Baekhyun did not know how he found himself in front of Kyungsoo’s apartment in the height of winter. The snow was falling stronger than usual and he could feel the sharp sting of the cold wind slapping his face. It’s 4 AM and the lights are out, but the wind was picking up, he couldn’t back down now.

He hugs himself, while rubbing his feet on the “Warm Welcomes’ carpet in front of his best friend’s door. Baekhyun still scoffs at the rug. A warm welcome was never in your near future in this apartment.

 However, despite the cold greetings Baekhyun every time he comes over, he still finds himself frequenting this door more often than he cares to. It’s not that he likes being told “ off, it’s 3AM” and “You look like a tranny that slipped down the sidewalk.”

No, not really.

But it has been exceedingly difficult to go back home, even though his apartment promised warm hugs, gentle touches, and tender kisses.

The thing is, his boyfriend loves him, like really loves him. Baekhyun does not know how many times the overgrown buffoon had murmured I love you into his ear after a night of passionate . In fact, Park Chanyeol had used it excessively in the past few weeks, it was like a lingual glitch in his internal makeup.

“I’ll be home by 6 later. Love you,”

“My sister almost got run over by a cab this morning. I love you.”

“There was a riot at school yesterday. I heard they threw tear gas. I love you.”

“I think have food poisoning, I’ll go . I love you.”

Recalling the final one, which saw Baekhyun driving his half-conscious boyfriend to the hospital after finding him passed out on the crapper. Worried, Baekhyun drags Chanyeol into the Emergency Room, half-dragging the passed out man to the nurses. Only to find out that the idiot had actually shat himself dry, effectively dehydrating him leading to him passing out.

He left Chanyeol in frustration.

Chanyeol got back home a few hours later spewing out “I’m sorry, I love you” like a drug addict going through a relapse. So needy, so desperate.

And that’s where the trouble lies: Baekhyun doesn’t know if he loves Chanyeol.

He knows he is extremely attracted to the man. He likes Chanyeol’s deep, rolling voice that caresses Baekhyun’s ears like an auditory hug. He likes the tall man’s inhumanly large ears, and how these turn crimson whenever Chanyeol is flustered (most of the time when it came to , because all the gods in heaven know that Baekhyun had almost forced himself on the giant the first time they did it). Or how Chanyeol takes his time to understand all the little quirks about Baekhyun. Adapting to the smaller man’s weird sleeping pattern, attraction to phallic objects, and Rilakuma collection.

All in all, Baekhyun liked a lot of things about his giant boyfriend, but he doesn’t know if he loves him.

Because Baekhyun had never known what love is. His parents divorced when he was still very young. His role models for love failing him without them knowing.

He had never fallen in love. He admits that he had felt the passion of what love should be like, but he had never felt that yearning that all his romance novels described. Baekhyun’s heart did not skip a beat whenever Chanyeol walked in the room. It just turned warmer—no excessive, ear bursting, feel-it-in-your-ribcage thumping. Nor did he find the need to always be beside Chanyeol. Baekhyun likes his alone time with a bag of popcorn and a good drama.

He’s confused and just a tad bit scared. 

And that’s why he’s here in front of Do Kyungsoo’s door, rubbing his feet on the Warm Welcome mat, bracing himself for another verbal assault care of the little, perpetually disgruntled man he calls his best friend. Because, even though the turd nugget had ed about literally everything on the face of this earth. Kyungsoo managed to be in a loving, devoted relationship with a certain Kim Jongin.

Which, really, no one ever saw coming. Because while Jongin is all warm hugs and longing gazes, Kyungsoo was the byproduct of Harry Potter, Satan, and an owl. So when Kyungsoo suddenly announced that he was dating that hot dancer with the lips made of sin, Baekhyun was flummoxed.

He went on to give Jongin five bibles, a bottle of holy water, and flier to a funerary home, because he would be dead in the next month, surely.  

Luckily or unluckily enough, Jongin and Kyungsoo lasted a month, then four, then a year, then two.

Kyungsoo had also chucked one bible at Baekhyun’s face every month that he was together with Jongin. And Baekhyun, for a time, had a small business renting pre-thrown bibles.

But Baekhyun has seen Kyungsoo steal glances at the Jongin when he thought no one was looking. And for a split second the unwavering glare that his friend wore would melt away, replaced by the smallest of smiles, and Baekhyun had seen enough rom-coms to know what that smile meant. He had seen how dull eyes turned bright, how lips turned up just the slightest, and how the gaze warmed.

It was the look of love.

Since then, Baekhyun never doubted Kyungsoo’s love, however disgusting it may seem.

Baekhyun steels himself, reaching out his heavily gloved right hand to knock on the door. It’s late and Kyungsoo is probably asleep, but Baekhyun was restless and he needed to scratch this itch.

Moments later he hears the all too familiar scuffling of feet on the wooden panels.  And sure enough there is the smell of cinnamon and death as Do Kyungsoo opens the door.

“Why are you here?”

“I need advice.”

