Taemin really hated Christmas.

Okay, he didn’t really hate Christmas, but he wasn’t too fond of the holiday. It once was a nice time for him; when he was young and believed that Santa Claus would be coming down the chimney to leave all the toys he had asked for. It certainly lost its touch as he grew older, even more so when he had bills to pay and a job to go to everyday.

He normally “celebrated” by drinking wine, eating as many store bought cookies as he could, and falling asleep to whatever Christmas movie special was playing on TV. (And sometimes he’d cry out of loneliness, but no one needed to know that). It might sound a bit depressing, but he didn’t mind. It was fun. Kind of. Not really.

He usually woke up the next morning with a bit of a hangover and with his best friend, Jonghyun, practically beating down his door. Sometimes Taemin wondered why he was even Jonghyun’s friend. He’s loud, overexcited, and a bit strange; the complete opposite of himself. Then, he remembers that Jonghyun is a lovely person with a big heart and it makes sense.

If someone disliked Christmas more than Taemin, it was Jonghyun. In fact, Jonghyun outright disliked winter as a whole.

“Seasonal affective disorder is a horrid thing,” Jonghyun had once told him. “When it gets cold, I get lonely. I can barely find a reason to get out of bed.”

Taemin can understand that. He had felt that way at one point; sometimes he still feels it. Maybe it’s how mundane his life has become. That’s what he tells himself, at least.

Jonghyun doesn’t believe in Christmas, but that doesn’t stop him from getting a gift for Taemin. It’s something like a “yearly friendship gift.” Every year, Jonghyun would drag Taemin to the mall a few weeks before Christmas and have him pick out different things he likes.

Today happens to be that day.

“There are so many people.” Taemin mumbled quietly to himself.

He’s all bundled up in an oversized turtleneck as Jonghyun tugs him along through the crowds of people who are Christmas shopping and Minho, Jonghyun’s fiancé, is guiding him by the shoulders. It makes him feel like a child being lugged around by parents who are afraid to lose him in the crowd.

“Did you say something?” Minho asked, causing Taemin to jump just a bit from the deep timbre of his voice. “I’m sorry.” He apologized quickly.

Taemin shook his head, brushing off the apology. “No, don’t be. It’s just…all the people, you know?” He responded, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand as Minho squeezed his shoulders.

“Yeah. Don’t worry. It’s not this crowded in the store. We got you, okay?” Minho said in a reassuring tone. Taemin nodded and gave a tiny smile, although Minho couldn’t really see.

Jonghyun casted a glance back, almost as if to ask if everything was okay with just his face. Taemin remained stoic for a moment, almost in confusion, before he gave him a tiny thumbs up in response. Jonghyun smiled fondly and turned back away.

Before long, they arrived at a department store where it was, in fact, much less crowded and much more quiet. Taemin sighed in relief, twisting his ring around his finger. The three of them had begun to make their way to the shoe department when Taemin finally calmed himself enough to speak.

“Is it just me or does this place get worse every year?” He asked, casting a look to his friends.

“It gets worse, Minnie. This time of the year is horrible. Religion is toxic and Christmas is a capitalistic idea created to make commercial profit and sell overpriced Hallmark ornaments.” Jonghyun replied. Minho made a small sound in the back of his throat, causing Jonghyun to look up at him. “Huh? Do you have something to say?”

“No. I just…I get surprised by how ‘Anti-Christmas’ you are sometimes.” He said with a fond laugh. “Especially since we’re here to buy presents.”

“Presents given in winter are not exclusively Christmas related, Ming.” Jonghyun pouted. Minho held his hands up in mock surrender. Jonghyun squinted his eyes a bit and smiled, turning back to Taemin.

“Speaking of completely not exclusively Christmas activities, we’re having a party at our place on the 24th. You should come. It’ll be small! A dinner party really.”

“Uh…” Taemin began.

“Come on, Tae! When was the last time you didn’t spend that day alone?” Jonghyun asked as they came to a stop and Taemin picked up a winter boot on display to inspect.

“Don’t force him, Jonghyun.” Minho scolded gently. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, Taemin.”

“I’m not forcing him! I just think it’s sad that he spends all that time alone and getting drunk.” He whined. “You haven’t done anything on ‘holidays’ since the year your parents-”

Jonghyun was cut off as Taemin dropped the boot, causing it to hit against shoe boxes and make a loud clamoring noise. All three boys jumped a bit and a few employees and customers glanced over. Taemin bent down slowly to pick up the shoe, not looking at his best friend.

“I’m sorry, Tae-” Jonghyun began, only to be cut off again.

“No, it’s fine. I just…Can we please not talk about my parents?” Taemin said shakily, clearing his throat.

“Sure! I’m sorry. I thought it’d be okay to talk about…”

“It isn’t.” Taemin replied, perhaps a bit too harshly. He winced a bit at the sound of his own voice. “These shoes are nice.” He said awkwardly, tapping the toe of it.

