very, very real. The crisp morning wind that blew against them softly also felt real. Their puppies, yipping and paws padding against the concrete ground were also real. But the moment itself? Surreal. Impossible to believe. Given that it had already been three years, Tiffany wondered if she could ever get used to it. Get used to her.

Then again, maybe it's a good thing. She'd never felt like this with her previous relationships (probably because it never lasted for more than a month or probably because they simply weren't Taeyeon). It was as though she was back in high school, the butterflies going wild in her stomach every time their eyes met, the lingering tingle on her lips whenever they kiss.

She looked at the woman beside her. Taeyeon had her hair tied back to a ponytail, her face void of makeup yet Tiffany couldn't help but smile at how lucky she was to have someone this beautiful in her life.

Three years ago, if someone told her she'd end up with her best friend whom she'd been secretly pining over, she'd probably blush and go oh, stop it you. Right now, if someone was to remind her she'd ended up with her best friend, she'd still blush and go oh, stop it you.

Frankly, she found it quite hard to believe. It seemed like yesterday when Taeyeon was a faraway dream so fragile it could break with just one touch. Yet now, Taeyeon was in her hands, in her heart, willing and comfortable. It was like being told one day that hippopotamus could fly and fish could walk. It required time to adjust and to get used to and obviously, it's going to take more than three years.

Everything felt like a dream. She couldn't help it when she ended up with that one person she helped ask other people out. The one person she comforted and gave a 'you deserve someone who loves you for you' speech, though deep inside she hoped she could see that she was someone who loved her for her. And now Taeyeon did and every time she receives that look that used to be hard to understand but now she identifies as tender love and care, all she wanted to do was melt into a pink puddle of Tiffany in her shoes.

Taeyeon must have noticed her staring because she met her eyes and smirked, "What? You finally realize how lucky you are?"

Tiffany almost choked. Almost. Taeyeon knew her too well but she stopped herself in time before she could admit she's right. She knew Taeyeon would gloat about it through the years ahead. She would definitely not have that.

"Yeah," Tiffany sighed, "Prince is such a handsome pup,"

Taeyeon frowned.

Tiffany smiled.

"Whatever, Hwang,"

Taeyeon looked so much like a sulking kid deprived of her favorite candies with her pouting lips and scrunched brows that Tiffany had to laugh. Her best friend—girlfriend was such a kid. When the woman let go of her hand and started to walk faster, she laughed harder.

"Hey," Tiffany quickened her pace, letting go of Prince's leash to wrap her arms around Taeyeon from behind, "It's not just luck that I got you. It's years of hard work, tears, heartbreaks, frustration—if I let luck and fate move on its own, I won't have you. You're pretty hard to get."

Taeyeon frowned at her, "You'll still have me. You'll always have me,"

Tiffany smiled and pecked her girlfriend's pouted lips. Girlfriend, she giggled, "I know. That’s why I love you,"

Those three words always made Taeyeon soft, she knew. The frown was soon gone, replaced by a small smile, "You should. I'm very lovable,"

"Mmm, not gonna answer to that," she replied, though she did plant a quick kiss on Taeyeon's cheek because damn, she's hella lovable. Their hands found its way back to each other, fingers intertwining and locking perfectly and butterflies fluttered in her stomach, causing the corners of her lips to curve up; a smile that she could not stop. Her chest pounded and warmth flowed into her veins. She leaned closer to Taeyeon, aiming to melt onto the other woman, and inhaled the exquisite scent that was just so Taeyeon.

They take a break and sit on a bench beneath a huge tree. Tiffany took in the silence, trying to convince herself that it was real, that everything will not disappear if she ever wakes up. She closed her eyes and chanted again and again that it was reality. Taeyeon was hers, and she Taeyeon's.

A nudge made her open her eyes. A bottle of water was offered.

