it's five minutes to midnight when sungyeol enters the pub. the floor's almost packed, but he manages to find a vacant spot off to the side where it's so dimly lit he can barely even make out the words printed on the wall posters right beside him. sungyeol thinks it's a good thing, though; at least he doesn't have to stand further up closer to the stage or worse - to be situated directly under one of the ceiling lights like it's an exclusive spotlight just for him and be completely exposed, have his cover blown.

it's obvious the tall young man doesn't want to be noticed, doesn't want his presence known. he's satisfied just standing from where he is, only a few feet from the main door (and ready to bail at the speed of light should his plans for the night fail on him by any means).

stage lights illuminate the front at the of midnight, bringing to sight the less than fancy yet more than sufficient band equipment and stage props. the entire pub grounds now radiate a subtle glow of amber, emanating a warm, homey feel to the otherwise cold and desolate venue.

the same could have been felt in the male's heart, if not for the fact that it's already been frozen over long ago by the ever-growing hopelessness shrouding his soul.

sungyeol's eyes lock on one particular object; it's the first thing he sees, the only thing he recognises out of the deliberately arranged mess of electronic devices, stands, instruments, wires and other stuff. a cherry red electric guitar whose appearance practically screams as loud as the tunes it produces, sitting comfortably against the center mic stand.

the brunette can’t seem to take his eyes off the guitar. it's as if its bright crimson body that sparkles so exquisitely under the intense light was exuding some sort of spell that kept his gaze locked on the object as his mind wanders off far away.

sungyeol doesn't even register the group of musicians entering the stage. said man only snaps out of his daze when the guitar he's been staring mindlessly at is lifted from its position on the ground, beats and chords all too familiar soon filling his ears as the band begins performing their act of the night.

he thought he would be able to do this. it was only one song, just one show of theirs he had to endure, the band’s very first performance on stage yet the very last one of theirs he would watch with his own two eyes before he locks everything - from the very beginning right up to this very moment - in the darkest corners of his memory and he'd never see them again. never see him again.

he thought wrong.

the simple five-minute act clearly proved to be more than what sungyeol thought he could handle. the main singer's charismatic vocals drills deep into his eardrums; he couldn't block any of it out even if he tried to. sungyeol missed that voice so so much, had been dying to hear it again for ages since the day they stopped seeing each other, even when he knew it would hurt so much if he did so. the one voice that was his drug - the unfathomable amount of pain it sent to every nerve in his heart, yet so beautiful and addicting he'd still crave for it every single day.

to make matters worse, the band was performing his favourite song. the song that was written for him, confessing the singer's affection and dedication for him, to him. it was their song. a representation of them and their love for each other.

keyword: was.

at least that's what sungyeol thinks.

myungsoo's clueless, doesn't know what sungyeol's thinking or feeling on the inside. doesn't know the crippling guilt sungyeol carries in his heart for dragging myungsoo down with him and his miseries, or so he thinks. 

they say that if you truly love someone, the only thing you really want is for them to be happy, even if it means letting them go, right?

sungyeol knows well enough he's more than head over heels for myungsoo. he's sure that if there's anyone he'd spend the rest of his life with, it's with myungsoo and no other. he also knows the amount of suffering he's put myungsoo through throughout the time they've spent together. myungsoo may reason with him that the tough times are only a small obstacle, and that he would always be there with him to overcome these hurdles standing in their way, whatever they may be. sungyeol knows better that behind the gentle gazes and warm smiles from the other boy lies hidden the blood, sweat and tears that barely represents even the tiniest fraction of all the hardships his love had to experience and endure just to keep things the way they are, keep their relationship going.

sungyeol’s heart pains even at the mere thought of it. he figures he doesn’t want myungsoo to suffer anymore, therefore he chooses to let him go. free myungsoo of the burdensome anchor holding him back, the anchor that is none other than sungyeol himself.

the performance arrives at its peak as it nears the end, overflowing emotions conveyed through the brilliant coalescence of music and lyrics in the song's hitting the crowd like a giant yet unharming wave. the audience revels in the onslaught of feels as they welcome them with open arms.

all except for one.

sungyeol was never one to hide his emotions. but the man had to gather as much strength as he had within him just to not break down like a ing weakling literally only mere seconds after the song had begun. it's the last time he'd be watching this, hence he decided he'd give his fullest attention and enjoy this last show. it's no surprise he fails to do so, though; his vision morphing into one big blurry mess as he watches the stage through tears both shed and unshed. even the striking red from the guitar dulls significantly in the swirling image, becoming no more than just a stray splotch of colour in his otherwise somewhat monochromatic view.

it's the last chorus before the song ends, and sungyeol's already bawling his eyes out like there's no tomorrow. he's long given up on trying to hold back his ugly sniffles and sobs but refrains from crying out loud so as to not cause a scene and attract unwanted attention on himself. luckily, the music is just loud enough to drown out the ugly sounds coming from the male as he tries to calm himself down. the band's performance is coming to an end, which means almost time for him to go.

as much as sungyeol tells himself he's ready to leave everything behind and move on, it's obvious that he's not. he's not ready to move on; probably never will fully be ready to, either.

his mind is screaming at every single cell in his body to just ing move it already before he runs out of time, but his heart simply refuses to listen as he gives in to the guilty pleasure of staying longer than he should; a little voice in the deepest abyss of his mind constantly whispering "one second longer, just one little second longer. after this, you won't have to see his face anymore. just a little bit more, for the sake of this last goodbye."

sungyeol loses track of time just like that. he doesn't even know how long he's been standing in the same spot crying so miserably. he doesn't notice the band making their final greeting for the night either, much less register the crowd around him gradually dispersing as they wrap up the show. instead, he tries his hardest to make out the features of myungsoo's face through teary eyes before wiping the salty liquid away to take just one final good look at the other. this time it's really the last one, he promises himself.

