The only sound that greeted him as he entered the house was the door closing and the shuffling of his feet as he took of his shoes before kicking it to the sides. Out of way, out of mind. He dragged his way through the darkened space with just his hands feeling out the things around him to make sure he didn’t run into anything. He doesn’t need to hurt himself more than he’s already hurting.

He snickered to himself at the thought and shook his head.

Nothing could possibly hurt him now. Not after what he went through today.

Sehun turned the doorknob to his room and made his way to his unmade bed, the same way he left it this afternoon, and threw himself onto it. There was no need to change his clothes, he doesn’t see any point in it.

He laid there face down for a while before turning his head to the side to stare out the window. His cheeks landed on a wet spot and only then did he realize he was crying. His fingers touched the spot beneath his eyes to confirm it and another snicker came out of him.

You wanted this.

There was a suffocating pain in his chest and Sehun took a deep breath to lessen it and it helps, a little.

He turned around and laid on his back, staring at the ceiling and realized how big his bed is for just him alone.

You weren’t alone before.

He brought his arm up and settled it on top of his eyes.

He used to think what he decided was a mistake. But, what he saw today, he doesn’t think it was a mistake to see him that happy with someone else.

If he’s happy, I’m happy, right?

Sehun swallowed the lump in as more tears leaked out of his eyes.

‘I’m glad you’re back in town, Sehun. It has been pretty quiet around here without you.’

Sehun smiled as he took a gulp of the drink in front of him. ‘Of course. Not anyone can replace me, right?’

Junmyeon ruffled his hair and Sehun pulled away before quickly fixing his hair again with a frown on his face. Junmyeon chuckled. ‘Still the same I see.’

There were fond smiles around the table directed at Sehun and he’s never felt more loved than at the time.

It has been a while since he last saw them when he decided to pursue his studies overseas away from all he’s ever known. He was tired of the same place, same faces, same surrounding and he wanted a breath of fresh air. So, he left.

It did come with a price though, but, there’s nothing a little fixing won’t fix.

Chanyeol turn the beef over on the grill and Sehun’s mouth watered at the sight. He’s missed the delicious food. Of course there was some Korean food joint in LA but, nothing can beat the authentic thing back home. He watched as Chanyeol took a cooked piece and placed it on his plate. He looked at him, confused.

Chanyeol smiled. ‘I know you missed it. Eat up,’ he said before turning back to the grill.

Sehun turned to Junmyeon who only smiled and urged him to eat first and Sehun felt so touched that it made that first bite all the more delicious.

‘Oh god,’ Sehun moaned. ‘How did I manage to live without this?’

Chanyeol laughed and added more beef to his plate before putting some on Junmyeon’s.

‘You guys started without me?’ a familiar voice sounded.

Sehun almost choked on the piece of beef he was chewing on at the voice.

It has been so long since he last heard it. It’s the voice he had missed but had never admitted because his ego was too high. It’s the voice he always longed to hear when his workload was too much and he needed that motivation, when everything was so unfamiliar and he was feeling homesick that he needed that reassurance from someone close to his heart and when his nights felt a little lonely as he watched his friends paired up and go on dates. It’s the voice he always look for when he realized his mistake and wished he had decided on another path.

‘Jongin.’

Jongin grinned and hugged both Chanyeol and Junmyeon before turning to look at Sehun. The smile on his face didn’t falter, instead it grew bigger and Sehun’s heart stuttered a little.

‘Hey there, stranger.’

Sehun couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face as he stood up and let Jongin pull him into a hug.

This… This familiarity was what he craved the most. His warmth, his scent, the smell of the shampoo in his hair, everything was the same and Sehun’s never felt more at home than in that moment, in his arms.

He was almost reluctant to pull away but there’s people around and he didn’t want to make things awkward for them. And besides, there’s so many chance for that later once he’s gotten the chance to pull him aside and tell him everything he’s kept bottled up for the past four years.

And to apologize.

‘How’re things?’ Jongin asked after taking a sip of the drink Chanyeol poured for him.

‘It’s okay. I’m settling in since I just got back a couple of days back. But, everything’s just how I left it so at least I don’t feel that lost.’ Sehun replied.

Jongin smiled. ‘I’m glad.’

Sehun was about to ask him the same question when someone plopped down on the seat next to Jongin’s. He stared at the guy curiously since he’s never seen him before but seems like they all do when they greeted him with hugs and smiles the way they did with Jongin earlier.

His question was pulled out of his mouth when the guy asked, ‘Who’s this?’

‘This is Sehun,’ Jongin replied.

The guy’s mouth formed an ‘o’ but all Sehun could focus on is the almost non-existent space between him and Jongin. Does this guy know nothing about personal space?

