It takes Kyungsoo over a lifetime to find his way  to Jongin.

 

I.

 

The rain has just started falling when Kyungsoo sets foot into the bakery. He inhales deeply, the corners of his lips lifting into a wry smile as the aroma of freshly baked bread floods his nostrils. This, coupled with the earthly fragrance, come together to stir up the most extraordinary sensation that fills his chest with warmth.

 

Despite being in this completely foreign town, in this small unfamiliar bakery, Kyungsoo feels strangely home.

 

He looks through the glass windows, studying the weather intently. The rain is still relatively mild, falling gently without ferocity, but he knows he doesn’t have much time to spare here.

 

They have to be on their way again soon.

 

All he thinks about while bending slightly to carefully inspect each tray displaying bread of various shapes and sizes is how much of a pity it is that they won’t be stopping to stay in this town. It certainly is wonderful to hear idle conversations around him again, and to temporarily be free from the sounds of horse hooves pelting the ground.

 

If this bakery can accurately reflect the general atmosphere of this town, Kyungsoo would love to linger. The shop, despite its small size, feels welcoming and safe—it would be easy to convince him that this is a secret enchanted fort of sorts and would hold against any kind of adversities.

 

These thoughts are silly but it’s been a few days since he actually got to properly sleep on a warm bed, so he excuses himself and refrains from reading too much into this. The coachman has promised that their destination is just a few hours away and that they’d arrive at the inn before bedtime.

 

Kyungsoo quickens his pace at the thought of an actual bed and a good breakfast.

 

He picks out a few buns that look especially appealing and proceeds to the pastry section adjacent to the counter, where a short queue has formed. The coachman, who has been his companion for long enough now, has revealed his love for pastries in a passing conversation and Kyungsoo has not forgotten that little detail.

 

He doesn’t particularly enjoy sweet treats and doesn’t know what’s good or what his companion would enjoy most, eventually deciding on the strawberry twists after surveying the trays of the people in the queue.

 

Then he joins the queue, constantly turning around to check on the weather outside.

 

The rain seems to have eased, but the fresh scent of damp earth continues to ade the air around him. It puts him in a very good mood, a broad smile plastered on his face when his turn to pay arrives.

 

“Good afternoon,” he hears as he takes in the appearance of the boy before him.

 

The boy must be around his age, or maybe slightly younger, and is undeniably handsome at first sight. His raven-black hair looks incredibly soft, falling freely across his forehead, and has what Kyungsoo would consider enviable complexion. His skin is tanned, presumably from enough time spent out there soaking up all that the sun can offer.

 

“Good afternoon,” says Kyungsoo in return after a pause. He turns slightly red, feeling embarrassed about his awkwardness, a situation that is only exacerbated when he hears a soft chuckle.

 

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

 

His head snaps up, attention drawn back to the boy who is expertly transferring his buns to a paper bag, hands moving swiftly. He smiles kindly at Kyungsoo, who only now remembers that he’s expected to reply.

 

“O-oh,” he stutters, “No. I’m not from around here.”

 

The boy has moved on to handling the pastries now. There is a curious glint in his eyes.

 

“I figured. The way you’re dressed, you know.” He says, gesturing at Kyungsoo’s fedora. “Where did you come from?”

 

Kyungsoo touches his hat in an act of sudden self-consciousness, feeling way too out of place.

 

“From far away,” he manages to mutter, reaching out for the paper bag with his left hand while handing over the money with his right.

 

If the boy is disappointed about his vagueness, he doesn’t show it. He returns the change with a smile that doesn’t fade, only seems to grow even wider.

 

“Thank you for coming, and I wish you a good trip.”

 

The sincerity in his voice brings back Kyungsoo’s smile.

 

“Thank you.”

 

He starts making his way out after their exchange since the boy has moved on to serving the next person in line, pausing only when he has the door held open and one foot planted on the cobblestones lining the pavement.

 

An overwhelming need to turn back, to just take another look at the boy, catches him off-guard and he doesn’t even bother trying to put up a fight. He gives in to his desire, turning around without attempting to be discreet about it, and for some reason, hardly feels surprised when his gaze meets the boy’s eyes.

 

The eye contact, albeit lasting for only a few seconds before Kyungsoo breaks it for real, felt like it stretched on for at least an eternity. However brief it might have been, the intensity of it is one Kyungsoo has never experienced in his life, and he will later on run into only one or two whose gaze would be strong enough to level that intensity.

 

The coachman’s eyes light up when Kyungsoo offers him the pastries before climbing into the carriage.

 

Fatigue seizes him.

 

He slumps in his seat and puts the paper bag aside, appetite lost without rhyme or reason.

 

As he slips away from lucidness, arriving at a realm where the boy’s eyes will continue to haunt him for the next few days, becomes deaf to the raindrops drumming steadily against the surface of the carriage, increasingly loud and ferocious.

 

 

 

II.

 

Red. White. Blue. Green. Lots and lots of green. So many vibrant colours.

 

Kyungsoo squeezes his right eye shut, wincing at the accompanying pain. He looks at the flowerbed beside him again using his other eye, the one that isn’t swollen, and still finds himself unable to keep his gaze from returning to the bold red petals.

 

It’s not so bad if he’s drawn to that colour randomly, but right now it’s only because the vision of blood flowing freely from Chanyeol’s broken nose won’t leave him and it feels like there’s blood everywhere he looks.

 

He eventually closes both eyes with a drawn out sigh, one so heavy he wouldn’t be surprised to find his body completely deflated.

 

While it’s common for boys his age to get into fights every now and then, and Kyungsoo has been in a few so far, none have escalated to this point. Chanyeol’s nose is broken and his arm probably fractured—Kyungsoo knows there’s no way he’s getting away with this like the previous few times.

 

He could say that it was Chanyeol who started it, who started making fun of him in the playground and continued chasing after him to taunt him even when he tried to walk away, but it wouldn’t make a difference.

 

He did proceed to throw a few punches when it all became too much to bear, and now there are inevitable consequences he has to face regardless whether he wants to or not.

 

Only, Kyungsoo isn’t ready yet. He sighs again and tries not to think about his mother, doing his best to suppress images of her stern face, or her voice telling him how disappointed she is that he just can’t keep himself out of trouble. Knowing how hard she works to get them by after his father stepped through the door and never returned again makes it even worse.

 

A notion that had aroused sometime in between scoldings and occasional beatings, one that Kyungsoo has not visited for ages, breaks free of its shackles and floats freely to the top where its visibility forces the boy to confront it once again.

 

Maybe it would be better if he follows in his father’s footsteps and just not go back home ever again. His mother would certainly have it easier, he thinks, not having to deal with his mischief, not having to work so hard supporting the two of them. She would be freer, have more time to herself, and perhaps the permanent frown on her face would slowly disappear if she didn’t have to work so hard anymore.

