“Dammit!” You cursed, eyes widening as you suddenly felt yourself trip over your own two feet and onto the floor. This wasn’t the first time that had happened today, and honestly, you knew it probably wasn’t going to be the last. JYP had made sure that the choreography for your groups debut song was incredibly intense and complex, which, while great for marketing, was awful when it came to you and your incapability to learn intense choreography quickly.

“Come on, Hiyori.” Sunny, the choreographer, hissed, her hands reaching up and grasping her hair in annoyance. “I know you struggle with choreography sometimes, but we’ve been learning this for months and you’ve never struggled with it this much before. What the hell’s wrong with you today?”

You looked up at Sunny quickly, her frustrated and slightly angry face coming into your vision, causing you to immediately look back down. You began to slowly push yourself back off the floor and onto your feet, sheepishly keeping your eyes locked on the wood platform underneath you.

“I’m sorry…” You whispered, your voice small and undetectable.

“Well, stop being sorry and do something to fix it.” She demanded, her understandable frustration and anger finally coming out as the last bit of patience she had begun to fade.

You nodded swiftly, not really sure of what else to say. There really wasn’t any way to explain what was going on with you, because to be honest, there really wasn’t a very good reason. You were sad and in pain and in a bad mood and that’s all there was to it. It was Christmas Eve and you were alone. Your family, who thankfully was able to visit you a week prior, was back at home hundreds of miles away, your members, who were lucky enough to not be from somewhere far away, were spending time with their family and friends, and you had yet to make any close friends in Korea other than fellow JYP artists or trainees, who also happened to be visiting their families. On top of that you had also been overworking yourself way too much, often spending many extra hours at the studio and harshly lessening the amount of sleep you had been getting in order to do so, which seemed to be affecting your physical health immensely.

It was times like these that really questioned whether you were cut out to be a trainee.

“Look,” Sunny sighed, eyes becoming soft as she seen your usual happy and bright face become sad. “I know being a trainee is tough and I know the holidays aren’t exactly the best time in the world because of that, especially when your family lives far away and you’re not able to go see them. But you and your group are debuting in less than a year and even though you always do much better than what you’re doing today, you still struggle with a lot of basic choreography. I don’t know if I can help you any more than I have, Hiyori. You’ve got to do something to fix this or something bad could happen. Trainees have gotten kicked out of groups for less.”

“I know...” You whispered, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as you barley continued forming words. “It’s just…. it’s just not a good day. I’ll do better next time, Sunny. I promise.”

Sunny looked at you, a small and reassuring smile beginning to form on her lips. She walked toward you, gently putting her small hand on your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, trying her best to comfort you and let you know that everything was going to be okay. That was one of your favorite things about Sunny. No matter how angry she got, no matter how frustrated and annoyed she was, the person she was working with always came before her passion for choreography. She wasn’t just a teacher. She cared about you and your group and she quickly became someone that you considered a really good friend. Not many people were lucky enough to get the chance to say that.

“I know you will, Hiyori.” She smiled, eyes brightening as all the frustration and anger that was in her earlier had quickly gone away.

“Look,” She continued after a few moments, eyes traveling around the room and towards the window. “It’s Christmas Eve, and it’s late. I need to get home to my boyfriend and prepare for tomorrow. I’ve already been here way longer than originally planned, and you should really go home and rest. Everyone else will be back in a few days, but if you want to have another one on one practice before group practices start again let me know. I’ll be more than happy to help.”

You smiled, a feeling of relief and gratefulness taking over your body as you began to bow thankfully. “Thank you so much, Sunny. I promise I’ll do better next rehearsal. Today’s just been really hard.”

“It’s okay, I get it.” Sunny nodded, quickly walking towards the door with a very noticeable and excited skip in her step. “Just be ready to work your off after tomorrow. We have a debut to prepare for, and I’m going to be really disappointed if you guys aren’t as popular as SNSD when I get done with you.”

You laughed, giving Sunny a small nod as she started to make her way out of the room. Once Sunny was finally out the door and down the hall your shoulders immediately slouched, the exhaustion and stress that you had been so desperately trying, and almost failing, to hide from Sunny finally coming to surface. You sighed, closing your eyes tightly and looking toward the ceiling, the tension in your shoulders causing a deep ache that you couldn’t shake off no matter how hard you tried.