“Advice on what? Your wardrobe? It’s absolutely appalling, you look like you had a seizure while rolling through a rice paddy in the middle of a storm, get off my porch.”

Even riddled in sleep, Kyungsoo was still as sharp as a knife.

“No, but thank you for your fashion advice, much appreciated.” Baekhyun scoffs, “But I’m here for a different, more important, reason.”

“What’s so important it couldn’t wait till the sun came up?”

“I have to ask you about your love life.”

There’s a pause. It’s sickening, because Baekhyun’s brain and mouth weren’t really in synch at the moment, and he knew silence only meant the calm before the storm named Kyungsoo.

“You come here looking like a ing, deranged eggplant at four in the ing morning, knocking on my door and spurting out nonsense.” Baekhyun could have sworn that it was not hot breath that left the boys lips, but actual smoke made from hellfire.

“Newsflash, this is Kyungsoo-doesn’t-care-about-your-ing-problem time, because if you were smart you’d know that normal people do not wake up at FOUR IN THE ING MORNING,” he seethes, dreary eyes going dopey to murderous in a blink, “I’m not a farmer, tard. Does it look like I’m about to till the land?” Kyungsoo bellows, black hair frazzled, eyes now manic.

Baekhyun observes his own getup, and notices that he is wearing an awfully bright purple jacket that Chanyeol got him last year, and a dark green beanie. He did, sadly, look like a very small, plump eggplant.

“Yes, I know it’s late and you’ll throw something at my face later, but I really need your advice.”

“Could this wait till morning?” Kyungsoo asks head cocking as he observes Baekhyun’s sad form, “And when I mean morning, I’m referring to 12PM, because I really don’t want to see your face for the next few hours,” Kyungsoo stifles through a yawn.

“Aren’t you like half-owl, you should be hunting at this time,” Baekhyun says off-handedly, like the perennial idiot that he was.

Baekhyun knew that insulting Kyungsoo at this time in the morning was the worst thing he could do, but he really couldn’t help it, not when his friend was in a shirt and sweatpants that looked a tad too big for the guy.

A door slams at Baekhyun’s face as Kyungsoo retreats into his apartment.

Not to be discouraged so easily, Baekhyun begins knocking on the door, calling for Kyungsoo once more.

“Soo!”

“Keeyuuuungsoooooooooo!”

“POTTER!”

Baekhyun snickers at this, shaking his head at his own brilliance.

“Yer a wizard ‘Arry!” Baekhyun wheezes in a botched Cockney accent. He’s snorting at himself at this point.

Soon the smell of cinnamon and death once again enters Baekhyun’s frigid nostrils. But he is surprised to see that it’s not the frazzled Harry Potter, but his better half, Kim Jongin.

“Good morning, hyung, having the time of your life I see” the tall man says blearily. He’s dressed similarly to Kyungsoo, with the exception of Jongin’s clothes fitting properly.

“Hi, did I wake you?” Baekhyun asks as he attempts to salvage the ungodly snort that left his lips. It’s idiotic, but it’s also four in the morning and Baekhyun has been standing in the freezing cold porch for about ten minutes.

“I think the person who was incessantly knocking on the door shouting lines from Harry Potter probably woke me up.” Jongin answers good naturedly. Why couldn’t Baekhyun have a best friend like Jongin. He was nice and courteous even at 4 in the ing morning. Kyungsoo just hates him.

“I’m sorry, this has been eating at me for the entire day, and I really need Kyungsoo’s help, and I’ve been standing here for god knows how long, and I feel like I’m going to get frostbite in a few minutes.” Baekhyun pleads, and almost on command, Jongin leads him in. Baekhyun murmurs some words of thanks, and feels the warmth of cinnamon and death envelope him like a deranged friend—comforting and disconcerting.

Baekhyun hears a laugh and peers at Jongin who is sleepily chuckling at him, “Kyungsoo was right, you do look like an eggplant,” he says while heading into the kitchen.

Baekhyun blushes in embarrassment then proceeds to strip himself of his detestable winter clothing combination. Once he had settled himself in the living room couch did Jongin come holding two mugs of coffee. He offers one to Baekhyun and leaves the other one on the coffee table.

“Kyungsoo is taking a shower, he’ll be ready in a bit.” Jongin informs heading back to the bedroom just down the hallway.

“You’re not joining us?” Baekhyun asks, even though he much preferred the man not present as he interrogated his demonic friend about his love life.

“I’m leaving for rehearsals at 6, so I have to get ready.” Jongin mutters. Baekhyun gives him a nod, then Jongin leaves Baekhyun alone once more.

Jongin works as dance instructor and choreographer at a dance studio not far from their apartment. His normal job involves training idol trainees contemporary and ballet, but from time to time they act as backup dancers for the bigger idol groups. They’ve just started rehearsals for an upcoming concert, hence the early call time.

A few moments pass and Baekhyun hears a ruffling in the bedroom as a newly bathed, still disgruntled Kyungsoo stalks towards Baekhyun. He takes a seat opposite Baekhyun and grabs the coffee on the table and takes a sip, not looking at Baekhyun.

