Just Like Home 

(y/n)’s pov

“Mom I’m home!” I said as I took off my shoes and walked towards my room. “Welcome back! Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes, so freshen up” she replied from the kitchen. I walked to my room and dropped my bag on the chair and stretched my arms. “Uh.. I’m so tired” I muttered as I went to the bathroom. Being an assistant manager in entertainment industry is really tough. You gotta do all the jobs your superiors won’t do. If this keeps going on I’ll be old even before I can whisper 30.

 

After 10 minutes I ate my dinner and fussed over my boss because she kept making me run around with stupid errands. Then I decided to catch some dramas before I fell asleep. “Mom what’s the date today?” I asked nonchalantly. “Its 16th…” she replied. 16th...? I got up from the sofa and went to my room. Even if my mom noticed the sudden change of atmosphere, she kept quite.

 

I flopped on my bed and stared at the empty ceiling. May 16th 2013, the day he left without a warning. The day where everything came crashing down upon me. It all started back then.

 

Summer 2012

 

“Great work on the project (y/n).” Professor Kim said handing me my project. I bowed and thanked her. I was about to leave when she called me again. I gave her a questioning look but she only handed me a stack of reports and said “If you have time can you please drop this to Professor Shin from the music department? I would be really thankful…”  “It’s okay Professor I’ll drop this. Thank you” I replied with a smile and bowed slightly and went out of the class. I started walking to the music department and reached it within few minutes. I entered the building and straight away went to the second floor to the teacher’s room. After giving Professor Shin the reports I was walking down the corridor when I heard it.

 

There was a soft piano tune coming down the corridor. It was so beautiful to my ears that I couldn’t help but follow it. I started walking and ended up in front of a large wooden oak door with small glass window. I peeped through it and saw someone play the piano like it was the only thing left in the entire world. The melody was so soothing that it eased all my stress. It felt like the after smell of rain, it felt like being on the beach. The person was so immersed in it that his body was swaying slightly with the music. His fingers gliding on the piano like silk. The room was partially dark and the only source of light was the sunlight coming from the window. It left a soft yellowish tint on the man and his hair looked almost golden in the light. With this light and sound, everything looked so ethereal. I felt as if I was falling into a never ending trance.

 

I didn’t even notice that the music stopped playing. I only realized that somebody was standing in front of me when he cleared his throat. I looked up and immediately bowed in apology because it was none other than Kim Junmyeon. “What were you doing here?” he asked with a stern face. “I’m sorry sunbaenim… I just came here to deliver some stuff when I heard the sound of piano and I couldn’t really help but listen to it and it was so beautiful that I… ” Before I could speak another word he cut me off and said “You’re rambling…” I flushed instantly and blamed myself for my stupidity. “I’m really sorry sunbaenim, I really didn’t mean to interrupt your practice…” I apologized and bowed. “It’s okay… and stop bowing… and also stop calling me sunbaenim, sunbae would suffice.” He said with a little hint of amusement in his tone. “Thank you s-sunbae… I’ll be leaving now” I said. He replied me with a nod and I scurried off as soon as I can.

 

Kim Junmyeon was my senior. He was majoring in classical music and his specialty was piano. He was truly a genius when it came to piano. He could play almost any sheet and the way he glided his fingers across the piano it felt as if he was running his hands through water. Not only he was a genius, he was also a pure gentleman and a perfect student (not to mention his handsome features). He was, as the rumors in the college told, a perfect package. The girls swooned over him and I heard some guys had a crush on him too. All in all he was the role model for our college and he was soon going to become a world renowned pianist.

 

A week passed after my first embarrassing encounter with Junmyeon sunbae. I was waiting in cue for coffee while contemplating about what I should order. I didn’t want Americano nor did I like the taste of espresso. I don’t want to drink latte right now because its morning and well I’m running out of choices. “Really… What should I drink…?” I muttered to myself. All of sudden I felt someone’s hot breath on my neck and that person slowly whispered in my ear “Try espresso con panna”. I instantly turned around and it was none other than Junmyeon sunbae. “Sunbae… what are you doing here?” I asked and then groaned internally. Of course he is here for coffee you fool! He chuckled and replied as he walked towards the counter “Getting my coffee of course” “Right…” I said embarrassedly. He ordered his probable usual café mocha and also ordered espresso con panna for me. “Sunbae you didn’t need to pay for me…” I tried to protest but stopped when he gave me stern look. “It’s okay… I can do that much for my hoobae.” He said with a smile.