 

It would be better.

 

A tear rolls down his cheek but it goes ignored in his current unabashed state, unable to bring himself to care what happens to him anymore.

 

I must be the saddest 11 year old kid in this world.

 

“Hello.”

 

Kyungsoo thought he heard wrong the first time that greeting drifted to his ears, but when he hears it again, his eyes fly open and he jerks himself into a sitting position from previously being sprawled across the bench.

 

The sky is well on its way to darkening, day smoothly transitioning into night, and Kyungsoo finds himself staring up at a smartly-dressed man with slicked back hair and kind eyes.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He blinks, knowing the concept of stranger danger, yet feeling like there’s nothing to be scared of. It might have something to do with the man’s eyes, gaze so gentle that Kyungsoo has no reason to believe he’s in any kind of danger right now.

 

“Yeah?” He manages to choke out, not quite knowing what to make of this situation.

 

The man his head slightly. “Mind if I join you?”

 

Kyungsoo wants to scream no, but what he finds himself doing instead is scooting over to make space to accommodate this stranger. The stranger takes a seat, leaving a respectful distance between the two of them. That puts Kyungsoo more at ease.

 

For a long time, neither of them speak, and Kyungsoo is just starting to believe that this man probably just really wanted to have a seat on this particular bench when the peaceful silence is broken.

 

“My name is Jongin,” he says. “And it would be nice to know yours.”

 

Kyungsoo isn’t exactly the most social person in the world; he’s shy around strangers and reticent by nature, but he likes the way Jongin put his request across, his voice completely lacking the authoritative note that most adults have, that Kyungsoo absolutely hates.

 

So he grants his request.

 

“I’m Kyungsoo.”

 

“I see, Kyungsoo.” Jongin seems to contemplate for a second. “So, tell me, Kyungsoo, why are you out here alone?”

 

“Who said I’m out here alone?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knit together.

 

Jongin turns to him, his gaze trained on Kyungsoo’s face with great concentration.

 

“You have bruises all over your face,” he points that out like it isn’t the most obvious thing in the world. “You got into a fight, didn’t you? And now you’re afraid to go home.”

 

If Kyungsoo’s first impression of Jongin was favourable, it has all gone to now. He huffs, rolling his eyes, declining to comment further.

 

“Did that offend you?” Jongin is quick to make amends. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that I was a boy too once, you know, and I’ve gotten into a fair amount of trouble.”

 

At that, the annoyance dissipates. Kyungsoo continues to keep his lips pursed anyway, his silence stemming more from not knowing what to say than reluctance to say anything.

 

“Have this.”

 

There is a lollipop in Jongin’s open palm when Kyungsoo looks, and he gazes at the older male’s face with a puzzled look. Jongin simply laughs and nods encouragingly, the gesture leading Kyungsoo to accept the candy from him when he isn’t very fond of sweet things at all.

 

Also, he’s hungry. It’s nearly dinner time and he doesn’t have the courage to go home, so there’s nothing he can do about his growling tummy. The wrapper comes off after much effort, throughout which Jongin offers his assistance a few times only to be rejected, and Kyungsoo feels a sense of accomplishment when he finally puts the candy into his mouth.

 

“I’m nearly 30 and I still get into fights.” Jongin’s voice has a really calming quality to it, washing over Kyungsoo in the most soothing manner possible. “It’s not something that I’m proud of, but I just wanted to let you know that it’s not the end of the world.”

 

Kyungsoo just on his lollipop, his attention the only thing he can offer now.

 

“When I was a child, I would stay in the park nearby after getting into fights and think about not going back forever. I thought my mother would hate me. And I didn’t want to disappoint her. She always came looking for me and even though she would hit me with a cane, I was always glad to be found.”

 

Jongin gives a nostalgic smile, probably recalling those memories. He turns in time to catch Kyungsoo averting his gaze.

 

“Now I still get into fights. Not so much anymore, definitely, but I still lose my cool sometimes. I have a wife now, but my mother still gets mad when she sees bruises on my face. She doesn’t smack me anymore, but I’ve never met anyone with a tongue as vicious as hers.”

 

Right now Kyungsoo really doesn’t know why Jongin, a stranger who is more than twice his age, who he literally just met, is telling him all these things. Yet he continues to listen, instinct telling him that there is a message that he’s conveying; he just has to keep his ears open and his heart clear.

 

“What I’m trying to tell you, Kyungsoo, is that your mother is like this only because she cares very much about you. No matter what happens, she’ll still love you. You know it wasn’t right to fight, don’t you?” At that, Kyungsoo nods. “You’re a good kid. You’ll be fine.”

 

Tears well up in his eyes and he drops his head, not wanting to let a stranger see him cry. Jongin seems to understand that and he gives him all the privacy he needs, looking elsewhere so Kyungsoo can cry more freely.

 

When Kyungsoo finally regains control of his emotions again, he clears his throat to let Jongin know.

 

“I’m going home now,” he declares in a small voice, and the determination in his statement doesn’t require any amplification of his volume to be heard.

 

Jongin grins, and Kyungsoo finds himself unable to look away from this man who has the kindest eyes ever.

 

“I trust that you’ll get home safely?”

 

Kyungsoo gets to his feet, rubbing his nose.

 

“I’m not a kid,” he mutters, and sticks his chest out like it would somehow prove his point.

 

Even if it doesn’t, Jongin doesn’t say anything about it. He leans forward, hands clasped and elbows placed atop his thighs.

 

“Just tell your mom why you got into a fight, okay?” Jongin’s crinkled eyes are so pretty even in this dimness that Kyungsoo’s heartbeat accelerates.He forces himself to take a step back, fearful that the older male would somehow be able to hear that and call him out on it.

 

“You’re a good kid, she’ll understand.”

 

Those words prove to be exactly what Kyungsoo needed to hear. Kyungsoo digs his hands into his pockets, and after looking at Jongin one last time, turns his back to him. He starts making his way home without a single glance back, parting coolly.

 

He kicks the pebbles on the path along his way, all the while wanting to turn around and look at Jongin again, but stopping himself from doing so because he thinks it would somehow make him look stupid.

 

Only when he arrives at his doorsteps does he realize he forgot to say the most important thing, having replayed their encounter over and over in his mind. Kyungsoo had forgotten to say thank you.

 

Well, Jongin did mention that he has a wife. It wouldn’t be illogical to assume that he has kids, probably does if he’s so good at dealing with them.

 

An inexplicable wave of sadness almost knocks Kyungsoo off his feet, and unfortunately for him, his thoughts are too jumbled up for him to try to figure out what exactly he’s sad about. That he didn’t manage to thank Jongin, or something else?