“So-”

“Don’t talk. I’m murdering you in my mind.” Kyungsoo says still not looking at Baekhyun, but at another corner of the room. He follows Kyungsoo’s gaze and finds that he’s staring at an ornamental spear Jongin got them when he went to Africa with his family.

Baekhyun believes that he’s being skewered right now. He looks back at Kyungsoo and finds that his gaze was now back to Baekhyun and there’s a satisfied smirk on his lips.

So I’m dead already, nice.

“You woke up Jongin, he hasn’t gotten proper sleep in days, you stupid er.”

Baekhyun suddenly feels guilty and selfish, “I’m sorry,” he mutters sincerely. Jongin was too nice for anyone’s sake, honestly.

“If Jongin didn’t specifically tell me to listen to your problems because you sounded sad and needy, then you would be lying in a pool of your own blood right now.”

Baekhyun will petition to the Vatican to canonize Kim Jongin as the patron saint of ugly, desperate, talking eggplants.

Silence encompasses the room as Baekhyun waits for Kyungsoo to say something.

Maybe details on how he used the spear in his mind.

“Can you stop looking like a head and start talking?” comes Kyungsoo’s irritated voice.

There it is, music to Baekhyun’s ears.

“I need advice.”

“I know. You’ve made it exceedingly clear.”

“But I don’t know how to talk about it.”

“I will hurl my coffee at you if you don’t start getting into this.”

“How did you know that you loved Jongin?”

Kyungsoo is miraculously left speechless for about a few moments.

“What?” Kyungsoo looks surprised, not mad, just confused.

“How did you know that you were in love with Jongin?” Baekhyun says once more.

“I heard that, but why does my love life even concern you?” Kyungsoo asks.

And Baekhyun is not at all surprised. Kyungsoo wasn’t the best option when it came to talking about feelings, except feelings revolved around hatred or attempted murder.

“Well, c-cause, like, like…” Baekhyun rambles, suddenly finding it hard to get words out of his mouth.

Kyungsoo gives him a pointed look, one eyebrow raised, his face expecting something other than mindless rambling.

“Well cause, you’re like the most unloving person I have ever know in my life. You hate babies, rainbows, and Finding Nemo. Like who even does that? You call your best friend flaccid , a mentally retarded single celled organism, and the unholy union of a piece of cow dung and dirty, uncircumcised . But you’ve managed to fall in love with the nicest person I have ever met, ever. And I’m here with this amazing boyfriend who’s stupid and doesn’t know how take care of himself and loves me, but I don’t know if I love him, or if I even know what love is anyway.” Baekhyun blurts out in one, extended breath. He gulps a handful of air, letting the oxygen enter his system once more, before looking over his best friend.

“This is stupid,” Kyungsoo mumbles and Baekhyun could see that there was a faint blush creeping up the other boy’s cheek.

“Are you blushing?” Baekhyun asks tentatively.

Kyungsoo then looks at Baekhyun, now aware of the heat rising up his cheeks and expertly reverts back to his normal self.

“Oh my god, I made Kyungsoo blush!”

Baekhyun starts screaming. And with the maximum energy one can muster at 4 in the morning Baekhyun sprints towards the bedroom finding Jongin putting on a clean shirt.

“Jongin!”

The other boy looks at him curiously while picking up his training bag from beside their bed, his hair still a bit wet from the shower.

“I made Kyungsoo blush,” he says haughtily like it was the most amazing thing he had ever done.

Jongin gives him a soft chuckle as he slings his bag over himself, right as Baekhyun is tackled to the floor.

There’s a loud thud as Baekhyun hurtles to the floor, a manic Kyungsoo pining him to the ground, one hand on Baekhyun’s head and another on the base of the boy’s neck.

“I did not blush.” Kyungsoo seethes. Baekhyun awaits his death as he imagines an ornamental spear being plunged through his skull.

Jongin chuckles at the sight of the two on the ground as his small boyfriend continually threatened Baekhyun’s life.

“Baekhyun, if you as much utter a syllable of this to anyone, I swear to ing god that I will stich your up so good that will come out of your .”

“Chanyeol will kill you if that happens.”

“Not if I kill him first.”

Then the two start clawing at each other like uncoordinated hyenas. It takes an entire minute of clawing for the fight to shift from entertaining to depressing. Jongin takes this as his que to separate the inexperienced fighters from each other. With swift a sweep he pries his boyfriend off of Baekhyun and engulfs him in a bone crushing hug.

“Babe, you’re so cute when you’re angry.” Jongin coos while swaying Kyungsoo left and right. If this were any other person it would have been a swift, yet very painful death, but this was Jongin, and Jongin was special as . So, instead of bludgeoning his boyfriend to death, Kyungsoo merely pouts as he lets Jongin hug him from behind.

After Jongin left the apartment—not without reminding his boyfriend not to murder Baekhyun while he wasn’t there—Baekhyun and Kyungsoo settled back in the living room.

