I hate swallowing pills.

I really really hate swallowing pills. It's just something I can't do, even after years of being forced to day and day again. In all honesty, it still takes me almost an hour just to down the three measly pills I'm given daily.

I hate swallowing pills, but I hate the beeping of the IV machine beside me even more.

It's giving me a headache and keeping me from falling asleep- and getting sleep that I desperately need. The pain was completely unbearable last night, and it kept me awake till this morning. Theoretically, I should be used to it by now. Afterall, I've been going through the same thing ever since I was seven- the constant aches that never go away, the endless throbbing in my brain, the feeling that every day I get a little bit closer to death. I should be used to it, but I'm not. The pain is still the same pain, the sense of hopelessness still as prominent as before, and the wait still as dreadful.

Especially when the boy in the hospital bed next to me just will not shut up.

Seriously, he's been talking ever since he got admitted a few hours ago, and I'm starting to doubt if his mouth can go even a minute without saying something stupid. All day he's been going on and on about anything and everything, and it's getting on my nerves. How am I supposed to get some sleep if the idiot beside me just won't-

"Hey, what are you here for?"

I turn my head slightly to face the boy on the bed next to me. He's staring straight at me, and for a moment I'm unsure of whether or not I should answer. But before I can, he starts speaking again.

"I broke my arm, if you can't already tell." The boy grins sheepishly, and lifts his cast slightly to show me. "I broke it while skateboarding- not that I lost my balance or anything. I mean I'm not trying to brag, but I'm pretty good at skateboarding, just that my friend kind of pushed me off, like as a joke, he wasn't trying to hurt me. Or at least I think he wasn't. I probably landed wrongly-"

He stops talking suddenly, and blush rises to his cheeks. ", I was rambling again, wasn't I? I have a tendency to do that. Sorry." With his free hand, he scratches the back of his head. "I'm Chanyeol. I meant to ask what you were here for."

For a moment, I am speechless. The last thing I had expected was for the annoying boy to actually start talking to me. Out of courtesy, I answer, "I'm Jiyun, and I have cancer."

I wait for the unsettling silence that always follows after I tell people about my cancer- they always feel uncomfortable, and they always say the same old thing, as though they've all rehearsed it: "I'm so sorry to hear that." As though they have the responsibility, the right, to feel sorry for me. As though them feeling sorry actually makes a difference.

But the silence never comes. Instead, Chanyeol responds almost immediately. "Oh ." He says, eyebrows furrowing. "That must ."

"It does." I manage to squeeze in before he continues talking. "Cancer's such a , you know that? Like honestly, I think cancer should just go get cancer and die."

Unexpectedly, I giggle. And as soon as the sound escapes, I clamp my hand over my mouth and my eyes widen momentarily. When was the last time I laughed? It was so long ago that I don't even remember.

Thankfully, Chanyeol is too busy staring at the ceiling to notice my shock. I open my mouth to say something, then stop myself. Better not to get him started again.

Instead, I take a good look at Chanyeol for the first time. He's actually not that bad looking, contrary to what I would have expected considering how remarkably irritating he is. He has long brown hair that he hasn't bothered to style, a sharp nose, big eyes... and his eyelashes are long, extremely long for a guy-

Chanyeol clears his throat, and suddenly I realize that he's noticed that I've been staring at him. For a split second our eyes meet and I look away immediately as heat rises to my cheeks. Why am I even blushing? What's there to be embarrassed about? It's not like I was admiring him or anything, I was just trying to get a clear look at him, that's all.

I am so preoccupied with my thoughts that I don't even register the nurse approaching me until she speaks. "Jiyun, It's time for your medicine again." She says politely. In her hands are a glass of water and the same three pills I've been swallowing every 6 hours for the past decade of my life.

I sit upright, and take the pills from her palm as she places the glass of water on the foldable table in front of me.

Beside me, another nurse approaches Chanyeol. "Your parents are outside waiting for you," she says to him. "You're free to go now, Mr Park." From the corner of my eyes I see him nod, and start to get up.

Why do I suddenly not want him to leave?

Chanyeol stands, and for the first time I notice how abnormally tall he is. I expect him to turn and walk out of the hospital immediately, but he doesn't move. Instead, he stares at me until I turn to look at him.

"Uhh, bye.. Jiyun." He says, ears tinted pink. Why is he blushing? The realization makes me blush too.

It takes me a few seconds to respond. "Bye, Chanyeol." I answer, my voice uncertain. He smiles, and finally walks away.

