best read on ao3

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The door opens and Baekhyun’s mother appears. She’s been calling him from downstairs since a while ago but Baekhyun’s been busy scribbling down his feelings on his little black notebook.

“What were you doing?”

“Nothing!” Baekhyun says too quickly, avoiding meeting his mother’s squinting eyes as he tucks the black notebook under his books on the desk.

“Did you hear me call for you?” Baekhyun nods. “Well, you should know that Chanyeol’s gonna finish the tray of cookies I just baked if you don’t come down now.”

Baekhyun fakes a gasp and dramatically scurries downstairs. He hears his mother chuckle at him and imagines her shaking her head just like how she does every time they’re in a playful mood.

Chanyeol has been a part of the Byun household now as much as Baekhyun is a part of the Park’s. When Mama Byun cooks her heavenly chocolate chip cookies, it’s like Chanyeol can smell it from across the street and invites himself over to compete with Baekhyun in chomping down the most cookies. Sometimes Baekhyun invites himself over at Chanyeol’s house at the excuse of making the homework together but they always end up playing video games and making the homework the next day, fifteen minutes before class.

“Chanyeol, you cheater, you started ahead!” Baekhyun whines when he sees four spots on the tray from the oven already lacking of cookies.

“I thought you weren’t coming down.”

All the fight leaves Baekhyun when Chanyeol looks at him and smiles so adorably, his curly fringe falling to his eyes and his giant ears sticking out from the mop of dark hair. Baekhyun’s gonna stand by what he has thought since day one – Chanyeol is the most handsome boy he has ever seen in his life. It takes a lot for Baekhyun to hold himself back from reaching out and cupping Chanyeol’s jaw so he channels all that want into the cookie. Picking one cookie up instead of holding Chanyeol in his palm.

Baekhyun thinks he has gotten better at controlling his emotions. It used to be so painful pining for something he can never have – and his best friend, at that. Someone who’s always so close by him but still so far and out of his reach. Baekhyun knew unrequited love would make him miserable – he has read confessions on some Facebook page, heard stories at online forums. He knew he should’ve crushed these unwarranted feelings for his best friend. But he couldn’t really help it when the heart wants what it wants. Baekhyun sighs inwardly. Things have gotten pretty out of hand now that even just glancing at Chanyeol makes his heart flutter.

Mama Byun gets in between them and tells them to go sit down or something, so she’ll plate the cookies and they can all eat them peacefully, no need for a competition, and sighs at young kids these days.

“Hey, do you have plans tonight?” Chanyeol asks as they wend their way to the living hall.

“Just Overwatch, I guess. Still at your place, right?”

Chanyeol grabs the remote and turns the TV before plopping down on the couch too close to Baekhyun. Their thighs are pressed against each other. “Let’s go to Sehun’s, then. His parents are out of town and there’s this—”

“—party in his mansion.” Baekhyun finishes for him. “Yeah, I got the text, Yeol. I thought you wouldn’t want to come since, you know. You just broke up with your girlfriend.”

Chanyeol shrugs. “Nah. Not really in the mood to mope about some breakup.”

Baekhyun likes it that Chanyeol hasn’t shown a strong attachment to any of his girlfriends before. He hasn’t cried over a girl, in fact. Inside, Baekhyun’s smiling to himself as if it’s an achievement for him or something.

But then Chanyeol adds, “Plus it’s in parties where I can get a new girlfriend, right?”

And that’s when Baekhyun’s small bubble of happiness shatters. Baekhyun swallows the lump in his throat and tries to calm down the churning in his stomach. How he wishes he can level up from being a best friend to a boyfriend in some party, too. How he wishes Chanyeol would look at him and realizes he’s just as in love with his best friend as Baekhyun is with him. Baekhyun scowls at his thoughts – Control yourself, Baek. Baekhyun is saved from affirming when Mama Byun arrives with the platter of cookies.

“I suppose we could go.”

“Great.” Chanyeol beams at Baekhyun. “Mom,” Chanyeol says to Mama Byun, “Baek and I are going to a friend’s house tonight. Might be coming back late.”

Mama Byun has always been fine with his son going to parties as long as he’s with Chanyeol. She knows they can take care of each other and if their ten-year friendship isn’t proof to that, then she doesn’t know what is. The Park’s residence is just across the street and she’s woken up one too many times to find out her son Baekhyun isn’t in his room but had stayed over at Chanyeol’s.

“As long as you kids would be back in one piece.”

Chanyeol’s grin is almost blinding. (Baekhyun always thinks a grinning Chanyeol shines brighter than the sun.) Mama Byun leaves the living hall. Incidentally, Chanyeol and Baekhyun pick up the same cookie out of the several pieces on the plate. Baekhyun’s lips turn down into a pout when Chanyeol doesn’t let go of the cookie.

“Yeol, I got it first.”

“I don’t see your name on this cookie, though,” Chanyeol retorts.

“This is ridiculous,” Baekhyun says as he lets go of the coveted cookie and moves to get another one. “You are so childish—”

Baekhyun is stopped from talking when Chanyeol suddenly prods the cookie into Baekhyun’s mouth gently. Baekhyun glares at his best friend who is grinning widely back at him.