“So, about my question?” Baekhyun asks tentatively once they were sitting opposite once again, Kyungsoo taking furtive sips the coffee Jongin prepared.  

“Ugh, I don’t know.”

Baekhyun gives Kyungsoo a look. His best friend was a lot of things, but he was not an idiot. Kyungsoo prided himself of knowing a lot of things, random facts that Baekhyun would never dream of knowing. “I don’t know” was not part of his vocabulary.

“What? It just happened!” Kyungsoo defends, eyes getting big.

Kyungsoo is also never defensive. When things aren’t going his way, or if he does not want to reveal something, he calculates for weakness, looks for the chinks in your armor then he stabs it with an ornamental African spear.

Kyungsoo defends when things are dire.

“It can’t just happen Kyungsoo, I need the details, was there any intense thudding or like butterflies in your stomach?”

Kyungsoo glares at the man in front of him, “What is this bull your spewing out, this isn’t some ing romance novel, I didn’t profess my undying love to him under the rain” Kyungsoo remarks, “We did not end up ing on the table because of the hot, steamy passion thick in the room, you ing idiot.”

“Then how did it happen?”

“It just did. Honestly, I kinda just realized that I loved him, simple really.” Kyungsoo says while fixing his position on the couch. His grip on his coffee mug tenses, fingers circling the ceramic pressing deeper into the hot surface. There’s a weird twitch in Kyungsoo’s mouth—a moment of weakness.

“But like, how did you know?” Baekhyun grits.

“I just did.”

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun tests, dragging the final syllable as he gives a pointed glance at the man in question.

Kyungsoo has taken to swirling his cup of coffee in small, slow circles, watching the black liquid slosh lazily in his cup. Eyes never reaching Baekhyun.  

“Spill.”

“I told you already.”

“Don’t test me.”

If Kyungsoo knew how to stab where it hurts, Baekhyun knew how to stab obnoxiously until you give up. Baekhyun lived to be an annoying .

Kyungsoo pauses and looks at Baekhyun in contemplation.

“Just give up, you know as well as I do that I’m not going to let up,” Baekhyun smirks, “Annoying you is second nature to me.”

Kyungsoo huffs, he knows a lost cause when he sees one. And Baekhyun was the epitome of a lost cause. “It was after the entire Kris thing.”

Baekhyun’s mouth falls open. He knows all too well the “Kris thing.” Baekhyun even dubbed this day with varying titles, perfect for when he wants to relive that fantastic occasion. Titles such as: “Kyungsoo versus the Canadian Monster” “When Kris met the devil incarnate,” and “Baekhyun enjoyed being Kyungsoo’s best friend,” are just a few of the names Baekhyun made up for the momentous day in the history of the Byun-Do friendship. Baekhyun had even gone as far as marking it on his calendar and making it a holiday specifically for him and Kyungsoo.

That momentous day dated a few years back when Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were still in college and grouped with this kid named Wu Yifan for their History Project that amounted to ¾ of their grade. He was a Chinese-Canadian transfer student who went by his English name: Kris. He tried to make friends by sharing his “” and “risqué” experiences in Canada. Baekhyun recalls Kris bragging about and drunken night club runs, but he doubts its factuality. (Baekhyun’s been to Canada, it’s a frozen rock of nice people, maple leaves, and too much courtesy).

Kris was an enigma of sorts, cocky and obtuse, but somehow liked by many. He often wore shades to school and talked in a botched up Korean accent, even though Baekhyun swears he’s heard him speak it fluently while on the phone. He had all the makings of a douchebag, with his ripped jeans, combat boots, and his too big black shirts with some rapper Baekhyun never cared to remember.

Baekhyun gave him the benefit of the doubt.

But Kris Wu lived up to all expectations, and then some.

He proved that he was nothing but a waste of space and oxygen. Showing up once and disappearing from Baekhyun and Kyungsoo soon after, leaving the two to do the project by themselves.

The so-called moment happened a few hours before the submission of their paper, when Kris shows up out of nowhere and starts berating the two for their ‘messy’ work.

The two had sent him the draft out of courtesy, not really anticipating anything in return. They’ve handled freeloaders before—college had a serious infestation—and they often let it go. Because more often then not, they ended up rewriting everything they did, so the freeloaders saved them the hassle.

But Kris Wu was a first, and Kyungsoo was not having it.

In other occasions, Kyungsoo would brush this aside and tell Baekhyun all the nasty things he would have told the idiot if he did talk back. It’s a wise decision because it saves Baekhyun the hassle of seeing someone’s soul get crushed by Kyungsoo’s verbal assault—Kyungsoo could get really creative with his words when needed.

But Kyungsoo had not slept properly for weeks trying to complete the project, and here comes their useless groupmate telling them that all their sleepless nights fruited rotten results.

Kyungsoo lost it.

It still rings clearly in Baekhyun’s mind.

 “I’ve had to here with you, you ing hat!” Kyungsoo all but screams, “Baekhyun and I have been doing all the work while you engage people in what looks like an ancient animal mating ritual.” Kyungsoo says, his face absolutely livid.

