He lies in their bed, smoking for the first and last time in this what had once been sacred temple of love.

Remnants of their broken lives hung here and there, precious still moments displayed but the memories faded. Promises made, ending with only unfulfilled dreams.

He inhales, holding the toxic air in his lungs till they burn. Then he exhales, watching the smoke billow, spreading thin, slowly but surely disappearing in the enclosed room, very much like himself.

He flicks the still burning cherry bud across the room, no longer caring.

All he felt these days was pain.

Sometimes it was less painful than the others but it was always there.

Pain that stabs him right in the chest, making it hard to breath.

Pain that pierces him right the heart, threatening to shred it into pieces.

Pain that haunts him every minute of everyday.

Reaching for a small prescription bottle on the bedside table and a glass of water, Seunghyun shook a pill and washed it down with a gulp of water.

The times when they were happy ran through his mind.

Those lips of an angel pressed against his very own as he struggled to keep his calm facade. He knew instantly, that Daesung was his. The one, people called it; his, he called Daesung. 

The memory of their first kiss will remain forever perfect, bringing tears to his eyes, that and a wan smile.

Seunghyun peppered kisses on his smooth mocha skin, worshipping that lush figure pressed against his. Their fingers intertwined as they became one.

Electrifying, he'd always replied had anyone asked about their love life. And it still is, each time he recalls it, in the way that makes you think you want to be melded together and never be apart.

In the way which you fall so crazily in love over and over again.

And it never stops.

And he still hasn't stop.

In the empty house, boxes labeled with thier names stacked carefully in their designated rooms, they greeted each other with a first 'welcome home'. 

But he is the only one here now.

No more goodbye kisses as he leaves for work, no more 'welcome home' as he returns to the quiet house.

Sometimes, he hears a faint familiar voice but when he turns around, the owner of that voice is never there.

He wishes for just one more glimpse.

Just one more touch.

But he knows it is only his wishful yearning.

Steadily, he pops pill by pill, his body starting to feel sluggish. But it's okay to him for he was already exhuasted both mentally and emotionally.

He sees.

And he smiles.

A real smile that eases the pain in his chest, for once relief took its place.

He is finally here. Kang Daesung.

"I missed you." He said to the man in front of him.

He must be close, close enough to see the younger in an almost physical form.

Daesung shook his head, mouthing words which Seunghyun couldn't catch.

He swallow another.

He thought about the times when they fought.

Seunghyun sat on the balcony, alone with a glass of wine in hand. Lonely and angry, he was. He pouted and puffed on his cigarette, unable to get over the events of the day. But then the man he was angry with quietly wrapped his arms around him from the back, a soft whisper of "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I love you." And his world was right again.

Seunghyun was a child at heart, a person quick to forgive.

He wished he had been quicker that day.

"How could you?!" He screamed at daesung, unwilling to relent. "He is only a friend to me!" Daesung had screamed back, in an attempt to get Seunghyun to listen. How could Daesung? For all the love he gave, to be embraced in another's arms? Blinded by rage, he pushed, shoving Daesung away from him, turned and walked off alone.

He looked at daesung shaking his head almost violently, arms reaching out, desperately trying to stop him.

Like what he should have done, that day.

He took another one.

How many had he taken already?

And then the incident played in his groggy mind.

Daesung never came home that night. Seunghyun thought that he was with the other man again. However, news of Daesung came in the form of a phone call, that the younger had been attacked, stabbed. Seunghyun sped to the hospital after receving the call, not caring if he was in his pajamas nor if he gets a ticket for speeding. 

He squeezes his eyes, everything happened so fast, so sudden.

"I... I really didn't... It has only been you. To me, there was only you..." He paused, coughing violently, dark red spluttering onto both their clothes as Seunghyun leaned over him on the bed. The doctor and nurses trying their best to stop any blood flow, nothing worked. Daesung was breathing shallowly, his chest hurting as blood slowly filled their cavities. Even as pain wrecked his body, his gaze was soft and loving as he took one more good look at Seunghyun. Seunghyun pressed his lips against Daesung's plump, bloodied ones, and they knew, they knew everything they wanted to say. The hand which Seunghyun held in his slowly lost its strength, gradually slipping out of his grasp.

His chest constricted painfully as the scene replayed itself over and over, relentlessly.

"Daesung ah," He spoke to the shadowy figure. "I shouldn't have pushed you away. I shouldn't have let you go with him that day." Tears came in streams, Seunghyun sobbed uncontrollably with regret, with love, with everything he had.

This time he brought the whole bottle to his lips and emptied out everything.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He kept apologizing.

His eyelids were getting heavier.

His vision was blurring out.

Yet his trained his focus on Daesung.

He saw those once soild and warm shoulders shaking, he knew without a doubt that Daesung must be crying.

"It's too painful. I can't do this living on thing alone." The words leaving his mouth in a mumble. "I want to be with you. That's where I belong...."

Fatigue settled over him, he could barely keep his eyes open.

No, he couldn't just give in yet. He misses the younger so much, so much, so much.

Just one more look.

Just one more look at Daesung...

Please, just one more seco...

But he closed his eyes, unable to resist anymore, his misery finally coming to an end.

And Seunghyun finally began his endless journey, with Daesung beside him...

In a super angsty mood today. I didn't really want to make this about ToDae but had to get this off my chest.