 

He has never believed in making wishes upon shooting stars, not dumb enough to be tricked into thinking that something so far away can grant any of his wishes. But tonight, he tilts his head back to gaze up at the starry night and finds himself wishing upon every single one of them.

 

The same wish is made upon every single one, until his neck starts to ache and he has repeated the same thing in his mind so many times that the words are starting to sound weird.

 

On the day 11-year-old Kyungsoo gets into the worst fight of his life, he wishes he would run into Jongin again in the future to say the thank you he never got to.

 

 

III.

 

Kyungsoo leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he scans through the neat handwriting on the piece of paper held tenderly between his fingers. This must be the sixth or seventh time he’s reading this letter again, but he still feels the same rush of excitement coursing through his veins.

 

Kyungsoo,
 

It’s confirmed that I’ll be coming over on the weekend. We’ve talked about this so many times and I’m so glad it’s finally coming true. I’m not sure if you’ll be free to pick me up, but if you are, I’ll reach around 8.15pm. Let me know if you’re going to be there so I know where to look for you.

 

I can’t wait to see you. I really, really, really can’t wait.

 

Love,

Jongin

 

His first reaction at tearing open the envelope with nimble fingers and seeing such a short letter from Jongin had been one of shock, wondering if anything had happened to the boy who typically wrote letters spanning at least two pages. That anxiety morphed into heart-fluttering happiness soon afterwards, smiling so widely for the rest of the day that even his neighbour noticed and asked him about the good news.

 

They have been pen pals for nearly two years now, and Kyungsoo has always considered Jongin his best friend despite not having known each other for that long. He knows how his pen pal looks like—the photo Jongin had sent him is still lying in his top drawer where he keeps only the most important things.

 

The chemistry they share is nothing Kyungsoo has ever experienced with anyone in his life, not even his closest friend since elementary school, Baekhyun. They first started out rather shy and reserved, tentative, but the barrier keeping them apart was soon shattered when they realized how much they understood each other and they became friends who could talk about any and everything.

 

After Kyungsoo received the photo Jongin sent of himself, he would sit at his desk and try to match this face to the neat handwriting, line after line meticulously written. When it became easy to visualize Jongin as the writer of the letter, Kyungsoo went on to wondering what kind of expression Jongin wore when he penned down his thoughts and told Kyungsoo about his passion for dance and the kitten that wandered into their house on a fine Sunday afternoon.

 

Kyungsoo folds the paper slowly, careful not to fray the edges, and tucks it into his pocket with the same amount of caution. He clasps his hands thereafter, trying to keep from biting his nails—a bad habit that he hasn’t managed to kick.

 

The train should be arriving. He’ll come face to face with Jongin very soon, finally meet the boy he has connected to on such an incredible level and see for himself what kind of person Jongin is really like. What does his voice sound like? Is it low like his cousin Chanyeol’s? How tall is he? The photo Jongin had sent him was one of himself sitting down with his legs crossed, which made it impossible to deduce much about his stature, but it wasn’t like Kyungsoo cared very much about that when he looked so incredibly cute posing with his dog.

 

There are so many things he wants to tell Jongin, so many places he wants to bring him to in this little town he grew up in. It had been difficult trying to get to sleep the past few days when he got all excited just thinking about the things they could do together.

 

The train whooshes into the station just as he’s deep in thoughts, pulling to a slow halt with a sharp screech. Kyungsoo winces at that sound, then perks up and gets to his feet when the doors open with a hiss.

 

He had written in his letter to Jongin that he would wait near the head of the train. He shuffles up and down, not straying far, bright eyes darting from one face to another. All strangers. Surely he would be able to recognize Jongin even though he has only seen one photo of him?

 

Kyungsoo knows he would be able to feel him right away. He just knows.

 

The crowd starts to thin, people scattering in different directions, when his gaze finally lands on the person approaching him steadily about ten feet away. He would have known it was Jongin even if he didn’t know how he looked like, for he is looking at Kyungsoo with a tender smile, his obvious fondness for the boy not at all hidden.

 

Jongin looks even more handsome than in the photo he had sent. The camera had been unable to do justice to his sharp features, the intensity of his gaze, the aura he emitted. He’s only carrying a backpack, just enough to last him for a few days here, and Kyungsoo feels his heart go into overdrive.

 

He can only stand there dumbly, completely frozen, unable to do anything when his brain isn’t working at all. Jongin’s smile doesn’t falter, and instead grows wider as he bridges the distance between them, walking with a kind of confidence that can only stem from knowing exactly where he’s headed to. That, and the brown coat he’s wearing, makes him look like one of those models Kyungsoo always sees on the magazines his sister adores.

 

Jongin stops about two feet away; far enough to avoid causing either discomfort, yet close enough to portray them as two who are at ease around each other.

 

“You look exactly like in the photo you sent.” He says, and his voice is not as low as Chanyeol’s, but what Kyungsoo thinks is just nice.

 

Kyungsoo touches his nape instinctively, self-conscious. His teeth clamps down on his bottom lip.

 

“Really?” He manages to respond in a voice just loud enough for Jongin to hear.

 

“Actually, no.” Jongin’s gaze is really something. The intensity sends shivers down Kyungsoo’s spine and he leans in without realizing it, not wanting to miss anything Jongin has to tell him. “You’re even cuter than in your photo”

 

You too, Kyungsoo wants to say, but gets distracted when a wide smile blooms on his face. He only remembers when they’re leaving the train station, headed for Kyungsoo’s house, and resolves to tell Jongin what he thinks when a suitable occasion arises.

 

There really are many, many, many things Kyungsoo wants to tell Jongin. As he looks to his side and sees Jongin already looking at him with a small smile playing on his lips, he knows there isn’t a need to rush because they’re going to be spending a lot of time together from this moment on.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo,

 

I’ll be coming over again this summer! I can’t tell you how long I’ll be staying for yet, but it’s definitely going to be at least a fortnight, and you have no idea how excited I am about this. Remember the game we never got to conclude? I think it’s time we have a final showdown. I fully intend to waste my summer away with you.

 

It’s actually 2am right now and I’m dead sleepy but I just had to tell you this because I’m so excited, so I’m going to end this letter here. I’ll be really busy over the next few days since it’s the deadline period for all the assignments that I haven’t started on (ha ha ha I hate myself sometimes). Might not be able to write so soon, but trust me, I’ll be thinking of you.

 

Love,

Jongin

 

-

 

There is no way Kyungsoo can tear his eyes away from Jongin who looks perfectly at home lazing on his bed, lying on his back with his head hanging upside down over the edge. He is safe to stare, though, for Jongin has his gaze fixated on him too.

 

“Kyungsoo, I realized you don’t ever tell me about the people that you like.”

 

Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows from where he is sitting by the desk, munching on leftover cake, thanks to Jongin who had stubbornly insisted on buying the entire cake because it was on sale last night.