“Well, ing newsflash, Wu Dickturd Yifan, you can take your bull theories and shove it someone’s , because I’m not having it.”

Kyungsoo then points to Kris’ face.

“Speaking of which, what’s even wrong with your face, you’re godforsaken face annoys me to no ing end,” his fingers are shaking erratically in a mixture of exhaustion and rage, “Jesus Christ! Your face looks like AIDS and Cancer’s demented love child.”

Kyungsoo’s screaming now, eyes blown wide, the dark circles more evident than it was the entire week.

“You stroll in here like this big- dickhead that you are and you have the ing tenacity to tell us that we’re doing ,” Kyungsoo bellows, his mouth shaking, his eyes manic as he edges closer to Kris.

Baekhyun sees Kris visibly flinch at the boy almost half his size.

“You, you big, ing . You useless excuse of space and fecal matter.”

Kris has not moved an inch, but Kyungsoo was far from being done.

“You know, what you are ingWu Yifan?” Kyungsoo asks dangerously. Kris looks like he doesn’t know if he should answer or stay still.

“You are dog .” Kyungsoo accuses, his finger piercing Kris’ chest. “You’re a pile of dog someone just happened to ing step on.” Kyungsoo was on fire now, his verbal assault hitting all the right spots of morally and politically incorrect.

“No one sees you, but you’re there. You’re there polluting the world with your face and your stupid stories that everyone knows is fake,” Kyungsoo points out, “I mean, Kris honestly, who would invite you to an unless they needed someone to keep them from ing.”

Offensive, check.

Demeaning, check.

Entertaining, double check.

“No one wants you to be there, but some sad just so happened to literally dump you into the world.”

Kris is frozen, but Kyungsoo does not let up.

“You’re only purpose is to thrown into a garbage bag, where no one can see you. And you come here like you ing know ing everything, but you ing don’t. You’re ing telling me that we should have broadened the ing research, newsflash dimwit, if we broadened the ing research, then we would be writing a ing book, not a paper. Secondly, unless you’re telling me that the foremost researchers on the ing Vietnamese war is less credible than your ing internet resources, then maybe you can shove those up your , because God knows people do not need you expelling more of yourself into this world. Finally, you ing bastard son of the abominable snowman, you have no ing right to say anything because you and your STD  face have not done anything for the past two weeks. So if you will excuse me, I will ing take MY and BAEKHYUN’S project to class, and please do induce someone else into a coma with your stupidity, because I have enough stupid in this little right here.” Kyungsoo seethes pointing at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun doesn’t even have the energy to deny, he just basks in Kris’ dumbstruck face.

Kyungsoo then bolts out of the room, Baekhyun soon following as they leave Kris gaping at the space that was once occupied by a very angry Kyungsoo. Baekhyun walks out the door, trying to see where Kyungsoo had gone. He was supposed to try to calm Kyungsoo down, but he found that someone was already in the process of doing so.

In the barren hallway stood Jongin enshrouding Kyungsoo in a tight hug, his mouth pressing kisses to Kyungsoo’s head.

That was the last thing Baekhyun saw, so when Kyungsoo suddenly starts talking about what happened that day, Baekhyun is surprised.

“Is this when I saw you and Jongin by the halls.”

Kyungsoo is shocked, his eyes growing large at being caught, but he nods nonetheless.

“This is how it went.”

“I heard what you said in there,” Jongin says, “I was bringing you and Baekhyun coffee, when you started screaming at Kris.”

Kyungsoo freezes. Those things, the things he had just blurted out in pure rage was something that he didn’t show Jongin, it was something most people found offensive and negative. Something people generally disliked. Kyungsoo was just very honest, and very severe with his words. Most people did not know how to react to Kyungsoo’s brand of honesty. Most would get offended then brand Kyungsoo as spiteful, and really with his face, it wasn’t hard to believe.

He wasn’t spiteful though, he just really didn’t like people being half-assed, incompetent, or useless. But Kyungsoo was smart enough to know that public assumption can ruin your present and future, so he bites his tongue and saves everything for when he can rant to Baekhyun about all the stupidity the world had to offer.   

He did it with his best friend, not his boyfriend. Because Jongin is kindness in human form. He’s all about complementing and reassuring, spreading positivity like dog trying to mark its territory. But beyond the smiles, Jongin inexplicably insecure. While Kyungsoo was confident in him, Jongin would always think that he was never deserving of the things people told him. The guy didn’t get how good talented he was. He was always self-depreciating whenever he talked about himself. It angered Kyungsoo.

So he doesn’t say these things, doesn’t spread the negativity to someone as pure and positive as his boyfriend. He didn’t want Jongin to think that he had a reason to fear Kyungsoo.

He just didn’t want Jongin to leave him.

However, lately he had come so close to trying to tell Jongin about what goes on his head. He didn’t know why. Nights when their watching a movie or eating dinner and Jongin gives him that warm smile, Kyungsoo senses the urge to blurt out, to shout what he was thinking. He thought it was just him getting more comfortable around his boyfriend. The urges kept on getting stronger recently, and this was the best time to come clean. This was the best time to show his boyfriend Kyungsoo—unabridged.

