2…

1…

“Excuse me, what are you doing?”

I almost let out a scream because the voice just scares me out of nowhere. I do let out a gasp though, loosening my grip on the camera before tightening my hold around it again.

“Oh.” I manage to gasp out when I turn around to see two people standing somewhat behind me. “I was taking photos… of the city scape. Is that… Okay?” I ask hesitantly, wondering why I’m asking two regular civilians for permission to take pictures on the rooftop café of the mall. It’s not like they have mall security badges pinned to their clothes.

But suddenly, I realize that I know who the two people are. The Jung Daehyun and his gorgeous, hot girlfriend are talking to me. Although I had imagined several scenerios of talking to my high school eye candy, this wasn’t necessarily the scene I had in mind. It’s kind of my own fault for continuing to blush over a guy who’s taken and so popular. Seriously, when has the main character of a love story ever been one of the stage hands who actually put on the show? Those who are kind enough to let themselves work hard to make the stars look good never truly shine. At least, not in the ways that they shine.

“Oh thank goodness,” Daehyun’s girlfriend, Angel, sighs, holding her hand up to her chest in genuine relief. “I… I thought you were going to jump.”

“What?” I say aloud immediately in surprise, “Oh, no.” I continue, shaking my head to reassure her that I had no suicidal thoughts as I stood on top of this roof. I mean, I did get a little dizzy as I walked along the edges of the roof, but no, I most certainly did not want to die. What a waste of a camera that would be.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about making assumptions like that, I was just worried…” she shrugs bashfully in embarrassment.

“I’m fine, it’s okay.” I say, shaking my head, “I’m just going to take a few more, so I’ll probably leave soon.”

“No, no! You don’t have to leave because of me. I’m sorry, I’m just a little paranoid like that sometimes. Please, continue to take lots of beautiful photos. I’m sure they’ll turn out great.” She shakes her hands before she starts walking back and pulling Daehyun with her.

I nod awkwardly before blushing and turning back to the city lights just below and scattered by the hundreds in front of me for miles. I let my heart calm down for a moment before lifting up the conveniently sized DSLR camera up to cover my face as I look through the peephole of the lens to pick a scene to shoot and capture.

The lights completely illuminate the corners of the frame and I continue to click as I find a new bright section of skylines and apartment buildings through my lens. With the tall buildings in the Seoul night, and the speeding cars rushing down by the streets that leave rays of LED lights in the frame, all the photos I manage to capture end up beautiful, bright, and animated per usual. But honestly, I’m a bit tired of all the city lights. Beauty doesn’t always leave substance that lingers in the back of your mind and make you remember, ‘Wow… That was an amazing photo.’

I decide that the sky has gotten darker from its navy blue from just an hour ago, so I should probably leave it and go home. Perhaps editing the pictures will give them substance. But as I turn around, I just manage to spot out of the corner of my eye, Daehyun and Angel sitting at a table together. They’re wearing scarves, thick jackets, and gloves, holding up steaming cups of what’s presumably coffee or hot chocolate on a night like tonight. There’s no fog, even this high up, but it’s still chilly enough.

Without thinking, I lift the DSLR back up in front of me and click the snap button when I’ve focused the couple together near the bottom right corner of the frame. I walk around and continue to point my lens at the warm couple smiling and laughing together as they enjoy a cup of something hot together in the night sky. Or, at least, Angel is smiling as she always does while Daehyun hides his mouth behind his scarf, which he tends to do. The bright luminescent buildings behind them just add a nice hint of brightness to compliment the smile on Angel’s face.

To finish off my night shooting, I stand in a particular spot on the roof, continuously taking photos as I turn around 360 degrees to capture the majority of the city night lights, ending my last shot with Daehyun and Angel on the side at their table together. Looking through the photos as I walk back towards the door that leads to the hallway of elevators, I let a satisfied smile spread across my face as the color rushes to my cheeks from suddenly being inside with a heater.

