Jae and Brian are sitting in Jae's room, Brian idly strumming Jae's favourite guitar, the chords hanging heavily in the air. Neither of them is saying a word, but their silence is speaking volumes.

The clock on Jae's wall ticks. Each tick seems louder than the last, and Jae finds himself staring down at his wrist.

"...Brian."

"Yeah, Jae?"

Jae grabs his wrist, holding it desperately as if it will fall off and disappear if he lets go.

"It's almost time. It's almost time, Brian. It's going to happen soon and-"

Brian puts the guitar down carefully, walks over and crouches down next to where Jae is sitting on the ground. He places one of his hands on top of Jae's, the other reaches up to grab Jae's chin, forces him to look into his eyes.

"Hey, Jae, I want you to look at me. You'll be okay."

But Jae can only shake his head, not wanting to think right now.

"You'll be okay, Jae..."

The words get caught in his throat, and Brian wants to scream them out, wants Jae to know that he'll be with him throughout everything, but he's scared. Nothing is definite, not now. Maybe not ever. Jae's only just turning eighteen, Brian's not even seventeen yet. He wants to tell Jae that he'll be okay, that they'll be okay, that nothing will change, but he doesn't know how.

He watches Jae stare aimlessly, his eyes void, his lips parted ever so slightly.

And then it rolls off Brian's tongue so easily, so smoothly, as if the words were meant to be said.

"We'll be okay."

It startles both of them, but gives Jae the hope he needs as he looks into Brian's eyes, searching for any signs of fear, searching for any signs of deceit, searching for any signs of-

He's not really sure what he's searching for.

But he seems to find it since he looks back down at his wrist, nodding. Jae simply lets out a shaky breath and turns his hand over; takes Brian's into his own.

"One more minute. One more ing minute and this damn timer will finally show up and I won't have to worry about the stupid thing for- probably at least another month, right? Well, I won't have to worry about it for quite a bit of time, so that's all that matters."

Brian smiles gently, gives Jae's hand a squeeze. It's warm, and Brian's grip is stronger than he remembers. But he likes it. He looks up at Brian's face, watches the way it changes with every passing second. He sees the way his eyelashes cast a shadow against his cheeks, and he suppresses the desire to just close his eyes and rest his head on Brian's shoulder. 

He enjoys Brian's still chubby cheeks, the baby fat having never really fallen away. He smiles. It gives him a tiny bit of joy, helps him ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his head that his timer will show up with eights run straight through it, a sign that his soulmate is already dead.

He ignores the thought as he all but burns a hole right through Brian's cheek with his stare, and Brian knows more than exactly what is going through Jae's head.

He just squeezes Jae's hand even harder, brings it to his lips and gently kisses it before placing their hands on the ground between them.

"You'll be okay, Jae. Everything will be fine."

But Jae doesn't really want everything to be fine. He wants the time and all of his thoughts to just go away. He doesn't want to think about growing up, having a life, getting a job and worrying about money. He wants to just be with Brian. He doesn't want to think about anything else happening, doesn't want to think about the prospect of him having a soulmate that isn't Brian. He just wants to stay with him forever. He knows he can't, though, not as they are. Time can only tell what will happen.

And it scares the out of him.

"Okay, any minute now. It'll just show up and it won't be eights and I won't have to worry about it and it'll say something like three years and seven months and everything will be fine because I won't have to worry about anything and it can all be normal and- yeah. Yeah. Normal."

Brian looks up at the clock, watches as the second-hand ticks past the eleven on its face.

"Well, looks like it'll just be a few seconds now."

Right after Brian says it, the traces of black ink start to appear on Jae's wrist. Brian's breath catches in his throat, he has to swallow to get it down. But he looks over and sees that Jae isn't even breathing, that his teeth are clenched together, that his eyes are filled with fear.

He squeezes Jae's hand harder than he means to, forces himself to let go of it a little bit before he hurts him, but Jae just scrambles to hold on to him even tighter, brings him closer for no reason at all.

Brian shuts his eyes tightly, rests his head on Jae's shoulder. He refuses to look down at Jae's wrist, doesn't want to think about it. He just whispers in Jae's ear.

"Happy eighteenth birthday, Jae."

But there's no reply, no thanks, and Brian forces himself to open his eyes to see what is going on.