‘He’s an old friend,’ Jongin continued.

Sehun felt his heart cracked a little at the term.

“Friend”.

They were so much more than just a friend but… that was in the past. Maybe they are just friends now?

‘Nice to meet you, Sehun.’ The guy reached his hand out towards Sehun with a grin on his face and Sehun returned the smile as he shook his hand.

‘Nice to meet you, too.’

‘Sehun, this is Taemin.’ Jongin said. ‘My boyfriend.’

Sehun wondered if he heard it wrong. If maybe it was the conversation from the table next to theirs that he had overheard instead. If maybe he had imagined the word “boy” before the word “friend”. Maybe he had too much to drink already or he was distracted by how good Jongin looked.

But a look at Chanyeol and Junmyeon who seemed a little uncomfortable all of a sudden and the uncertainty in Jongin’s eyes compiled with Taemin’s beautiful smile, Sehun knew he didn’t mishear anything.

Jongin has a boyfriend.

His smile might falter a little, the light in his eyes might’ve died a little but Sehun replied with, ‘Wow, you scored a looker.’

Jongin chuckled before turning to Taemin and smiled. ‘Yeah… he is.’

It hurts. Sehun’s heart hurts but he only smiled and told Taemin to eat up before shoving a piping hot slice of beef into his mouth and burning his tongue.

He wanted to hate Taemin. To find his faults and flaws so that he can say that he was unworthy of Jongin. But, Taemin was beautiful. And he was perfect for Jongin.

He can make Jongin laugh and all throughout the night, the way they talked to each other was too intimate and sweet that Sehun had to look away at times. Jongin’s smile was so bright everytime he looked at Taemin and Sehun didn’t have to wonder why. Because, Taemin was beautiful.

And he’s nice.

They looked so happy and comfortable with each other that Sehun couldn’t help but compare them with his past with Jongin.

He doesn’t think Jongin’s ever was like that when they were together.

Sehun let out a humourless chuckle and rubbed his eye with the back of his hand trying to stop the tears. But until the pain in his chest subsided, the tears wouldn’t either.

Was he stupid to think that he could’ve just come back and pick up where they left off? Apologize to Jongin and tell him how much he missed him and then have everything go back to how it used to be? Tell Jongin how much he still loves him and get pulled into his arms?

Yes, he is stupid.

But, he thought that they were meant to be. They fit well with each other, they complement each other and are like the missing puzzle in each other’s life so how can this be?

Sehun felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and he wiped the tears away before pulling it out and staring at the caller id. It was an unknown number and Sehun hesitated at first but ended up accepting the call.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey,’

It was just a word. Just one word. But, it made all the pain rush out again and Sehun closed his eyes.

‘I just wanted to know if you got home okay,’ Jongin said.

Sehun didn’t trust himself to speak a word, too afraid that his voice would break or he would just cry to him and tell him how much he hates seeing him with Taemin and how much he hates seeing Jongin happy without him.

‘So, did you?’ Jongin asked.

He doesn’t want to reply because the words on the tip of his tongue were how much he missed him and how much he wished he could turn back time and made a different decision.

‘Yeah,’

‘Good.’

The line went quiet.

There was so many things Sehun wanted to say to Jongin. So many things he would like Jongin to hear and understand.

‘Uhh… then I guess, I should probably hang up.’ Jongin said.

Please, don’t go, Jongin.

‘It was great seeing you again, Sehun.’

Don’t leave me.

‘It has been so long, right?’ A chuckle.

I missed you so much.

‘Yeah… so, goodnight, Sehun.’

‘Jongin, wait,’

‘Yeah?’

I love you.

‘…’

‘…’

‘Goodnight.’

Sehun ends the call and throws the phone aside before another wave of regret and pain coursed through him as tears fell from his eyes again.

Jongin stared at his phone even when the screen had gone black. He stared and stared before letting out a chuckle and shaking his head. He set his phone aside on the bed and buried his face in his hands.

He doesn’t know what he was expecting Sehun to say. What he wanted Sehun to say.

Maybe he’s too stupid to still be longing after Sehun all this while.

To look for pieces of Sehun in other people when he knows none of them would ever be able to fill the spot Sehun had left in him.

Jongin laid down on the bed and let out a huge breath.

He should let go. Let go of Sehun no matter how hard and painful it is. Sehun looked fine without him, right? He didn’t even bat an eyelash when Jongin introduced Taemin to him.

He doesn’t care anymore, right?

Jongin’s face scrunched up in pain and he lets out a broken sigh.

It’s okay, Jongin. You’ll be okay.

A/N: Why do I keep writing angst?

I hope you enjoyed this, sekai shippers 💖