Two weeks have passed; summer is over; school just started. I’ve been dreading this day…not that I hate school or anything, but I would rather stay in my room and play video games all day. Hah…

My daily life significantly changed in the past two weeks. It seems that Tiffany and I have been growing closer and closer every passing day. It’s strange. I don’t dislike it, I just find it weird? Like, this same exact progress happened between Jessica and I. There is a really familiar feeling whenever I am with Tiffany. They’re almost identical…too many similarities to name.

Besides coming from the same university, Tiffany and Jessica also have the same major. Both of them are half Korean and half American, with a typical, common name. They both love the color pink and navy, love to sing, are major shopaholics, love the same brands. Hell, they even have the same exact clothes. They both have very similar texting styles. Despite having a perfect figure, they can eat quite a huge amount of food and have a clean plate. It gets weirder…they even have the exact same Audrey Hepburn poster hanging above their bed…it’s uncanny. I can keep going down the list.

I don’t even know why I am so drawn to her either. She looks like an angel sent from heaven, no doubt about that. But, there’s something about her aura that pulls me in. It’s that same feeling I had when I started to get closer to Jessica. Hm? Is that it? Is the reason I’m so drawn to her is because she is like a duplicate of Jessica? But, wouldn’t that mean I am using her to fulfil my empty desires…? As a possibility that Jessica might come back to me…?

No.

Don’t think that way, Taeyeon.

That’s inhumane.

That would hurt her.

I shouldn’t stoop so low to even think like that.

Yet…

“Taeyeon?”

“A-ah!?”

“Hey, are you okay? You were spacing out…did you even hear a word that I said?”

“Ah…I’m sorry, Sooyoungie!” I tried to be cute with my apology which almost made me gag.

“Gross…you’re not cute at all.” She laughed and continued to play her game on her phone. “Anyways, as I was saying, it looks like we have a lot of the same classes…so, that means I’ll cheat off you, ‘kay? I know you also have the hookups to get free textbooks. I’ll be borrowing that from you, too.”

“Hah? No way!”

“Come on, you help me, I help you. I use your “resources” as a “reference” and I’ll buy you lunch or dinner whenever you want! It’s a good deal, right?” she looked up and beamed with sparkles in her eyes.

“Free food, huh? That’s generous coming from you…but, I’ll take it!” Who would pass up this offer?

“This is why we are best friends. We use each other. For our own beneficial needs.” She laughed.

“Whatever, the main reason you are able to graduate is because of me.” I scoffed.

She glared at me and shrugged, “Yeah, you true.” I responded with a laugh.

“Anyway, what were you so deep in thought of?”

“Before?”

“Yeah…I was talking to you for a good five minutes and received no response or reaction. You were like a braindead zombie. Wait, is it about Jessica? I swear, if you’re thinking about that again, I’m gonna body slam you so hard, you won’t—”

“N-no, not really!” Ahhh, ! She completely saw through me!

“You really wanna die that badly, huh?” She was gritting her teeth while cracking her knuckles. What an intimidating scene.

“I can’t help it!” I pleaded with all my life. It’s true, though. My mind always seems to wander off to Jessica.

“Taeyeon, it’s been two ing years. Get over it! I even told you before, that’s not love. That’s desire, or obsession even. What she did to you was unjust and you know that! You both were young and confused and just enjoyed having all that attention to yourself. You both exchanged hollow words and promises just to feel temporary bliss. Honestly…did she ever really love you? Now, look at yourself. You’re obsessing over a girl who had a twisted view of love and got you caught up in it. You need to move on and experience what real love is.”

Ugh, another lecture. No matter how many times she tells me, I can’t help but agree. Of course, I’m a stubborn person. But how does she know what real love is? Hah, just thinking about it gives me a headache. I am not sure myself if what I had with Jessica was love or not. Even so, I had a rollercoaster experience and learned from it. Or so I think. I’m still stuck in this loop of doubt that I don’t even know what feelings are anymore. How annoying. 