“Here’s your treat,” Chanyeol says.

Baekhyun whines softly, but takes a bite of the proffered cookie. (How can he refuse the sight of Chanyeol smiling from ear to ear while feeding him?) Chanyeol’s callous thumb brushes his lower lip, hitching Baekhyun’s breath in his throat. Chanyeol pats Baekhyun’s head with his free hand, saying, “Baekhyunee is such a good boy.”

Baekhyun almost chokes at Chanyeol’s words. He’s never gonna get used to Chanyeol cooing at him like he’s a small pup or a toddler. He pretends to grumble under his breath about being treated as a puppy by a giant puppy himself, but when he sees Chanyeol eating the other half of the cookie he has bitten, Baekhyun’s speech function gets lost.

In some ways, Chanyeol just got an indirect kiss from Baekhyun. Who says sharing water bottles is the only form of indirect kissing? Sharing food is, too, thank you very much.

After shaking up Baekhyun’s world, Chanyeol casually reclines against the couch and swings an arm behind Baekhyun, switching the channel to History. Now, Chanyeol and Baekhyun agree on a whole variety of things, but not this. While Chanyeol wants to watch Nat Geo, Animal Planet, History, Baekhyun always asks for E! or Star World or Disney.

“Change the channel, Yeol.” Baekhyun’s tone is low and a bit muffled with the cookie he’s eating, but Chanyeol just doesn’t obey him and instead, he tightens his grip on the remote, smiling a mischievous smile.

When Baekhyun reaches for the remote, Chanyeol, the sly bastard that he is, stretches his arm away from him. With Baekhyun’s short limbs, he leans towards Chanyeol, his lips almost brushing Chanyeol’s cheek, one palm on Chanyeol’s bicep and the other struggling to reach for the goddamned remote. Too close, Baekhyun thinks, as sirens wail inside his head.

Chanyeol’s other hand pushes Baekhyun’s face away, his palm almost enough to cover Baekhyun’s entire face. Baekhyun risks it all and sticks his tongue out to Chanyeol’s palm (and savors the residual taste of Mama Byun’s freshly-baked cookie on it) before Chanyeol shrieks and falls sideways on the couch. Baekhyun, by gravity or inertia or fate, falls on top of him. Chanyeol makes a move to wipe the wetness on his palm on Baekhyun’s raven hair and that’s when Baekhyun stiffens.

Chanyeol’s hipbone is digging through Baekhyun’s stomach, and literally right in front of Baekhyun’s face is Chanyeol’s chest. It shouldn’t be awkward because they’ve had more compromising positions than this when they tried wrestling each other a few years ago, only back then, Baekhyun was too young to think about the romantic feelings he harbors for his best friend.

Chanyeol’s hand on the back of Baekhyun’s head starts playing with the soft strands of hair there and Baekhyun looks up to see Chanyeol smiling down at him. Baekhyun blinks, like how a camera does when it captures a photo. What a sight it was.

Baekhyun should really control his pounding heartbeat lest Chanyeol ask him about it.

“I’ve always known your hair is soft, but damn—” Chanyeol combs his fingers through tufts of Baekhyun’s hair. “I’ll never get used to it.”

Baekhyun smirks and easily grabs the remote from Chanyeol’s loosened grip before sitting up and turning the channel to Star Movies where there’s a rerun of Deadpool.

“You’re not fair. You caught me off-guard there,” Chanyeol whines and sits up, sliding his on the couch to sit closer to Baekhyun again before draping an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Baekhyun gives the forearm hanging on his shoulder a sidelong glance. Seeing the tattoo on the inside of Chanyeol’s wrist makes him smile on the inside. It’s something he shares with Chanyeol, and something Chanyeol would never do for his girlfriends in the future (because Chanyeol whined about the needles being too painful and swore he won’t get another tattoo ever again). They got it on Chanyeol’s sixteenth birthday, an impulsive decision that will last a lifetime.

Aimer et être aimé.

They’re French words Baekhyun fancied but totally did not expect for Chanyeol to tattoo it on both of their wrists. Yup, Baekhyun has it on his own wrist, too, dragged by Chanyeol into the shop and getting their friendship tattoo. Some best friends get friendship rings or even just friendship bracelets but Chanyeol? He just had to want a ing tattoo on their wrists. The excruciating pain of the needles piercing their skin and drawing out blood… Baekhyun can never forget that experience.

While the 8px letters are on Chanyeol’s left wrist, Baekhyun got his on his right. Chanyeol always stands on Baekhyun’s right and vice versa. Every time their wrists brush against each other while they’re walking or sleeping side by side, Baekhyun gets reminded of their tattoos. It’s not much, yeah, but it still makes Baekhyun’s heart flutter.

“Well, you ate the cookies ahead of me, you cheater, so I guess that makes us even.”

Chanyeol pinches Baekhyun gently on his waist — which doesn’t hurt at all — but Baekhyun still whines and uses it as an excuse to snuggle closer to Chanyeol’s warmth, settling his shoulder under Chanyeol’s armpits and nestling his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

All the way till the end of the movie, Baekhyun occasionally inhales and exhales deeply through his mouth, because it feels like he is choking.