 

“I don’t have anything to say about that.”

 

“No way.” Jongin’s smile is cute even when his face looks so ridiculous upside down. “There has to be something.”

 

Kyungsoo averts his gaze before he responds. “Like what?” He asks, even when he knows exactly what Jongin is referring to.

 

“You’ve never told me about you being, you know, in love with anyone.” Jongin flips over so he can look at Kyungsoo properly.

 

The latter swallows his last mouthful of cake, half-wishing Jongin would drop the topic because he doesn’t trust himself enough to not say something stupid. Ultimately, he decides that attacking back would be his best chance at defense, so he retorts with, “what did you mean by that last line?”

 

Jongin clearly doesn’t get what he’s referring to initially, eyebrows pulling together to form a frown. Kyungsoo thinks it’s absurd that he looks this handsome even when he’s frowning.

 

“What line?”

 

“That you’ll be thinking of me?” The moment he utters those words, the embarrassment creeps in and he starts spinning his chair, going round and round—anything to avoid looking at Jongin’s face now.

 

“Oh. Has that been keeping you up at night?”

 

If he continues spinning, Kyungsoo knows he just might throw up. His escapist endeavour comes to a regretful end and he takes a few long seconds to stop the world from turning against him. His gaze flickers to Jongin’s face, where the edges of his lips are curled as if this is some kind of joke. That would have fooled Kyungsoo into believing so, if not for the seriousness in the taller male’s eyes that tells him this might actually be of so much more significance to him.

 

Kyungsoo just shrugs as casually as he can force himself to, hoping Jongin wouldn’t be able to see right through him. But then again, would that really be a bad thing? He lets that gesture replace any form of verbal response, short of words now.

 

“Go figure,” Jongin eventually says, and their conversation on this topic draws to an end with Kyungsoo laughing, leaning back against his chair to look at the ceiling.

 

They spend more than a fortnight together this summer, longer than what Jongin had predicted would be possible, and it wouldn’t be too much of a far stretch to say that they both spend the remaining time they have together hoping the other party will have the courage to bring this up again.

 

Summer passes peacefully, leaving both boys at least one shade darker after spending most of their time out in the sun, enjoying each other’s company.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo,

 

Remember when you beat me at the pinball game and said my punishment would be to give you something really big for your birthday? I just bought the train ticket scheduled to leave on the 11th. I haven’t told my mom that I’m going to be skipping school just to see you, so you might want to talk to your mom since you might have to end up taking me in if she kicks me out. But I’ll do anything to spend our birthdays together. That would be really nice.

 

More of a birthday present for myself than you, honestly, but hey, it’s really big since I’m practically broke now.

 

There’s also something I want to tell you. I tell you this every time, but I can’t wait to see you. I really can’t wait till you hear what I have to say.

 

Love,

Jongin

 

-

 

The cold ades even the train station, leaving Kyungsoo freezing on the bench he has been sitting on waiting for the past 3 hours. He reaches into his pocket for Jongin’s letter, dissecting the words to see if he had misunderstood anything or remembered the wrong information about his supposed arrival.

 

There’s no way Jongin would make him wait for 3 hours, not the Jongin he knows.

 

Even so, the content of the letter matches exactly what Kyungsoo has stored in his head, and he stuffs the paper back into his pockets along with his gloved hands. He gets up to walk from time to time, but eventually decides on just conserving his energy because being on his feet doesn’t help to make him feel any warmer.

 

The next train comes and goes, but brings him no sight of Jongin. His already panic-stricken heart grows even more anxious, wondering what could have possibly happened. It could be that Jongin had carelessly given him the wrong information, but again, Jongin doesn’t seem like that kind of person.

 

Kyungsoo rubs his face, wishing he had brought a scarf at least. He hadn’t been expecting to spend such a long time here at the train station watching people come and go; happy people reuniting, sad people parting.

 

His own feelings of excitement have long simmered down, now replaced with only anxiety and slight annoyance. It’s getting pretty late too, only one or two more trains scheduled to be coming in from Jongin’s town.

 

Where can that boy possibly be?

 

Kyungsoo thinks he knows what Jongin has to tell him; he has been preparing himself for their meeting too, ready for his feelings to be made known to Jongin.

 

Yet, despite these warm feelings, the winter cold chills him to the bone.

 

While waiting for the next train to pull in, Kyungsoo leaves the station quickly to get hot chocolate. He watches the steam rise from the hot beverage, momentarily fascinated by its bravery in fighting a losing battle against the cold, then remembers the more important issue on hand now and raises the cup to his lips.

 

His fingers stop trembling first, then the colour returns to his cheeks, and he exhales mist with a contented sigh. After the hot chocolate makes him feel a little more in control, he takes out Jongin’s letter again, tracing each alphabet with a steady finger and hopes the boy isn’t as cold as he is, wherever he might be now.

 

The train station reminds him of a ghost town for the briefest of seconds as he watches the last train from Jongin’s town leave after having brought with it a considerably small mass of people. They exit the train station hurriedly, presumably all wanting to hurry to a warm sanctuary, not one willing to stay vulnerable to this cold winter night.

 

Kyungsoo blinks. He tugs his beanie lower and rises from the bench, hoping his legs wouldn’t fail him now. Maybe Jongin gave him the wrong date. That must be the only reason, in spite of its unlikeliness. He’ll go home and write a letter to Jongin just in case, then come back tomorrow to wait at the train station.

 

His fingers close around the letter Jongin had written, still tucked safely in his pocket, and walks the entire way home like that.

 

The next morning comes and goes, and the following one, but the dozens of trains that pass by this town on their birthdays still bring no sign of Jongin.

 

-

 

Jongin,

 

Did I do something to make you angry? Even if you are, just write back to me to let me know, because I’m worried sick thinking something might have happened to you. Did something happen? We’re friends, aren’t we? Haven’t we always been able to talk about everything?

 

I want to go over to your house to look for you, but I don’t know what’s going on now, or if I’ve done something that made you not want to see me anymore. It’s fine, you know. Just let me know. Anything.

 

I waited at the train station for you for three days. That’s how much you mean to me.

 

Happy birthday, I wish I could have said it to your face.

 

Love,

Kyungsoo

 

-

 

Jongin,

 

Remember the game plan we came up with together last summer? I finished the last bit on my own (I hope you don’t mind) and submitted it for the competition. You should already know why I mentioned this, but I’m going to say it anyway. We won! My school’s sending me on the fully funded research trip to California.

 

Do you want to go in my place? I’m sure we’ll be able to figure something out if you want to, you know I’ll give up this opportunity to you. Just write back to me, let me know.

 

Otherwise, I’ll be gone for seven weeks. This is probably going to be the best summer of my life, besides the one we spent together last year.