“Sorry…no matter how many times you keep lecturing me about this, I just can’t help myself. I’m trying though, okay?” I tried my best to smile, but she knows it’s not sincere.

“Hah, not hard enough.” She continued, “Your perception of love is corrupted because of that . I hope you can find someone who can change that.” She genuinely said while patting my back.

“Thanks.”

I really appreciate the support I received from Sooyoung. She was my only true friend in XX University. Sure, I may have a lot of other friends, but Sooyoung is the only person who stands beside me and knows almost everything about me, and vice versa. If someone hurts me or her, we grow to have a mutual hatred towards them. She is straightforward and honest with her opinions, which intimidates most of the students, and it’s refreshing for me. No fake business.

“Anyways, wanna play pool? There’s no homework since it’s the first day of classes.” She suggested.

“Sure.”

As we were walking towards the student activities building, I saw three figures walking towards us. Oh, it’s that one annoying guy! What was his name again? I think it was…Taecyeon? Ah, and Sunny. And…Tiffany? Oh, right. They’re the students from Jessica’s university.

Tiffany walked a bit faster towards me with a huge smile on her face, showing off that beautiful eye smile that could melt anyone’s heart. “Hi Taeyeon!”

“Hey Tiffany.” I gave her a smile in response. “And, hi Sunny and…Taecyeon, right?”

“Hi!” Sunny exclaimed with her energetic aura.

“Yeah, you’re right!” Taecyeon grinned, trying to show off his dimples with his charming smile. “I’m glad you remembered my name!”

“Of course I do. Anyway, this here is Sooyoung.” They bowed and exchanged greetings.

“Hey, nice to meet you all! Where are you all from?” Sooyoung excitedly ask. Must be because of Taecyeon…

Tiffany spoke up first, “We’re from OO University!”

I saw Sooyoung twitch a bit. Oh, . Triggered.

“Really? That’s nice.” She was forcing a smile now. Only I can tell though.

“Do you know Jessica by chance?” There it is. Sooyoung is gonna flip.

“Oh? You know that bit—”

“Sooyoung! There’s a bee next to you!” I pointed out. It was a complete lie. I don’t want Tiffany to have a bad impression of Sooyoung already.

“GAHHH WHERE?! NO! !” Screaming at the top of her lungs while flailing her hands. Honestly, it was a hilarious sight. She looked like one of those inflated balloons that are usually at car dealerships. I couldn’t help but start laughing real hard.

“It’s…gone…now, Sooyoung. Calm…down!” I struggled between each word, I just couldn’t stop laughing.

I looked towards the three students and see that they were laughing as well. Glad to see they’re enjoying themselves; and what a great first impression. At least they look comfortable around us now.

“Ugh, now I’m exhausted…” Sooyoung leaned against me and placed her arm on top of my head. This tall …

“Yah! Don’t do that to me!” As I threw her arm away.

“Bruh, please.”

“Hah…anyway, what are you guys up to? Wanna join us for some pool?” I asked, hoping they would say yes.

“Hmm…actually we are gonna go back to the dorms. Still feeling jetlagged.” Taecyeon replied.

“Sorry! Next time for sure, okay?” Sunny said excitedly while smiling widely.

Tiffany looked at me. I swear we made eye contact for at least three seconds. It looked like she really wanted to join us, but she seemed reluctant to do so…

“It’s okay! I understand haha! You should rest up anyway. We can play together next time, okay?” I didn’t want her to make a decision on the spot, and I did want her to get some more rest…although, I did feel a bit sad. Its fine, I guess.

She looked apologetic at first but then smiled. “Thanks Tae. Next time, for sure!”

They then walked off towards the dorms leaving me and Sooyoung.

“I like them. Especially the cute one. ”

“Hah? Who?”

“Secret.” Sooyoung smirked.

“Whatever.” I had no energy to pry it out of her.

“Come on, let’s go play some pool!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

We walked to the student building and played for a couple of hours before our next class.

