Boring.

It was just plainly boring. Everything, and anything. Every word that were coming out of this teacher, every new step I made, everything. Everything was either tasteless or bitter.

And, god, it was boring. Every day was just the same, time was passing by, as blandly as ever. And the only thing I could do to get out of that routine was to dream.

Dreaming.

I was pretty god at that, just, imagining stories and places, and characters, that I would spin, little by little to create something bigger, something more interesting. And I knew, I perfectly knew that that something would evaporate into thin air as soon as I would open my eyes and come back to reality, but I couldn’t help myself. And I was completely indifferent to the fact that everything was in my head. To me, it was reality, it has to be reality. And that’s how it began.

 

I let the beam of sunshine radiating onto my skin, closing an eye so that it would not blind me. It was a great feeling. The feeling of heat coming back after a hard winter, the feeling of spring surrounding our hemisphere. I let my thoughts wandering into the very back of my head, into the deepest parts of my mind, and, just like that, everything was right. My refuge. My oasis.

Everything was right until I felt a hand grabbing my shoulder and shaking it. Who the ... Oh.

There he was, the prince of my fantasies, his hand on my shoulder, looking right into my eyes.

Jeon JungKook.

‘’Hey, can I sit there ?’’

I chuckled. I had imagined countless times how he would talk to me for the very first time, but I had clearly not considered something that simple. I just nodded absent-mindedly, I was still in my dreams. I saw from the corner of my eyes he was still looking at me. Probably taking me for some weirdo. I knew that everyone was thinking that.

TaeHyung, the weird guy who’s always dreaming. Pathetic. Even if in my mind I was some kind of hero, down there, I was only me. A 18 years old kid that had no idea of what he wanted to do of his life. JungKook raised his voice again, still looking straight at me.

‘’I asked you multiple times but you still didn’t answered.

‘’Yeah that does not surprise me.’’ I answered, and if I was unimpressed on the outside, I was screaming inside.

‘’Why ?’’

‘’I ... I was deep in my thoughts, I guess.’’

‘’And what were you thinking about ?’’

You. You, was the answer.

‘’Just ... You know, life.’’

JungKook gave me a funny look, but did not insist. I could perfectly see that he wasn’t having it. That was not my problem, he could think whatever the hell he wanted, I knew I didn’t stand a single chance with him anyway.

But right after that he did something completely unexpected.

He smiled. A bright, beautiful smile that warmed my cold heart even more that the spring that was coming.

‘’Do you mind if I sit there from now on ?

‘’What ? I-yeah I guess, yes, you can. But why ?’’

Jungkook’s smile became mischievous and when he answered, his voice was laced with playfulness.

‘’Why not ?’’

‘’I- I don’t know, people tend to avoid me most of the time, and there are still plenty of places in the classroom so, yeah, I was kind of wondering.’’

‘’Wondering what, exactly ? If I was interested in you ? If you had drawn my curiosity ?’’

‘’What ?! No, Of course no, that was not what I-‘’

‘’Well, you had.’’

‘’I- what ?’’

‘’I am interested in you, TaeHyung. And I want to know you better. Is that too much to ask ?’’

‘’No, of course not, it’s just surprising.’’

JungKook didn’t answer as the teacher was starting to speak, but my mind was a turmoil during the whole lesson.

And this completely weird situation was meant to last. Because he came every day, next to me, talking to me, about nothing, about everything. And it was so surprising that, at first, I couldn’t event utter a simple word and I was so afraid that he would think I was dumb. If anything, little by little, I learned to know him, and he did the same with me. I never told him about my secret world though. I would never tell anyone it was so secret, so intimate, but above all I was ashamed of that. Because being able to imagine such a variety of characters, of actions, of places would be considered a blessing for most of people, but to me, it was just because my life was boring. And having a boring life is everything but a blessing. So I just kept quiet about that aspect of my personality. He didn’t need to know.

And so my life kept going, a little less boring than before, a little more exciting, all thanks to him. And we actually became quite intimate. He would talk to me about his difficulties at home, with his mother that didn’t seem to care enough about him, with his absent father, and I would talk to him about my life full of non-event, and how himself was an event to me. He chuckled after that, murmuring a ‘cute’ that wasn’t supposed to be heard, but that I did hear it anyway. And that created sparkles in my stomach that I had never experienced before.

Hope.

Hope that maybe, someday, we could be more than friends that just talk to each others, more than partner in crime. And if a part of me didn’t want to expect too much, so that I wouldn’t hurt too much if nothing happened, another part, my dreamer part, was telling me that everything was possible.

 

Five months has passed by. Time was quick. I didn’t even realised that so much time had passed, that so much things had happened. JungKook and I would talk to each other really frequently, and not just in class anymore. The rooftop was our sanctuary. We would come here, every day, at any occasion, and talk, and laugh our heart out, and just be happy.

It’s on the rooftop that he kissed me for the first time.

We were skipping class, something that have never done before, being the straight A student that I was. I was feeling full of adrenaline, doing something I wasn’t supposed to do, with someone else, it was that part of my brain that made me take risk and loving it that commanded me.

‘’Do you think one day we could be happy ?’’

The question was sudden. Neither of us was talking, and JungKook’s voice could be barely heard behind the wind that was messing with our hairs.