The practice room was incredibly dim by now, the dark sky flowing in from the large open window in front of you. You looked outside, the brightness of the stars shining into your eyes and making you smile, memories of watching the stars with your family every night before becoming a trainee flooding back into your mind. That’s when tears started to form in your eyes, the deep ache and want to be with your family and friends mixed with the stress and the pain of the constant overworking of yourself taking over your body.

After a few minutes of standing in silence, the tears and the aches and the pains suddenly started to become too much and the air in the room seemed to suffocate you. You had been in that room for too long and you needed to get out. Without a second thought you walked out the door of the practice room, immediately making your way down the hall and to one of the secret backdoors that only the security was supposed to know about. Once you finally made your way outside and out of the building you breathed in deeply, the cool fresh air filling your lungs and slightly calming you down.

You looked at the night sky once again, a million thoughts running through your brain as your breathing started to slow back down to normal pace. What was your family doing? What were your members doing? Did they miss you at all? Did they even care that you were alone?

You lightly stomped on the ground, angry at yourself for thinking that way. Of course your family missed you. They missed you so much that, because they knew they wouldn’t be able to be with you on Christmas due to many scheduling mishaps on both of your parts, they made a point to travel all the way to Korea a week prior and spent a whole 3 days with you, which is a lot compared to what some people get. And when it came to your members, how could you ever think they should think about you rather than their families? They spent 24 hours a day with you and the least they should be allowed is to spend the holidays with their families and friends. You knew they cared about you, but they cared about their families as well. You would still go and spend time with your family members if this situation had involved another member rather than yourself and you couldn’t deny it.

But, even with all that being said, you couldn’t help but feel incredibly sad and incredibly alone.

After a few moments of standing outside, the night air started to get to you, the violent gusts of chilling wind making you shiver. You sighed, breathing in one last deep breath of fresh air before making your way back inside, the warm air of the JYP building warming your body but doing nothing for the stream of tears that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t seem to stop. It was as if your body was having a physical and mental breakdown that, even at its lowest points, you had no control of.

You quickly started to make your way around the corner and back towards your practice room, furiously wiping at your cheeks as you tried to wipe away your tears and ultimately stop yourself from your random and unnecessary crying. That’s when, all of sudden, you felt your body come into contact with something hard and muscular.

Your eyes slightly lifted from the ground, only going high enough to see a cloth covered chest in front of you. You gasped, immediately looking back down in fear that whoever it is you ran into would see you crying over something as simple as missing your family, something that every trainee that’s ever walked into a company has felt.

“I’m sorry!” You whispered, still looking at the ground as you gave the person a sincere bow.

You made your way around the figure in front of you, not even looking up to get a glance at their face before you continued to walk down the hallway and towards your practice room. Once you finally managed to make your way back into the room you let out a deep breath, immediately walking over to your water bottle sitting on the floor, your throat dry, hoarse, hot and in a desperate need of a drink.

You picked up your dark blue water bottle sitting on the floor and flipped open the tab, pouring it towards your mouth and anticipating the cool clear liquid that would soon be touching your tongue. Nothing. You looked at the water bottle confusingly and gave it a little shake before tipping it again. Nothing. Fed up, you unscrewed the lid to the bottle and looked inside, only the see that the bottle that you swore was full only a few minutes ago was completely dry with not even a single drop of water in sight.

You breathed in angrily, the small and simple annoyance coming off as a disaster in your already tired and upset state. You gripped the water bottle tightly, your fingernails digging into the paint covered metal before you, without even thinking about it and without really meaning to, threw it against the mirror, the loud sound of metal against glass ringing in your ears.

“What did that mirror ever do to you?” A deep voice randomly asked from behind you, making you jump. You turned around immediately, kind of embarrassed but mainly confused, not expecting anyone else to be in the practice rooms on this day or at this time of night, let alone the same practice room as you. When you finally managed to blink the blurry vision due to your tears out of your eyes, you were awestruck at what you seen. There, no more than 10 feet away from you, was Jackson Wang.

Jackson Wang, of course, was a god within himself. He was a well-known member of boy group, Got7, he was uber talented, super kind, and, of course, incredibly attractive. All the girls wanted to be with him, all the guys wanted to be him, and no matter how hard anyone tried, it seemed like it was impossible to dislike the guy.

With that being said, you had only had the pleasure of seeing Jackson in person 2 times before this occasion, once when he and his group ran into your group while you guys were walking to the practice room, and the other when you were hanging out with Sunny in the common area and he just so happened to walk by. It almost seemed strange to you that with the amount of time both of your groups spent at JYP that you didn’t see him more often than you did, but, then again, being a trainee at JYP and being an Idol at JYP are two very different things.

