I'm jealous of the rain

That falls upon your skin

It's closer than my hands have been

I'm jealous of the rain

As the rain softly pattered against the window, Jaebum sat on the kitchen table slowly eating his cereal. He gazed out the window to see the bleak sky and the bustling that happened down below.

I'm jealous of the wind

That ripples through your clothes

It's closer than your shadow

Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

Jaebum buried his face deeper into his scarf as he moved past people, trying to get to his apartment quickly, given that today, when he just so happened needed to go get groceries, the wind decided to kick up and bite at the tips of his ears.

Cause I wished you the best of

All this world could give

And I told you, when you left me

There's nothing to forgive

Jaebum groaned as he once again realized, he bought too much food for one person. Putting the food away, Jaebum realized that he had started to cry. Quickly putting the milk in the fridge, Jaebum ripped off his scarf as he walked into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet and burying his face in his hands, letting out silent sobs and hiccups.

But I always thought you'd come back

Tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery

It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me

Jaebum knew he was terrible when it came to expressing emotions. Especially when that certain emotion, was love.

And he knew Yugyeom understood that. And he honestly loved Yugyeom even more for that. The fact that Yugyeom was so caring and understanding, made Jaebum’s heart swell with love and happiness.

But one rainy day, ruined everything.

I'm jealous of the nights

That I don't spend with you

I'm wondering who you lay next to

Oh, I'm jealous of the nights

Jaebum laid in bed, fiddling with the hem of the blanket. Jaebum made a mental note to buy a twin sized bed later on. He felt too lonely sleeping in a queen sized bed. Gazing up at the ceiling, the moonlight shining in through the light beige curtains, Jaebum couldn't help but let out a shaky breath as he turned his head to the empty space beside him, which used to be occupied by Yugyeom.

I'm jealous of the love

Love that was in here

Gone for someone else to share

Oh, I'm jealous of the love

Jaebum pulled out a scrapbook that he had stored in a box under his bed, walking to the living room and softly brushing his fingers across the cover. Sitting down, Jaebum opened up the cover to see two handwritten notes on the inside. One of them was his. The other was Yugyeom’s. Jaebum traced along Yugyeom’s handwritten note as he read it.

I know you said this was a corny thing to do, but I'm glad you agreed to doing it. I really want us to go places and take pictures and post them all over this scrapbook. And then, when we're old, we can go through this scrapbook and laugh and smile at the memories we made. I can't wait to fill up this scrapbook with you hyung. I love you.

Jaebum felt tears begin to gather in his eyes as he read that last line. And with much sadness, Jaebum realized that they hadn't gotten halfway through the scrapbook.

Cause I wished you the best of

All this world could give

And I told you, when you left me

There's nothing to forgive

Jaebum honestly wanted to stab himself a million times after the words left his lips. I don't love you! I never did!

Honestly, Jaebum didn't even know what had started the argument, but one thing led to another and here they were. Tears falling down Yugyeom’s cheeks as he looked at Jaebum with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape as a sob left his lips. Jaebum’s chest heaved up and down as he tried to process what he had just said.

He just told Yugyeom the opposite of what he truly felt. And it was Jaebum's stupid stubbornness that made him say that. Because of Jaebum's stupid pride.

But I always thought you'd come back

Tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery

It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me

Two weeks after the argument, Jaebum would always sit by the door, hoping and waiting for Yugyeom to come back. To come back into his arms so Jaebum could hold him tight and apologize for his stupid words. So Jaebum could tell him how he truly felt. But with each passing day, the possibility of Yugyeom coming back, seemed to decrease.

As I sink in the sand

Watch you slip through my hands

Oh, as I die here another day

Cause all I do is cry behind this smile

5 months after Yugyeom had left, Jaebum went out to Yugyeom’s favorite coffee shop, wanting and hoping to distract himself. What he didn't expect to see was Yugyeom talking to another man, smiling and laughing as the man leaned over and placed a kiss to Yugyeom’s cheek. Jaebum clenched the mug that was in his hands, wanting nothing more than to push the man away from Yugyeom. But he knew Yugyeom was no longer his. And he knew after what he put Yugyeom through, Yugyeom deserved nothing but the best.

I wished you the best of

All this world could give

And I told you, when you left me

There's nothing to forgive

Five days after the incident at the coffee shop, Jaebum was surprised at the knock on his door. Still hoping that it was Yugyeom, Jaebum rushed to open the door, only much to his dismay, it was the landlord asking for his bill. Jaebum nodded and went to fetch the bill, handing it to the landlord and nodding along to whatever the landlord said, until he finally left and Jaebum closed the door with a sigh, mentally telling himself to stop having his hopes up.