 

I’ll write to you again when I’m there so you know my new temporary address.

 

I wish you were going with me.

 

Love,

Kyungsoo

 

-

 

Jongin,

 

Sorry I haven’t written in nearly two months. Just been really busy with stuff.

 

I just managed to finalize my accommodation and it really feels strange knowing that I’m pretty much going to be on my own from now. Remember how we always talked about going to the same college? I always thought we’d be able to do that together. It seems life is never as we expect it to be.

 

There’s something else I want to tell you. I still don’t know what happened, or if you’re even still living in the address I’ve been sending letters to, but I think it’s time I put this down as well. I’m moving out of state for college, and I’m not going to write to you anymore. It’s hard to hold on to someone who isn’t doing the same thing back.

 

I just really wish I at least knew what happened between us.

 

If you ever need to look for me, you know which college I’m going to. Jongin, even though I’m going to stop doing this, but if you ever need me, and I mean whenever, I’ll be there. I’ll always be.

 

You know where to look for me.

 

Love,

Kyungsoo

 

-

 

Kyungsoo has dreamed of this exact scene too many times; where his mother is bent over the dining table with her reading glasses on, stopping him before he can walk up the stairs to tell him that there’s a letter from Jongin.

 

Precisely because of that, he first reacts by pinching himself real hard, the sharp pain shooting up his arm and waking him. This is reality. He has a letter. He really has a letter.

 

His first few steps are slightly unsteady, nearly stumbling over nothing, gaze trained on the letters his mother is sorting out. She has undoubtedly noticed how the letters from Jongin stopped coming in over the last two years, and she watches Kyungsoo with worried eyes as he picks up the letter left aside for him.

 

His heart skips a beat, then starts hammering unevenly against his ribcages.

 

It is from Jongin. He can tell this much from the stamp—it is the one Jongin always uses. And who the hell would be mailing a personally written letter to him if not Jongin?

 

“Everything alright?” His mom asks, and Kyungsoo jerks his head forcefully.

 

“Yes,” he says through gritted teeth, holding the envelope against his chest.

 

Only when he’s alone in his room, door locked, and away from prying gazes does he allow himself to sink to the ground. He stares at the envelope for a moment or two before tearing it open with trembling hands, millions of thoughts running through his head.

 

It’s not from Jongin.

 

He doesn’t have to read the words to know it isn’t from Jongin—he can tell with a glance that it isn’t Jongin’s neat handwriting. The disappointment hits him like a freight train but he manages to hold himself together for long enough to read the words that weren’t penned by Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo,

 

This is Jongin’s mother. We never got the chance to meet, but you’d understand why I wouldn’t now even if I get the chance to after reading this.

 

Jongin left on 11th January to board the train, but he never made it there. He was knocked over by a car when crossing the road to the train station. It was raining really heavily that day. People said he was at fault for dashing across the road, but I don’t believe he had a clear sight of the road because of the rain, not that it matters now. They brought him to the hospital and he was in a coma for almost one week after the surgery. We were prepared to do whatever we could to keep him; keep him on life support, sell everything we had to pay for his medical expenses, but he didn’t give us a chance to. He passed away in his sleep.

 

I know you’ve been writing and writing and writing. I know it’s not your fault. I know, but I still can’t help thinking that if Jongin never met you, he would still be with us now. That’s why it was really hard for me to write back to you, it still is now. But you deserve to know. That’s why I’m writing this now.

 

I read all the letters you wrote to Jongin. I know he’ll be very happy to know that you’re doing well. He was very fond of you, always talking about what a nice boy you were over the dinner table. You wrote in your last letter that you wanted to let go. I’m sorry I took so long to write this letter, but now, I think I’ll be able to let go too.

 

I know you said you won’t write again, and I hope even after reading this, you’ll keep to your word. Jongin has gone to a place with no address

 

He’ll want you to be happy and live on well, I know that boy. You know what to do.

 

She didn’t even sign off.

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t realize that he’s crying until he sees the teardrops staining the paper, smudging the ink. The letter slips right through his fingers and falls to the ground without making a sound. He reaches over for his backpack and fumbles around until he finds the pack of cigarettes, another bad habit he has taken up since Jongin stopped writing back.

 

The smoke rises lazily from the cigarette . Kyungsoo tilts his head back, eyes falling shut. It reminds him of the hot chocolate he had bought while waiting for Jongin at the train station; distant memories that he never thought would be the last.

 

While he was sitting alone on the bench waiting for a boy who never came, that very boy was fighting his hardest to.

 

Jongin has gone to a place with no address.

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what he’s doing until he has planted himself on his chair with a ballpoint pen in his grip. The cigarette is still trapped between his lips; the smoke rising, rising, bringing back the hot chocolate, bringing back Jongin.

 

The ‘Jongin’ he writes is almost illegible because of how hard his fingers are shaking, and he spends the next few seconds taking deep breaths to calm himself down. The pen gains a life of its own, moving swiftly across the paper; ink spewing out alphabets.

 

The words he never got to say; he’ll continue to write these letters anyway and send them to a boy without an address.

 

I miss you. I like you.

 

 

IV.

 

“This isn’t how a tourist should look.”

 

Kyungsoo lifts his head at the sound of this familiar voice, gaze landing on the bartender he has come to befriend over the week.

 

Kim Jongin, 19 years old, still has a long way ahead of him.

 

“I’m not a tourist.” Kyungsoo mutters in response, voice barely loud enough to be heard over the music.

 

The bartender merely grins lopsidedly.

 

“You’re here on a business trip,” Jongin recalls while doing his thing with a cocktail shaker at the same time. “I know, I know, but you’re still overseas, and you shouldn’t look so glum. It should be fun.”

 

“It’s not like there’s anything to do here anyway.” Kyungsoo grumbles and takes a sip of his beer. “Same old over and over again.”

 

He watches Jongin empty the contents of the cocktail shaker into a glass and adds the finishing touch with a thin slice of lime, eyes focused.

 

Their conversation halts momentarily as Jongin tends to another customer a few seats away, serving him his cocktail. He returns right afterwards, and upon seeing no one new in the bar, directs all of his attention to Kyungsoo again.

 

“What kind of bull is that? Did you even leave the hotel yet?”

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t understand how a brat 10 years younger than him has the guts to talk to him like this, and he shrinks away instinctively. “I have,” he mutters, trying to sound confident, but knows Jongin can see right through his lie.

 

Technically, it’s not exactly a lie. He did leave his hotel, but only to attend business conferences, which is the reason why he’s here at all. But what Jongin is talking about is sightseeing, and Kyungsoo is clearly aware that he hasn’t. He has spent all of his free time in his hotel room watching television and reading, not too keen on exploring a new city alone.