 “Those things that I said in there, that’s me.” Kyungsoo says, “I’m honest, I find the worst in others, I berate them, and I get carried away sometimes. I’m demystified and I can’t lie anymore,” Kyungsoo says.

“I’ll never be as kind as you. I’m mean, judgmental, and harsh. I can make people cry, I always think badly of people, and I have a knack of rolling my eyes. And if you don’t like it, then…” Kyungsoo pauses looking at Jongin, “you can go off.” And even Kyungsoo flinches at the harshness of the tone. He couldn’t lie anymore, because Kyungsoo had come to the conclusion that if Jongin couldn’t accept this part of him, then there was no use pursuing this relationship.

 Even though the thought of never having Jongin hurt him.

He doesn’t expect Jongin to start smiling.

“I was going to say, that the guy deserved everything that came out of your mouth,” Jongin mumbles, “I’ve seen you stress over this project for these past few weeks. I don’t know why you didn’t explode earlier, you may never admit it, but you’re only ever patient towards me. It makes me feel special and sad at the same time.”

Kyungsoo is frozen, and he really can’t say anything else. Because there’s a huge warmth overtaking his body, and he’s pretty sure it’s not because of Jongin’s hug.

“What?”

“Baekhyun’s your best friend and whenever he comes late to one of your movie nights, you go ballistic. You even do it to your parents. To me it looks like an act of endearment more than anything else.” Jongin continues, his arms slowly encircling Kyungsoo once again.

“But when I get home really late even if I told you that I would try to get off practice early, you just wait quietly on the couch watching a very violent movie.” Jongin murmurs.

“It’s confusing. I don’t know if you’re more patient because it’s me, or if it’s because you don’t want to be impatient in front of me. I want to ask, but you’d probably make some excuse cause you never show that side of yourself to me.” Jongin continues.

“But the thing is, I want you. All of you.” He says, eyes nervous, voice soft.

“Jesus, that’s disgusting. Don’t ever say that in front of me ever again if you don’t want me to projectile vomit into your fantastic face.”

Kyungsoo looks at him and feels a warmth take over him, his heart did not jump, on the contrary, it steadied, slow and quiet in his chest. When he looked at Jongin, his heart just felt calm and light. His heart felt safe.

“When you come late, I’m never mad, most of the time I’m worried because you work too much for your own sake. I don’t get mad at you because you’re literally the nicest person I have ever met. And it’s true, I’m not fully honest with you when we’re together. I don’t snap at others when I’m with you, I don’t glare as often. Mostly because I’m subdued when I’m with you. I don’t why, I just am. But I’m also suppressing a part of me, I don’t want to, but it just happens.”

He breathes, there’s a silence as Jongin looks at him with an almost blank stare.

“Truthfully, I just think that if you saw things like that,” he points to the room he had just run from, “You’d be afraid of me, or—” Kyungsoo trails off, his breath quieting, his greatest insecurity sitting at the tip of his tongue, ready to be released into the world.

“I’m afraid you’d leave me. Baekhyun’s the only idiot who was evil enough to stay with me.” Kyungsoo looks to the floor embarrassed, “Mostly because no one can tolerate him cause of his stupid,”

“Maybe with the exception of Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo rambles, trying his hardest to block out the first part of his confession, to subtly mask the doubts in his mind.

“Well, better add me into the list of idiots, ‘cause you’re stuck with me.” Jongin smiles.

Kyungsoo looks up and smiles.

“You’re not leaving, even if I’m a royal ?”

“Nope.” Jongin says, smiling.

“Okay, good.” Kyungsoo says, a smile also settling on his face.

“So, is there anyone else I should watch my back for, any other large flaccid that I have to take note of?” Jongin asks as he tightens his hug, slightly swaying in place.

“Not really.” He says looking at his boyfriend with a warm smile, resting his head on the taller boy’s chest, “But you know that girl that always wants to partner with you during your rehearsals?”

“Hmm, Krystal?” Jongin nods in response, eyes closed as he enjoyed the warmth of his smaller boyfriend.

“Total. ing. .”

Jongin chortles at this, kissing the top of Kyungsoo’s head.

Kyungsoo would realize hours later—after he had apologized to Kris, submitted their project to their professor, and walked back home with Jongin’s hand in his—the reason for his honesty.

He realized that he needed Jongin to know everything, not because he saw him and Kris, and not because he felt comfortable with him. He needed Jongin to see everything. He needed Jongin to love all of him.

He needed to know if Jongin loved him as much he loved Jongin.

Baekhyun is surprised at how, well, heartwarming Kyungsoo’s story is.

“Well, that explains why you stopped ranting all the time,” Baekhyun says settling himself in his chair, “I thought you had set up a direct connection to hell.” Baekhyun smirks

“Looks like the demon just started praying to angel instead.” This earns a throw pillow on Baekhyun’s face.

