Chapter 1 (Final)
Guess I'm Better Off Dead"This is why Jin get no lines, he get bold and acts up when u let him speak."
"Jin you ing piece of ! I hate you! You just mad Jimin is more popular than you jealous pig!"
"Please get that ing pig out of BTS."
"Wow Jin is a whole snake. Kim Seokjin and BTS is now cancelled. I'm now a solo JImin stan."
"Why won't you leave BTS already?"
"No talent and no manners."
"Jin has a lot of mouth for someone that doesn't even have mouth in their songs anyways at least he apologized."
He didn't know how it came to this. He was just supposed to watch their new Run! Episode and read some of the comments, but he didn't expect it to turn out like this.
A lot of people points out how he rudely tells Jimin how a pig he is. But I apologized to him immediately, right? I was just carried away by the competitive spirit during the game and didn't think twice before saying those. When I realized what I've done, I apologized to Jimin immediately for I know he might be offended by it. For I know how that feels, how it feels to be called "Pig". Ever since our pre-debut days I've been constantly called that by our managers and members. I was offended, but now I just shrug it off along with all the jokes they said to me. I learned how to be numb by it.
I always knew that I shouldn't make any mistake. For this mistake will backfire on me. Many eyes are on me, watching my every move, and once my foot stepped on the wrong lane, spears and arrows will come attack me. Now, with that simple mistake, everything is being destroyed again. The confidence I carefully build all those years is now crumbling again. I should've stayed that way, I should've just stayed in the background, I should've just concealed my true personality and not be too comfortable. This is all my fault.
The manager even talked to me personally about that issue, he said that I should think twice before saying anything for it will affect us entirely. Now, it is all backfiring. I've received hate comments which are not new to me but it even went far as receiving death threats. They all point out my flaws, my lack of talent and even my lack of lines. They all say that I don't belong to BTS and I should just leave. Maybe if I finally leave everything will become better, but I know I can't leave my family. I am willing to withstand all of this if it means I can stay with my family. I am used to with all these hate coming at me so why should I give up now? I know I accepted it all. I accepted that I can only walk for my wings have already been severed a long time ago. But I still have my will even if its trembling of fear. Fear that it might collapse anytime. But for now I'll keep on walking and reaching the sky.
The anxiety I'm feeling right now overwhelms me. I need to take a breather. I need to let it all out. That's why I decided to take a walk outside on this cold night. I left my phone on the bed and took a glance at my roommate who is sleeping soundly. I sneaked out of the dorm carefully not waking the other members up. I just walk and walk with my earphones on, trying to use music to drown out all my emotions and thoughts when I did not notice a swerving truck coming my way.
The next thing I knew, I was lying on the pavement. I do not feel any pain, but I can see I am starting to swim in my own pool of blood. Blood is gushing out everywhere and I know it is from me. I am beginning to feel lightheaded, the pain is finally registering. I knew I won't survive this. I knew I'm going to die. Maybe this time I can finally reach the sky and fly high. I can feel my time is nearing. It's a shame I was not able to say goodbye to my parents, my brother and also Jjangu, I miss them very much. I can also not fulfill my promise with Jaehwan and Junghwan for another skiing trip. The kids, will they be alright without me? I hope they won't cry too much for I will be leaving them sooner. I hope they will continue to eat and sleep properly. I wish all the best for them. Though I am gone I will always guide them. I know they will be fine without me. I am now starting to anticipate the darkness that is consuming me. Their smiling faces are the last image I saw before I finally gave in.
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Author's note:
Yes, those are all legit comments and tweets.
As you can see I am freaking pissed with all the Jimin and Jin issue. I am so frustrated with all those hate tweets to Jin appearing in my timeline.
Why is it so hard to be a Jin stan? We do not just deal with hate outside the fandom but also from inside it.
It's a ing joke and Jimin was not even offended by it. Jin also apologized immediately. And I admit that some might be offended by it but they always say it to each other everytime. I can give you handful of reciepts where they also called Jin as "pig" but they did not even bat an eye about that. Such hypocrisy. They even relate it to Jin's lack of lines. Like WTF. I am so ing tired of immature people in this fandom.
Seokjin doesn't deserve all of this. I keep on thinking how he may feel when he read all those comments. I hope he doesn't.
Sorry for my rants but I really just need to take this all out. I've been a frustrated Jin-stan all along.
Sorry for the angst! I hope you would enjoy this! Thank you for reading!
P.S.
I will update all my previous stories once I fix my phone where I wrote some of them. My phone right now.
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