Chanwoo found himself sitting in the bathroom late at night. Was it his endless worries that brought him here? Was it the words belonging to the CEO himself echoing through his mind? Or perhaps the countless allkpop articles without his face on the cover? Whatever it was, it made him a bit depressed and he wasn't ready to admit that he was as weak as people portrayed him to be. He reminded himself, "Chanwoo-yah! You're not a baby! Wake up!" He wasn't really sure that this "reassurance" was healthy since he was not encouraging himself to seek assistance but instead, he was actually telling himself to bottle things up! But in Chanwoo's eyes, it was all for the best. He wanted to keep his brothers away from this. If they had ever found out, he would lose all of his confidence. They've been through so much more yet why was he the one crying? If they ever did know about this, he wouldn't be able to face anyone anymore because he was an adult, not a baby. What kind of grown man cries over a little pain? Besides, swallowing and admitting every word was comforting.

It wasn't a feeling he could explain, really. But he felt safe when he stabbed himself with those comments about his singing, dancing and just his mere existence. Perhaps it was because he believed that if a spring is pushed down, it would always bounce back up. Or maybe it was that the more he hurt himself, the more he would isolate himself and by then, he would just be so far away that no one could reach him or hurt him anymore. Chanwoo never questioned. Without a doubt, he put his trust into this crazy idea of swallowing hate comments to be better just like how religious people believe what they want to without doubting its existence. Chanwoo thought it felt right so it definitely wasn't wrong. It couldn't be.

Right?

'First of all, he's unbelievably lacking on vocal talent, stage presence, dancing skills and visuals'

'He's not meant to be an idol, period'

'I don't get nauseous when I look at his face anymore. That's a good sign'

'Chanwoo is nowhere to be counted as talented'

'I don’t even consider them as a group since they have an actor named Chanwoo in their group'

'Am I the only one who sits and wonder how someone like him got into a yg group'

It was comments like these caught his eye. They made him feel like . They made him question his decisions. They made him frustrated at himself. They made him feel something named regret, as some might say but he'd describe it as feeling apologetic. Regret was blaming oneself over an action that caused distress after it has been done. Feeling apologetic was blaming oneself over an action that caused distress to others after it has been done. Chanwoo was apologetic to the members and team b fans that had to put up with the shocking news of a new member joining, and not a talented one. Chanwoo was apologetic for that for the family who had to deal with their son being famous throughout the nation for being the new member of iKON.

He could say taking on the idol route was one of his worst decisions. For his own greedy ambitions to be more than a damn supporting character, he gave up the path his family plotted for him carefully and instead, stumbled into a forest path full of wolves and snakes that were ready to eat him up. He brought pain to not only his family, but his very group members. Chanwoo felt especially sorry for the leader who was expecting to carry not the weight of six, but five members on his back. He felt sorry to those loyal fans who had been brought upon a stressful situation to be struck by the news of yet another survival show and danger of three original team b members to be eliminat