 

*

High school parties were always the same the way Baekhyun has remembered them. Red cups refilled with cheap beer, the loud music, racy and bordering sleazy games – definitely not the environment that Baekhyun prefers. Chanyeol is sitting beside him, but he’s having too much fun to pay Baekhyun any attention.

When Baekhyun stands up, Chanyeol doesn’t even turn to look at him. He weaves to the kitchen and hopes there’s a drink that’s not too bitter for his throat to tolerate. He scans the fridge for something until someone shouts, “Hey, don’t touch the cake!”

It’s Sehun. Baekhyun turns around and raises his hands up in surrender. “Didn’t really get to touch anything yet. Do you have… juice?”

Sehun chuckles at him but takes out the carton of apple juice at the back of the fridge. Baekhyun pours a glass of it for himself as Sehun goes back to wherever he’s been. Baekhyun is not really keen on going back and sitting there around everyone else. When he steps under the arch leading back to the living hall, he freezes, stomach dropping to the floor, a lump forming at the back of his throat that’s too thick to swallow. There’s a girl sitting on Chanyeol’s lap.

Then Baekhyun remembers the conversation that afternoon. “Plus it’s in parties where I can get a new girlfriend, right?” Of course. What was Baekhyun even thinking? That after fighting over the remote like a newlywed couple, Chanyeol will miraculously develop feelings for him? It doesn’t work that way, Baekhyun, he tells himself. If Chanyeol would develop feelings for him, he would have done so ages ago. Ten years and still friends? Well, that will be his only role in Chanyeol’s life for the rest of this lifetime. Baekhyun should know better than start hoping for the impossible. He really should’ve known better than to fall in love with his best friend in the first place.

He goes to the sink, puts his glass on the counter and clutches the edge of it because his knees are definitely weakening. He takes heavy breathes in and out, praying it would eradicate the sting in his chest or at least calm it.

“Baekhyun?” It’s Sehun again. For a host of a high school party, he sure is concerned with his guests.

Baekhyun faces him with horrified eyes like he’s caught eating the cake Sehun specifically said not to touch. “I swear I didn’t touch the cake—”

“I wasn’t asking about that.” Sehun chuckles. “No offense but you look like right now and it doesn’t even look like you’ve drunk alcohol.”

Baekhyun pouts and mutters, “The beer is bitter,” under his breath as an attempt to divert the topic.

“Jongdae is throwing up!” Someone from the living hall shouts and it seems like everyone is… cheering about it?

Sehun hurries to the source of the commotion. “I swear to god if you throw up on the carpet—”

And Baekhyun is left alone again.



 

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The porch seems inviting when Baekhyun opens the back door. The synthetic wooden beach chair looks like it’s comfortable enough with its thick cushion. The night isn’t too cold so Baekhyun settles there. The living hall is loud but he can hear the cicadas disturbing the silent of night here as well. It feels like he’s being one with nature tonight.

When Chanyeol and Baekhyun first went here, they laid down on the floor of this porch because it was summer and the heat was too intense. They were just on the floorboards, spread-eagled, and Chanyeol whistling some pop song because he believed it will summon the summer breeze. Baekhyun smiles at the memory, wondering if he had realized he liked Chanyeol more than a friend at that point.

He actually couldn’t remember when he started having these feelings for his best friend. Perhaps it was when Chanyeol stood up for him against the kids in middle school forcing him to give them his lunch money. He could never forget Chanyeol’s livid face when he caught them. As cheesy as it sounds, he became Baekhyun’s hero at that point. It cemented their friendship.

Or maybe it was when Chanyeol let him sleep over on the same bed with him, Baekhyun’s sides as Chanyeol sang a lullaby for Baekhyun to fall asleep faster. Baekhyun smiles to himself upon remembering Chanyeol murmuring, “I hope my voice got it right.” Baekhyun had told him it was just a lullaby, but Chanyeol apparently wanted just the best for Baekhyunee. God, Chanyeol already had his deep baritone voice even when they just started puberty. His voice was perfect – to send Baekhyun off to sleep and to wake him up with the sunrise. They were what, twelve? Yet Chanyeol showed him affection he only got from his mother before.

Oh, Baekhyun remembers this one girlfriend Chanyeol had which was jealous of Baekhyun. He wanted to laugh at her face when she said it. Jealous of Baekhyun? Her? , I’m the one jealous of you! Baekhyun had wanted to scream. But Baekhyun never got the chance because Chanyeol had broken up with her right then and there. Another one of the Chanyeol’s line Baekhyun can never forget: “If you can’t accept me being with Baekhyun, then I can’t accept you either.” He dragged Baekhyun away from there and they ate ice cream on their way home.

It wasn’t his intention but Baekhyun’s feelings only grew every day as he tried to get rid of them. It’s Chanyeol’s fault. For being so boyfriend. Baekhyun didn’t ask him to be boyfriend-ish with him. But then again, Chanyeol didn’t ask him to fall in love with his best friend either.

Baekhyun sighs. He’s in too deep now. One thing is for sure, he can’t erase these feelings anymore.