“Yeah?” Jonghyun said, taking out his phone and snapping a photo of them. “I’ll put it on the list.”

Taemin nodded. He really wished he hadn’t snapped the way he did. He wished even harder than Jonghyun hadn’t brought up the subject of his parents in the first place.

He knows, deep inside of him, he should’ve let it go. So what if his parents hated him? No big deal, right? He tried not to let it bother him too much. For the most part, the thought of them didn’t hurt.

Without fail, it always did hurt during the holidays.

“-really think you should join us.” Jonghyun said with a slightly pitying smile.

Taemin shook his head a bit, almost as if he was rattling his thoughts around. He was so busy brooding that he didn’t notice Jonghyun had even started to talk. Or that the three of them had begun to walk again. How long had he been walking? He glanced back around, barely catching a glimpse of the area they were leaving.

“I’m sorry. What?”

“I knew you weren’t listening. Sorry, I’m trying to get better at noticing that.”

“No.” Taemin responded. “I should…stop doing that…thing.” He said awkwardly.

“He was saying that you really should come to the dinner party.” Minho said with a soft smile. “Please, don’t hole yourself up inside this year.”

“Just think about it, okay?” Jonghyun added on, smile bright and encouraging.

Taemin loved his two friends, but what did they know? He quite liked being “holed up inside.”

“Yeah, sure! I’ll think about it.” Taemin responded with a small, almost forced smile of his own.

Taemin had indeed not thought about it. In fact, the idea of the dinner exited his mind as soon as they had stopped talking about it. It wasn’t on purpose. His brain just kind of filled with static most of the day and left little room for actual thought.

To say that Christmas Eve caught him by complete surprise would be an understatement. It felt the same as any other day and it wasn’t until he actually started to fiddle with his phone that he noticed the date.

He had a brief moment in which he fought with himself over whether or not he should just bite the bullet and go to the dinner party. (And by brief moment, he meant spending at least two hours in the shower weighing his options.)

In the end, he decided that Jonghyun was right. It was no good staying at home, eating himself sick, and getting drunk. Especially since he could do all that in the comfort of Jonghyun’s place. With that logic in mind, he bundled up into at least three layers of clothing, grabbed a bottle of wine, and made his way to Jonghyun’s apartment complex.

Jonghyun must have expected him to not come at all by the way he reacted; he let out a surprised squeak and practically yanked Taemin inside. The door was shut quickly, as if Jonghyun was worried Taemin would change his mind and decide to book it. He toed his shoes off and began to unwrap his scarf as he looked into the living room.

“Don’t just stand there and look. Come in!” Jonghyun said with a small laugh. “I’m so glad you came, Taemin. Really, it means a lot to me. Oh! Minho is going to owe me big. I told him you would come, but he was convinced that you-”

“Hyung.” Taemin said gently, cutting him off. “Your words are going at warp speed.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Jonghyun responded with a sheepish smile.

“It’s fine. You’re excited! I know.” Taemin said, placing his coat, scarf, and mittens into Jonghyun’s waiting arms. “Uh, I brought wine..? But, this is more a gift.”

“It’s okay.” Jonghyun reassured him. “I’ll go put your coat and stuff in the closet, but if you take that to Minho, you two can go ahead and crack it open.”

Taemin nodded, parting ways with Jonghyun as he made his way to the kitchen. He tried to keep his eyes on the ground as he did so. He did recognize a few people who were already present and chatting; he wasn’t the best at socializing and he wanted to try his best to avoid it. He was relieved to see that the kitchen was empty except for Minho and Jonghyun’s younger brother.

“Oh, Taemin, you’re out of your apartment for once.”

“It’s nice to see you, too, Kibum.”

Kibum looked up from the cake he was frosting and smiled warmly. “I don’t mean to give you a hard time, Minnie. I’m actually glad you decided to come. Are you going to open that?” He asked, pointing to the bottle in Taemin’s hand.

“Oh…um, yeah. Jonghyun said to go ahead.” He answered. Minho placed his own frosting bag down beside the cookies in front of him and dug around in a silverware drawer, making a gesture to take the bottle.

“Well, don’t get too sloppy.” Kibum said mischievously, going back to frosting the cake.

“What?” Taemin asked, confused.

“Ignore him.” Minho said, handing Taemin a filled wineglass.  “He invited a friend of his and he’s trying to set you up.”

Taemin felt a chill run through him and nearly dropped the glass in hand. “Huh!? N-No. Please don’t do that.” Taemin said quickly. He ran his finger around the rim of the glass before taking a large gulp and wincing. Wine was definitely made to be sipped for a reason.

“See! I told you…”

“Oh, hush and stay out of it. Focus on your cookies.”