“Sorry!” You bowed, somewhat scared to look him in the eyes as you immediately went to pick up the now broken water bottle that you had just slung against the mirror.

“What are you sorry about?” He laughed, a graceful smile on his face as he walked further into the room. You looked up at him, not really sure what you were meant to say. Jackson Wang had just witnessed you in the middle of a breakdown, and when you apologized for it, he laughed and said you had nothing to apologize for. He really was a lot different than most people.

“What’s your name?” Jackson continued, not really giving you a chance to answer his previous question.

“H-Hiyori.” You stuttered, a strange and unknown nervousness taking over your body as he began to walk even closer.

“Well, Hiyori, is everything okay?” He asked, the true worry and curiosity lacing his voice slightly surprising you. You looked at him and narrowed your eyes, not completely sure why Jackson Wang, of all people, would be standing in your practice room on Christmas Eve, asking you if everything was okay.

“Of course.” You replied, trying your best to compose yourself and act cool. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I’ve been in the practice room next to yours for about 3 hours now and when I went to leave I seen you and Sunny dancing” He started, “I was watching for a while but then I decided to go to the bathroom. When I came back you were storming through the hall and ran right into me and you looked like you were crying. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right. Sunny can get a little intense while teaching choreography. Plus, you just chucked a water bottle against the mirror for no reason whatsoever. Throwing of things usually happens when people are angry.”

Your eyes widened at his explanation. You knew you ran into someone in the hall, but because you were full on crying and you really didn’t want anyone to see that, you didn’t even stop to fully apologize. You just kind of muttered it and walked away. You felt kind of bad now that you thought about it.

“Oh my Gosh! I’m so sorry, Jackson! I should have apologized more than I had!” You stammered, words coming out so fast that you almost lost your breath completely.

“It’s okay. I only have a slight concussion. Should be better in a few weeks.” He replied, his face and tone completely serious and matter of fact.

“I’m sorry!” You apologized again, not really sure what else to say even though you knew he was obviously joking.

Jackson laughed, walking over to the mirror and leaning against it. “You apologize a lot, you know that?”

“So-“ You began to apologize again, but immediately stopped, letting out a small laugh as you began to realize how insane you were acting. “It’s just…”

“One of those days?” He asked, coming up with the words that you failed to think of. You looked up at him, eyes meeting his as you searched his face. What for? You weren’t exactly sure.

“Yeah.” You agreed softly, letting out a sigh as your exhaustion started to get the better of you. “Something like that.”

Jackson looked at you and smiled, his eyes shining brightly as he began to walk towards you. You stood up straight and became quit, not completely sure of what was going on or what you were meant to do, which is something that had been happening a lot lately. Most of the time you were a fun and outgoing person who rarely got shy, but today you were exhausted and in a bad mood and showed no sign of your outgoingness. Plus, Jackson seemed to make you incredibly shy, and apparently prone to apologizing, and you didn’t know what to do to fix it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, a genuine and playful smile on his face. “I’m an awesome listener.”

You laughed, the playful look on his face slightly humorous as you began to walk towards the mirror. You leaned against it and sighed, the cold surface against your back and head slightly comforting as it began to cool down your hot skin.

“No. It’s okay. I think I may have got it all out of my system already. Besides, I don’t want to bother you with all of my problems.” You reassured, nodding politely.

“Are you sure?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in a just as playful manner as before. “You seem pretty upset and I’m an amazing listener. Just ask Mark. He may be quite and act all shy and stuff, but he complains a lot. Plus I live with Jinyoung. It’s something I’ve grown accustomed to.”

You looked at Jackson and sighed, trying to figure out the best way to handle this situation. On one hand, you really wanted to talk about what was happening. You wanted to vent and you wanted to cry and you wanted to express the anger and sadness that you’ve kept bottled up in you since you became a trainee a little over 2 years ago. You didn’t want to continue being that person that struggled with things by themselves and didn’t talk to people about it or take help when it was offered to them. That’s part of why you just had the random outburst of anger and sadness that you had. On the other hand, Jackson was the last person you wanted to talk to your problems about. Not because he was Jackson Wang the superstar, not because you didn’t like him, and not because he made you shy, but because you would feel bad. It was no secret that Jackson had been through a lot when it came to his family and how they lived so far away and how he rarely got to see them. He’s been through just as much, if not more, that you and it would just be really inconsiderate of you to complain to him like you had it worse than anyone else.

“I don’t want to seem self-absorbed.” You explained, glancing down at your nails and picking at them nervously.