Baekhyun looks at his watch. It’s been forty minutes or so since he went out. Chanyeol hasn’t looked for him. No one has looked for him. The thought brings a dark cloud over his head, even if he has accepted it a long time ago that no one would look for him at a party full of interesting people.

He weaves his way towards the living hall and finds out that Jongdae didn’t throw up on the carpet, but on the couch. That must be the reason why no one’s sleeping on it and people are passed out on the floor. Chanyeol is sleeping on the carpet, alone.

Baekhyun sighs in relief that the girl who was on Chanyeol’s lap a while ago isn’t around anymore. But he frowns at his attitude of being selfish – how can he be a good best friend if he couldn’t support Chanyeol in finding a new girlfriend? Honestly, it’s so hard to pick a side whether he should be the boy who got a crush on Chanyeol or the boy who is Chanyeol’s best friend. Why can’t he be both?!

Sehun finds Baekhyun again. “Hey, you should go upstairs and crash at one of the rooms. Looks like Chanyeol is too pissed drunk to move.”

Baekhyun shakes his head. He knows they can manage. “No thanks, I’ll call a cab.”

Sehun nods. "Oh, and Baekhyun, if you need to talk about something you can’t talk about with Chanyeol, I’m here.”

Baekhyun gives him a genuine smile.



 

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The both of them bid Mama Byun their goodbyes. Chanyeol helps Baekhyun put his pink helmet on, strapping it under his chin. Oh, it’s such a good morning. Baekhyun smiles before hopping on the scooter behind Chanyeol and it takes all the effort in him not to sniff Chanyeol like a pup. The scooter’s engine comes to life and they start their way to school.

This is the usual. This is Baekhyun’s routine. Every morning going to school when he’s riding this scooter behind his best friend, he subtly inhales Chanyeol’s citrus fragrance mixed with Chanyeol’s own natural scent. The wind is a great help, bringing him a whiff of Chanyeol even when he doesn’t lean closer.

What’s out of the usual today is Baekhyun trying to hide the huge grin he has been sporting since yesterday. His cheeks have been hurting because he couldn’t stop smiling since feeling those soft lips on his hand.

Yesterday went by pretty fast. Baekhyun doesn’t think he can ever stop thinking about Chanyeol and his feelings for him. It’s a good thing Chanyeol continued his slumber in his own bedroom, giving Baekhyun space to breathe. His uncontrollable heart couldn’t stop beating so freaking fast. Chanyeol’s lips have somehow imprinted a tingling sensation on Baekhyun’s hand that Baekhyun cannot shake off.

Also, yesterday, Baekhyun contemplated about finally confessing his feelings to his best friend.

He can already picture it out — Chanyeol alone in the classroom with him. And Baekhyun, perhaps stuttering the words, would say he likes Chanyeol more than a friend. And Chanyeol would say he likes him the same way too, likes him enough to leave kisses on his knuckles or cheeks or forehead when he’s asleep. And Baekhyun would feign surprise before Chanyeol would take him into his arms and they’d run to the sunset together — okay, that’s too much.

“Hey, what are you thinking of?” Chanyeol asks.

“Huh? N-nothing.” If only you knew I think about you when I wake up and dream of you when I sleep...

“It’s not nothing if you’re smiling like an idiot in love back there. Tell me,” Chanyeol insists.

Baekhyun blushes and clutches Chanyeol’s waist tighter, burrowing his face between Chanyeol’s shoulder blades. Baekhyun’s not usually like this – getting shy around his own best friend? Nope, never. But he’s been caught daydreaming. About him and Chanyeol, no less! And that’s embarrassing enough for him.

“It’s really nothing, Chanyeol-ah,” Baekhyun mutters into the starched uniform of his best friend.

“Ooh, you’re hiding something from me now, Baekhyunee? Do you have a crush on someone now?”

“N-nope.” As expected, Baekhyun is stuttering as he talks about crushes with Chanyeol. “What about you?” Baekhyun tries to ask, nervous about Chanyeol’s answer.

In all the years they’ve been best friends, Chanyeol always tells him about the pretty girl here, the cute girl there. But if Chanyeol’s into girls, then why did he kiss Baekhyun’s hand yesterday? It’s so confusing...

Chanyeol just hums. “We’re here.”

Baekhyun has been so focused on Chanyeol that he didn’t notice that they’ve reached the campus now. Some of the students on the sidewalk stare at them as they pass by, with Baekhyun being close — too close — to Chanyeol.

All the way to the classroom, Chanyeol persists on making Baekhyun spill about his crush. He even uses his aegyo which is just reserved for desperate measures, and Baekhyun wants to confess right there and then. But instead, Baekhyun pretends to be annoyed and snaps at him, “If you won’t tell me the who your crush is this time, you’re not getting any detail about mine.”

Baekhyun wants to punch himself when he sees Chanyeol looking like a kicked puppy. Still, it surprises him when Chanyeol locks his arms around Baekhyun’s head as a way of apologizing.

“Sorry, Bunny Buns. I won’t ask again. Now stop being mad at me.”