---

The panorama I had created from merging the photos together ends up on the top of the front page of the school newspaper and school website for the next month until the next issue comes out. Being school newspaper’s main photographer, I get the perks of having my work showcased on the front page sometimes. People have come to me in request of photo shoot albums before, and I usually end up giving them work they aren’t disappointed with.

Even though Daehyun and Angel were already a well-known couple in the school, they’ve skyrocketed to the one of the school’s hot topics again because of the panorama printed on the top of the paper on the very side of the city lights. Although most of the long, rectangular frame contained skyline buildings and gorgeous city lights, the pretty boy and girl sitting comfortably on the side together, enjoying themselves as if there were nothing else in the world to worry about, are the main event of the photo. And I know that.

My existence is made known to the school’s national couple because of that issue of the newspaper. Angel comes seeking for me in homeroom while I’m browsing through acceptable quality photos saved into my phone. She commends me for being able to capture such a fantastic picture when I attempt to apologize for playing paparazzi on their date without permission. She, in turn, apologizes again for assuming that I was about to jump.

Angel then asks if I had taken any other photos of them together, and if I still had them. I did, and she asks if I can send them to her because she wants to print them out and turn them into cards and scrapbooks, gushing about how gorgeous she’s sure they are.

“They’re not fantastic, but if you want, I can send you them.” I shrug.

“Really? That’s awesome! Here’s my email and my phone number if you need it. Also, my friend was wondering if you’d be able to do a little photo session for her and her boyfriend?” she asks politely.

“Uhm… sure, I guess.” I shrug again.

“Seriously? You’re amazing. I’ll talk to you later about it. Have a good class!” she bids me goodbye as she makes her way back to her own homeroom.

As much as I hated her before and still have a slight envious grudge against her, I can’t help but like her. Sure, she had the guy I liked, but it’s obviously because she has something attractive about her. Other than being aesthetically flawless, she was an athlete, a model student, and just an overall humanitarian. She could definitely be a little on the surface sometimes, but she was genuine and nice. Too innocent to be hated on.

I was none of those things. So if she were ever off starring in a school show, leading an excursion event, or just being pretty, I’d probably be one of the stage hands, the sideline volunteers who helped provide lunch, or maybe makeup artist. Whatever the case, I would always be the one who helped her shine, and I would always try my best to make her the star of the show. If everyone seems to think it’s truly her being naturally flawless on her own, then I’ve done a good job.

The only setback is that a stagehand never gets the real Prince Charming. I haven’t set my eye on anyone else besides Jung Daehyun since my first year of high school, but I also haven’t really done anything about it like Angel has. Those who have the gall to put themselves out there without fear of humiliation are the ones who get it. Those who try are the ones who receive.

But really, how can I put myself out there when there’s so much risk in being ridiculed? Without the flawless face and body, I haven’t got nearly enough street cred or the brains to put myself out there to show others. All I can do is capture what I feel to be beautiful, and lay it out on the table for others to admire as well.

---

 After taking some photos for Angel’s friends near the harbor, they bring me to a party. It’s not a big one, but a handful of friends are gathered in the backyard garden of some fancy restaurant that Angel had reserved to organize everyone together. She goes out of her way to introduce me to everyone when we arrive, “Guys! You know the one responsible for such brilliant photography in the school newspaper, right?”

“Kari?” someone calls out my name, and immediately, my heads turns towards the voice that had called me out. It turns out that the newspaper editor-in-chief is at the party too. Not surprising, since he’s friends with some of Daehyun’s friends.

“Hi Youngjae.” I say with a bit of surprise in my own voice.

“Oh right! Both of you guys work on the newspaper!” Angel claps her hands together, “Well, do you guys want to sit next to each other? I could move.” Angel starts making her way to sit on the Daehyun’s other side, leaving the spot between him and Youngjae open for me. I protest for a bit, but eventually, I’m seated between the two boys.

