Sehun dragged himself from his bed, toward his beloved hyung that had been non-stoply banging his door, asking him to join the dinner. Albeit the exhaustion and grogginess that engulfed him, he reluctlantly forced himself to open the lid of his eyes. He was still the maknae afterall.

“SEHUN! The dinner is getting cold! “

He marched to the door, in order to calm his older hyung with the high-pitch, girly voice. “ I’m up, hyung, be there in two minutes.”

Baekhyun smiled in victory. He knew this boy really well. After five years having their asses stucked together under the same roof, he literally knew every single thing about his Sehun. “Aigoo, make it quick, alright?”

The latter simply nodded in order to convice Baekhyun. Baekhyun skipped to the kitchen while yelling for the members to gather for dining. This hyung never really aged.

After changing into a pair of clean clothes, he quickly filled up the only empty chair left, which was located between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. He was about to dig in when Baekhyun out of the blue smacked his head, causing him to yelp in pain. “Hyung!”

“Yah! You should probably apologize or something. We literally starved ourselves waiting for your arrival!” Sehun was up to defend himself when he realized the table were filled with hungry people with pairs of pitiful eyes were gazing him.

He gulped, “Mianhae, hyung. I’ll try to be early next time.”

It was a pregnant silence before the lights suddenly went off and darkness were blanketing their eyes. The kitchen was in a ruckus, blaming their leader for the incident. “ Yah! Suho did you forget to pay the electric bills again?” Chen asked in a tone of annoyance.

“It’s probably short-circuit, guys.” Their eldest member, Xiumin was quick to calm them down. “ I paid it with Suho last week.”

“What should we do then?” Baekhyun questioned, literally sighing over the fact they’re skipping their meals if the blackout lasts even longer.

“Does anyone got their phone with them?” Suho asked the group albeit the fact that the members usually had their phones charged at this rate of hour.

“Me.” Sehun said.

“Can you turn on the flashlight please?”

In a flash moment, the kitchen were dimly-lighted with the only source of light. But the queer thing is, there were only Suho, Xiumin.Baekhyun and Chen existence in the kitchen. The others were nowhere to be seen.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,” Sehun rather startled as the other members began filling up the kitchen with Kai holding a cake on his hands. He took a glance on his phone, 12:03 a.m, 20^th April 2017. It was his birthday.

The song continued lightening up the atmosphere, the cake which was his favourite chocolate tiramisu, was set in front of him. As the song came to the end, “Make a wish, Sehunnie.”

Sehun closed his eyes, his smile never leave his thin lips.

 

I wish...

I could...

..make everyone happy. Every single one of them.

And I wish my wish be granted.

 

SEHUN’S

“SEHUN!”

 

In reflex upon hearing my names, I tilted my head away from my phone and landed on the owner of the deep, husky voice. Chanyeol hyung was dressed gorgeously and he was standing by the doorstep, holding a box. He was grinning to me and gestured me to come toward him.

I slowly rose up from my seat, eyeing him with much wonders. Nevertheless, I ended up standing next to him, “What is it, hyung?”

“Happy birthday buddy, I’m sorry that I wasn’t here last night to celebrate your big day.” He handed him the box he held earlier, now resting on my palm instead.

“Thank you, hyung.” I smiled sincerely while tracing my fingers on the box. It was wrapped in black and white fancy wrapper.

“Oh, and..do you noticed the waiter from the cafe earlier?”

I smirked mischievously while nudging his elbow playfully. “Need help in wooing her?”

Instead of grinning childishly like he always did, I found Chanyeol hyung rather muted. His eyes were expressing guilts and wistfulness. “What’s wrong, hyung?”

He placed his left hand on my shoulder, puffing out a heavy sigh. “Make sure you’d listened to the voicemail.”

“Huh?”

“The girl begged you to listen to them.”

 

I tried to ignore this queer guilts that had been haunting for the past few hours. Rather listening to Chanyeol hyung’s instruction, I disobeyed him.

I chose to not listen.

Yet right after our practice ended, with Chanyeol hyung kept stealing glances on me, as if mentally asking me if I’d opened up my voicemail box, I slowly felt pressured, as if imaginary rocks were weighing my shoulders down. When my digital wristwatch gleamed in blood-red, signifying that it’s already half past 10, I found myself stucked with my earphones, phone and her voice.

VOICEMAIL

“Oh Sehun,”

this is the last voicemail I’m sending to you.

So listen carefully to the confession I’m submitting.”

 

[Silence][Coughs][Silence]

You should congratulate your mother for picking up the most exquisite name for such a beautiful person like you. [soft chuckles] You’re probably wondering who am I, right? I don’t think I am required to the introduction, you’ll know me afterwards. At least that’s what I thought.

How about a minor one instead, with my name remained as your jigsaw puzzle?

A girl with dull black hair, with faded scars decorating her skin and broken soul needed to be fixed.

You must be wondering why I’m revealing all of these?

 

Oh Sehun.

Five. You won’t get it with just one word huh? Happy anniversary, pabo.

We’d became friends for such a long time and it’s a pity I had to celebrate each year by my own. Or maybe it was just my assumption that we had this label named ‘friends’.

Our first met occurred just four months before your debut as the maknae of Exo.

I remembered clearly how unmotivated I was for that day. I was on top of the school building, weeping like a four-year-old kid, begging for mercy from the hideous society. The society that only fits in for perfections, for the girls who rode unicorns to school, with the most expensive Gucci bags and the physique of Aphrodite. Just own one of those checklist and you’ll belong to the crowds. They would welcome you, shower you with companions and followers.

 

If you weren’t.

You’re in hell.

Being bullied by the school Queen Bees turned out rather commons or traditions for poor people like me.

That damn day, I was staring at the sky for ten seconds and the ground for another ten seconds. I had fright for height but for a moment, I seemed to enjoy this two-storey height building. I found it rather exciting to let myself fall and crush. It’s what they wished for, right?

To die, for my filthy self just ruined their rich es’ atmosphere.

To invisible, for my intelligence just cut off their potential in becoming the best student.

To fall, because my humble self deserved to be on the bottom.

To crush, for my death would obviously lightened their days up.

 

As I closed my eyes, enjoying the last sip of breathe I was taking, I took a step forward and enjoyed the gravity-free-fall. But it only lasted for a second and suddenly I found my hand being grasped by a boy.

A boy named Oh Sehun.

Sehun, remembered yourself being my life-saviour?

 

“Are you crazy?” Bullets of sweats were decorating your forehead as you tried to pull me upwards while I struggled just to let myself fall.

“My existence didn’t matter, Oh Sehun! Just let me go!”

“Miss!” You strength slowly increased by the minute and I found myself slowly being raised up.

“ I will...” You bit your lips, as you didn’t give up even for a while.

“..prove you that..” A little bit higher and I slowly found the tears rolled down on my cheek was because I was purely happy. Someone actually cared.

Someone wanted me to be alive.

Someone just indirectly told me that I matter.

“..you are ing wrong.”

That someone is you.

The moment I was brought up on the ground once again, you wrapped me in your comforting arms, providing me with much warmth that I’d been craving for.

“Just because we aren’t friends that doesn’t mean, I don’t care.”

 

“Stay alive, alright?”

 

 

Those words.

Trust me, it remained.

It stay forever.

After that dramatic day, I found myself changed, even in the slightest bit. I found myself constantly looking out the class window pane, just in case you would ever passed by. I found myself over-reacting each time your smiles were dedicated to me. I found myself a reason to stay alive, keep breathing.

My reason is you.