{Part 1/2. Start.}

A stream of daylight entered through the opened window of the small room as morning came, providing just enough sunshine to put a blanket over the couple on the bed. He was asleep with his back against the wall, and you were snuggled up against him in a symmetrical position. You tried to match the pace of your breathing with his as you watched his chest rise, and then fall again. He had never looked as peaceful as when he was asleep. Everything about him was just so beautiful. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, and the lack of space between the two of your bodies wasn’t making it any easier for you.

Cuddling in closer now, your lips brushed across his temple, the sweet aroma of his hair lingering in your presence. He felt something cold plant itself onto his forehead, and although his eyes were still closed, a few words managed to escape his lips. Your heart quickened upon hearing the familiar vibe of his voice.

“…Hye Su…”

Your name.

No matter how much I look around, you’re not

Anywhere, but I keep hearing only your voice

“I’m right here,” you whispered.

Before you could use your hand to brush the hair out of his face, his eyebrows furrowed on cue, as though it was your voice that had woken him. You continued to watch as he struggled to get his eyes opened against the light, which startled you, and immediately you felt a pang of regret. If only he had slept longer; that way you would have been able to spend more time watching his peaceful complexion.

You made way for him as he moved up from his spot and tucked his neck into his chest to stifle a yawn. Watching with silent delight, you waited for him to do his usual morning face exercises. You laughed when you saw him pulling your favourite ones– Actually, no, that was a lie–there was no such thing as a favourite; everything your boyfriend Kim Sunggyu did, or said, was equally precious to you. You had always liked to be there for him in the mornings, so you could be the first person he’d wake up to. You didn’t want life to change one bit. However, the feeling this time was different. This time…

He didn’t know you were there.

He couldn’t see you.

--

You were standing in front of his wardrobe now. The sunlight in the room shifted a few times, but Sunggyu didn’t look like he was going to get out of bed. You frowned at his bad habit. When a device vibrated on his study desk however, he abandoned the haven of his bed sheets and walked over to answer it. Your eyes followed him like metal to a magnet. The creases on his forehead deepened as you watched him speak to whoever it was on the other side of the phone.

He nodded a few times, facial expressions indicating he was still half asleep.

“… Neh.”

You wondered what happened.

When the call ended, he dragged his feet back to the bed post. You walked over to him as he picked up his jacket and looked into the mirror. As much as you hoped to see a better version of yourself, next to him, you were tattered and as pale as a sheet. Transparent–almost. The thin jumper you had over you was stretched, and the colour on it was fading no less than you were.

Sunggyu coughed and you returned your attention to him. He looked sick lately, and suddenly you felt glum. You reached out and tried to fix his tie when you saw it go lop-sided, but your hand passed right through it.

Oh, right.

You forgot again.

--

You continued to follow Sunggyu along the pavement, trying to match the pace of his footsteps as the soles of his Air Forces made contact with the concrete. The whole trek, your eyes never left the person in front you, and despite you not being visible to him, you still ended up looking away whenever he turned in your direction. Was he, even for a second, able to feel your presence?

When he reached the major intersection, the traffic lights turned red, and you watched as he hopped from one foot to another, hands jammed into his pockets. You weren’t sure whether he was doing that to keep himself warm, or if he was feeling unsettled because he was late for something. It was Sunday morning, though; he hardly ever had any plans on the weekend. You didn’t understand.

Finally, the lights turned green. With the sudden movement of the crowd, you almost lost Sunggyu as he sped to the other side of the zebra crossing. Sunggyu ran fast, but your light steps along the floor gave you no trouble keeping up. And right when you thought he would turn the corner, the boy disappeared into a florist. You peered from outside and he was paying for a bouquet of craigton clouds, leaving it as quickly as he had entered.

Flowers? Who for?You thought.

--

The walls were white, and immediately you knew you were at the hospital. It gave off an eerie sort of feeling, knowing how familiar the hallway you were walking through now had felt. You kept yourself close behind Sunggyu at all times; his company never failed to help calm your nerves a little.

Sweeping the door open at ward 428, Sunggyu advanced deeper in while you lingered in the door way. Your eyes ran over everything quickly, not sure why he had stepped into such a room. Rows of beds with patients behind pink curtains lined the walls. Was someone he knew sick? Was, he sick? Noticing Sunggyu had already made his way to the last bed, you quickly dropped everything your instincts were trying to tell you and wandered over. Every fibre of you tingled when you saw whose bed Sunggyu had stopped at.

She was on the hospital bed, face less alive than anything you had ever seen. Feeling the personal connection as you looked at yourself, you realised that she, too, must have been verging on deat– Then, realisation struck you. No wonder she seemed so familiar.

It was no other than yourself.

--

“Hye Su, how are you today?” Sunggyu said, before removing the old, withered flowers and replacing them with the new ones he had just bought earlier into the vase. So they were for you. Of course, he received no reply talking to a completely unconscious other, to the comatose you, but that didn’t seem to stop him.

His voice melted into a puddle of ice cream as another chain of words left his mouth, and you made no attempt to listen. You made no attempt to remember the accident, either, to remember the reason why you were lying where you were, why you had woken up the way you did. All you wanted to do was just listen to his voice, taking in the way your name slurred as it unrolled on his tongue… to just watch him, wishing all the while that he was actually saying all those things to you, and not your lifeless form on the hospital bed.

Then, he said something that caught your attention. “Oh yeah, Hye Su-ah, you know today… for some reason, I thought you came back.” He chuckled, and you felt the colour drain out of your face. That was, if it could get any paler. “I thought I felt your presence following me everywhere! Ha… I’m silly, aren’t I?” He proceeded to washing your fingertips with a wet towel, eyes watering.

“I guess I'm just missing you a little too much again, huh?”

I feel that

No matter how hard I try

No matter how much I pray

It will never work

Even if I try to shake you off

I still feel you

Before you could muster up your courage to walk towards him and hug him with your invisible arms, a doctor plodded himself next to you. You were so indulged with what was in front of you that you hadn’t even noticed his entry. Sunggyu didn’t either.

“… Kim Sunggyu, sir?”

He put the wet cloth down into the bedside sink and turned around to wipe the tears away before proceeding. “N- Neh.”

“Thank you for dropping by today. If you have time right now, I would like to have a word with you.” He made a gesture to lead him out of the room.

Unaware of what was to come, Sunggyu let go of your (real) hand and followed the doctor into an overly white room. You scurried into the courtyard just in time for their conversation. You were watching from behind the doctor, and all you could make out were the stern expressions and the stiffened shoulders that Sunggyu was bearing. It looked like a serious talk. You pressed your ears up against the glass pane separating you from them.

“–ve been observing her for a while now, and we’re sorry to say that her conditions are in no state of improvement. Unless a miracle happens, which is unlikely at this stage, we suggest you prepare yourself for the worst…”

When you understood that the doctor was talking about you, you withdrew your ear from the glass pane immediately and clasped your hands to your mouth. You watched with mounting pain as Sunggyu’s face remained unfazed, or rather, plastered with shock. He was always trying to put on a tough façade; but you were different. You couldn’t hold it in as well as Sunggyu could. You were never able to hold it in when the tears were meant to fall.

And so within a second, you found that it was no longer the sad reality and suffocating air on Earth that you were biting back on, choking on, but the burning tears that had started to form on the rims of your eyes–if ghosts could even cry.

You were going to die. You were never going to see Kim Sunggyu again.

{Part 1/2. End.}

a/n: I'll be back with part 2 very soon, just have to fix up some bits.