Here I was, lying on my bed again for way too long. That was maybe the only real hobby I had this time. All I could do at this moment was thinking about old memories. I was too frozen to move. Not only my mind was stuck in the past but my body was too. Somehow I would come back to my senses but it was like I didn't want to, or maybe something was keeping me there; some invisible hand holding mine too tightly for me to even move. His childish smile... It was like a flash to me and it became even more insisting when I kept seeing it, again and again. Somehow I tried to reach those lips but I couldn't.

"Don't go" his hands were keeping me from moving. 
"Remember you promised me we would dance together."
"Don't worry, I'll make it big and you'll be proud of me". 

Suddenly, I woke up only to realise I was sweating like crazy. I could also notice some tears coming out of my eyes. It happened, once again.

I briefly checked the clock. 
"3:39" 
Great, another ruined night.  
It's been days since I haven't got a good night of sleep. The same "nightmares" kept coming to me, as if something wanted me to remember everything I tried to forget since I came here in Seoul. Everything... Yes it was everything to me. But now I would be delusional if I still hung on that.
I got out of the bed to take a quick shower. "Oh god, why am I so sweaty right now?" I thought to myself. I opened the door next to my room which led to my bathroom. As soon as I turned the light on, I could see my reflection on the mirror. I was very pale, even though I've always had fair skin, it seemed like I was really unusually pale, like more than before. I was exhausted because my daily routine consisted of long hours of studying, working out and reading books I didn't even like. Nevertheless, the thing I loved the most about me was my long brown hair. Very soft, very silky and smooth. 

Unexpectedly my eyes drifted to see the scar I had on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried not to remember, but I could still feel my heart beating way too fast, and the car crash ripping my shoulder's skin. 
"Baekhyun ah..." I whispered without even realising. Where are you now? 
I decided to go to the shower under the cold running water. Maybe it will help me come back to my senses. 

When I left the shower and put clothes on, it was already 7am. I urged myself to get my books in my back, then took a coffee and left my empty appartement to go to the uni. It was empty, but I still could feel that he was there with me.