I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the last guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long
Won’t take long

 

“Well well well, if it isn’t the guy of the hour.”

He turned his head to the owner of the voice.

Eru.

“Hey.” Hyesung said smiling widely, “I didn’t see you arrive.”

Eru took the seat next to him, “How could you? All the reporters flocking around you and fans screaming your name and all. Man if that were me, I wouldn’t even notice myself.” He finished laughing.

Hyesung rolled his eyes, “Yeah right, like that wasn't you a year ago. I saw it on TV man, it was seriously funny.” He said chuckling.

Eru laughed, “That was last year. This is your year man, I’m really sure you’ll get the daesang.”

Hyesung sighed, “Yeah right. I’m not that hopeful. I’m just a beginner in this business. I mean it’s just been two years now.”

“Always the modest one. Stop that. You will get to the top one day don’t worry. At least be proud of yourself for once!” Eru said patting Hyesung’s shoulders.

Hyesung laughed at this.

“Well, I got to go round the tables, Sung Si Kyung’s been telling me he’d severe ties with me if I don’t see him tonight. That idiot.” Eru said laughing, “As if he can do that to me.” He finished, sniggering and then stalked off.

Hyesung waved at him.

“Will getting to the top really matter without her?” Hyesung asked himself, sighing.

He looked to his side and an empty chair stood.

She should’ve been there with him right at that moment.

She would’ve loved to sit beside him and check out the other artistes coming. She would’ve hugged him if he really did win the daesang.

He remembered how he loved the beautiful glow of her face when she smiled.

“How can I be proud of myself with what I did?” Hyesung said trying hard not to be overtaken by his emotions. He looked at his table.

He sighed.

Next to his name it said,

RHANIE PARK.

Why was he so stupid to have forgotten about this thing?

He should’ve told them she wasn't coming today.

Not like she used to.

Hyesung looked down at his hands, and small tears started to form in his eyes.

They slowly fell.

He wiped them away instantly.

This was just so embarrassing.

Good thing there weren’t much people present yet.

But what could he do about it anyway?

He just missed her so much.

Especially now.

Right at that very moment.

They waited for this to happen- together; They even already planned what they would wear for this day- when it would happen.

She even wrote the nominated song with him.

Picked the album cover with him.

Went to pictorials with him.

Always there.

Why did he have to push her away?

~

He looked at her sighing.

Why did she have to be difficult anyway?

“Why do you have to be so difficult?” Hyesung said, voicing out his thoughts.

Rhanie glared at him, “I am being difficult? I AM BEING DIFFICULT?!” Rhanie said with force, “SINCE WHEN HAVE I BEEN DIFFICULT FOR YOU SHIN HYESUNG?!” She said, her eyes almost narrowing.

Hyesung stood up, “RIGHT NOW YOU ARE!” He said angrily.

Rhanie’s tears fell down her cheeks, she couldn’t believe she was hearing this.

“You’ve changed Hyesung. You’ve changed a lot.” Rhanie said, taking deep breaths as she spoke.

Hyesung stared at her.

“I haven’t Rhanie. You did.” Hyesung muttered, sitting down.

Rhanie looked at him so sudden that it looked as if she could’ve broken her neck, “I have? I HAVE?” Rhanie said. She couldn’t believe her ears.

“Yeah you have.” Hyesung said looking at her seriously, “You were understanding before. You accepted things as they were. You went with the flow, you supported me through EVERYTHING!” He looked at her almost angrily, “Now you’re so close-minded, and wouldn’t even hear me out. You always say that I have no time for you anymore! That I neglected you and that I’m into in my career so much I am forgetting that I have a girlfriend!” Hyesung finished, his frustration showing.

Rhanie opened angrily, “Well do you have? Do you have time for me? Are you not so into your career? Are you not forgetting you have a girlfriend?” She sobbed uncontrollably now, “Hyesung, YOU KNOW I wouldn’t say this unless it was true, unless it was real. You know I wouldn’t just accuse you, I’ve never accused you of anything!” She sat there looking at him with so much hurt in her eyes, she wouldn’t even wipe her tears.

Hyesung looked at her, this time, it was he who couldn’t believe what he just heard.

But he just couldn’t say anything back.

Because partly, he knew she was right.

She had never accused him. She always always always told the truth.