He looked at you strangely, curiously written all over his face as he walked even closer to you. “Why would you seem self-absorbed?”

You shook your head, a mixture of emotions and exhaustion taking over your body completely as a somewhat calm outburst began to rise through your chest. “Because I’m tired and I’m in pain and my dancing has lately and I’m stressed because everyone’s on my about it and my family lives super far way and I’m pissed because I don’t get the spend the holidays with them and I just spent about 10 minutes outside crying because of it all and now I feel bad and I’m embarrassed and I just…I don’t know. My emotions are all over the place today.”

Jackson looked at you, eyes wide as your sudden burst of emotion caught him off guard. You met his gaze once again, chest heaving up and down as all your breath escaped your lungs. You almost felt bad about your sudden outburst, but you couldn’t deny that it felt good to get it all out. Really good.

“Missing your family and being exhausted is nothing to be sorry about, Hiyori.” Jackson eventually cooed, walking over next to you and leaning against the mirror. “Being a trainee is tough, especially when your family doesn’t live in Korea, let alone Seoul. Besides, breakdowns like that are actually quite common, and standing outside and crying or throwing a water bottle is nothing compared to what most people do. You should see me or JB when we get upset or to stressed out. This cool and y demeanor? Yeah, not so cool and y.”

“I know…” You reassured, slightly laughing at his attempt to lighten the mood even in this weird and serious situation. “I just feel like I don’t have the right to be upset and complain because so many people have it worse than me and I’m just lucky to be where I am, and then when I do get upset and complain like I was earlier it makes me angry at myself and causes well…. stuff like that whole running into you and not apologizing in the hall and the throwing of the water bottle to happen.”

“That’s normal, Hiyori. Well, not the throwing of the water bottle, but the feeling angry and upset and wanting to complain about it part.” Jackson said, a slight laugh in his voice as he laid a large and warm hand onto your shoulder. “Yeah, there are people that have it worse than you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to miss your family or be tired or feel angry and upset. It’s a part of life, and it’s sure as hell a part of being a trainee. It happens to everyone and you’re definitely not the first, nor are you going to be the last, person that has a breakdown, if you can even call it that, in this building. Hell, I bet you 100 bucks that JB has one before the week is over. I’ll even record it for you so you don’t think I’m just trying to justify your actions and make you feel better.”

You looked at Jackson, a deep laugh bubbling out of your chest. “Is this supposed to be your way of making me feel better?”

“I don’t know.” Jackson laughed, his eyes themselves forming a beautiful smile as he towered over you. “Is it working?”

You looked up at him, smiling brightly as you quickly became more and more comfortable around Jackson as time went on. “Strangely enough, yes.”

Jackson laughed again, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze before leaning away from the mirror and standing in front of you. You looked at him, still wondering what in the world he was doing in here trying to comfort some trainee that he’d never even met before on Christmas Eve. Were s and family gone too?

“Hey, Jackson…” You trailed off, your curiosity getting the better of you before you were able to stop yourself.

“Yeah?”

“Not that I don’t appreciate you being here and calming me down, but…what are you doing here? Were you...were you not able to go home and see your family, either?” You asked, slightly hesitant as you tried your best to come off as polite as possible.

“Yeah, I’m in the same boat as you.” He shrugged, the smile on his face never fading but the bright look in his eyes slightly faltering. “Mark and BamBam didn’t go back home either. They’re just at the dorm. Our families came and visited us a few weeks ago. We have an important meeting tomorrow that couldn’t have been moved, so there was no way for us to go all the way to our homes in other countries for Christmas and be back for that.”

“I’m sorry…” You said, your earlier fears of feeling bad about complaining about your issues to Jackson coming too light as you heard about his own.

“Stop saying that so much, Hiyori!” Jackson playfully demanded, leaning forward slightly and putting both of his hands on your shoulders. “Besides, I’m used to it, and even though I didn’t really know you until tonight, I could tell that’s what was wrong with you. That’s why I wanted you to talk about it so much. It really helps to let it all out.”

“You’re right.” You smiled at him thankfully. “It really does. Thank you, Jackson.”

“No problemo!” He insisted, removing his hands from your shoulder and crossing them over his chest. “So, Hiyori, now that ‘Healing Time With Jackson’ is over, why don’t you say you and I go – “

“Hiyori!” A high pitched voice called, interrupting Jackson and making him cut off mid-sentence. You turned around, the voice that called out your name incredibly familiar as your eyes scanned the perimeter to find the source of it. That’s when, all of a sudden, you seen a young woman walk into your practice room, and as she got closer you could tell that that young woman was none other than your band mate Jennie.