______________________________________________________________________________

Katalk!

“Hi Taeyeon! :)”

“Hey Tiffany! How was your first day of classes?”

“I didn’t have any classes today actually! They start tomorrow! Today was orientation for all of the international students…it was kinda hard to understand some of the things they were saying cuz they were speaking so fast! :(”

“Oh really? That …well, if you need help with Korean translation, I got you anytime.”

“Thank you Tae! You’re really too kind. It’s just as Jess told me!” Ugh…why bring her name up?

“Oh yeah…haha! No problem.”

“You and Jess are so close…I envy your guys’ friendship.” Hah? Is she serious?

“Really? Actually, we’re not as close as you think haha.”

“No way! It seems like it! What happened?”

“Actually, never mind. You don’t have to tell me now. We can talk about this another time. :)” Oh my god, thanks. I’m not ready to open up to her about my past ed up relationship.

“Ah, thanks for understanding. Isn’t it late? You should go to sleep Tiffany!”

“Yeah, I have classes tomorrow…I’m so nervous! Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow Taeyeon! :)”

“Don’t be nervous, you got this haha! Goodnight Tiffany!”                        _____________________________________________________________________________

Katalk!

What the? I thought Tiffany went to sleep…Jessica?!

“Taeyeonnie~” . . . She’s drunk. I don’t wanna reply…

“What?” Why do I even bother…?

My phone started ringing.

She was video calling me.

No.

I won’t fall for the same trap again.

“What?” .

“Tae~ I miss you so much! I wish you were—Ah! Stop it!” She giggled and the line went dead silent.

I can finally breathe again.

Why did I answer?

Why do you always do this, Jessica?

Why do you keep confusing me?

Stop hoping for the impossible, Taeyeon…

______________________________________________________________________________

Second day of classes, nothing new. Another day full of syllabi. I was exhausted. That call ruined my night sleep and mood. I was in the school cafeteria with Sooyoung, relaxing and talking, it helped get my mind off of that missed call. All of our other friends gathered at our table too. I actually felt at ease.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” I told my friends and headed to the exit.

On my way back to the cafeteria, I saw Tiffany. But she looked…despaired? Or not. I couldn’t tell since we were kind of far from each other. We were getting closer and I was about to wave to her, “Hey, Tiff—” She passed by me without even noticing me. She looked like she was crying. What happened?

I ended up following my instincts and tailed her. She rushed to the restrooms and as I was about to enter, I heard sniffling. She was definitely crying. I stopped myself from going inside the restrooms and waited on the side.

I checked my watch, she’s been crying in there for about 10 minutes now…

I couldn’t help but worry. This has never happened before. I’ve never seen a student cry in the beginning of the semester. This was all too new to me.

After 5 more minutes passed, I heard the door opening. I immediately stood up and faced her. She was taken aback. Her face was red from all those tears, her eyes dull with puffiness, and her lips were quivering. She had a surprised expression that immediately turned depressed.

“It’s okay, Tiffany…I’m here.” The only thing I could think of was to spread my arms and welcome her into a tight hug. She crashed into me and started sobbing again.  I could feel her tears on the crook of my neck, and her grip was tightening against my back.

I just held her in a tight embrace, trying to soothe her. I didn’t want to ask what was wrong; I think this is all she needed for now.

As I was hugging her, some faculty were passing by, gesturing to me “is she okay” and I nodded and smiled to them not to worry. We’ve been like this for about 5 minutes or so, and she started to calm down.

“Thanks, Taeyeon…”

“Of course, Tiffany. Are you okay now?”

“Yeah…now I am.” She let out a small chuckle. “How did you know I was here? Did you follow me?”

“Hmm, yeah I did…but you didn’t notice me when I said hi to you earlier in the cafeteria. I saw you crying and I couldn’t just ignore you.”

“Thank you. I’m really happy you were here at the right time.” She wiped her eyes and gave me a genuine smile.

“Anytime, Tiffany.”