 

After 20 minutes he handed me my coffee and we started to walk back to our college. “So… what’s your name?” he asked. “I’m (y/n). Management major, sophomore year.” I replied sipping my coffee. I was surprised by how good it tasted. Its rich velvety flavor overwhelmed my senses. “Wow…this coffee really tastes good…” I looked at the cup, adoring the dark liquid. “I told you…” Junmyeon sunbae hummed in response. We talked for a while as we walked towards our respective buildings. “Where will you go from here?” he asked as we reached the crossroads. “I’m going to the left side… you?” I said. “I’ll be going towards the right. See you around (y/n)…” he said before walking away. I don’t know why I felt like I didn’t want him to go away. Before I could stop myself, I ran up to him and said “Sunbae… can I listen to you play again?” He gave me a confused look and then smiled and replied “Fine but don’t distract me.”

 

We fell into a habit after that day. In the mornings he would buy me coffee and I would buy him breakfast which usually meant gimbap or instant noodles and some days when I had money I would buy him sandwiches. Some days we took a walk around the college in the morning, absorbing the warmth of the sun and talking about menial stuffs like why Professor Shin always wears a black tie and not a blue tie. In the evenings just before the college ended, I would sneak off to the music building and listen to Junmyeon sunbae playing. Everything was going fine and for the first time in my 2 years of college, I was actually happy.

 

One day I was listening to Junmyeon sunbae playing bridge over troubled water by Simon and Garfunkel. The melody was really soft and soothing yet it had a sad tinge to it. He finished after that and looked at me expectantly. I clapped and showed my thumbs up with a grin. “You really like hearing me play, don’t you?” he teased. A blush crept up my neck as I nodded in agreement. Then I looked up at him and asked “Why did you choose classical music sunbae?” He thought for a while and replied “I don’t exactly know, you know. It just one day it struck me that classical music is my everything. I mean it was always there you know, like that friend you never noticed but when rain poured down on you and you forgot your umbrella, it’s that friend who lent you his umbrella. Classical music is like that friend to me. At first I really disliked it you know… ” He chuckled at that as my eyes grew big in amazement and I uttered “No way” in disbelief. “I really did... But one day when I heard my mom playing piano, it just hit me really hard after that. My mom really looked like an angel you know? I really wanted to be like her… I mean not like an angel please don’t get me wrong…” he said awkwardly as I grinned but he continued “She was really passionate… and she seemed so strong… I wanted to be like her, passionate and strong… so that’s why I chose classical music I guess. I guess that’s why this piano is my whole world…” he grinned and looked at me like he expected me to laugh at him. But I was rendered speechless. I couldn’t utter a single word because I felt my inside burn with his passion, for his love of classical music. “Say something at least…” he said nervously, rubbing his neck. “I… I… I really don’t know what to say but I’m really happy that you chose piano sunbae. I’m really glad.”

 

The midterms were just around the corner, which left everyone abuzz. Students were stressed out of their minds and I too was in the same condition. I spent most of the days in the library cramming everything I could and only took breaks if it was really necessary. I couldn’t listen to Junmyeon sunbae which also made me a little restless. I was cramming the last bits of my notes when my eyelids drooped and fatigue settled on my body and before I realized, I was already falling asleep. After what felt like an hour, I woke to find one of my friends named Oh Min Ri staring at me suspiciously. “Finally you’re awake…” she said nonchalantly. “I fell asleep I guess…” I replied as I yawned and stretched my arms. All of sudden something dropped from my shoulder. I looked at my side and saw a blue cardigan sprawled around my waist. Somebody must have put it on me while I was sleeping. I smiled at the nice gesture but wondered who it could be. “Say… what’s going on with you and Junmyeon sunbae?” she asked with a playful smirk. I immediately shot up at her and replied “Nothing. Why do you ask?”. She gave me a smirk and said “A little birdie saw today that, when you were dozing off in your dreamland Junmyeon sunbae came at your table and stared at you for a long, long time. Little birdie was amazed when he brushed off your hair and put that cardigan on you.” My whole body froze as I felt my face getting hot. I cleared my throat and tried to act casual. “So what’s the big deal huh?” I tried asking coolly. She scoffed and said “It’s not a big deal… but the way he looked at you, it was more than a sunbae looking at his hoobae…” she got up and leaned in to whisper “It felt like a man who was looking at the woman he loved” and after that she walked away, quietly destroying my mind.