But I always thought you'd come back

Tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery

It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me

Two weeks after the incident at the coffee shop, another knock sounded on his door. Grudgingly getting up, Jaebum shuffled over to the door, opening it. What he definitely did not expect was to see Yugyeom standing at his door, arms crossed and looking down at the floor.

“Yugyeom!?”

Hearing his name being called, Yugyeom looked up to see Jaebum looking at him with a flabbergasted expression.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Wh-what are you doing here? I-I mean, come in.”

Jaebum gestured Yugyeom inside and Yugyeom walked in, standing frozen in the foyer. Jaebum softly closed the door and walked to be in front of Yugyeom again, looking at him, trying to decipher his expression.

“Why are you here?”

Jaebum asked once again, hoping that Yugyeom’s response would be something along the lines of I missed you.

“I came here to get my belongings.”

Jaebum's face fell and he nodded, looking away.

“Oh, of course.”

Then, a thought crossed Jaebum's mind and he knew it was useless to ask, but before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Can you stay?”

Puzzled, Yugyeom looked at Jaebum, about to ask what he meant when Jaebum continued.

“I mean, can you stay for the night. Please. Just one night Yugyeom. Just this once.”

Yugyeom seemed like he was about to decline so Jaebum grabbed on Yugyeom’s hands, giving Yugyeom the best pouty face he could manage.

“Please. For me.”

Jaebum honestly didn't know if doing this was gonna help him move on or only make things worse, but at this point, he couldn't bring himself to care. He just wanted to have Yugyeom in his arms for one more night. After a moment of silence, Yugyeom bit his lip as he nodded and Jaebum couldn't help himself from hugging Yugyeom, but he quickly pulled away, apologizing. Yugyeom waved him off and took off his shoes. After he took off his shoes, Jaebum softly took his hand and lead him into the bedroom, rifling through his drawers as he pulled out a black T-shirt, knowing Yugyeom preferred sleeping with no pants on. He just hoped Yugyeom wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He handed the shirt to Yugyeom and Yugyeom bowed thankfully, walking into the bathroom to change. Jaebum wringed his hands together as he moved to get the bed ready, taking off his shirt, given that Jaebum preferred sleeping with no shirt on. Yugyeom walked out of the bathroom and gulped as he saw Jaebum shirtless, remembering that Jaebum liked sleeping with no shirt on. Yugyeom felt wrong doing this but he figured that he could do this just this once for his hyung, given that he still had some feelings for Jaebum. Jaebum motioned towards the bed and Yugyeom walked over to it, carefully crawling under the covers and laying on his side, waiting for Jaebum to come in. As soon as Jaebum joined him under the blanket, Yugyeom found himself resting his head underneath Jaebum’s chin, wrapping his arm around his waist. Yugyeom felt embarrassed that he didn't have to think twice about doing such a thing. Jaebum clearly didn't seem to mind though, as he quickly wrapped his arms around Yugyeom, fearing that if he was slow, Yugyeom would disappear. After a few minutes of just silently laying together Jaebum asked something he knew Yugyeom would decline.

“Yugyeom. Can I, kiss you?”

By the end of the question, Jaebum’s voice had become so quiet, he was sure Yugyeom didn't hear. But to his surprise, Yugyeom did hear and much more to his surprise, Yugyeom agreed. Not wanting to ask again, in fear that Yugyeom would change his mind and decline, Jaebum moved away from Yugyeom, grabbing his face in his hands and softly tipping Yugyeom’s head upwards. Jaebum slowly brought his lips down to Yugyeom’s, their lips slightly brushing. Jaebum felt Yugyeom’s breath against his skin, waiting for their lips to lock. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Jaebum connected their lips, softly moving them against Yugyeom’s. At first, Yugyeom didn't reciprocate and Jaebum got scared but after a while, Jaebum felt Yugyeom’s lips move against his own. The kiss was slow and soft, something Jaebum missed so dearly. Jaebum slowly pulled away to catch some air, opening his eyes to see Yugyeom’s lips slightly agape, his eyelashes softly fluttering. Jaebum leaned down and captured Yugyeom’s lips once more in another soft and slow kiss. The night was spent basking in each other's warmth, cuddling and kissing here and there, until Yugyeom fell asleep and Jaebum soon followed.

The next morning, Jaebum woke up to an empty bed and Yugyeom’s belongings were gone, signifying that Yugyeom was now gone from his life. Forever. Jaebum couldn't help but cry as he clutched onto the sheets, grabbing the shirt Yugyeom had left behind and clutching it close to his chest, letting out loud sobs and hiccups.

It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way

You're happy without me