Baekhyun huffs a breath as he escapes Chanyeol’s hold. (He wants to stay in those arms forever, but he’s afraid firstly of being too obvious with his feelings towards his best friend and secondly of being judged by his school mates.)

“I didn’t say you couldn’t ask again,” Baekhyun mutters. “I’m saying we trade information.”

His heart is pounding too fast when he sees Chanyeol thinking about the offer. He has about a minute to think of who he can name as his Fake Crush.

But then Chanyeol says, “Nah, I can live with this,” before he goes inside the classroom, leaving Baekhyun blinking at the threshold. Live with what?

When Baekhyun enters the classroom, he finds Sehun surprisingly perched on Jongin’s lap. When did they become a couple, these two?

“When did you and Jongin even happen?”

“At the party in my house,” Sehun answers.

“Wh-what, how...” Baekhyun may be overreacting but he seriously thought these two were as straight as Chanyeol.

“Well, he told me he liked me after throwing up on me—” Baekhyun cringes, “–and we washed up so we were both shirtless when he started kissing me—”

“Okay! I get it.” Baekhyun doesn’t need to hear anything that happened beyond that. He slumps on his seat.

It doesn’t feel right to say he’s jealous of his friends getting into relationships. It’s just that... He glances back at Chanyeol who is seated a couple of rows away and frantically scribbling their homework. (Baekhyun isn’t worrying about the homework unlike him because he had made it yesterday while Chanyeol was sleeping his hangover off.)

His friends are all getting into relationships and... is it right for Baekhyun to feel out of place with something so petty like that?

He sighs. Still... All he wants is for Chanyeol to like him back. Maybe not as much as Baekhyun likes him, but enough so that he would hold Baekhyun in his arms gently and make Baekhyun sit on his lap, too. Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Baekhyun.

“You should just confess,” Sehun says out of nowhere. Baekhyun looks back at him with wide eyes because it seemed like he has read Baekhyun’s mind.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Jongin rolls his eyes playfully, leaning his chin on Sehun’s shoulder. Baekhyun pauses his mind and takes note of how gorgeous the couple look together. Sehun may seem nonchalant about Jongin’s little gestures but the blush on his freckled cheeks tells the effect Jongin has on him.

“Everyone can see you have feelings for your best friend,” Jongin whispers loud enough for Baekhyun to hear.

Baekhyun glances apprehensively at Chanyeol. He’s still blissfully ignorant about his surroundings as he focuses on the long homework. It would be impossible for him to hear their conversation, no matter how huge his ears are. Other students are pretty much uninterested to eavesdrop, too, so they’re pretty safe.

“Are you serious?” Baekhyun is panicking.

Sehun laughs. “You should see the way you look at him, honestly.”

“It’s like how I look at Sehun,” Jongin says.

“Your gaze is hotter than Chanyeol’s, though,” Sehun mutters, turning his head around and nipping at Jongin’s jaw.

“Baby, we’re trying to cheer up Baekhyun here,” Jongin says, but he drops a kiss on Sehun’s shoulder nonetheless.

Baekhyun looks away, faces the board rather than those two lovebirds. He thinks about what they’ve said, though. He honestly didn’t know Jongin had a crush on Sehun, or how Jongin looks at Sehun.

Perhaps Baekhyun is just as dense as Chanyeol is?

Baekhyun wonders if Chanyeol knows about his crush on him. If he’s been obvious that even Sehun and Jongin could tell his feelings for his best friend, has Chanyeol picked it up, too? Oh god, please no. The last thing he wants is for Chanyeol to return his feelings out of pity. Surely Baekhyun’s actions can be masked as friendly gestures.

...right?



 

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“I tried yesterday, but I failed.” Baekhyun sighs. He’s facing Sehun and Jongin again today because he’s free to talk about Chanyeol to his only friends who would listen because said subject matter just went to the restroom.

What was ridiculous was when Chanyeol asked Baekhyun to accompany him to the restroom but Baekhyun fought and asked him what the hell would he be doing in the restroom that he wants Baekhyun to come with him. The moment Chanyeol went silent was when Baekhyun realized his question came out wrong. He looked at Sehun and Jongin who were silent on their seats — the latter with an amused expression. Heat started to creep on Baekhyun’s nape. Chanyeol scowled, then told him, “If you don’t wanna, just say so,” before he stomps out of the classroom. What the hell was that…

Baekhyun keeps on sighing, unable to hide his regrets, as he recounts yesterday’s events to the couple in front of him.

Jongin looks like he’s seriously contemplating about yesterday’s situation. “What if you didn’t take it back? Maybe he would’ve asked you out.”

Baekhyun slumps on his seat. “I don’t know anymore. I’m starting to think everything was just a dream.”

“Aww, come here, Baek. Let me hug you and take that sadness away from you,” Sehun offers.

Baekhyun lets the younger one hug him.

“What’re you gonna do with his sadness?” Jongin asks his boyfriend.

“Give it to you.” Sehun answers, but when Jongin looks a bit confused, he smirks. “Then you can spend tonight comforting me.’

Baekhyun chokes and struggles to get off Sehun’s embrace. “Wait, Baek—”

“Baekhyun,” calls out a deeper voice that’s all too familiar. It’s Chanyeol.