 

I couldn’t really focus on anything after that. My mind kept wondering back to Junmyeon sunbae and no matter how hard I tried my eyes always went back to his cardigan. So after 3 hours of trying hard to focus on studies I finally gave up and went to the music building to return his cardigan and ask why he did what he did. I was about to enter his practice room when I stopped on my tracks and stated at scene which took place in front of me. Junmyeon sunbae had a girl wrapped around his arms and they were kissing each other like it was the only thing that mattered. I felt the cardigan drop from my hand as I ran away to the ground in need of fresh air. I don’t know why but all of a sudden I felt suffocated and I really had no idea why my eyes were getting all teary.

 

Midterms hit us hard and I barely had time for anything. I avoided seeing Junmyeon sunbae all together because whenever I saw him, the image of him kissing that girl surfaced on my mind. I really don’t know why but I… it really affects me whenever I remember it. I was walking towards the library when I saw Junmyeon sunbae running towards me. I tried to avoid him again but he stopped me before I could do anything. “(y/n)… I hardly see you these days…” he huffed. “I’m busy with the midterm’s sunbae” I said curtly without looking at him. “I know but it feels like you’re avoiding me…” he said looking at me consciously.  “I’m not sunbae… I have just been busy…” I tried saying nonchalantly. I started to walk again when I stopped and asked him the question that’s been haunting me for days. “Sunbae… you didn’t tell me that you had a girlfriend…” I asked as quietly as possible. Please don’t answer it… I don’t want to know. All of sudden I felt strong arms wrap around me and hold me close. “W-w-what are you doing sunbae? Somebody will see us…” I said as I tried to get away from him but this only made his grip tighter. “It was nothing. Please believe me. I really didn’t mean to do it. Please believe me… please…” he pleaded as he held me tightly.

 

 

And I did believe him with my full heart, so when he invited me to watch his gig at a big restaurant, I went without a single protest. I entered the restaurant at 7 pm and took a seat at the far end. My seat was far away, hidden from the crowd but from there I could clearly see him. Everybody appeared at the restaurant well dressed and I suddenly felt out of place because I was dressed in a casual tee and jeans. Slowly the lights became dim and Junmyeon sunbae stepped on the stage. A spotlight followed him and settled on top of him which left a golden aura around him and his hair looked light brown. He was dressed in a black suit and he looked….handsome, like really handsome. He started playing Beethoven – Moonlight Sonata as I remembered him telling me. His fingers glided on the piano effortlessly and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I have seen him play this a lot of time but today he looked different. He looked like an actual pianist, like an actual artist today. He is not the Junmyeon sunbae I see every day at college. He reached the and I scanned the room and saw everyone’s eyes glued on him. He looked like the sun, and suddenly I felt like a sunflower, who only has one sun. A sun has many sunflowers, but a sunflower has only one sun and for me its him. His fingers stopped as he reached the ending and then he started with Bach – Air on the G String. As I stared at him his words kept playing on my mind “She was really passionate… and she seemed so strong… I wanted to be like her, passionate and strong… so that’s why I chose classical music I guess. I guess that’s why this piano is my whole world…”. He looked passionate and strong. He looked so beautiful that I couldn’t take my eyes off him. And just how he played the piano effortlessly, I realized that all this time, all this 6 months that I have known him, I have been irrevocably in love him.