He's met with the sight of Jae's face being completely broken, his eyebrows furrowed together in anger, his eyes clouded with confusion. Brian lets his eyes reluctantly drift to where Jae's wrist is still exposed to the air, and he lets go of Jae's hand.

Brian backs up, nothing coming out of his mouth at first.

"But... What does that even mean?"

Jae looks up at him, fear written all over his face. He reaches out a shaking hand, Brian quickly takes it in his own.

"I don't... I don't understand. I have to call my mom."

Brian nods quietly, hands Jae his phone, watches as Jae walks out of his room. Brian's eyes never leave Jae's wrist, the numbers burning into his eyes.

00:00:00.

Brian doesn't know what it means.

He isn't sure he wants to know what it means.

Jae tries to flash him a smile before closing the door, but it's weak. The way that the corners of his lips don't quite turn up, the way that his eyes don't exactly crinkle until they disappear; a pit forms in Brian's stomach, a desperate cry claws at his throat.

Why?

Why can't it just be normal?

Jae asks himself that too, sliding down, down, against the wall. He slumps to the ground, his arms hanging weakly, resting on his knees; his eyes gazing blankly, resting on his wrist.

His eyes slowly wander to his phone, and he unlocks it carefully. A big notification is on his screen, beaming HAPPY BIRTHDAY at him a bit too brightly.

Jae lets out a bitter laugh. So much for today being the day he's been waiting for all his life.

Before Jae can even begin to open his contacts list, his phone buzzes to life, the screen flashing with his mother's face pasted across it.

He swipes lazily to answer it, tries his best to make sure his voice isn't shaking.

"H-hey mom."

The call crackles for a second before his mother's voice comes through, just as soft and sweet as he remembers it being.

"Hey, Jae honey. Happy birthday! How'd things go?"

Jae laughs again, leans his head back and against the wall.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk about. I was about to call you. Haha, um, there's actually a problem, mom. And I don't know what to do."

Jae's mom doesn't say anything. He hears shuffling on the other side, can almost picture the way his mother's face is contorting with concern.

"Did it...?"

He shakes his head even though he knows she can't see him.

"Nah, they're not eights-"

He hears a faint oh, thank God from the other side, but ignores it, continues.

"They're actually zeroes, mom. Like, every single number is a zero. I don't- am I supposed to be scared? Because I am. Is it a bad thing? Is it a good thing? I mean, it sure does not seem one bit like a good thing."

Jae chews on his bottom lip, thoughtfully, waits for his mother to answer. She takes a deep breath but says nothing.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. Just- give me a second. I think I know what's going on but- hold on one second, Jae honey."

Jae purses his lips, slightly amused by his mother's reaction, but scared. His hands are still shaking and his breathing is still uneven, and he doesn't even know how Brian is taking this.

Oh God, Brian.

Jae just wants to go back in the room and forget that all of this just happened. He wants to hold Brian close to him and feel the way Brian's fingers comb through his hair. He wants Brian to sing to him and laugh with him and make him feel normal.

He doesn't want to lose him.

Jae knows he's overreacting, but when he's not sure what's going on and all he can do is think, think, think, be surrounded by his own thoughts and fears and worries and the idea that Brian could just up and leave him at any time that he wanted to-

"Jae?"

His mother's voice shakes him out of his own thoughts.

"Y-yeah, mom."

She sighs, knows how often her son's mind runs off to the worst-case scenario, knows that he is his worst enemy.

"Jae, here's the thing: the timer doesn't exactly tell you when you'll meet your soulmate. I mean- it does, just not the way people think it will."

Jae blinks, confused.

"What?"

His mother sighs again, scratches her head, doesn't know how to word it.

"So, basically, it tells you when you'll next meet your soulmate. Most people think that their soulmate is someone they've never met before, and a lot of the time, that is the case. Then, it makes sense for people to think that the timer counts down until you meet that special person for the first time. Then, the next time you meet your soulmate truly will be the first time you meet them. It coincides."

Jae nods, following her words carefully.

"However, sometimes, you already know your soulmate. Maybe you grew up with them, have lived next door to them for years. Your timer shows up on your birthday, and it just says seven hours and fourteen minutes. You don't get it, but you do once your friend shows up at your house at 7:14 on the dot, a smile on their face and a slice of cake in their hands.

"Sometimes, you'll be up all night with someone, waiting for their timer to show up, and all it says is zero days, zero hours, zero minutes."

"Like what happened with me."

Jae's mother hums in agreement, lets her thoughts go off on a tangent for a moment.

