"i don't love you anymore, park chanyeol, please forget about me,"

as his now ex-lover's slight figure disappeared, he had collapsed, right there on the rain tainted pavement of a deserted backstreet, pouring his heart out hard enough that the difference​ between his tears and the cloud's tears were indistinguishable. 

hours later, chanyeol didn't know what he had done. he lay alone now in their.. no. his double bed staring at the ceiling with tired eyes. 

nothing he did could shake those peircing words from his head. 

" i don't love you anymore, chanyeol "

as he had lay on the tarmac, feeling the oh-so-cliche rain pummel his skull, he thought about the entirety of his and baekhyun's relationship. he thought about how baekhyun had stopped wanting to stay in on a Friday like he used to, to watch some nature documentary they found on YouTube, instead he was either "busy" or dragged chanyeol out to some bar that the younger didn't have much interest in. 

"baek, what's the point of going to clubs?" he had asked one Friday night as baekhyun was dolling himself up in front of their slightly stained bathroom mirror. "clubs are for cheap one night stands and kissing without commitment​... why do we have to go?" 

he hadn't seen baekhyun's facial expression at the time. god, he wished he had. 

"it's just for fun, yeol." baekhyun had responded after a short, almost heavy pause. "my eyes are for you only," he had patted chanyeols cheek and drifted past him, out of the bathroom. "no need to worry, babe." he had finished with a smile, maintaining eye contact for what seemed like too long to chanyeol, even at the time. 

chanyeol had stayed silent until baekhyun was out of earshot, before letting out an unsure grumble before grabbing his coat and heading towards the door. 

chanyeol never knew why he insisted on going to​ the club with baekhyun; it wasn't like he didn't trust him - he and baekhyun had been together since forever. they were highschool sweethearts, they'd known each other since they could walk. chanyeol trusted baekhyun with his life.

chanyeol had trusted baekhyun too much. 

that one night was different than the others. usually, the pair would sit at the bar together, drink together, flirt together. chanyeol supposed this was just a more grown up version of 'friday nights in with some hot chocolates and a pirated David Attenborough documentary or movies of such. 

that one night, chanyeol was half drunk, and as he slid out of his upholstered bar stool, he placed a feather of a touch to baekhyun's inner thigh - a normal gesture for the two - he felt baekhyun stiffen under his touch. chanyeol waved it off as he waltzed to the bathrooms, obviously baekhyun didn't want to do things all the time. he wouldn't push it on him if he was uncomfortable. 

in the taxi home that night things were awkward and strange and alien and chanyeol didn't like it. he began to think what had made baekhyun go so quiet when the taller returned from the bathroom. why baekhyun seemed afraid. why he seemed... ashamed to be seen with chanyeol. 

chanyeol decided then that he didn't want to deal with it; he was drunk, and would most likely say something dumb that would upset baekhyun. perhaps, chanyeol remembered thinking, perhaps he's just tired. 

throughout the whole taxi ride home he had felt baekhyun's eyes flicker from him to his hands, from him to what was happening outside the window, from him to literally anything else. 

that night they had gone to bed with their backs turned to each other, and chanyeols intoxicated heart ached as he felt, in that moment, something change, and he knew, then he knew, that nothing was going to be the same again. 

the next day, chanyeol had woken up alone in their bed. he assumed baekhyun was already awake, and woke up in his own time, strolling lazily into the kitchen, rubbing his tired eyes. 

"hey, baek, i'm-" 

but baekhyun wasn't there. and chanyeol almost didn't want to know where he was. 

a week or so later, baekhyun didn't want him to come to the club with him anymore. chanyeol had asked why. 

"because i know you don't like the club, silly," he had laughed, smiling up at chanyeol in a beam that was dead in the eyes. chanyeol hadn't commented on it. how he wished he had. 

"but Friday's our night, baek," he had said, looking down at his boyfriend with a wistful smile. "and you go to the club every week now. don't you want a break from all the alco-"

"chanyeol," baekhyun had mumbled. 