 

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

 

Kyungsoo fidgets in his seat. “I know.”

 

“So?” The bartender is absolutely relentless in his endeavour. He leans forward, propping his chin up with his fist, lively eyes setting Kyungsoo’s face on fire.

 

“Fine.” Kyungsoo drops his gaze, finding his beer much more bearable than the bartender now. He lets out a small sigh, unsure why he’s allowing a kid to terrorize him, but surrendering to his fate anyway. “I haven’t.”

 

Jongin appears deeply satisfied at being able to force that answer out of Kyungsoo. He straightens up and cracks his fingers.

 

“Tomorrow at 10am.”

 

Kyungsoo’s head jerks up.

 

“What?”

 

“Tomorrow at 10am,” the bartender repeats slowly, enunciating carefully even though he knows Kyungsoo’s surprise has nothing to do with not catching his words in the first place. “I’ll meet you at the lobby.”

 

“What for?” Kyungsoo asks, his question merely to stall enough time to allow him to think because he already knows the answer. It’s just that he’s been in a bit of a slump lately and he definitely isn’t in the mood to go sightseeing or whatnot now, but now that Jongin is making such a generous offer, he realizes that the prospect of it doesn’t really sound that bad after all.

 

In fact, as he gazes up at Jongin’s face, looks into those kind eyes, realizes that it even sounds rather appealing.

 

“You’re lucky I’m on my vacation right now,” Jongin informs him, and however indirect his answer is, reveals that what he had in mind was exactly what Kyungsoo thought he did.

 

The older male downs the remaining half of his beer. He might as well get a little tipsy and go get some sleep right now since he has an appointment early tomorrow anyway, instead of staying here until past midnight like he has been doing for the past couple of days.

 

“Sure,” Kyungsoo answers, sounding much more confident of his answer that he thought he was.

 

He says goodbye to the bartender and heads back to his room without further delay, and only when he’s tucked into bed with his alarm set for the next morning does he comprehend that this is only because he sees Jongin’s proposal as a challenge.

 

It has been a long time since he did anything out of his comfort zone, but this person whom he barely even knows somehow is able to make him feel like something amazing will come out of doing this.

 

Maybe it will.

 

-

 

Jongin is already waiting at the lobby by the time Kyungsoo gets there. He’s on time, so the younger male must have arrived much earlier. He’s standing by the glass window, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how long he has been waiting. as he approaches the silhouette the abundant sunlight has managed to make out of Jongin.

 

For a reason unfathomable to him at this exact moment, Kyungsoo finds himself more inclined towards standing still where he is five feet away from Jongin, just watching his back. The younger male is very well-built, tall and with broad shoulders, muscular arms well revealed in a tight-fitting black t-shirt.

 

Jongin seems to sense Kyungsoo’s presence then, for he turns around, bringing sunshine along with the swing of his head. Standing against such a vibrant background, basking in the temperate morning sunshine, the illusion of a halo on the crown of his head blinds Kyungsoo briefly.

 

Kyungsoo only notices that he’s holding his breath when Jongin starts taking relaxed footsteps towards him, a small smile playing on the edges of his lips. He his head slightly as he walks, his eyes curious, as if he’s trying to figure something out about Kyungsoo.

 

The older male takes a deep breath to make up for the sudden lack of oxygen, which must be what’s making him feel a little lightheaded now. He finds himself taking a step back without meaning to, but Jongin doesn’t stop until they’re face to face anyway. He has to tilt his head back to look at the younger male who’s at least half a head taller than him, and even though the halo on his head has disappeared, he still looks very handsome.

 

“You dressed up today.” Jongin says with a smile, evidently pleased.

 

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Not really,” he responds, lying through gritted teeth. He knows he did, having ditched his usual casual getup consisting of a hoodie and sweatpants for a white button-down shirt and navy shorts. He just feels a little embarrassed that Jongin had pointed it out.

 

“You always say things you don’t mean.”

 

It’s difficult to remember that he’s the older one here when the bartender keeps leaving him speechless. He rolls his eyes as a last resort. That, however, does zero damage to Jongin’s high spirits. He hooks his arm around Kyungsoo’s neck and brings him down for a moment, a playful gesture Kyungsoo remembers often experiencing when he was still Jongin’s age.

 

“Let’s go. I’ll show you incredible things about this city.”

 

It might have something to do with the way he said it in such a confident tone, but as Kyungsoo glances sideways at him, looking at his wide smile and crinkled nose, he can’t help but feel excitement bubble in his chest for the very first time since he set foot in this place.

 

-

 

In the end, it turns out that what Jongin finds most incredible in this city also happen to be the most mundane ones. He takes Kyungsoo to a hotdog booth first, a quick breakfast the older male finds himself enjoying to a surprising extent considering how accustomed he is to proper meals with rice and omelette rolls. They settle on a bench to finish their hotdog buns, not saying much, just watching the flock of pigeons before them peck at the ground.

 

Once they’ve had their first meal of the day, Jongin takes Kyungsoo sightseeing. They check off the most iconic tourist spots, and while Kyungsoo isn’t entirely impressed, he has to admit that this is definitely much better than staying alone in his hotel room and only occasionally wandering out to go for a swim or get food.

 

You can say he’s an introvert-- he just hasn’t really had the energy to do anything much these days.

 

“Not really your cup of tea?” Jongin asks, having noticed Kyungsoo’s lukewarm reaction.

 

The older male shrugs loosely. “Sightseeing isn’t really my thing, but I’m not erse to this. It’s still cool.”

 

A contemplative silence ensues and Kyungsoo finds himself wholly unable to resist stealing a glance at the male by his side again. Jongin has the tendency to frown when he’s deep in thoughts, and the knot between his eyebrows only loosen when he catches Kyungsoo looking. He smiles.

 

“You’re a tough one, huh?”

 

“I have to admit I’m a little disappointed,” Kyungsoo admits truthfully. “I thought 19 year olds would have a different idea of fun.”

 

Jongin one eyebrow. “Are you challenging me?”

 

“It doesn’t really matter how you want to think of this.”

 

“Game on.” The younger male makes an air gun, an action that really brings out his youthfulness. Kyungsoo can’t help but laugh. “I’ll just show you what I usually do then, ‘cause I pretty much have fun everyday.”

 

That simple statement conjures feelings of envy instantly. Kyungsoo can hardly remember the last time he had fun, having been overwhelmed by work and the pursuit of a promotion in the recent years. Was he as carefree as Jongin at the age of 19?

 

Kyungsoo mostly remembers investing most of his time into studying when he was still in school, though he did go out with his friends and attended enough parties to train up his alcohol tolerance. Friends he has drifted away from; some got married, some moved away, and one passed away two years ago.

 

“It’s Saturday.” Jongin glances at his watch, humming for a second before he continues. “I usually go play basketball with my friends.”