 

2 months passed after that. I was still very much in love him and I don’t think I’m ever going to stop loving him. After his initial gig, he became more popular and people demanded him more often. He was soon noticed by some major entertainment companies and after that he landed a big gig for himself. He was supposed to play with the famous pianist named Lim Dong Min. He was so excited and so nervous about it that he kept practicing day and night. and when the day arrived, he played so well that he was praised by the pianist. I was about to go and talk with him when he received a call and rushed away looking frantic. I followed him and saw him running to the nearest hospital. I went towards him but stopped on my tracks when I saw him crying over a body of a woman who was covered in blood. I walked a little closer and realized it was his mother.

 

3 weeks passed after that and Junmyeon sunbae was nowhere to be found. I looked for him everywhere but he was nowhere. I was searching the music building again when I heard something being smashed. I instantly ran there and saw Junmyeon sunbae thrashing the piano. “Sunbae!” I shirked and tried to hold him back. “I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS HOLLOW AND EMPTY BOX!!” he yelled as tears streamed down his face. I hugged him tight as he sobbed his heart out. “It took away my everything!” he whispered as tears rolled down his face. I hugged him tight as tears rolled down my eyes too. “My mom was rushing that day to see me… she wanted to see me playing this hollow box and then a truck hit her…” he said panting. “For whom am I going to play this from now on?” he asked as his body shook. I cupped his face and said “Play for me sunbae… I’ll always listen to you. I love you…” he looked at me before he hugged me as tightly as he could.

 

Back to the Present

 

And after that day he just left. Without a warning, without a single word, he just disappeared like smoke. I still think it was entirely my fault. My selfishness made him go away and a part of me will always regret it. But a part of me still waits for him, even when it has been 4 years.

 

The next day I woke up with a bad headache and reached for my phone. I immediately jumped off my bed when I saw 15 missed calls from work. I got ready at a lightning speed and rushed to the office as soon as I could. When I reached my office I stepped back in shock and horror because my boss was standing with the man I wished to see every day. My boss noticed me and turned towards me with an unimpressed look. “Finally decided to arrive huh?” he mocked me and I quickly regained my sense and apologized. One thing I learned from this industry is to pretend well. I could feel Junmyeon sunbae’s gaze on me but I ignored it. “Anyways… (y/n) meet Kim Junmyeon. He is a renowned pianist and you’ll assist him until he returns for his tour…” my boss chided authoritatively. I nodded in agreement because I have no other options left.

 

A week passed after that and I tried really hard to ignore Junmyeon sunbae. It was Saturday night and I was about to go home when Junmyeon sunbae stopped me. I tried to get past him and that only resulted in him pulling me in a bone crushing embrace. “Let me go!” I struggled hard as my heart started racing. “Please… please… just listen to me…” he said as he tried to hold me still. “What do you want me to listen sunbae? 4 years! I suffered 4 years regretting everything. I suffered 4 years trying to figure out what went wrong! I tried to figure out why you left me! I suffered 4 years thinking that you never loved me… not even for a single moment…” I whispered as tears threaten to spill out. “I’m sorry… it’s the only thing I can say…” he whispered as he held me close. I pulled away and hit him hard on the chest. I kept on hitting him as I sobbed hard, releasing all the emotions that built up over the years. He stood there silently taking all the hits. And when I got tired he pulled me into a warm embrace and said “I was a coward (y/n), I thought that if I played for you, you would go away too… but I realized my mistake as soon as I left. I really wanted to come back but I couldn’t. all this time… all this concerts, were done for you. All this time you were the only one. I’m sorry, but I really love you...”

 

He drove me home that night. I was about to get off when he held my hand and looked at me sincerely. “The days we had, are they truly gone?” he asked. I smiled at him as I replied “It’s always there sunbae, just like the stars in the morning sky…” He looked at me and gave me a heartwarming smile. “You’ll come back to me again right?” I asked. “Again… sounds nice…” he smiled and continued “I’ll come to you again. I’ll always come back to you… you’re my home (y/n)” I nodded as I got off the car and saw him drive into the dark. Home. You’ll always be my home too Kim Junmyeon and I’ll always wait for you because I know you’ll come back, again.

 

The End