the brunette returns to his senses just a fraction of a second too late as his vision clears, crisp lines and vivid colours coming into view.

that, and a pair of warm chocolate eyes as wide as his, belonging to the last person he was expecting to notice him.

chestnut brown orbs widen in a mix of shock and fear, sungyeol's heart sinking at the realisation. it's as if time has stopped as both men lock gazes in astonishment and disbelief. sungyeol's head begins to spin, but reacts quickly enough before falling less than gracefully to the ground as his legs begin to give way.

the next few minutes pass in a blur.

sungyeol flees the scene as fast as his long legs can take him. myungsoo tails after the other, but not before tripping on the mess of unkept wires across the stage floor. he briefly curses at his carelessness before getting back up on his feet in no time, setting off in the direction of sungyeol once again. the throbbing pain on his lower legs and all distressed calls of his name from his bandmates completely ignored, myungsoo's brain having switched to auto-pilot and locking down on one single target ever since he's caught sight of the taller.

sungyeol knows myungsoo will chase after him. he'll do whatever it takes to get what he wants from the other. myungsoo demands answers for sungyeol's sudden disappearance almost two months ago, the night after they had celebrated the confirmation of his band's debut stage performance. all the long hours of practice had not gone to waste; sungyeol knew from all the practice sessions he's been observing that the band more than deserved their little big break. The brunette had been all smiles that night, enjoying a tad too many drinks and even scoring some precious alone time snuggling with his lover under the blankets post-celebration. 

myungsoo was certain he had fallen asleep with his human bolster in his embrace after the night before. he woke up to a half-scrunched up blanket under his arms and no signs of sungyeol anywhere the next morning.

sungyeol had vanished without a trace. myungsoo wants answers, and things to go back to the way they were again.

he'd even give up his band - his dreams - if it meant he could have sungyeol back in his arms again.

bursting through the pub's side exit, sungyeol finds himself aimlessly running through the maze of dimly lit alleys. swear words nearly fly out of his mouth as he trips over his own feet, almost costing him the gap he had between him and a chasing myungsoo behind him (which was already not a lot to begin with). the taller male barely manages to save himself from landing into the most untimely faceplant ever, his brain having chosen now of all times to take in the intimidating darkness around him.

sungyeol's fear of the dark gets thrown out of his mind a second later, easily forgotten as faint distressed calls of his name reaches his ears.

myungsoo's not far behind, which means sungyeol isn't safe yet.

myungsoo can barely keep sight of the taller. it doesn't help that the other's wearing all black, giving him the advantage of somewhat camouflaging with the surroundings. myungsoo's only confirmations of sungyeol's presence are the occasional glimpses of the fleeing boy's shadow on the path before him, as well as the sound of frantic footsteps that only seem to be getting further and further away as he attempts to catch up with the other in the dead of the night.

darkness dissipates in the wave of light flooding into view, hasty footfalls gradually fading into a mishmash of sounds that represent a typical night on the streets of Itaewon. having chasing the other male with no heed paid to everything else around him over the past few minutes, the tiny flame of hope in myungsoo which fueled on the belief that he'd be able to get to sungyeol finally wavers when the dreaded realisation dawns on him.

he'll never make it to sungyeol.

they've broken out of the back alleys into the main street. sungyeol's making a beeline for the bus stop up ahead just as they catch sight of a bus signalling to pull over at said stop. myungsoo wills his legs to push harder, just go a little bit faster, desperate calls of the other's name just short of reaching the sungyeol's ears as the latter shows no signs of stopping or slowing down. maybe - just maybe - if he tried hard enough, if he ran fast enough, he'd be able to stop the other from leaving. if he tried just a little bit harder, he'd get sungyeol back.

sungyeol's never run any harder in his entire life. a pang of guilt eats into a piece of his heart at the false portrayal of myungsoo he has in his head: a chasing murderer out to take sungyeol's life, just to make himself run faster.

the taller barely registers myungsoo's voice calling out for him. through blurred out vision from the endless floodgates his brain decides to pass it off as a fleeting memory of the other he still hasn't come to terms with yet, reluctant to let it go. sungyeol doesn't let himself relax a single bit until he successfully boards the bus taking him away from the other, until he's sure myungsoo won't be able to catch up to him anymore. 

the carriage is surprisingly void of passengers despite it being only a quarter past midnight. sungyeol's thankful for that, though; at least there won't be anyone else present to witness the miserable state he's in.

the driver doesn't make anymore stops within the neighbourhood, and begins its journey to another district en route to its final destination. it's definitely not headed in the direction of his home but sungyeol couldn’t care less. he doesn't want to go home. the place is filled with nothing but bittersweet recollections of him and myungsoo, and it haunts him. sungyeol wants to forget the other, wants the other to forget him. he decides that what they need now is to be away from each other and go their separate ways; for sungyeol, to be at a place where he won’t be haunted by traces of the other man anymore. in a city where the pair had done nothing but grow their love for one another; for the sake of his sanity, for the sake of suppressing the overwhelming guilt growing in him, sungyeol chooses to run. run away from the fear, run away from all the burden, run away from his problems, run away from failure, run away from myungsoo. it's all he can do, it's all he ever knew how to do. and that's what he'll do, even if it hurts.

run away and never look back.

 

 

 

a/n: this was meant to be a drabble. it's not even supposed to be this long. also i kinda lost the plot halfway through (a little bit) so this is basically a ass excuse for a fic when it's really just a string of keyboard smashes as i try to finish this one way or another. like this fic, i have no idea what i'm talking about anymore. fml.

comments are appreciated ♡