Everyone ends up eating different types of noodles for the meal, and I end up sitting awkwardly to myself as I mix around my noodles most of the time. Some of the others attempt to make conversation with me, but I don’t really reply elaborately. Until one of the guys asks me a question that I can’t help but perk up at when hearing it, “Hey Kari, do you know anything about film editing?”

It’s Jongup who asks, and suddenly, a small smile sparks on my face upon hearing his question, “A little, what do you want to know?”

“Well, I wanted to make a little music video. So I was wondering what kinds of effects and stuff I might use. Or like… cutting and stuff like that?” he sounds genuinely clueless about what he’s talking about. I know he’s a dancer, not a techie, so it only makes sense.

“Is it a dance video?” I ask, “Because if it’s a cover or anything like that, a wide, consistently colored background is the best for simplicity. You know, no distracting backgrounds to pull their attention away from your dance, and you can wear colorful clothing to make yourself pop out more.” I start suggesting right away.

“Unless it’s your own choreographed dance, then that would look good with a bunch of other dancers in the background and several scene cuts. Switch locations, switch outfits, switch angles. That would look really good, actually.” I smile as I look up in thought, already imagining the greatness of the edited video.

“Wow, suddenly she can’t stop talking.” Youngjae laughs at me, the others following in sync.

I let out a small laugh before Jongup asks another question, “That sounds really cool, actually. But like, how would I… do all that?”

“Well, the editing can all easily be done on the computer. But it’s really about how good your director and cameraman is. If those two people are in sync, or the same person I guess, that would be nice if the vision was good. What kind of camera do you have?”

“I don’t know… Like, a digital video camera.” Jongup says slowly as he pulls the camera out of his bag and hands it to me.

Turning it on and panning the scene with the lens without filming anything, I get a good look at the quality of the camera. Suddenly, I start spitting out explanations and nerdy vocabulary about the model of the camera and the different features I’m guessing it might have due to several cameras of the same brand that I have experience with.

I get so excited and caught up in my explanations that I don’t realize that Jongup has stopped talking and he’s barely even managed to continue listening now that all the photography terms are out. I’m talking so animatedly when Angel finally decides to interrupt me, “Honestly Kari, no one cares. No one really knows what you’re talking about. Jongup probably just wanted to know if you’d be willing to help him with his video production.”

“Oh…” I say, clearly disappointed. “Uhm… okay, I guess. I could help.”

I’m not really paying attention to Jongup’s words of thanks anymore because— No one cares.

“No one cares.” Angel had said.

Maybe she really isn’t as great as I thought she was. Because, that kind of hurt. Actually, that really hurt. Especially since I was so happy talking about something that I liked so much. No one cares about something that I’m truly passionate about. Suddenly, I don’t feel like eating anymore. There’s no strength in my shoulders anymore. But I guess it doesn’t really matter since no one really notices.

No one really cares.

---

“I thought you were going to jump.”

Angel’s words linger in my mind as I lean against the ledge of the mall’s rooftop café. The same rooftop that I had been shooting on when I ran into the couple. It is pretty high up, now that I think about it. It’s not like I’d be missed. It’d only be my work that would be missed.

Maybe if I left some sort of significant sequence of photos in my camera, someone would be able to put them together and find a hidden message. The only other person who knows how to make panoramas that I know of is Youngjae. He’s a smart guy, he’d be able to figure it out soon enough. But then again, he might not care enough to.

Who was I kidding? Of course no one cares.

I should’ve known, having always been the one controlling the spotlight rather than shining beneath it. Who would actually care about some nerdy newspaper photographer? Certainly not shallow, popular high school teenagers who didn’t appreciate art unless it was powdered onto girls’ faces. Tech nerds like me wouldn’t ever make it in high school. You’re made to help the others shine. It only takes a backstage hand to be able to appreciate other behind-the-scenes workers. Who else would? Certainly not the audience. Probably not the actors. All the fame went to those on the stage. And for those who stayed back to help clean up when everyone left, well… Out of sight, out of mind.