Sehun lets him go so he can be with Chanyeol.

Apparently, Chanyeol is a “little confused” with some Calculus equation which Baekhyun knows he doesn’t need help with. If anything, it should be Baekhyun asking help from Chanyeol with matters like this considering how Chanyeol always tops the exams. So why is Chanyeol doing this? Baekhyun smiles to himself when he thinks that Chanyeol’s just making up ridiculous excuses to spend time with him. This giant baby, Baekhyun says in his head as his heart flutters.

Chanyeol leans closer to Baekhyun because the latter intentionally softens his voice for that purpose.

“Is this correct?” Chanyeol asks, turning to look at him. Their faces are so close that Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s breath on his lips.

Baekhyun swallows back his nervousness. “I- I think so.” He notices Chanyeol’s eyes flicker down to catch the movement of his lips and damn it all Baekhyun just wanna lean closer and smash their lips together—

But the teacher chooses that moment to enter the room and Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun in the eyes, not moving away yet. “You should go back to your seat.”

Baekhyun is the first to lean away, scuttling back to his seat as Chanyeol clears his desk.

Too close. That was too close. Baekhyun clutches his chest as he struggles to steady his breathing. Park Chanyeol, his best friend since he was a kid, has this effect on Baekhyun. Yup, Chanyeol just rendered him breathless.


 

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Chanyeol trusts Baekhyun, he does. But perhaps Baekhyun doesn’t return that trust. He’s hurt that his best friend won’t tell him he liked Junki and he had to hear about it from other people’s gossip.

Chanyeol glances at Junki, seated near the front. What does he have that Chanyeol doesn’t? What did Baekhyun see in him? But the more important question is, will Junki love Baekhyun the way Chanyeol can?

But when he sees Baekhyun giggling at something Junki probably whispered, Chanyeol feels queasy. He clenches and unclenches his fists under his desk. He should be the one making Baekhyun giggle; he should be the one at the receiving end of Baekhyun’s smile and laughter. He is Baekhyun’s best friend, after all…

Yeah, Park, but you’re not his boyfriend. You can get jealous all you want but you don’t get the right to show it. Chanyeol sighs.

The moment he sat on his seat after the Physics class was when he heard Sehun and Jongin talking by themselves.

“How lucky can Baekhyun get?”

“I know right. I need to throw a party first before we got together and Baekhyun gets his love life served to him on a platter.”

Chanyeol looks up from his seat. Were they talking about Baekhyun and Junki? Was it the reason Baekhyun became close with them? Was he asking them help with Junki? Chanyeol frowns. Why didn’t Baekhyun ask him for help?

It’s like he’s no one in Baekhyun’s life at all…

“Sehun,” he calls out.

Sehun and Jongin turn around to face him.

“Is Baekhyun— does Baekhyun like Junki?”

Sehun raises a brow at his question. “What do you think?”

Chanyeol furrows his brows.

What does he think? He thinks Baekhyun’s been distancing away from him; that he’s not trustworthy enough for Baekhyun; that Chanyeol is lacking as a best friend; that he’s not fulfilling his best friend duties…

He can’t do this anymore. Chanyeol bows his head and gets out of the classroom. He needs to be alone and collect his thoughts.

 

* * *

* * *



Chanyeol turns around for the millionth time on his bed. He can’t sleep.

The look on Baekhyun’s face when he exploded that afternoon is haunting him every time he closes his eyes. God knows how much he ing wanted to wipe those tears that he has caused and to engulf Baekhyun in a tight embrace. But stupid, stupid, stupid.

When will Chanyeol ever stop being such a coward?

Instead of comforting Baekhyun, he ran away like the coward that he is.

He even skipped dinner because he can’t face his parents with bloodshot eyes lest they interrogate him about it.

When he skipped classes a while ago, alone in the botanical garden, he just spaced out and ended up missing looking at Baekhyun.

Perhaps what he needs right now is a drive to the nearest convenience store two blocks away and get a late night snack as he contemplates about his outburst at Baekhyun.

He grabs his helmet and heads out.

 

*

* * *



Baekhyun is curled up on his bed, crying on his pillow to muffle his sobs when he hears the rustling of leaves on the tree outside his window. He ignores it and wallows some more about his problems.

He was devastated at what he had done with Chanyeol. He thought keeping his feelings for his best friend was the best thing to do but it only led them to this. Why did it have to become so complicated?

He buries his head under his pillow and doesn’t notice his window sliding open.

Chanyeol stares at the sobbing mess on the bed that is Baekhyun and his heart clenches. Baekhyun is still even in his uniform, forgetting to change out of it because of all the pain Chanyeol has inflicted on him.

“I’m so sorry, Baek,” he whispers.

Baekhyun isn’t sure if he imagined Chanyeol’s voice apologizing to him but when he sits up and finds him standing by his bed, he gasps and runs to his window, craning his neck to look at their front yard, seeing Chanyeol’s scooter.

