Chapter 25
The Monster In My Head
"I'm tired"
These words were recited
like orisons of some holy grail
All I wanted was to rest,
maybe forever
It didn't matter,
As long as I could stop saying I'm tired
"I'm tired"
"Let me give up..... please" - Yoongi answered, his eyes fixed at the golden sand surrounding his feet.
"What the hell are you talking about!?" - Jin Ae gripped Yoongi's shoulders tightly, hoping shaking him with all her mite will bring him back to his senses.
Yoongi didn't answer, it seemed like he wasn't even present in the moment. He looked pale, like a person with life but no soul.
"I can't do it anymore, I have reached my limit." - He answered, his body frozen, his eyes still locked at the sand.
Jin Ae didn't answer, she just waited for Yoongi to continue.
"I tired my hardest everyday, every funking minute to just pull through the pain, the exasperation, the anxiety but I can't anymore. I just can't." - a tear drop fell to the ground but Jin Ae's grip on his shoulder didn't loosen.
" I didn't know the path I chose would be so dark, I didn't know the path I chose would so lonely, I didn't know the path I chose would be so hard. I thought I was strong, I thought I could make it through but I'm broken into a million pieces and no matter how many times I try to stick the pieces back together they seem to break into a million more until it's hard to even find them.The thoughts in my head keep me awake every night, for whom, for what am I trying so hard to just pull through? Because at the end of one path,starts another and the damn story just repeats, the same trials, the same choices, the same mistakes, everything is the same dressed up differently. It's a ing maze which has no way out, no prize to be won if I make it out, no one to greet me if I ever make it out. I started it all so I'll end it now. have been fighting for a long time and I'm tired now, just let me give up..... please.... I'm tired of just existing. Let me go."
Let this be the end cause I'm not ready to see the tragedies the future holds for us.
The silence which Jin Ae used to always cherish with Yoongi today seemed uncomfortable. Today Yoongi felt like a person she never knew.
"Stop it" - Jin Ae whispered, unable to process the confession Yoongi just made. Her hands falling off of Yoongi's shoulders like they had no life left in them. Her eyes now fixed at the same spot Yoongi had been staring at.
"STOP IT!" - Jin Ae yelled after some awful memories revisited her, hoping they would go away if she yelled loud enough but sadly that just made things worst.
If Yoongi was broken, so was Jin Ae.
They were both lost souls waiting for the Sun to rise in their dark world and end their suffering.
"It is so easy for you to talk about death right? It is always so easy to talk about taking the easy way out, but do you... do you know what the last wish of every dying person is?" - Jin Ae questioned, her body slightly trembling with fear and frustration and helplessness as the memory of each soul she sent off flashed by.
"I wish I could live longer"
"Do you know the only wish I'm not allowed to fulfill is to let them stay alive? I'm not allowed to save them from dying! Do you know the guilt I'm carrying on my shoulders? I could have saved all of them Yoongi! I could have changed their fates by putting mine in line! But I couldn't because I was a coward, scared of the unknown, scared of breaking the rules. I remember the faces of each souls I encountered. They are now engraved into my memory with the sound of their last breaths echoing in my head." - Jin Ae's voice broke, her fist clenched.
"I don't want your breath to be the one echoing in my head, cause if it does I don't think I'll be able to go on any longer either. I don't want your last memory engraved in my head, I don't ever want to witness or see your last memory because I would prefer to die before witnessing any of my friends death. So unless you want me to end my life and follow you to heaven or hell, where ever it is you are going, don't die. Don't give up cause you have 2 families and several friends waiting back at home for
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