Title: Selfish Love
Author: kyouya3 /kyouya-sama 
Length: Oneshot
Pairing: YooSu 
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Summary: One person was so selfish because he never talked to his boyfriend in front of his friends; he said he cared about his reputation. Meanwhile, the other person was too selfish thinking about himself.

Maybe I was an idiot. No, I was a big idiot. I was the idiot-est person on earth!!! But I just couldn't help it. I hated him but I also loved him. Even now, I didn't have any idea what I was doing in front of his door.

He was popular; he had many friends, whether they're boys or girls. He's good at sport and lesson. He's everyone's idol. Who was I to judge him? I was his freaking boyfriend!!! Sorry, I mean, I was his secret boyfriend. 

Two months ago he confessed to me and I was like dreaming. I mean, I'd been secretly in love with him since high school; it'd been three years. I even entered this university because I wanted to see him. I accepted his confession that instant, without asking further. Actually, he was afraid his reputation would go down if others found out he was a gay. That's why we went backstreet.

I'd enough. I'd been too patient. He never greeted me when he was with his friends. The only time he ever cared about me was when we're alone, doing stuff he liked the most; . I thought making love was sweet at first but I was wrong. It was only sweet when both side loved each other. My conclusion was I hated and loved him; he only wanted my body, that's all.

Without realizing it, I knocked his door as his figure opened the door. He smiled and told me to come inside. No, I didn't want to. 

"Let's break up, Yoochun ah" I spoke the words as he froze. His face turned cold as he simply nodded. I avoided eyes contact as I took thousand steps away from his room. I ran like a mad man till I got out from the dorm building, into our university football field. 

'Why, Junsu ah?' I expected that answer or at least 'I'm sorry if I did anything wrong.' or 'Please don't leave me.' or maybe the answer that I wanted the most 'I really love you, Junsu ah, let's announce our relationship if that's your wish.'

Everything didn't end up like my expectation. Tears began to make their way into my eyes as I stared at the empty field. It was the usual field I played and watched him played football. Even though we're in the same team, he never once greeted me in front of his friend.

Crying my heart content, I poured everything out. I was so stupid to be in love with a jerk like him.

It'd been one week since I was single. My life brightened a bit and I liked it. Putting a spoon into my mouth, I ate my lunch at our university canteen. I looked around and spotted Yoochun's friends but the jerk wasn't there. Thinking back, I'd not seen him this whole week. Gathering my courage, I got up and managed to ask them where Yoochun was.

"Umm, what business do you have with him?" a girl asked.

"I want to give him back his notebook," I lied.

"Ohh, I'm afraid you will have to wait till he comes back," another girl spoke," That's if he really comes back..."

"You can't think negatively like that! Yoochun must come back, right?" a boy spoke up.

"Umm, where's he going?" I dared to ask.

"You don't know?" all the eyes gathered at me as I looked troubled; I swore.

"Yoochun has a weak body since birth that's why sometime he takes day off," the first girl spoke as I froze. I never knew that. Thinking back, there're few times he missed school back there without a proper reason.

"He checks up to hospital and it takes few days but never a week, it's been too long," the second girl spoke.

"Where's the hospital?" was my last sentence I spoke as I rushed to the spoken hospital.

I couldn't believe it. The person I loved and hated laid lifeless on hospital bed in front of me. Beeping machine made weird noises as he breathed weakly. Tears spilled from my eyes as I blamed myself to never know his situation. Crying my heart content, I couldn't help but to grasp at a piece of paper his mother gave me before. It's a letter from him. I stared at the words and sentences, I cried as I called his name over and over again.

Dear my lovely Junsu...

If you read this, I might no longer beside you but I want you to know I'll always watch over you since you're the only person that has made me realize how beautiful falling in love is. You're the only one conquers my heart. I know I've made you through many pain by ignoring you when I'm with my friends. I just don't want you to find out about my sickness. I want to be strong enough to protect you. 

When you said you wanted to break up, my heart died that instant but I know I deserved it. I'm sorry Junsu ah, if all I could give you was pain, I'm really sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, just forget about me. I don't want you to remember the person who could only hurt you. I'm a jerk, I know it. I'm sorry, Junsu ah...

Lastly, I hope you can find your happiness. I pray from the bottom of my heart.

Yoochun

"Chunnie, please wake up....I'm begging you," I cried as I held his cold palm. Yoochun had weak heart, that's the reason for his weak body. He fainted a week ago, on the same day I broke up with him. Luckily, a heart transplant was ready for him. He went for a surgery and it succeeded but he still wouldn't open his eyes. His condition was still so weak.

"I love you, Chunnie ah, I'm sorry, please don't leave me alone," I cried as I buried my face on his chest. I could hear his weak heart beat. I wished I wasn't so selfish, I wished I realized his condition.

"I'm sorry for only thinking about myself, I'm sorry for being so selfish," I wet his hospital suit. I kept crying for a few minutes till suddenly I felt a hand caressed my hair softly. I looked up and met his eyes.

"Su..." he called me in a tone I missed the most," Is it true? The things you said..."

I blushed a bit as I finally realized he heard all the things I said from the beginning. He might be sleeping silently but he wasn't deaf. Didn't know what to do, I froze as I nodded. He smiled as he said 'thank you' and 'I love you too'. He said he was also sorry he was too selfish to hide his condition from me. I shook my head and told him it was okay.

"Su...Please promise me that you'll never leave me," he whispered in a weak voice.

"I promise!" I spoke up as he smiled. Later on, I called a doctor to examine him. His parents were also so happy he finally opened his eyes again. A week later, he was discharged from the hospital and our university student life continued.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he embraced me from behind; making our body warmed each other.

"I'm thinking," I said," Why did you play football even though you had weak heart?"

"Because I liked the way you saw at me when I was playing football, besides I could see your innocent smile when you scored a goal," he spoke as I blushed. He chuckled and pressed our body more, under the same blanket on our shared bed. I had actually moved into the dorm and be his roommate.

"You don't have to go that far, you know..."

"I think it's common to do things like that for love," he smiled as my heart shuddered. He was so sweet and that's the reason I fell for him.

"Chunnie, you know that I love you, right?" I asked as he nodded.

"I love you too, Junsu ah," he confessed," Our love might start selfishly but I'm glad we're finally together now."

I nodded as we said 'good night' to each other. University life was tiring but we’d be just fine because we had each other.