Jihun’s just settled down for a nice nap, hopefully to be preceded by a back scratch when suddenly the hands on his back still. “Keep going,” Jihun commands, but his words have no effect.

Instead, they prompt Seungjun to nudge at Jihun’s side as he tries to make eye contact with the boy lying down in front of him. “You’ll always tell me the truth, right? Can I trust you, Jihun?” Seungjun implores, eyes wide as if he’s seen the meaning of life in the world. (In Seungjun’s mind, he has.)

“What the hell are you going on about?” Jihun asks lazily. It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that… He doesn’t care as much as he cares about his nap and back scratch.

“Well, Jihun, you have to answer me honestly,” Seungjun starts. “Pinky promise?”

Jihun doesn’t bother to answer with anything than an outstretched finger; he’s learned that it’s easier to play along with Seungjun when he’s in his phases.

“Ok, you promised. So look me in the eye, and answer me this.” Seungjun takes a deep breath before he can continue, “Are you a flesh-eating reptilian?”

“What the actual fu—“

“NO! Answer the question you reptile! Answer it or I will expose you!” Seungjun yells, leaping back and pointing.

Jihun, bewildered, just shakes his head vigorously. “I promise I’m not a reptile, please calm down.”

Seungjun’s demeanor immediately changes as he relaxes back into Jihun’s side, snuggling up and resuming his back scratch. “Ok Jihunnie. Thank you for telling me the truth. I just wanted to confirm what I already know— I obviously would have felt the scales whenever scratching your back!” Seungjun smiles and continues to chat about their day as if the interrogation of moments before hadn’t occurred.

—

The next day, Jihun is almost 99% sure that the whole encounter had been a dream, especially when Seungjun fails to bring it up. That is, until he receives an “encrypted” file in his email from a certain Park Seungjun.

Confused, Jihun opens it, although not before giving a cursory glance at Seungjun, whose face spasms before turning away in a big show of acting like nothing happened. (It is later revealed that the face spasm was a wink.) While it turns out the file is actually not encrypted, Jihun sorely wishes it had been. Then perhaps he wouldn’t be forced into the middle of Seungjun’s latest obsession. (The email subject line had the word “ENCRYPTED” and the content included many slash bars before Jihun scrolled to the bottom and found a link to a Wikipedia article on Reptilian conspiracy theories.)

Jihun tries to ignore it as long as he can. Thus, he goes through the week marking many, many “encrypted” emails as read without opening them. He goes around the house “accidentally” misplacing the books on reptilian theories that Seungjun mysteriously leaves by his door at night.

It all comes to a head, though, when Seungjun bursts into Jihun’s room one afternoon. Usually, this happens the other way around, so Jihun just glances around, bewildered. Seungjun is red-faced and panting, and looks as if he’s just seen a ghost.

“What’s the matter?” The emergency situation brings out the leader-side of him.

“He- Heejun!” Seungjun manages to wrench out.

“What? Is he okay? Did he hurt himself?” Jihun stands up in a hurry, ready to help. He knew that Heejun’s falling habits would be the cause of an injury someday.

“No! You can’t go out! He’ll eat us!” Seungjun wails. The last comment manages to halt Jihun in his tracks.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Seungjun shakes his head gloomily, “I’m sorry Jihunnie. Your friend, he’s one of them. The reptilians!”

Jihun finally grasps the situation and shakes his head. This is what interrupted his nap? “Alright then. What makes you think that?” Fight fire with fire? Wasn’t that the saying?

“Well, it all began like this…

“I was just sitting in the kitchen, you know, eating and reading and contemplating”

“Contemplating what, your face?”

“Sort of, Jihun, but please, listen. I was sitting there and Heejun walks in. I said ‘Hi, Heejun,’ like a human being, right? But do you know what Heejun did? He gets a weird look in his eye, and I swear, for a second his eyes had slits! Like reptilian eyes! And it was not because we still haven’t remembered to change the bulb in that one kitch