“Stop.” A voice behind me scares the wits out me and I almost fall over the ledge before a pair of hands catches my waist to steady me.

I choke in a gasp as I turn around to face Daehyun when he lets go of me. “Oh my god, you scared me.”

“You were about to jump, weren’t you?” he says immediately. He sounds so sure that it almost doesn’t even come out as a question.

“What? No.” I deny.

“You were thinking of it.”

“Well… I was thinking about it. You know, who doesn’t contemplate what would happen after their death?”

And suddenly, I’m sighing again as I turn back around to lean my arms on the ledge, “Who doesn’t wonder who will miss them when they’re gone for good? Who will mourn for them at a funeral? Who will continue to think about them a day later. Or a month. Or a year. Who… doesn’t…”

“Stop that.” Daehyun demands, standing over to your side, not wavering as he gazes down at you.

“Who would? Who would do so much as to take their time and energy to stop a replaceable background character in a story about the flawless, beautiful, wonderful princess and her prince?” I challenge, mostly talking to myself as if it was my own conscious who had spoken in Daehyun’s voice, “It’s not like anyone would actually think so much about them that they see their disappearance as significant and worth saving. No one really cares. That’s life.” I sigh out.

“I care.” Daehyun states firmly.

“Thanks.” I say blandly, making my bitter sarcasm clear in my tone.

“Stop it.” He demands, taking hold of my arm and spinning me to face him, “What Angel said was terrible. No one ever has the right to say something like that, okay?”

“How did you…”

How did he possibly pick up the exact phrase that had been bothering me since the meal? He was quiet, and he was an observer. But he didn’t have all the time in the world to watch over every little thing that happened with someone he isn’t acquainted with.

“It’s obvious that those words hit you hard. They would for me too.” He clarifies. “And the way that Angel said it so cleanly and continued on as if she hadn’t said anything at all… that was kind of disgusting to me.”

“So you set her straight?” I snort, pulling my arm away from him.

“I broke up with her.”

“You’ll be together again before the year ends, I’m sure.” I shrug, turning back to lean against the ledge again. The blinding city lights provide viable distraction from Daehyun’s hard gaze.

“Do you even understand why I did it?” he asks.

I pause for a moment before slowly turning back to face him, “Look, I appreciate how you’re willing to stand up for what you believe is to be right. Ignorantly crushing someone’s feelings is never a great way to go, but she didn’t mean it. She’s a popular girl. She doesn’t know any better. And I appreciate how you looked out for me, and noticed how upset I got, and stopped me from unconsciously killing myself, but you don’t have to break up with her for sake of that.”

Before he can retort, I continue to clarify, “I know what she said was a move, but she didn’t know any better. She’s always on top of everything. Once someone else starts going crazy about something no one gets under her watch, she’s the savior. If someone was spazzing to me about like… Kpop boy bands or something like that, I’d want to tell them that I don’t care too.”

He just stares at me and I stare back for a while. He doesn’t seem to be moving and I don’t really know what he’s waiting for. But my hands seem to work on their own when they reach down to flip on the DSLR camera around my neck and lift it up right in front of me to capture Daehyun’s still-life figure.

I think it’s a perfect photo. I only need one.

But suddenly, he takes the camera from my hands, pulling the neck strap back from around me and lifting it up to snap a picture of his own, the lens pointing in my direction. He continues to walk around me and snap photos while I chase after him for the camera.

When he gives it back to me, he’s close enough that we could probably press against each other if the camera wasn’t between us. His deep, dark eyes strike down into mine as he says, “Don’t delete them. If you do, I’ll care. There’s always someone who cares, okay? You’re not going to be behind the scenes forever. There will always be someone who cares.” He makes a big deal of emphasizing.

Someone cares.

Okay, inspired by a number of different things that eventually came together to create this cheesy thing:

1. My panorama assignment in photo class
2. The security guard at the parking lot who actually thought i was jumping when i was taking photos
3. This guy's post; it was really interesting to read