you have become a disgusting, revolting, and appalling being
why did i ever take an interest in you?
was i that blind?
ah, yes. i probably was
love makes a person blind, after all

 

---

 

"Hey, I didn't know you liked Irene."

 

My body becomes rigid.

 

"How did you know that?"

 

Your friends' eyes dart from side to side, avoiding my gaze.

 

"Uh-uhh, right! Don't we have somewhere to go?" Solar garbles, elbowing Wheein.

 

"Right! We have to go somewhere. See you later, Seulgi!"

 

They turn around and walk away from me, but their bodies are shaking, probably trying to hold in their laughter.

 

I'm still frozen on the spot. I asked you to not tell anyone—no, I begged for you not to tell anyone.

 

That was the only thing I asked for after making a fool out of myself. Don't you have any mercy?

 

---

 

yes
i did love you

 

---

 

The first time I knew I liked you was on the second year we were classmates.

 

I've always known you were beautiful—your face is unmatched, not even those celebrities and models can compare.

 

As if you were a goddess that came down from heaven to bless us poor mortals here on the ground.

 

You were seated along my line of sight, in front of me and a little to the left, near the television screen.

 

Before looking back to our teacher, my eyes would linger on you for a bit.

 

I didn't think much of it then, reasoning that something so beautiful cannot be overlooked.

 

However, I knew for sure that I liked you when our seating arrangement was changed and you were positioned near the door.

 

There was no reason for me to look in your direction, but I somehow still did.

 

---

 

so much, it was gruelling
it was such a huge weight;
to constantly have thoughts about you—are you fine? have you eaten? are you asleep? are you tired? do you need help? are you happy?
a bother
to have you constantly barging in my head, as if you were the ever present pain i feel on my shoulders
to have you in my dreams, as if you were there to turn them into nightmares
to have you in my heart, as if you were there to ruin me from the inside, making me weak and helpless against you

 

---

 

Then it blew up.

 

My first and last thought of the day would be of you.

 

Were you already awake? What would you be wearing today? What were you doing? What did you have for breakfast? Were you already at school? What will you have for lunch? What time would you go home? Were you already home? What would you dream of?

 

All my thoughts would always lead back to you—even if it was morning, noon, or evening.

 

But it doesn't stop there.

 

At night, I would dream of you.

 

There are times when they are vague—blurry images of your smile, faint sounds of your laughter, and even a ghostly touch on my shoulder.

 

Then there are times when they are vivid—a dream of our first date, bursting with color and brightness. Your lips on mine, that when I'd awaken, my hands would reach out just to pull you back, only to find myself grasping at nothing.

 

But there was also darkness—you rejecting me, and this was the dream, no—the nightmare that I'd always have the most.

 

Still, when you smile at me, all that gloom vanishes.

 

---

 

pathetic

 

---

 

+82 10 XXXX XXXX: Happy Valentine's Day, Irene!

 

 Bae Irene: Happy Valentines too! Who's this? ;)

 

 +82 10 XXXX XXXX: Did you find anything in your locker earlier?

 

Or wasn't there any??

 

Bae Irene: Whos this??

 

+82 10 XXXX XXXX: I'm sorry, I can't tell you who I am. Not yet.

 

Bae Irene: Seulgi?

I saw a box in my locker but i didn't think it was mine so yeah didn't mind it... Your seulgi, i kinda noticed you and joy earlier..

 

 +82 10 XXXX XXXX: Did you read what's inside?

 

 WENDY OH MY FREAKING GOD

 

 Bae Irene: Yes... Your wendy????

 
+82 10 XXXX XXXX: If you read what's inside, you think I'm Wendy or Seulgi, whoever they are?

 

That's for you.

 

Bae Irene: Seulgi??

 

Please, its so weird just tell me who you are.....

 

+82 10 XXXX XXXX: You think Seulgi likes girls?

 
Bae Irene: Maybe???

 

+82 10 XXXX XXXX: Well, idk. Ask her.

 

Bae Irene: Ha so youre wendy

 
+82 10 XXXX XXXX: No. I'm not your classmate.

 

Besides, you think Wendy likes girls? That's crazy.

 

Bae Irene: What of