"Thanks," she smiled wide and accepted the drink, taking a sip. While she drank, Taeyeon took out sandwiches, put one on her lap and ate the other.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Tiffany smiled. She could remember that time when she managed to persuade Taeyeon to buying her a perfume. We could be like peanut butter and jelly, she had said. Damn, she was blunt.

She was about to tell Taeyeon about it but when she looked at her, she burst out laughing. On Taeyeon's lips were the jam and peanut butter messily smudged like a kid.

"What?"

Tiffany gestured around her lips, laughing, "You got...a peanut butter and jelly lipstick,"

Taeyeon's eyes were wide and innocent as she wiped at all areas but the dirtied spot. Almost foolproof. Almost. But it was Tiffany watching. She knew Taeyeon.

She caught her hand, "Stop doing that,"

Taeyeon blinked, seemingly clueless, "Doing what?"

"Doing things that makes me wanna kiss you,"

A grin spread itself on Taeyeon's lips, "Then by all means, please do. Can't you see I'm doing this on purpose to get you to kiss me? Now please wipe it off since I can't and so we could be peanut butter and jelly like what you said—"

She shut her up with a kiss.

Well, let's just say Taeyeon's lips were never cleaner after that.

 

 

***

 

 

Waking up with your loved one cuddled up to you is the best thing to start your day with, even though she wasn't really at her best the night before.

"Out," Tiffany had said last night, coldly dumping a heap of blankets and pillows into her arms, before disappearing into their room with a loud BANG! and Taeyeon was forced to sleep in the guestroom (she convinced Tiffany they take an apartment with such facilities exactly for this reason because the couch wasn't really the comfiest place to sleep on) where it was cold, lonely, and Tiffany-less.

It was their nth fight ever since Tiffany ever so passive-aggressively asked, no, ordered her to be her girlfriend. Through the three years of their relationship, Taeyeon slowly understood why Tiffany never had a long-term relationship (other than the fact that she was secretly pining over her best friend). The woman was hard to handle. One second she'd be all bubbly and smiling sunshines and rainbows but would be scowling the next, leaving Taeyeon wondering what the heck did she do this time. As much as she found an Angry Hwang hot, it was just as scary. Even through the years of their friendship, she hated to make Tiffany angry but as they transitioned from girl friends to girlfriends, she seemed to develop a knack of making the woman mad.

This time around, Tiffany's wrath was called upon by Taeyeon's co-worker. They had been in a small misunderstanding before that (due to Taeyeon's overboard teasing) but her co-worker was the one who pushed the button. He had sent some private messages in her social media account, clearly showing that he was interested. Taeyeon, being polite, vaguely tried to reject his advances but he didn't seem to read it that way and it turned out Tiffany didn't as well. That was the downside of dating your best friend: they knows all of your passwords and your accounts are automatically logged into their phone.

It blew up to a big argument that sent Taeyeon into the guestroom, alone to her wounds and rethink all of her life decisions.

But as she opened her eyes the next morning, she knew that there was one choice she took that she'll never regret.

Her body ached from being used as a personal pillow the whole night, yes. She couldn't feel her arm because of the dead weight of someone's head, yes. Hairs tickled and annoyed the heck out of her face, yes. Check, check, and check. But at least she got to inhale the sweet scented shampoo she liked so much. At least she got to hug and snuggle the person she love and this time, it wasn't just platonic, friendly cuddling.

At some time in the night, Tiffany had snuck into the guestroom bed with her and somehow managed to wedge herself into Taeyeon's arms in their sleep. She couldn't help but smile at the adorableness of it all. Having Tiffany in her arms could be uncomfortable for her body but it would never feel wrong. However, a thought that's been bugging her for some time now popped up. Her mind brought her inside her locked drawer in their room where she hid an important velvet box.

It has been three years and there was nothing more Taeyeon could ask for. Even though they did argue every now and then, she would never ever forget falling in love with a Tiffany Hwang. The longer their relationship ran, the thicker their bond became and she knew that this was what she wanted. Tiffany was who she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. It would be a very loud and pink life ahead but Taeyeon was ready to compromise. She did live to be the woman's best friend for thirteen years, what are another few decades?