"I don't know why everyone has the misconception that you've never met your soulmate ever before in your life. It's pretty damn possible for you and your soulmate to have known each other very well since you've already proven to be compatible and you're just waiting for your timer to prove it."

Jae is slightly taken aback by his mother's swearing, not used to it, but hums in agreement and lets her continue.

"Well, with the idea that you've never met them before, a timer that says something like six years doesn't seem all too bad since you'll meet them when you're 24 and ready to settle down and everything. Also, it's almost like a promise of a new adventure since you don't know what'll happen in that time. You don't know where you'll be, don't know who'll be in your life, don't know what to expect, right? That's great and all, but what about if you did already know your soulmate? What if you did grow up with them, did spend a lifetime with them, knew everything about them?"

His mother lets this sink in for a moment, but Jae completely blanks.

"Mom, you lost me. I'm dumb and I have no clue where you're going with this anymore. Like, at all."

He hears a tsk, almost expects it.

"Jae, honey, you're not dumb. This is just a lot of information all at once and I can't blame you for not knowing all of it. You shouldn't really have to know it, anyway."

She hums thoughtfully, and Jae appreciates the roundabout compliment.

"Going back to it, let's use this analogy: say you had been dating someone for a few years, but things didn't work out and you guys broke up. And not in the best way, either."

"Mom, what? I've never dated someone before."

His mother makes a flurry of noises, shushes him.

"Yes, yes, I know. This is an analogy, Jaehyung. Anyway, say you didn't exactly have an amicable breakup. Well, you look down at your timer, and it says two minutes and fifty-three seconds. Suddenly, you sense your heart race, can almost feel it beating out of your chest. Is it the excitement? Is it the fear? Is it the sense of closure you'll finally get from meeting them?"

"Mom, can we please get to the point."

"Alright, don't let me make it fun then."

Jae purses his lips together, admitting only to himself that it was making him feel a lot better than he had been feeling a few minutes ago. Not that he would ever tell her that.

"So, you turn the corner, the counter now at three seconds, two, one, and you look up and it's your ex's best friend. Now that, my friend, is awkward. But the catch is, you've met them before. You know them. They're not someone new."

Jae is confused by this analogy.

"I don't get it, mom. Are you telling me that I'm going to end up with someone's ex or something-"

"No, no. Okay, admittedly, bad analogy. The point of this was seriously just to tell you that you could have already known them."

Silence echoes through the phone.

"Mom, I knew that, though. I feel like that's common sense."

Jae's mother is audibly taken aback, unsure of what to say next.

"Oh. So, everything I just said was useless."

"Not all of it. The beginning was pretty nice."

"Well, in that case, I could have spared you from the rest of that and just gotten down to the nitty-gritty."

Jae cringes at her use of the words nitty and gritty. He feels like he hasn't had to think about those words since... ever, really. He didn't think they would ever be applicable to him, but this is where he's at in his life.

Eighteen, single, and confused as .

"Okay, honey, I know I've been generally unhelpful, but I am serious about this. So going back to the zeroes. Well, I'm sure you know by now that your timer should only show all zeroes when you meet your soulmate."

Jae just nods, agrees.

"That can only mean that you've already met your soulmate. You had been meeting them as your timer appeared."

Again, Jae is confused.

"How... though?"

"Well, let's recap. Your timer stops when you meet your soulmate. It stops only when you have met your soulmate. If it appears and is already stopped, it's more than likely that you're probably with your soulmate at that very minute. Tell me, Jae, honey, who have you been with all night?"

The answer rolls off Jae's tongue as easily as it always does. It's his go-to answer.

"Brian."

"Ah, Younghyunnie. What a good kid. Well, that's that, then. It also makes very perfect sense."

Jae pauses. He feels like he just missed something.

"Wait, what makes perfect sense?"

His mother doesn't reply, drags it out as long as she can because she has faith that Jae can come to the realization on his own.

But at the same time, she has realistic expectations of her kid, and she helps him along.

"So we've discussed that the zeroes on your timer can only mean that you've already met your soulmate."

"Yep."

"And you just told me that you were with Younghyun when your timer showed up."

"Indeed, I did."

"Which means..."

"Which means...?"

And then it suddenly clicks in Jae's head and he can't help the way that his mouth drops open. He almost screams it, says it at the same time as his mother.