“You rode your scooter?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter— Baek, I—”

“You forgot to wear your helmet? Chanyeol, you’re so dumb!” Baekhyun doesn’t want to, but chunky Ghibli tears just start rolling down his cheek and gathering on his chin before they drop to the floor. “What if something happened while you were driving? You’re dumb enough not to know my fee—”

His rant is stopped when he feels Chanyeol’s arms around him. Baekhyun is weak for Chanyeol’s tight hug. He wanted to give Chanyeol a piece of his mind but all of that is wavering because of the arms that give him comfort.

“I know. But stop crying, Baek, please.”

“Dumb Yeol,” Baekhyun whimpers, burying his face on Chanyeol’s chest as he calms down.

Chanyeol chuckles. He whispers against Baekhyun’s skin, “Let’s stay like this for a while.”

The hug goes on for a few minutes, but can’t be more than five when Chanyeol releases him.

“I’m just your best friend, Baek.” Chanyeol sounds somewhat sad. “That’s all I am to you, right?”

Baekhyun blinks. Chanyeol just stole the words out of his mouth.

“I’m okay with that. I’m contented with that. If that’s the only way to keep you by my side, I’m fine with that.” Just when he said it, a lone tear rolls down his cheek and he quickly wipes it with his palm, muttering damn it before sniffling. “I mean, I used to be fine with that. But now I’m done pretending. For the past years, Baekhyun, I’ve always liked you. You’re more than just a best friend to me.”

“Chanyeol-ah...” Baekhyun is breathless, speechless. Baekhyun’s eyes may be watery but he can clearly see Chanyeol’s honesty in those tear-stained eyes.

“I thought you liked Junki and my confession wouldn’t change anything, but—”

“What did you just say?” Baekhyun’s tone is low — maybe he is angry at Chanyeol that he can’t see he is the object of Baekhyun’s affection when Jongin and Sehun can ing see it crystal clearly. He’s shocked that his best friend assumed he likes someone else - where did Chanyeol get that idea from?

“I now know you don’t really like him, okay? But whoever it is that you’re crushing on, I’ll support you—”

“Well, you clearly don’t know about me!”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen. After all, it’s not every day that Baekhyun raises his voice at him and even cursing him with that tone of talking.

“Because Chanyeol, I like you as much as you like me! Or even more. I’ve been saving my first kiss for you. Even if you like me less, I have more than enough love for the both of us to compensate for that.” Baekhyun drops his gaze to the floor, suddenly feeling shy and conscious. “I can’t believe you thought I liked Junki, or whoever. You’re too dense you haven’t noticed me looking at you with heart eyes—”

Baekhyun is cut off when Chanyeol engulfs him with another hug. “Ah, Baekhyun, my heart is gonna burst.” Chanyeol squeezes him and any tighter Baekhyun thinks he is the one that’s gonna burst. Chanyeol lets him go but his hands are still gripping Baekhyun’s arms as he looks at Baekhyun seriously in the eyes. “Tell me you’re not kidding me this time.”

Baekhyun blushes as he remembers his failure of a confession. “I swear I mean it. I meant it that time, too, but you looked like you didn’t want to hear them from me.”

“I was trying to figure out if I was dreaming or not.” Chanyeol pouts at him. “Then you said you were kidding and, ah, I knew it was too good to be true.”

“Well, I can assure you this is not a dream. Okay?”

“Okay.”


 

*

*



And apparently, Chanyeol has the same idea. Chanyeol clings to Baekhyun when the latter goes downstairs to drink water in the kitchen. When Baekhyun walks back towards his bedroom to change out of his uniform, Chanyeol lets himself be dragged upstairs as he refuses to let go of his back hug around Baekhyun’s waist.

“Finally I can do these things without worrying about you knowing about my feelings for you,” Chanyeol mutters as he buries his nose on Baekhyun’s hair and sniffs its baby scent.

Baekhyun opens his closet and fishes for his favorite shirt – it’s Chanyeol’s, one of the many that gets left behind during their sleepovers – an oversized shirt with the label Supreme across its chest. He also grabs his own sweatpants.

Baekhyun turns around in Chanyeol’s arms and puts a space between the two of them, pushing the taller guy away but still close enough that Chanyeol’s hold around Baekhyun is still intact. Baekhyun scowls. “Yeol, I’m gonna go change.”

Chanyeol raises an eyebrow at him. “You can’t do that here?”

Pink colors Baekhyun’s cheeks. He wasn’t conscious about his body before when they were just bros but now that they’ve confessed their mutual feelings, Baekhyun feels a bit shy around Chanyeol now. (A tiny part of his mind tells him this is exactly what he didn’t want to happen: for him to not be able to act normally around Chanyeol anymore.)

Chanyeol pulls him close again and brings them both to the bed. After sitting on the edge of it, Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun to sit down on his lap. Baekhyun’s eyes are wide, thinking about a million ways to tell Chanyeol, no, we’re going too fast, Yeolee.

Baekhyun’s heart is ing pounding in his chest when Chanyeol reaches a hand between them while his other hand settles itself on the small of Baekhyun’s back. Baekhyun can almost not believe that Chanyeol is actually ing his polo shirt — he’s certain he’s gonna wake up any minute now.