But why does he have to take all the blame?

“You just don’t understand me well enough like you used to Rhanie.” Hyesung said, seriously now.

Rhanie shook her head, “I do Hyesung. I do. I understand you now, more than ever. You know I have supported you and will always support everything that you do. It’s just that…I dunno. You've started forgetting me. I only want time Hyesung. I only want just a little bit of your time…” Rhanie said, wiping her tears now, “But sadly, that’s exactly what you can’t give.”

Hyesung was robbed out of speech because of this. He just looked at her.

Rhanie smiled weakly, “See. Even you can’t deny it.”

Hyesung looked down, embarrassed.

He, indeed, couldn’t say anything.

“Well I guess you lied when you said you loved me all that much, huh?” Rhanie said looking down.

It must’ve been the pain in her voice that made him look at her, and when he saw her looking like that, he didn’t know what to do.

She had her head bowed, tears drenching her skirt.

The only girl he was willing to be with forever was hurt and broken all because of him.

“I didn’t lie, Hun.” Hyesung said gently.

Rhanie looked up startled.

“I really do love you.” Hyesung said, biting his lower lip.

Rhanie smiled, “Yeah, me too.”

They just looked at each other for a while.

Just staring.

As if waiting for everything to change; to what it was supposed to be.

Then she broke the silence, “I think we have to stop this Hyesung.”

“What?” Hyesung said in surprise.

“This isn’t working out for us.” Rhanie said seriously.

“What do you mean?” Hyesung feigned ignorance but he knew, oh he knew what she was going to say.

Rhanie sighed, “It’s being a habit now, isn’t it? Us fighting. I don’t want it anymore. I get tired too. I just, I just don’t think it’s good for the both of us anymore.” She said, looking at him sadly.

When he didn’t speak she continued, “And besides, You won’t have time for me in the following months, with your next album, award shows and everything else. I know you’ll even be more busy.” She said, trying to sound casual, “I really do hope you’d win all of them though. I really want you to win, truly, you deserve it. I’m really glad that…that song is the one that’s going to make you bag everything.” Rhanie said smiling now, her tears falling down her cheeks again.

He tried to speak but she raised her hand to stop him, “I never stopped believing in you, you know. I never stopped supporting you or trying to understanding you, even if you claimed otherwise. More than ever, I do. I always do. I never closed my mind to anything Hyesung, I just wanted time that’s all. I just really missed you.” Rhanie said, smiling to herself, “But that’s what you can’t give, and I feel like I’m asking too much from you. I feel ashamed of this truly. I am sorry for having cause you any distress. I’m really sorry Hyesung.” She wiped her tears and smiled at him, her lips quivering.

Hyesung sighed, “I don’t know what to say.”

Rhanie nodded, “I knew it.” She sighed, “Well, I guess this is it, isn’t it?” She bit her lower lip, “So much for being there for each other forever. I guess all good things have to come to an end.”

He stared at her, he couldn’t help it, “I’m sorry.” He said finally.

He thought it would make her feel better, but he was wrong.

“I know.” Rhanie said, standing up, “And that’s why it hurts more.”

She looked at him sadly, “Goodbye Hyesung. Goodluck.”

He stood up, “Rhanie…” Hyesung started, his voice weak.

“Don’t lose your way, Bunny.” Rhanie said looking at him smiling for a while. But when she couldn't hold her tears any longer, she ran and left.

Hyesung stared at her retreating back. He wanted to say so much, but he couldn’t.

He felt something drop on his cheeks.

Hot and damn they were.

His tears.

~

Why didn’t he say anything when he could’ve?

Why didn’t he stop her then?

“Hey.”

Hyesung looked up hopefully.

It wasn’t her.

“I just want to inform you you’re next to perform in a while.” One of the crew told him.

He nodded, “Thanks for telling me, I’ll go prepare now.”

He stood up, half the people in the venue were looking at him expectantly.

He smiled at them.

Then he looked at the empty chair beside him.

“I wish you were here with me now.” Hyesung muttered to himself.

So that you can smile that familiar smile of yours and wish me goodluck like you always did.

He bowed his head and proceeded backstage.

Many people greeted him as he went, but none of them really mattered to him.

Not even their greetings.

Because that one person who mattered most to him, the one whom he’d ask only of a few small words…

Was gone.