093. Pain – Doojoon/Doojoon

Rated: PG-13 (suggestive drug abuse)

Person: First

Word Count: 374

For years I’ve struggled with who I am as a person. I feel like that I can’t take it any longer; the jeers and the cheers from the fans who know me as Yoon Doojoon is too much. I feel the pressure that none has ever felt before. It seems to me that I can’t rely on anyone beside myself.

“Who am I?” I whispered to myself in the darkness of my own room.

Of course there was no reply, not even from my subconscious that constantly reminded me of my faults and failures. I rolled over to look at the digital clock that stared back at me. Time wasn’t going fast enough for me. I couldn’t imagine an immortal life. My life would be spiraling into a deep, dark hole if I was to live for all eternity. However, I’m merely a lowly human staring at this clock pathetically.

2:03 A.M.

I cursed under my breath and slowly got out of bed to shuffle to my bathroom. I flipped the light switch on and looked at the image in front of me. I was displeased so I turned off the light and headed for my kitchen. Maybe drowning my sorrows in food would help.

Pictures that my parents left me were standing in a small photo album. I sat down at the kitchen table and flipped through thin pages. Picture after picture made me realize how much I changed over the years. My classmates had always put me in pain, calling me names for being different. But look at me know. I’m twenty two and happy with whom I am—some of the time at least.

“I should be better now.” I sighed to myself.

After looking through the images one more time and taking a quick glance at the clock, I returned to my bathroom with one thing in mind. The medicine cabinet called to me with in a way that I couldn’t ignore. I took a few pain killers and antidepressants without water to wash them down, sighing as I did so.

“Am I addicted? Is this why I’m not happy?” I found no reply again as I leaned up against my bathroom counter, mulling over the thoughts of my actions.