"BRIAN'S MY SOULMATE."
"Younghyun is your soulmate."

Silence falls between them once again, and Jae's mother smiles.

"Err... yes. Brian is your soulmate."

A huge smile breaks across Jae's face. That is some of the best news he has heard in his entire life and he can't wait to tell Brian-

But the fear that Brian could still leave him is still planted deep inside of him and his smile quickly drops.

"But what if I'm not Brian's soulmate, mom? What if he has someone else that's waiting for him? I mean, that's happened before. It happens a lot. Sometimes you don't get to be with the person you want to be with because they are so amazing and perfect that they deserve someone just as amazing as them and so they get to be with someone who deserves them. Someone normal and not... me."

Every sentence he says breaks her heart. Jae's mother hates to see him like this, knows that he believes only the worst can come to him.

"Jae, I can't tell you that you're wrong. I physically cannot do it. All I can say is that you are a wonderful, beautiful person with such a big heart, and you're afraid to do something that'll ruin the amazing friendship you already have with Younghyun. But I have faith that you know what to do. I have faith that you know what is good for you. You know that your father and I didn't exactly have the easiest time either, and you also know that every pairing is unique. This is ultimately up to you. I can tell you as many nice things as you want to hear, can try to ease your pain as much as you want, but it's your decision, it's your heart, it's your life. Live it how you want to. Carpe diem, my boy. Carpe diem."

Jae holds his breath for a minute, doesn't know what to say, but knows that his mother means well. That's really all that matters, anyway. He knows that, despite everything, his mother will support him all the way.

"Alright, thanks, mom."

"Of course, Jae. You know you can always talk to me."

Jae grins.

"Yeah, I know. Okay, talk to you soon, mom. Bye, love you."

"I love you too, honey."

And then she hangs up.

Jae lets go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. He feels like a weight has just been lifted off his shoulders, but he also feels like ten more are added on.

He doesn't know what to say to Brian, first and foremost. He isn't sure if he wants to tell Brian everything his mother just told him, or to keep it on the down low.

Something tells him, though, that he doesn't exactly want to walk up to Brian and just say "hey dude, just in case you were wondering, all this means is that you're my soulmate and I was destined to be with you, but at the same time, I have no ing clue if you're destined to be with me, so I'll just be emo for a year until your timer shows up, cool?"

Not exactly ideal, per se.

So, Jae just stands up and sighs. He closes his eyes and swallows heavily before quietly opening the door to his room.

Brian is staring at him with wide eyes as if he's been waiting for Jae to walk back in for the last ten minutes that he's been gone.

"Hey," is all Brian says.

"Hey," is all Jae says back.

It's quiet, not uncomfortable, but quiet, and Jae just shuffles his feet. Brian gets up and reaches his hands out, but opts instead to shove both into his pant pockets.

"So, what'd your mom say?"

Jae his lips, looks Brian in the eyes. He shrugs his shoulders, presses his mouth into a line, raises his hands in the air like a question.

"She's not sure. Doesn't know what it means, isn't sure what it could mean. Maybe they're dead, maybe they're in a coma, maybe I have no one. Who knows?"

Brian's face softens at Jae's words, his heart cracks a little, and he moves across the room in three large strides.

Jae's always thought that his room was big, but when Brian's arms loop around him and his face is suddenly buried in Brian's chest, he can't help but feel like the walls are closing in on him, and that it's a lot harder to breathe now.

But it's always been a little hard to breathe around Brian.

He somehow manages to just take Jae's breath away.

Brian starts to talk to him, his voice soft but rough all at once. The sound travels down Jae's spine, makes his knees weak, makes his fingers itch for Brian's touch.

"Hey, you know that I'll always be here for you, yeah?"

Jae shrugs, doesn't want to think again.

It seems like today is full of him not wanting to think. It's funny since he can't stop thinking.

"Yeah, I know."

He buries his thoughts. He chides himself for relying on Brian so much. He regrets too much, hopes for even more. He does too many things at once but nothing at the same time. He remembers and forgets and dreams and realizes and whispers and screams and laughs and cries and loves and hates-

And he is silent.

But Brian understands.

Brian always understands. Maybe not why, but always because, and he lets Jae cry into his chest without really knowing why. He lets Jae cry as he pulls him to the bed, lets Jae cry as he turns off the light, lets Jae cry as they fade to sleep.

He lets Jae cry until he can't cry anymore.

And then he cries for him.