Jungkook POV

It’s been two months. Two months that Jimin hyung and me are together. It’s been a bit less than two months since I’ve been hurting because of him. I love him but I’m not so sure about his feelings anymore. He keeps on flirting with the other members, he goes out with them, leaving me behind and even if I know where they go I still ask when he comes back, just to be sure. I feel like my heart is being ripped in pieces but I can’t do anything without him. I don’t want to break up and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to. I need him. I’m afraid he’ll leave me. I’m blind for him and I don’t want him to think he’s got the right to play with me. I love him madly no matter what he does and I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, heart and body.

Jimin entered the living room where I was sitting.

“Hyung, where are you going?”

“Oh Kookie, I’m going out with Suga hyung.” Jimin replies as he grabs his jacket.

“Where to?” I ask.

“The mall. Are you okay?” he asks, seeming a bit concerned.

“Yes.” I reply, too fast to be convincing but I don’t care. He looks at me a bit perplexed and leaves me sitting alone on the couch. I was beginning to regret letting him go but he suddenly comes back and takes my hand, dragging me to our room. He opens the door and makes me sit down on the bed, closing the door behind him.

“Jungkook, you’ve been acting strange lately. Tell me what’s happening.” He says, looking at me. I can’t directly look at him so I look at his shoulder.

“Nothing’s happening hyung.” I lie.

“Don’t you dare lie to me Jeon Jungkook. I care about you and I want to know if something’s bothering you.”

“Now you care about me?” I snap, suddenly looking at him.

“What?” he asks. I stand up.

“You say you care about me but what have you been doing those past two months? You’ve been going out with every.single.member except me! You aren’t even hugging me or kissing me and…” I feel tears burning my eyes. “I’m sick of it hyung.”

“J-Jungkook? What are you t-trying to say?” he stutters.

“I’m saying that… it’s enough. I’ve seen enough, I’ve felt enough and I can’t take it anymore. If I knew it would turn out like that, I would have never confessed.” I admit.

“You don’t love me anymore?” he whispers.

“That’s not it. I love you. I love you so much you can’t even imagine it. But I’m tired of being left alone almost every day and I think we need to give us some time to think about it. About us.” I say and walk closer to him. “Let’s take a break hyung.” I say and walk past him. He grabs my wrist.

“Jungkook you can’t go away right now. You can’t tell me that and go away.” He mutters.

“Why?” I say, turning around.

“Because you haven’t thought of me.” He answers, turning to face me. His eyes are full of sadness and anger. He’s trying to hold back tears.

“Why should I when you haven’t? I can’t do your job. That’s not how love works hyung. It’s all about give and take.” I say and make him release my wrist. “If you didn’t love me, you could have rejected me.”

“But I didn’t! I love you. You were being strange when we began our relationship so I decided to try giving you some space but it didn’t work. You were still awkward around me. So I tried to make you jealous by sticking to everyone but it didn’t work as well.” He explained, tears slowly falling down.

“You could just have talked to me about it. I didn’t react when you began to go out with the others because I wasn’t expecting you to go as far as ignoring me. And even if I thought of doing the same, I didn’t because I love you too much. I’m blind when it comes to you hyung. I’m head over heels for you and you don’t seem to get it.” I say and quickly get out of the room before he can catch me and see me break down in front of him.

I enter the kitchen and close the door behind me. I fill a cup of ice water and down it in one go. My teeth and head hurt but I can care less. Everything hurts so much. I feel the tears roll down my cheeks and try hard to hold the sobs back. The door opens but I don't look. I grab the sink as hard as I can and feel someone's hand on my back. It's not Jimin because my body doesn't heat up. I turn around to find Yoongi hyung.

"Hey. Jimin cancelled our trip for you. What are you doing here crying instead of being with him?" He asks. He doesn't seem annoyed nor angry but rather worried. I want to be mad at him but I can't because it isn't his fault that Jimin wants to chill out with him.

"I'm tired hyung. He doesn't seem to understand how much I love him. I feel like I'm alone in this relationship. I just broke up with him." I say. He sighs.

"Jungkook, I understand but it's been hard on Jimin too you know? He's been wanting your attention for weeks now and-"

"He could have just talked to me! He's the one who's good with words! He could have showered me with kisses or hugs instead of ignoring me!" I shout and the door opens again.

"You're right. I was wrong." Jimin. "I didn't think much because I wanted to have your attention so badly. I love you Jungkook. I really love you." Jimin says and Yoongi hyung leaves the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

“I don’t know. You played with me, with my feelings. I need some air.” I say and going out of the kitchen, I grab my coat and get out of the house.