‘’The dude, are you feeling emo today ?’’

‘’Yeah, maybe I am.’’ He answered with a big smile on his face. ‘’But seriously though, what do you think about that ?’’

‘’I am. I am happy. Right now, with you, I think I can tell that I am happy.’’

‘’Wow, that was cheesy.’’

I shrugged, looking away from embarrassment. I couldn’t believe what I said, and how did I dare to say that. I was about to mess up everything we had. Well I thought so.

Because next thing I knew, JungKook was right behind me, grabbing my waist and breathing on my neck.

‘’I am too. I am happy with you, and I want to be for a long time TaeHyung.’’

‘’Tss, talk about chee-‘’ I chuckled to hide my nervousness, but he didn’t even let me finished, he just turned me around like I was some kind of doll and crashed our lips together.

To say I was surprised would be an euphemism. And another feeling came, creeping and blowing slowly into my ribcage, making heart beat so fast that I thought it could burst out at any moment. Satisfaction. Because finally, finally, one of my dream actually became true. A thing I didn’t know was possible. And I was desperately waiting for something like that to happen, so I desperately grabbed his neck, bringing him closer to me, deepening the kiss. I felt so good. So so good. I felt like everything was perfect, in place, like everything would be great, everything would be okay, that I wouldn’t have to worry for anything, because I was there, he was there, kissing me, and my world, was completely and utterly complete. For once, I felt like I was really alive.

When we separated, breathless, JungKook looked at me for a very long time. Completely lost in each others’ eyes, in a world that became ours, and I’m sure that, at that precise moment, he felt exactly like me :

Invincible.

‘’I think I’m in love, Kim TaeHyung. I think I’m utterly in love with you.’’ He murmured right against my mouth, and I let out an imperceptible sigh of content. Because it was happening. It was really happening.

Next day was beautiful. I woke up smiling, understanding the pure definition of being happy. Everything was so perfect that it felt like a dream. But it couldn’t be. Not this time. This time it was real.

I went to high school walking, for once. I needed fresh air, to see and review what had happened in my life recently. When I arrived in the establishment, I went straight to the first period I had, the one JungKook sat next to me for the first time. And I waited for him, nervously bouncing my leg.

But he didn’t came.

I waited the whole morning, but he was nowhere to be seen. I started to worry, so I went to his close friend NamJoon.

‘’Hey, um, I was wondering if you’ve seen JungKook anywhere ? Or maybe he’s sick ?’’

I saw him frown, confusion written all over his face.

‘’Who’s JungKook ?’’

‘’JungKook, my boyfriend, the one you’re always hanging out with ?’’ Saying ‘my boyfriend’ felt so weird, but so right at the same time. I was still confused as to how he could forgot his friend so easily. Was he that silly ?

‘’Look, dude, I don’t know your boyfriend, and I certainly don’t know a JungKook, sorry.’’

It was my turn to frown. I couldn’t understand. How could he not know one of his best friend ? I couldn’t have imag- Oh god. Oh my god.

I ran as fast as I could, leaving a disoriented NamJoon behind me. When I reached the stairs I went up still running and slammed opened the rooftop door.

Oh thanks god. There he was.

‘’Hey, what I you doing here ? Were you here the whole morning ? Oh, by the way, I asked NamJoon about you and why weren’t you at school, and he pretended not to know you, weird, right ?’’ I let out an heartless laugh, still panting from my run.

‘’What if we stopped everything TaeHyung ?’’

First shock. I looked at him, confused as I stuttered.

‘’What ? But we haven’t begun anything yet how could we stop ?’’

‘’You don’t understand. I said it wrong. It’s not we, it’s you. You need to stop.’’

‘’But stopping what exactly ?’’I yelled, exasperated by his mysterious behaviour.

‘’Imagining me !’’

Second shock.

‘’Wh-what ? No, I couldn’t have .. No, no it’s impossible JungKook I know it’s real, please, for once, please let it be real.’’ Tears started streaming down my cheeks, unstoppable. I stared at the ground, helpless.

‘’I wish, TaeHyung. But you know better than anyone this isn’t. I’m just a mere product of your imagination, so stop doing that, TaeHyung. You’re locking yourself up in a prison you built. You need to meet real life. Do it for me. Do it for you.’’

I looked up again, he was starting to disappear, fading away into thin air, away from me, from our memories together. I was screaming, completely breaking down, It couldn’t be true. It was a dream. It has to be a dream. This, this wasn’t reality.

But it was. It was, and it was a fact that I had learned to accept later. That, maybe, some life are supposed to be boring. And trying to change the game will just make you even more sad.

And as time passed by, I continued to dream, and I was being careful not to mix up my world, and the real one, which resulted in me being all alone, by myself, all the time. I avoided relationship of any kind with anyone, because I feared that I would be disappointed again. And I would clearly not survive another shock like that. To think I became insane for months was terrifying.

That’s what I thought about, a year later, the sun caressing gently my face, like this time. And I heard the voice of the teacher announcing that some new student would be studying with us for now on. And I snapped out of it as soon as I heard the voice of the said student. That voice. That particular voice I could recognize anywhere.

‘’Hello my name is JungKook, I hope we’ll all be good friends !’’