“But like how did it feel when you realized?” Baekhyun asks after ridding himself of the soft projectile.

Kyungsoo looks at him weirdly, “Well, I don’t know. Warm? I think.”

“You think? How can you be so unsure of something as monumental as falling in love?” Baekhyun asks incredulously, slightly jumping a bit from his seat pointing at Kyungsoo. The coffee has long been forgotten now, the mugs settled on the coffee table.

“I told you, I just realized it then and there. It’s a gradual thing.” Kyungsoo explains, a bit flustered.

“Ugh, this does not help at all.” Baekhyun groans covering his face with a throw pillow as he fell onto the couch. It smelled like cinnamon. Jongin probably washed this. Baekhyun wonders where Kyungsoo keeps his Death Freshener.

After a moment of groaning, Baekhyun suddenly jumps from his seat, completely startling Kyungsoo who curses to high heavens, nearly dropping the mug he was bringing to the sink.

“Baekhyun I swear to god, I will spear you.”

“Whatever, I know how we can solve this.” Baekhyun announces rather excitedly from his position on the couch, his head bobbing in excitement.

“How?” Kyungsoo asks obviously indifferent to whatever has to come out of the other’s mouth.

“I’ll just ask you some questions, then I see how a person in love feels.” Baekhyun says enthusiastically.

Kyungsoo wants to hit him over the head, but he knows this would not stop the brat from going through with his plan, so he settles with a curt ‘whatever.’

Baekhyun grins like a mad man prepared to embark on his latest experiment.

“First question, how do you feel when Jongin’s not with you?” Baekhyun asks.

“I feel like the world is meaningless, that my mere existence is nothing but a charade of nothingness,” Kyungsoo answers almost immediately.

Baekhyun is taken aback, “Really?”

“No, you asswipe.” Kyungsoo spits, “I feel like a normal person,” Kyungsoo deadpans.

“Kyungsoo, nothing? Really? Why would you feel nothing?” Baekhyun admonishes.

“I’m not emotionally attached to Jongin. I can survive on my own. I just rather be in his company because I’m at ease with him.”

“Are you at ease when you’re with me?”

“Jongin screwed that spear really tightly into the wall because of you.”

“Rude.”

Baekhyun scoffs and moves on to his next question.

“What about when you see him with someone else?” Baekhyun asks.

“Again, nothing.” Kyungsoo responds, rolling his eyes as he settles back into his seat opposite Baekhyun.

“Not even a hint of jealousy?” Baekhyun asks disappointed.

“He has friends, I have friends. That’s how the world works,” Kyungsoo responds.

“What if this person is like super close, like Krystal?”

Baekhyun knows all too well that Krystal has a humongous crush on Jongin, much to the ire of Kyungsoo. It doesn’t help that Krystal works in the same studio as Jongin. The only reason Krystal hasn’t made a move is because Jongin’s too caught up in Kyungsoo that he’s become oblivious to any sort of flirtatious action.

“Jongin’s just really nice. He attracts some unwarranted attention than needed, but he knows he’ll die if he even entertains the idea of cheating,” Kyungsoo says, eyes turning dangerous at each word, “So, no, I don’t get jealous, it’s not worth my time.”

Baekhyun is skeptical, “Don’t lie to me.”

“Okay, fine. I did get jealous before, but now I don’t.” Kyungsoo relents.

“What changed?”

“I realized that whenever Jongin hears my voice he kinda just drops everything and comes running. It’s both endearing and disturbing, but I’m not complaining.”

Baekhyun looks pensive for a moment, his hand scratching the bottom of his chin.

“Interesting.”

“You’re thinking of trying it on Chanyeol, aren’t you?”

“No I’m not,” Baekhyun denies, his eyes not reaching Kyungsoo.

So obvious.

“You don’t have to try. He already does it. Save everyone the hassle.” Kyungsoo says, lounging comfortably on the couch, head resting on the cushions of the arm chair.

“You are no fun,” he whines.

 “You little piece of , I’m doing you a ing favor. No complaining.” Kyungsoo scolds, as he gets up and brings his mug to the kitchen. 

“But that’s like half of my personality.” Baekhyun says, this time with an added pout for good measure.

Kyungsoo chances a glance at the spear, “I know where Jongin hides the drill.”

The response is immediate.

“No complaining. Promise.” Baekhyun says, smiling. Kyungsoo stops, a smirk he looks back at Baekhyun.

“Moving on.” Baekhyun begins, “How does it feel like when he kisses you?” he asks, voice sounding more business-like more than anything else. There’s some silence from the kitchen, before Kyungsoo comes out and give his answer, “It’s nice—warm.”

“If it were cold, then you would be kissing a corpse, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun sighs, “Come on, give me details.”

“Do you want me to answer you honestly or do you want me to tell you the bull your ing romcoms spew out?” Kyungsoo asks him in return, fully settling in the couch once more.

“Your answers are so bland, is there nothing exciting about your love life?” Baekhyun groans once more, still unsatisfied and still doubting.