I’m walking in the cold evening of Seoul, not really going anywhere, just walking and thinking about what I should do about Jimin and I. As I’m walking, I see a couple walking hand in hand, drinking something I suppose to be a hot chocolate. They have couple shoes and rings. They both look so happy and I can’t help but sulk a little. I want to be like that with Jimin. The girl laughs out loud but the only sound that I hear is Jimin’s laugh ringing in my ears and head. I shake my head and keeps on walking till I decide it’s time to sit down. I sit on a little bench in a park. It’s not really late but it’s dark outside and freezing. I look around me, seeing the people walking, probably going home after work. I just sit there and look at people. A grandma comes to sit beside me. I look at her briefly and keep on watching the world. Suddenly, she speaks to me.

“What are you doing here alone young man? Shouldn’t you be with your loved ones at the end of the year?” she asks. I look at her and she’s sweetly smiling to me. Her smile reminds me of Jimin’s, her eyes too practically disappearing.

“Oh, um… I should but… I kinda argued with my boyfriend.” I say, feeling the need to talk but not wanting to bother the lady.

“Maybe you want to talk about it? Talking to someone we don’t know is much easier since the other doesn’t know about your situation in the first place. Try talking to me.” She says and takes my hands.

“I-I don’t want to bother you with my problems. You should go home.” I say but she doesn’t let go of my hands and keeps smiling at me, silently telling me to talk.

“If you insist…” I sigh. “Well, I loved him since like forever I think and we recently got together. I was very happy, you can’t imagine; it was like a dream come true. But it quickly became a nightmare. He began flirting with other people, totally ignoring me.” I stop for a second. “I trust him but I can’t help being jealous. To be honest, I doubt the fact that he even loves me.” I whisper the last part and the lady squeezes my hands.

“What’s his name?” she asks.

“Jimin.” I reply.

“Well, did Jimin tell you that he loves you recently?”

“He did before I came here.”

‘You know…” she begins, looking at me.

“Jungkook.” I say.

“Jungkook. You know when someone says something you can doubt. Is the person saying the truth? It’s natural to ask itself because honesty is something that everyone doesn’t have. But there are some topics where someone can’t lie. Jimin seems to be a good person since you fell so in love with him. He must know that what he did hurt you and he surely didn’t want to lie. So you can trust him when he says he loves you, he wouldn’t ever lie.” She explains.

“How can you know?” I desperately ask.

“Because I know everything about life and people and I feel it. Just by looking at you, seeing how your eyes sparkle when you talk about him, I can see that he loves you. His love is reflected in your eyes.” She says and gets up. “Go back home Jungkook. Work it out with Jimin. Good luck.” She smiles one last time and goes her way.

Jungkook stays seated some more on the bench, thinking hard about the old lady’s words and suddenly stands up, walking back home. When I open the door, Yoongi’s watching TV in the living room and he stands up when he sees me.

“Jungkook, finally. He’s in your room and doesn’t let anyone in. Go talk to him.” He tells me. I nod and go to my room. I stop in front of the door and take a deep breath. I still have the old lady’s words in my head and I open the door slowly. The light is on and Jimin is lying on the bed, facing me but his eyes closed. He seems to be sleeping so I close the door quietly and approach him with light steps. I sit beside him on the bed and begin to caress his hair softly. His eyes stir open and he looks at me, his eyes a bit wide.

“Kookie?” he asks in a little voice.

“Jiminie. I’m sorry.” I say.

“Why?” he says, sitting up. “I was the one to ignore you, you have done nothing wrong.”

“No. I was a bit distant with you and I forgot to shower you with affection. I was a bit insecure.” I explain.

“Talk to me Jungkook. I want to know how to help you. I don’t like us being like that.” Jimin replies and takes my hands in his.

“When I confessed, I almost died from embarrassment. I was ecstatic when you said that my feelings weren’t one-sided. But I was still insecure. I’m so young and I wondered what you were finding in me that made you choose me instead of Taehyung hyung or Hoseok hyung. Don’t take it wrong, I love you, really, but I feel like you’re too much for me and that I don’t deserve you. That’s why I was distant. I was getting ready in case you’d change your mind. But trying to protect myself I forgot you and I’m really sorry.” I explain, looking at Jimin when I finish.

“I see. Kookie, let me tell you something. You may be young but age doesn’t matter for me. If I wasn’t reciprocating your feelings I would have never accepted you, you know me well. But I felt insecure too and I wondered how to make you feel at ease with me again. You were being awkward when we were alone or when we went to sleep. But instead of being myself and trying to talk to you about it, I decided to make you jealous. I’m sorry that it all went wrong on this special day. Could you ever forgive me?” he asks. I squeeze his hands and lean in to kiss him. He tangles his hands in my hair and pulls me closer to him. I let my hands go to his waist and start to caress his sides. We kiss languidly and I break it after some minutes.

“I love you Jimin. I really really love you. I’ve been so stupid, will you forgive me?” I ask.

“Of course Kookie. I love you too and love is stronger than anything. Let’s never be apart again.” He says and kisses me again before the clock strikes midnight. “Happy New Year baby.”

“Happy New Year love.” I reply and we kiss once more, hoping for happier moments in the coming year.