"i could make us some spaghetti? we could watch some really trashy show? oh! i know! i'll make-" 

"chanyeol" the smaller had continued, voice harsher this time. 

chanyeol ignored him as he began pottering around with pans and miscellaneous items that might be food. in all honesty, he was scared of what baekhyun would say. what would follow his name. if it would be the words to shatter his entire world or calm his nerves about their maybe decaying relationship. 

"you like mac n cheese, don't you? come on, i'll make some for-" but before he could finish his sentence, he heard the familiar click of the front door, and baekhyun was gone again. and chanyeol cried. he had slumped on the sofa, wrapped around himself, a steady stream of tears staining the fabric. 

​​​he had heard when baekhyun waltzed in hours later - chanyeol hadn't slept - assuming that chanyeol was asleep. he was on the phone to somebody. he had been giggling bashfully. chanyeol had almost cried even harder. he had felt baekhyun's presence over him as he pretended to sleep. his boyfriend had gone quiet, before saying, 

"no, he's asleep. don't worry. he doesn't know," 

and he had brushed the hair stuck to chanyeol's cheeks away so gently that chanyeol almost couldn't believe that what he has just heard was true. 

after baekhyun had disappeared into their not so shared bedroom, chanyeol had cried even more. 

chanyeol didn't think he had cried with so much sorrow in his life. 

about a month later was when baekhyun had declared his unlove for chanyeol. 

they had been at the club, much to chanyeol's dismay, and somebody had come up behind baekhyun. he had touched chanyeols boyfriend with such intimacy that chanyeol almost threw up on the spot. he had whispered in chanyeol's boyfriend's ear. he had called chanyeol's baek "baek", and chanyeol knew. 

he had staggered away from the pair, eyes locking with baekhyun's, and without words, it had already been said. 

chanyeol ran. he ran out of the club, down the street, until his feet gave up on him and he landed on the harsh tarmac with an unforgiving thud. his cheek stung. his hands were grazed and bloody but his heart hurt the most. 

the young man began to pummel the ground with his bleeding fists. he screamed. and he screamed. he screamed and cried and weeped and howled. 

soft footsteps shuffled towards him as the man sat slumped against a wall, head in hands.  

"chanyeol," it was baekhyun. 

chanyeol lifted his head and glared through glassy eyes at the boy he had dedicated his entire life to.

no words came out of his mouth.

"chanyeol, please..." baekhyun sighed as he saw his childhood lover begin to cry, as if this was chanyeol's fault. as if chanyeol was a silly child asking for more candy. as if chanyeol hadn't been cheated on.

"things like this happen," baekhyun continued, and chanyeol almost punched the wall. he almost screamed at him. almost. but he couldn't. because he still loved him. as much as he hurt him. chanyeol was still.... sorry. "you have to forget me," 

the smaller was kneeling now, chanyeol remembered, he searched for chanyeol's eyes, and when he found them, something quivered in his own. "i don't love you anymore​, park chanyeol​, please forget about me," 

and with that, he was gone. 

and so was chanyeol's mind. 

" forget about me " 

chanyeol now sat in the shower, water thundering over his ears, blocking out the outside world. for a while, he could cease to be. as the water consumed him, he began to think of all the things he couldn't forget about byun baekhyun. 

"your hair," he whispered. "you washed your hair everyday, even though you knew it was bad," 

he began to hold his own hands, smiling​ wistfully. 

"your eyes. and your voice. and the way you laughed. the way you hated being called cute but loved to act cute. when we took a trip to see your parents and got lost on the way and ended up sleeping in a petrol station," chanyeol laughed softly. "and how when we were eleven, we went camping and you fell into the river and i held your hand and pulled you out. that was when i think i fell in love... with you," hot tears mingled with the clean shower stream. 

"i really miss you, byun baekhyun. you hurt me, but i feel like im guilty. i should hate you. i wish i could hate you," 

he stared blankly at​ the tiles. 

"i still love you, byun baekhyun, i can't forget about you."