I stare at his back until he disappears, still unsure about everything that just happened. Why was Chanyeol blushing? More importantly, why was I blushing? And why didn't I want him to leave?

I shake my head, willing myself to forget him. Afterall, it's not like I'm going to see him ever again.

I look at the three pills in my hand.

I hate swallowing pills.

----------

If I had to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10, I'd rate it strong 4, or maybe a 4.5.

Today is one of my good days, where the pain is bearable and I have enough energy to actually get out of bed. The nurse told me at this rate I'd be free to leave the hospital this evening.

When I was younger, I used to get excited over statements like that. I'd look forward to the moment I'd be allowed to go home, and I'd spend my remaining time in the hospital planning what I would do- I'd go to the zoo, or start ballet classes again, or maybe I'd go out shopping with Hana.

But I never got around to do those things. As I grew older, I realized that there was nothing magical about leaving the hospital- Because my cancer followed me everywhere. It didn't matter if I was at home, or at school, or at the park, pain was something that had become part of my daily life, and it was inescapable. The only thing that ever changed was the degree of my pain- sometimes it was a kind of buzzing at the back of my mind, and sometimes it felt like there were glass shards piercing every inch of my body from the inside out. I'd come to accept the fact that unlike other children, I'd never be able to have a regular outing to the zoo, or spend the day with my friends, or even take part in activities that I wanted to.

Life is unfair, I know that. But that doesn't make it any easier.

----------

It's been a week since I last came to school, which is the longest absence I've taken in awhile. Just the thought of the amount of work I have to catch up on is enough to give me a migraine.

Hana is standing by my locker when I arrive, typing away furiously on her phone. She doesn't even notice me until I wave my hand in front of her face, "Helloooo? Guess who's back?" I say, grinning.

Immediately, Hana lights up when she sees me. She throws her hands around my neck, engulfing me in a hug. "Oh Jiyun, thank God. I was so close to dying of loneliness." She groans as she rolls her eyes. "The past week has been absolute torture."

I smile at her. There's Hana- typical drama queen, always exaggerating. She's been that way for as long as I can remember, ever since we were ten and had to sit next to each other on the first day of school, and Hana started wailing and screaming that I broke her finger because I accidentally dropped my textbook on her hand.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad." I reply, simultaneously opening my locker. "Meanwhile, I was actually dying. In the hospital." I say bluntly.

Most people would be uncomfortable at my jokes. But it's different with Hana- And that's one of the things I love about her.

"Oh please," She crosses her arms. "Try comparing that with Mr Kim's econs lecture. I couldn't even keep my eyes open for five minutes."

I'm about to come up with a witty response when Hana butts in, suddenly gripping me by the shoulders and squeeling. "I almost forgot!" She exclaims excitedly. "There's a new transfer student, and he's suuuper cute. He's in a few of our classes, but I can't rememeber his name. They say he was from Seoul apparently."

Before I even have time to react, I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Jiyun," says a deep voice behind me. It sounds familiar, but at the same time I can't quite place my finger on who it belongs to.

I instinctively spin around, and am completely caught off guard to come face to face with Chanyeol. He grins when he sees me. "Hi." he greets, staring down at me. "Small world, huh?"

I briefly wonder if Chanyeol can see how shocked I am from my face, or if he can hear how fast my heart is beating all of a sudden. "Chanyeol," I manage to stutter. "Hi... How's your arm?"

I mentally face palm myself. Seriously? I could have said anything and I chose to ask him about his arm? It's only been a day since I last saw him, of course his arm didn't get any better- it's not like a broken arm can heal in a matter of hours.

If Chanyeol finds my question weird, he does an amazing job at not showing it. He simply shrugs nonchalantly, "It still hurts like a ."

I'm about to wreck my brain thinking of how to keep the conversation going. God must have heard my prayers because thankfully, the bell rings, signalling the start of class. Once again, Chanyeol flashes me a smile. "I guess I'll get going then. See you around?"

I nod, because it's the only thing I can do. "S-sure," I reply, trying to sound as casual as possible.

I turn towards Hana as soon as Chanyeol leaves. On her face is an a combination of confusion and dismay and amazement.

"That's the new transfer student," She says after a moment of silence. "But it looks like you already know him. Spill it" She demands. "I want to know everything! Did you guys hook up? Where did you meet? Are you secretly dating?"

It's my turn to roll my eyes at Hana. "It's a long story," I answer. "I don't really know him anyway."

I turn away, hiding my face behind my locker so she won't see the bright shade of red on my cheeks.

Why does my heart feel like it's about to explode?