 

“I see.”

 

He eyes Kyungsoo. “Are you any good?”

 

Kyungsoo thumps his chest with his fist. “Try me.”

 

Fifteen minutes later, they arrive at a basketball court where a game is already ongoing. One of the boys stop to call out to Jongin, and the game comes to a short halt as they exchange greetings and introductions. Kyungsoo feels slightly self-conscious as he watches Jongin fist-bump the other boys, painfully aware that he’s probably way too old to be playing with them, and there’s the fact that he was bluffing about his basketball skills in the first place.

 

He did play basketball when he was younger, but he has never been exceptionally good, and what’s more, it has been such a very long time since he played that any existing skills have probably all gone to .

 

“You’ll have to be on different teams.” The lanky guy who had introduced himself as Sehun informs him, tossing the ball at him without warning.

 

Kyungsoo manages to catch it, and is still in the midst of feeling good about himself when Jongin steals the ball, shooting him a cheeky grin before he dribbles it and then passes it to another teammate.

 

The game has started.

 

Kyungsoo’s biggest issue is not being able to recognize all of his teammates, but life is made less confusing for him when his teammates throw up their hands the moment the ball is in his hands. He only gets tricked once, by a really tall guy with wide eyes, who had thrown his hands up too to receive Kyungsoo’s ball.

 

The tall guy gets punished instantly, his friends yelling at him for playing dirty and literally kicking his until he sinks down to his knees to beg for mercy. Kyungsoo discovers that his name is Chanyeol, and only manages to relax and trust that this kid isn’t somehow being bullied when Jongin nudges his shoulder and grins at him, assuring him that it’s all in good humour.

 

They get back into the game quickly, and Kyungsoo is immensely grateful for the number of times he gets the ball because he knows they’re all trying to accommodate him. He doesn’t doubt that they went easy on him, that he wouldn’t even have gotten a chance to so much as touch the ball otherwise.

 

He comes to a face-off with Jongin in the second half of the game, with their team in the lead. Jongin is in a bending position, beads of perspiration trickling down his forehead, and seems intent on blocking Kyungsoo’s pass.

 

The older male feels so much worse, being in the wrong attire for sports and not having done this in a long time, but absolutely refuses to give Jongin a chance to hinder his path to glory. Their gazes lock, and Kyungsoo can’t say he’s really thinking straight when he unleashes his most dazzling grin. That distracts Jongin sufficiently; this much he can tell because the taller male doesn’t block his ball, only stays there with a dazed look, and Sehun catches it.

 

The significance of this moment only sinks in at the end of the game, when the boys are all peeling off their soaked shirts and Kyungsoo doesn’t feel too out of place anymore. He does the same, deftly undoing his buttons, and notices Jongin staring at him from the corner of his eye the moment his shirt is off.

 

He’s not completely oblivious, but this can’t be.

 

Jongin grins at him, gives him a thumbs-up, and Kyungsoo shakes away that ridiculous thought. No way. It’s impossible that someone like Jongin would be attracted to him at all.

 

“Had fun?” The younger male asks when he comes close enough, his shirt long gone as well. Kyungsoo’s gaze trails down his body, taking in the defined outline of his abs, and briefly wonders what else Jongin does in his spare time to achieve such a muscular body.

 

“Yeah,” he says.

 

They head back to the hotel after cooling down for Kyungsoo to get a change of clothes, unwilling to continue wearing what he had played basketball in for the rest of the day. Jongin, having brought an extra T-shirt, changes quickly in Kyungsoo’s room and entertains himself with going through the older male’s things in the rest of the time he spends there waiting for him.

 

It’s starting to get dark when they leave the hotel again, and this time Jongin brings Kyungsoo to a restaurant located by the river. They manage to get a nice, secluded table in the corner, isolating themselves from the outside world.

 

“You’re going back tomorrow.” Jongin states in a factual tone, face too impassive for Kyungsoo to figure out what he’s thinking.

 

“After the last conference tomorrow morning, yeah.” Kyungsoo nods. “How did you know?”

 

“I saw your flight ticket on the table in the hotel.”

 

“I see.”

 

Despite those two words sounding rather indifferent, Kyungsoo finds himself actually starting to wish he could stay here for a few more days.

 

“I’m afraid that I have disappointed you.”

 

Jongin’s voice jolts him back to reality.

 

“What?”

 

“I promised you that I’d show you incredible things, but we didn’t really do much besides go sightseeing and play basketball and eat.”
 

The guilty look on his face tugs at Kyungsoo’s heartstrings, and it’s at times like this that he’s reminded that Jongin really is so much younger than him. He reaches out to ruffle Jongin’s hair. The younger male must not have been expecting any form of comfort from Kyungsoo, for his head jerks up, eyes wide with surprise the moment Kyungsoo’s fingers weave through strands of dark hair.

 

“I had fun,” Kyungsoo says sincerely. “I really did, so don’t worry about it.”

 

Jongin studies his face intently before he nods slowly, allowing himself to be convinced.

 

“Okay then.”

 

They talk over dinner, mostly about Jongin’s life because Kyungsoo doesn’t really have to say anything about himself other than the fact that he’s pretty much a workaholic. He has always been the sort to immerse himself in the things he takes pride in, but his work-life balance has gotten so bad over the last few years that his significant other left him just a few months ago, ending a relationship that has spanned 4 long years.

 

Jongin only listens, not commenting much, not giving any kind of advice because he knows Kyungsoo realizes what he should be doing. To save him from his deprecating thoughts, the younger male starts talking about the most interesting things he has ever encountered.

 

At the end of it, while they’re walking back to the hotel to wind down for the night, the sadness sets in.

 

Kyungsoo sets his pace slower, and Jongin does the exact same thing, evidently sharing his sentiments. He has a conference tomorrow before his flight in the afternoon, meaning there’ll be no time to meet Jongin, and this is the last few moments they’ll be spending together.

 

The stars shining overhead must be doing something funny to Kyungsoo, making his head feel all fuzzy. It tips him over, making him spill confessions.

 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I had fun today.” He tells the younger male with a smile. “Because of you, I was able to see new things, meet new people, and do things that I haven’t done in a long time. You know, I’m probably even going to call the people I haven’t spoken to in a long time when I get back home, meet up with them, and play basketball or something.”

 

If Jongin is surprised by his sudden candidness, he doesn’t make it obvious. He merely listens, not wanting to say anything to distract Kyungsoo from his thoughts and break the magic of the moment.

 

“You’re a really good person, Jongin.” Kyungsoo reveals when the familiar hotel building comes into sight. He turns around to face the younger male. “So stay you, okay?”