“Focus on your cake! You always have to in on other’s lives…”

“I’ll get my brother to leave you, Choi. I mean it this time.”

“What are you two bickering about now?” Jonghyun said playfully as he entered the room. “They fight like cat and dog, but I think they like having someone to bother.” He said to Taemin in a hushed tone, causing the two bakers to shout quiet protests.

“I was just telling Taemin about the guy I invited. You know, the cute and successful doctor?” Kibum said in an exaggerated fashion. He looked up after saying so, trying to gauge Taemin’s reaction. “What!? Not even that? You must be picky.” He muttered, going back to frosting.

“Ignore him.” Jonghyun advised. He poured a glass of his own and refilled Taemin’s. “He’s just bored since all his other friends are married. He lives to match up people.”

“And why do you think they’re married?” Kibum asked, finishing the cake and stepping back to inspect it. “I’m like a goddamn cupid.”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes and shook his head at his brother’s reasoning. “Oh, please. Will you just be quiet and help me carry food to the table?” He said, taking a long sip from his glass and setting it down.

Kibum’s guest arrived well past the dinner portion of the party. Something about busy hospital hours? Taemin kind of zoned out during the introductions.

Kibum hadn’t been lying when he had called his friend cute. Jinki was a very handsome man and he had this warm aura to himself. He was fun to talk to, but Taemin wished Kibum hadn’t left them alone to “get to know one another.”

It also didn’t help that Taemin was a tad past tipsy by now.

“So, you dance?” Jinki asked, obviously just trying to strike up conversation.

“Well, technically, yeah. But, all I really do is teach beginner dance classes to twelve year olds.” Taemin sighed, looking into his wineglass. “You know, it’s funny! I always thought…that by now I would be in some sort of…big production or maybe one of those cheesy movies about dance crews as a background character. But…I guess this is it.” He rambled on, sighing heavily.

“I can understand that. I worked my off in medical school and I’m working my off at the hospital. The whole thing about “following your dreams?” It’s a lot less fun once you actually do it.” Jinki lamented.

“Right! I mean, what do I have to show for myself? I spend all day teaching kids how to dance, my parents stopped speaking to me, and I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with anyone who wasn’t within Jonghyun’s immediate social circle.” Taemin said with a laugh before downing the rest of his glass. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to…unload all this onto you. I talk a lot when I’m drunk. Feel free to tell me to shut up!”

Jinki laughed as well, shaking his head. “No, no, it’s okay. I’m interested now.” He said, almost playfully. “So, you covered the first and last bit…your parents don’t speak to you?” He asked gently.

“No one in my family does.” Taemin said, looking down at his empty glass. “I, uh, was disowned.”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” Jinki said immediately. “I shouldn’t have…you don’t have to…”

“No, it’s fine! Really…It’s been years. I should be over it by now.” Taemin said, dismissing the apology with a wave of his hand.

“Are you?”

“Not really.”

Both sat in silence for awhile, not sure what else to say. Taemin got up with the intent to refill his glass, but wobbled slightly.

“Be careful.” Jinki said softly. “Maybe you should slow down? I’d hate for you to overdo it.” He suggested. Taemin gave a small nod, deciding to sit back down. “I’m really sorry that happened to you. I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”

“It feels…bad. But, I think I’m really close to the wound closing, you know? I got…really depressed when it happened. I couldn’t eat, or sleep, or even get out of bed. It…really . I used to think it was my fault. That I shouldn’t have been this way and then I wouldn’t be disowned, but Jonghyun helped me realize that it wasn’t…really anything I did.” Taemin sighed. “They chose to disown me and…that’s that.”

“It’s good that you’ve stopped blaming yourself.” Jinki said. Taemin gave him a small drunken smile.

“Yeah, it is.” He acknowledged. “You know, you’re very easy to talk to?”

“I’m a great listener. It’s the doctor in me.” He joked, laughing softly. Taemin laughed along with him, relaxing his body.

“Well, hopefully there’s another person inside of you that’s good at talking because sober Taemin isn’t too crazy about it.”

“Are you implying that we’ll speak at another time in the near future?” Jinki asked.

“Yeah! I mean…if you want to. Hang out and talk with me, I mean.” Taemin said awkwardly.

“I think that sounds great.” Jinki said, smiling.

“I won the bet, Minho. Hand over the money.”

“Talking doesn’t mean dating, Kibum.”

“They’re exchanging numbers.”

“So?”

“Taemin has that face.”

“Jonghyun, what face? That’s just Taemin’s face!”

“No, that’s his “I just got a date” face.”

“There is no such thing.”

“Jonghyun knows him best; the money, Choi.”

“Whatever. Take it! I’m just happy Taemin has a date.”

“Our baby is really growing up. Isn’t he, honey?”

“For the last time, Jonghyun, we aren’t adopting Taemin.”