When Chanyeol is done with the buttons, he pushes the polo off Baekhyun’s shoulders and slips them off his arms. Baekhyun hopes Chanyeol can’t feel him squirming on his lap. Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol’s face and finds Chanyeol looking at his face. Well, it’s not like Chanyeol has never seen Baekhyun’s bare torso before, anyway. Chanyeol’s almond-shaped eyes have some certain softness in them.

“Raise your hands up, Baekhyunee,” Chanyeol coos.

Baekhyun pouts, but does so anyway. Chanyeol slips his shirt in until Baekhyun’s head appears from the neck hole, hair sticking up to every direction. Chanyeol immediately steals a kiss from his lips. Baekhyun gasps.

“First proper kiss. Stolen from Baekhyunee after I let him wear my shirt.”

If Baekhyun’s face wasn’t burning yet, it is now. How does Chanyeol manage to make his heart flutter every second?

“Now go put on these sweatpants yourself, you big baby.” Chanyeol puts Baekhyun down from his lap before slapping the sweatpants on Baekhyun’s .

“Ow!” Baekhyun complains even if it doesn’t sting at all.

Chanyeol laughs and pats Baekhyun’s . “Sorry, babe.” He strides to his closet and picks out his change of clothes as Baekhyun changes into his sweatpants.

Staring at Chanyeol’s back muscles flex made Baekhyun’s throat dry.

When they’re both done, Chanyeol goes back to clinging to Baekhyun like a monkey before maneuvering the both of them to the bed and plopping onto the mattress.

Baekhyun giggles. “Aren’t you afraid I’m gonna get used to your touch and gets annoyed with your clinginess?”

Chanyeol gives him a look before propping up an elbow and leaning his head on his palm. He’s gazing down at Baekhyun.

Chanyeol brings his free hand to touch Baekhyun’s face gently. “I won’t let that happen,” he says as he makes small circles with his thumb on Baekhyun’s face.

Baekhyun catches Chanyeol’s hand on his own and intertwines them together. Chanyeol’s hand is much bigger than his own. He already knows that, but it still amazes him that their hands fit each other perfectly. He notices the tattoos on their wrists.

“Aimer et être aimé,” Baekhyun reads in a soft voice.

“To love and to be loved,” Chanyeol translates. He lies down and snuggles close to Baekhyun, a leg over Baekhyun’s own, their hands still clasped together. “I realized on my sixteenth birthday that I didn’t wanna be without you. I’ve always known I had some special feelings for you but I guess that time was when I finally realized I love you more than just a best friend. This tattoo... I wanted to be the one to love you and be loved by you, that’s why I asked you to get it with me. I guess being your best friend was the safest role for that. Until I’ve had enough, because I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend I don’t wanna kiss every inch of your skin; I can’t pretend I don’t want you, in my arms and forever by my side. I just—”

Baekhyun kisses his mouth to shut him up, but also because he really wants to. Chanyeol’s lips moving while being so close to his face is making him go crazy.

Crazy in love.

A few minutes of just chaste lip-locking pass before Chanyeol runs his tongue on Baekhyun’s lower lip, making Baekhyun gasp at the warmth and Chanyeol slowly dives his tongue into Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun lets him in and they get a taste of each other — not indirect kissing this time but just boyfriends making out. Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol closer by the nape, and Chanyeol sneaks a hand under Baekhyun’s shirt (well, his Supreme shirt), touching Baekhyun’s burning skin. Baekhyun’s whimpers against Chanyeol’s mouth get swallowed down. Baekhyun slides his hand down to Chanyeol’s bicep when Chanyeol explores higher on his torso, grazing his thumb on Baekhyun’s pebbled . Baekhyun’s entire body jerks at the sensation and he pulls away from the kiss in a desperate attempt to catch his breath.

“,” Baekhyun pants.

Chanyeol just wolfishly grins at him as if he has many more tricks up his sleeve. His hand is distractingly squeezing the flesh on Baekhyun’s ribs.

“That was hot,” Baekhyun says before lunging forward to catch Chanyeol’s lips again. This time, he climbs on Chanyeol’s lap and settles comfortably on it. Baekhyun wants more and this little devil inside his head (he’d like to name it Baekhoe) says, “Pull the sweatpants down!” Baekhyun wanted to – his hands are itching to fulfill his wet dreams – but at the same time, he doesn’t want Baekhoe to win over his control.

Things were getting heated when they hear Mama Byun’s voice calling from the living hall. “Baekhyun! When are you gonna eat dinner?”

Baekhyun could not have jolted away as quickly as he did.

“You haven’t eaten dinner yet?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “Was too busy moping at the thought of you cutting your ties with me.”

“Never gonna happen, okay?” Chanyeol assures him as he leans closer to kiss Baekhyun’s forehead.

Baekhyun’s cheeks color as he nods shyly.

“Wanna eat?”

Baekhyun nods eagerly.

“Your lips are swollen. God, what is Mama Byun gonna think of me now.” Chanyeol buries his head in his hands.

“I’m pretty sure mom’s gonna support whatever her son loves doing.” Baekhyun grins at him before leaning closer. “And that’s kissing you.”


 

*

* * *

* * *

end.