 

When Jongin responds, he does it by leaning down, seemingly wanting to kiss him and oh-- Kyungsoo takes a step back when he realizes that’s exactly what Jongin was intending to do. His retreat confuses Jongin, even hurts him-- all that Kyungsoo can tell because the younger male is an open book and has exactly what he feels written all over his face.

 

There’s too much of the world he hasn’t seen yet, too many people he hasn’t met, and Kyungsoo thinks maybe that’s why Jongin is mistakenly feeling something for him, mistakenly thinking that he’s attracted to someone he barely even knows.

 

Kyungsoo knows he’s nothing impressive; he’s not energetic and fun like Jongin, he’s just so incredibly tired and boring. He won’t deny the attraction he feels towards Jongin too, something he feels silly about because they’ve only known each other for a week, but he knows it’s impossible between them.

 

They’re too different. While Jongin’s burst of energy is refreshing, he knows he won’t be able to keep up it with it in the long run, and he doesn’t think he’s capable of keeping Jongin entertained when he really prefers staying at home and doing nothing in his free time. Also, there’s the fact that there is 10 years between the two of them.

 

At the end of the day, Kyungsoo just doesn’t want to hinder Jongin from having the time of his life in the most brilliant phase of his youth.

 

“Good night, Jongin.” Kyungsoo says, the farewell behind his words clear, and a shadow crosses Jongin’s face.

 

He starts walking away before his resolve can soften, and has only taken three steps when he hears Jongin’s soft “good night”. His lips curl into a small smile, knowing that despite how painful this decision is, it is the right one.

 

He doesn’t want Jongin to eventually discover what he’s really like and have his fondness fade. Maybe Kyungsoo is selfish that way. He doesn’t know, and frankly, he can’t really bring himself to care.

 

As he lays in his bed, all he can see behind closed eyelids is Jongin’s handsome smiling face.

 

Jongin is a great person to be with, but the timing is all wrong. Maybe they would have worked out if current Jongin could meet the Kyungsoo 10 years ago.

 

It’s fortunate that they got to meet at all, so Kyungsoo isn’t really all heartbroken about not allowing what would likely have happened to happen. They had their story, and while it has come to an end, Jongin has ignited something in Kyungsoo that would start a new story for him.

 

Jongin did show him incredible things about this city, and that being him. 

 

He doesn’t know what this new story is exactly yet because he’s so incredibly sleepy. He yawns, thinking that he’ll figure it out tomorrow. He surely would.

 

At least he got to say thank you.

 

Sleep comes easy that night.

 

V.

 

The exceptionally breezy weather does enough to ease Kyungsoo’s ruffled heart, who has been in a rather irritable mood all day and just wants to be alone for a while. Tonight is one of those nights he feels like he would be able to float right up to the moon if he removes just the weight of his heart.

 

He walks along the edge of the path, so dangerously close to the road that the world seems to tremble every time a car whizzes by. Saturday nights can be so unbearably lonely sometimes, especially when it’s been such a tough week and he’s just drained.

 

Eventually, Kyungsoo figures that his favorite pizza would cheer him up, and picks up his pace now that he has an actual purpose for being out here, surrounded by couples and families. The pizza place he usually goes to is just around the bend and across the road, and Kyungsoo digs his hands into his pockets, edges of his lips already curling at the thought of pizza and a good movie.

 

Past the trash bin. Past the bus-stop. Past the souvenir shop with tacky decorations.

 

He’s three footsteps away from the traffic-light when he lifts his head, gaze stretching far. An inexplicable force draws the entirety of his attention to a boy standing by the jaded lamppost, drenched in soft yellow light that creates the illusion of a halo on the crown of his head. A paper bag rests snugly in the circle of his embrace.

 

The traffic-light turns green, yet Kyungsoo remains motionless, unable to tear his eyes away from the boy who is looking back at him, seemingly having noticed him much sooner. He wouldn’t be able to move right now even if he wanted to, with the universe rooting him to the ground beneath his sneakers, pinning him in place for as long as it is going to take him to realize what he’s looking at. Their eyes meet in a manner that seems to transport them into a world encapsulating only the both of them, or perhaps even belongs to them.

 

He knows this person. Without a doubt, it’s not a stranger he’s looking at. There’s no way that his heart would be aching this much if it was a completely unfamiliar face he’s looking at, and a soft choked cry leaves the confines of his mouth.

 

I know you.

 

His surrounding noises fade, then return sharply, then fade, then come back slowly to stay this time. His brain registers the beeping coming from the traffic light first, setting his feet into motion as he takes one step after another, the next surer than the previous until he’s practically jogging across the road.

 

He does his very best to avoid jostling other people, but cannot be sure if he really managed to in his desperation to get to the boy who’s making his heart ache so much, wanting to make him stop.

 

The boy doesn’t move, only turns his body to face Kyungsoo instead, waiting right there for him.

 

Kyungsoo’s footsteps slow once he’s across the road and edging towards the boy, heartbeat completely erratic, nothing like the steady beeping of the traffic light. Now that he’s closer, he sees a white stick poking out of the boy’s mouth, and the image of this grown up person on a lollipop in the middle of the street proves more endearing than stupid.

 

I’ve seen you before.

 

His footsteps halt.

 

The traffic light turns red.

 

The boy makes the next move. He brings his hand up to his head, weaving his fingers through his hair, dishevelling it. Even in this faint illumination, Kyungsoo can see how he tries to hold back his smile, then gives up. The edges of his eyes crinkle as a smile spreads slowly. Their shadows, stretched out before them, come close enough to meet.

 

Checkmate.

 

His heart is still aching for reasons unbeknownst to him at this very moment, but his chest has never been so warm and his smile tender. He lowers his gaze for a moment, curious about the paper bag that is almost the same shade of brown as his coat, and sees briefly the logo of a rather famous bakery located in the next street. This boy must have traveled over from there then, but for what?

 

Yet, even as that question resonates in his mind, Kyungsoo thinks he knows the answer.

 

“You took too long,” Kyungsoo says in a low voice; words that practically came out of nowhere.

 

Only 5 minutes, at the very most, have transpired since their eyes first met across the busy road.

 

The boy smiles turns apologetic, or Kyungsoo might be hallucinating, but he’s sure he’s not, and that’s how he knows they both know his words meant so much more than just the amount of time they took to come face-to-face like this.

 

He opens his mouth, and what Kyungsoo’s brain initially only processes as gibberish makes sense at the same time the traffic light turns green and starts beeping again, guiding another wave of people across the road.

 

“I’m sorry, but I’m here now.”

 

Saturday nights can be so unbearably lonely sometimes, Kyungsoo knows. But on this Saturday night, Kyungsoo feels the void in his chest slowly disappearing, filling up with something else, and has the strangest feeling of stumbling upon something that had once been very important to him, that he had let slip right through his fingers.

 

 

 

NEVER THE END.

 

---

 

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