“Hiyori!” Jennie shouted happily, her long dark hair flowing down her shoulders beautifully. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“Jennie, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at home with your family!” You asked, completely shocked by her sudden appearance.

“That’s the thing!” Jennie informed, walking over to you and linking her arm with yours. “All of us felt really bad that you weren’t able to go home for Christmas and we were, and we also felt bad that our secret plan of doing something for you before going off didn’t work out.”

“So,” She continued, tapping your arm lightly as she let out a slight laugh, “I decided, because my family lives the closest and because, let’s be honest, I’m your favorite, that you will be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas with me and my family. No questions asked, and no refusing allowed.”

You gasped, your heart swelling as tears started to form in your eyes. Jennie wanted you to spend Christmas and Christmas Eve with her and her family? Was she serious?

“Jennie…” You trailed off, happiness filling every pore in your body. “I really appreciate that, I do. But, I don’t want to intrude on your family. I-“

“No!” Jennie interrupted, playfully pointing a stern finger at you. “I said no refusals! Besides, I already talked to my parents about it. They’re cool. They actually got mad that I didn’t ask you to come over sooner. They called me a bad friend for leaving you alone for the amount of time that I did and then kicked me out the door to come get you.”

“Are you serious?” You asked, the image of Jennies’ scrawny father and mother kicking her out the door amusing you to no end.

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” She asked, reaching up and pulling her long dark hair to one side of her head and turning so that you’d be facing her back. “I mean seriously, there’s probably shoe marks on the back of my shirt.”

“Shut up.” You laughed, pushing the back of Jennie’s shoulder playfully.

Jennie looked at you and smiled, her eyes bright as she started to tug on your arm. “Well, come on! Let’s go! I got some Pecan Pie at home and it’s calling my name!”

You nodded enthusiastically and laughed, turning around immediately to retrieve your stuff. That’s when you noticed Jackson still standing beside you, a huge smile displayed on his face. You had completely forgotten that he was there. You couldn’t just leave him.

“Wait!” You said suddenly, looking at Jackson with sad eyes. “What about you?”

“Hey! Don’t worry about me! Go spend some time with your friend!” He encouraged, giving you a swift nod as a look of pure happiness and reassurance crossed his face.

“Besides,” He continued, slowly starting to walk backward toward the door. “I should go back to the dorms. Mark and BamBam are probably sitting there all alone, watching some sappy movie about life and friendship and the pursuit of happiness or some . I gotta save them before it’s too late. Make them watch some ‘Game of Thrones’ or something”

You laughed and rolled your eyes, the dry sense of humor that you usually hate somehow entertaining when it came from Jackson. “Fine. But I still expect that video recording of JB by the end of the week.”

“I promised you, didn’t I?’ He laughed, happy that you were finally back to what he assumed to be your normal self and giving you a thumbs up before walking out the door.

You sighed, a huge smile on your face as you watched Jackson leave the building. How could some guy you had only ever really seen on TV make you go from sad and frustrated to incredibly happy and calm in the time span of 10 minutes? How could your short, yet effective ‘Healing Time With Jackson’, as he called it, have any effect on you, and why did you feel like it wasn’t going to be your last?

“Come on, let’s go to the dorm and get your stuff!” Jennie exclaimed excitedly, breaking you out of your array of thoughts as she began to happily lead you to the door.

“Okay, okay!” You giggled, reaching toward the ground and picking up the few belongings that you had with you in the practice room.

“This is going to be so much fun!” She informed, a huge smile on her face as you guys left the room and walked toward the exit. “My cousins are coming over tomorrow and you are going to love them! They like that weird TV show ‘The 100’ that you talk about all the time! Plus, my Grandma is coming over and she makes the BEST chocolate chip cheeseball. It sounds gross, but it’s totally amazing. Oh, and my mom is doing this thing where….hey, wait a second!”

You looked up at Jennie, slightly taken aback by her sudden change of subject and attitude. “What?”

“Was that….” She trailed off, pointing once toward the practice room and once toward the exit. “Were you just talking to Jackson Wang?”

You laughed, your eyes widening in amusement as Jennie had just realized who you had been talking to, and who she had been standing right in front of. You shook your head lightly and let out a playful sigh, linking your arm with Jennies’ once again as you started to reflect on everything that had happened that night.

You had one hell of a story to tell.