She was a hundred and infinity percent sure of her feelings. Tiffany was the girl. However, she couldn't say the same for the latter. The ring with their initials engraved inside (especially made rose gold for her pink monster) and the question was right there but the courage wasn't. It's not that she didn't trust Tiffany's feelings for her. Oh dear god, no. In her whole life, never had she felt so loved until she had Tiffany (with the exemption of her parents). She had no questions about the woman's feelings. But she wasn't quite sure of what Tiffany felt about marriage. There were opportunities present when it felt so right to just propose then and there but Taeyeon always hesitated and got terrible nervous jitters.

Very slowly, she managed to slip off Tiffany, tiptoed to their room where she took the red velvet box, and returned beside the woman before she could notice the lack of presence.

She played with the box in her hand, contemplating on what to do. It was definitely not the right moment, as they were still not done with a recent quarrel. Maybe it was bad but she just wanted to get it over and done with. Opening the box, she gingerly plucked out the rose gold band and admired the pretty diamond on top. Oh, Tiffany would love it, all right.

Not really thinking (freaking out), Taeyeon gently took Tiffany's left hand as careful as possible and slipped the ring in, pleased that it fit well. She took her time in admiring the way it looked good in Tiffany's pretty and long fingers. Because it looked too good, Taeyeon decided to just give the ring to the woman without any meaning. She doubted she'd notice the new ring. She'll propose next time when she's sure about the other woman's views on marriage.

Satisfied, she shifted closer and hugged Tiffany, chest warming up when the sleeping woman snuggled closer. She closed her eyes and returned to dreamland with a smile on her face.

When she woke up, Tiffany was no longer there.

Taeyeon started to wonder if what she'd seen earlier was a dream but the faint scent of strawberries on the sheets told her otherwise. Smiling, she sat up, stretched, and cleaned herself up in the bathroom.

When she walked out of the bedroom, the scent of fried bacons filled the air. Her stomach grumbled. Damn, that smelled good and she was hungry. But when she entered the kitchen and saw Tiffany's back facing her as she cooked mean bacons, she couldn't help but stop and stare, hunger long forgotten. A sigh of contentment escaped her lips. So damn wife material. She couldn't wait to wake up to this everyday of her life.

Taeyeon didn't know how long she stood there, staring, but Tiffany had finished cooking, about to place the food on the table when their eyes met and the latter stopped in her tracks.

Those lovely brown eyes were slightly wide from surprise. Taeyeon thought Tiffany looked beautiful. A bit flustered, yes (though Taeyeon couldn't imagine why), but beautiful nonetheless. Her hair was hastily tied up to a messy bun, her face void of makeup, and the pink apron she wore (Taeyeon had a matching blue one) was just adorable.

"Good morning," Taeyeon greeted and the magic seemed to break.

Tiffany scowled at her, though she could swear that was a hint of pink on her cheeks, and put down the plate of bacons, eggs, and sausages on the table. "There's nothing good about the morning," she grumbled.

"Oh, but there is, for me," Taeyeon sat on her usual seat across Tiffany, still smiling, "Waking up next to you is the best thing about my morning,"

The hint of pink intensified, confirming that Tiffany was indeed blushing. Taeyeon would have cooed if not for the murderous glare sent her way. They ate in silence, only the sound of cutlery filling the air. The glint of the rose gold on Tiffany's finger caught her eye and she tried hard not to let anything on. She probably hasn’t noticed yet. When she does, Taeyeon figured she'd just have to act nonchalant about it. Yeah, cool. But there were pressing matters to fix.

"Look," Taeyeon started, putting down her knife, "I'm sorry about that guy. I swear I wasn't leading him on. It seemed rude to blatantly tell him to off but—" Tiffany sent her a sharp look, "But! But of course, ha-ha, I'll be sure to tell him or anyone in the future exactly that as soon as they make a suspicious move. Yeah. I'll do that."

Tiffany just looked at her with a demanding expression like, 'well?'

Taeyeon mentally groaned. What else did she do wrong? When they were still just best friends, she could read Tiffany with no problem. But now that they were more than that, things weren’t so simple anymore. "Um...Oh! And for teasing you about your ex. I'm sorry for that one as well. It was mighty intsensitive of me," she honestly didn't think so because she really just felt like joking around but Tiffany told her she was during their argument last night so insensitive she will be.

But Tiffany was still looking at her with expectation. Oh come on, what else should she say sorry for? Did she find out that Taeyeon ate her chocolate in the fridge?

"Okay, I'm sorry for eating your chocolate—"

"You did what?"

Taeyeon bit her tongue. Oops. "But shouldn't it be fine? Chocolate can make you fat and you are gaining weight nowadays so—"

"Kim Taeyeon,"

Taeyeon clamped her hands on , "Right. Shutting up now."

Tiffany sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her body language screamed of exasperation. Taeyeon was sure she had just made things worse until she spoke.

"It's okay, I've forgiven you. It's my fault too. I'm sorry," Tiffany said, surprising her, "I'm all too possessive and I get jealous easily—" she paused to send Taeyeon a death glare when the woman started nodding in agreement, "—and it must have been suffocating for you but please understand? I mean—I've been... For ten years, I had this ridiculously big crush on you then suddenly I find out that you feel the same and it all still feels surreal, you know? And I just couldn't bear to lose you because this time, I'm not just losing a friend or just losing a lover. I'm losing my best friend and my lover. And I don't think—I don't think I could handle that." she stared at her bacons.

"I don't think I could too," Taeyeon replied, her heart going out for the woman across. She put her hand on top of Tiffany's and met the misty eyes with her reassuring ones. "Come here," she patted her lap. Tiffany reluctantly stood and settled herself on Taeyeon's thighs, arms looped around the latter's neck.

Arms securely locked around Tiffany's waist, Taeyeon smiled up at the most beautiful woman in her life. She leaned in and planted a deep, chaste kiss on her lips. Gently brushing the strands of hair off Tiffany's face, Taeyeon still felt like she was dreaming.

"Keep in mind that you'll never lose me. I had a big crush on you for years too, you know. It's been a wonderful three years but even after all these time, I still can't believe the fact that I get to have the one person I thought I'd never get. The person I used to look at and wonder 'why does it have to be you?'" she smiled and gave Tiffany a passionate kiss that she hoped would clear all the insecurities in her mind before continuing with their foreheads pressed and noses bumping, she whispered, "I can't believe I get to have the one and only person I look at now and think that it could never have been someone else."

Tiffany smiled and Taeyeon thought she looked prettiest then. "I love you,"

She smiled back, "I love you too,"

For a minute, they sat there, relishing in the moment and basking in each other's loving gaze, both still in disbelief that all of it was happening and had happened. That what was impossible had become possible. Cancer is cured, the poor have become rich, the rich have become richer, and Taeyeon had reached the unreachable star.

"Are you sure you haven't forgotten something?" Tiffany suddenly asked.

Taeyeon frowned and leaned back, "What do you mean?" she tilted her head, trying to decipher the gleam in Tiffany's eyes. Darn, she was supposed to be fluent in Tiffany. "I already said sorry for eating the chocolate, didn't I?"

Tiffany rolled her eyes, "Not that one,"

Taeyeon blinked, feeling completely lost, "Um, it won't happen again?"

Tiffany raised a brow.

"Er...I swear to the River Styx?"

Tiffany palmed her forehead, "You're impossible. I should just get to the point then." she lifted her left hand, the ring unmistakably gleaming, "It seemed like someone proposed to me in my sleep," she raised a brow, the gleam in her eyes now looked more amused than unreadable.

"O-Oh?" Taeyeon averted her eyes, finding the last slice of sausage interesting, "Who dare propose to my girlfriend in her sleep? Such a vile, cunning, sly snake—hey, where are you going?"

She watched as Tiffany disappeared into their room for a minute before coming back, settling herself on Taeyeon's lap again and the shorter almost groaned. Don't get her wrong, she loves Tiffany and all, but she wished the other woman sat on a real chair this time. She only offered her lap earlier because it seemed romantic. As much as she loves Tiffany, it didn't dispel the fact that the woman was as heavy as a freight train (or maybe Taeyeon was just a puny human, though she'd never admit to that).

Her attention was quickly averted to the royal blue velvet box in Tiffany's hand. Jaw slowly unhinging, she watched as the box was opened, revealing a blue circular band with a row of diamonds, the one in the middle bigger than the others. No way. NO WAY. Is that...

Tiffany held up her left hand and slipped the ring into her middle finger. It fit perfectly. How did Tiffany know her size? And...and... "What's the meaning of this?"

"You're marrying me," Tiffany stated slash commanded, "You can't just go around claiming me. I get to claim you too, you know. That's how it works. You don't just put a ring on my finger when I'm unconscious just because you can't think of a proper proposal speech or something—”

"Wait," Taeyeon paused admiring the ring and raised her hand in a 'slow down' gesture, "You're marrying me?"

"Er...yes?" Tiffany tilted her head, "We were engaged since we're twenty five, after all. Remember that so-totally-not-silly-but-completely-serious promise?"

Taeyeon scoffed at the teasing, "Of course. How could I not?" it was, after all, the incident that started everything.

"So yes, I'm marrying you. And judging from this cute pink ring on my finger, you're planning to do so too," Tiffany said, "Unless, you're not the one who put this here but some sly snake? And you haven't really thought of marrying me so now I look like a complete idiot who's about to be rejected—"

Taeyeon silenced her with a kiss, "Shut up and be my wife,"

Tiffany stared yet didn't respond.

Taeyeon raised a brow.

Tiffany shook her head, "I'm shutting up,"

Taeyeon laughed and pulled Tiffany closer, nuzzling her face in the crook of the woman's neck, "You're so stupid, I love you,"

"I know,"

"That you're stupid?—ow!"

"That you love me," Tiffany rested her cheek against the side of Taeyeon's head, "By the way, I know that we're getting married but can I pretty, pretty please be in-charge of your sending off party? I mean, I've been planning for that for years and I won't have someone else mess those plans up,"

Taeyeon chuckled, "Yeah, sure," she inhaled her scent that spelled T-I-F-F-A-N-Y. Happiness and contentment bubbled in her chest and she couldn't imagine any place she'd be in other than in Tiffany's arms. "I can't believe I'm ending up with my best friend," she blurted out.

She felt Tiffany sigh, "Me too," the latter replied, "Can't believe I didn't catch on your feelings earlier. That would've been easier for us,"

Taeyeon nodded, "You were dense,"

"You'redenser," Tiffany retorted, "I wasn't really good at subtle, you know,"

"Yes, I know," Taeyeon sighed, recalling the teasing and confusing actions Tiffany did in the past (until now but less on the confusing part and more on the teasing part), "You were torture,"

"You know you like it," Tiffany chuckled and squeezed, "I love you, my bestest best friend,"

"Fany-ah, there's no such thing as bestest—"

"Just say it!"

Taeyeon sighed in resignation. Sunny was right. She waswhipped.

"I love you more, my bestest best friend," she managed without blanching. Oh, the things she does for love.

"I love you most," Tiffany fired back, not willing to lose.

Taeyeon pulled away and looked into Tiffany's eyes, "I more than love you, wife" and before Tiffany could reply, she sealed her declaration with a kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

a/n: cheese cheese cheese cheese cheeeeeeeese /hides/