“Baekhyun, it’s not like I met him yesterday, we didn’t have a one night stand. We’ve going on about this for years.” Kyungsoo explains, “We aren’t star crossed lovers in some Shakespearean play.”

“I just want to understand. I’ve never fallen in love with someone before, and I never had parents who were in love. I want to know that it’s really love and not just my talking.”

“Baekhyun, there’s not much difference when it comes to your and your actual brain.” Baekhyun hurls a throw pillow at Kyungsoo.

“.”

Kyungsoo smirks in victory, mouthing “I won” at Baekhyun. It’s exceedingly childish, but Baekhyun’s is part five year old, so he lets it slide.

“How many times do you tell him you love him?”

“Rarely.”

“Okay, next question—”

“What, no rebuttals? No, ‘but you’re so boring,” Kyungsoo says in a whiny, high pitched voice.

“Is that supposed to be me?” Baekhyun asks.

“It sounds like you, it’s annoying as you. Then it should be you.” Kyungsoo says rolling his eyes.

Baekhyun scoffs, “Whatever. I expected you actually never saying it.”

Kyungsoo shrugs in response.

“Do you ever think that he’ll get tired of you?” Baekhyun continues, and this one comes softer, more genuine.

Kyungsoo spares him a glance and sees the slight fidget and the subtle clasping of his friend’s hands.

“Oh, I know he’ll get tired of me,” Kyungsoo says unfazed.

“W-what do you mean?” Baekhyun splutters suddenly.

“We get tired of each other, it’s like how you get tired of eating your favorite thing every day,” Kyungsoo explains, “At one point you feel like you don’t want to eat it anymore.”

“Like you love this kimchi jjage, you love it so much, but you eat every day, sooner or later you get tired of it. You won’t eat it for a while, but you always come back, eventually. You eat bulgogi, jjapche, and the best steak in the world, and you’ll enjoy it.  But when they ask you what your favorite dish is. You answer, without hesitation, kimchi jjage. You’ll always choose your kimchi jjage.”

Baekhyun accepts this advice and fumbles again with his fingers. Astounded that Kyungsoo just explained his love life in terms of kimchi jjage. He doesn’t know if you Kyungsoo is wise, or if Kyungsoo thinks he’s dumb.

“Can’t believe you just compared love to eating out Jongin,” Baekhyun scoffs in mock offense, “I mean I love eating some , but how often do you two each other out, seriously?”

“Spear.”

“Moving on.”

Baekhyun smiles exaggeratedly at his best friend to appease him. The line of questioning isn’t all that in depth, so Baekhyun takes it up a notch.

“Do you think he’ll ever fall out of love,” Baekhyun asks after he curses god for awful hand-eye coordination.

“You don’t fall out of love,” Kyungsoo says after some time, “You also don’t fall in love, I think.”

“Kyungsoo, you’re not making sense.”

“I don’t think love is a feeling, it’s not something that you can gauge with your emotions. You don’t fall in love, you just start loving, and you don’t fall out of love,” Kyungsoo says eyes glassy, “You just stop.”

Kyungsoo looks pensive, his eyes wandering around the room as he answers Baekhyun’s question. He stops and takes a glance at Baekhyun and notices the blank, forlorn look his idiot friend is wearing.

“If you’re asking me if I’m ever going to stop loving Jongin, then my answer is no, I’m not going to stop loving him, even if he’s with someone else and happy, I’ll still love him.”

Baekhyun creases his eyebrows, and Kyungsoo attempts to explain further.

 “It’s my choice to stay with Jongin, as much as it is his choice to stay with me. We’re in real relationship, of course the heat and the excitement will fizzle out.” Kyungsoo says, his voice soft. His eyes trained at anything that was not Baekhyun. For a moment, Kyungsoo didn’t look as tough as he usually looked, for a moment looked unsure. His friend was traipsing on unfamiliar territory, one that was barren, listless, and hopelessly uncertain. There was nothing as rare as Do Kyungsoo vulnerable. Baekhyun admired this Kyungsoo the most.

“There’s only so much a feeling can do. In the end its my choice to stay or to leave, and right now and for a very long time, I choose to stay. If there comes a moment that he chooses to leave then I can’t do anything about it. But right now, we help each other, we go through life together, we make the pain more bearable. Not because of love, but because of trust, respect and understanding.”

Kyunsgoo stares pensively across the room, eyes seemingly glassy against the fluorescent light above. But Baekhyun dismisses this.

“That’s why love’s a . Even if you don’t want to love, you can’t help but love.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes aren’t looking at his friend, but Baekhyun sees the walls of Kyungsoo’s iris collapse, how a single tear is suddenly falling down his face. It’s like a very morose painting.

Baekhyun would name it, “Satan in Love”

Just then Baekhyun hears a click and creaking as the front door swings open and a shivering Jongin comes strolling into the warm apartment, bringing with him the chill of the early morning breeze and an unlikely visitor.

“Babe, I’m back. Brought Yixing with me too.”

There’s a shuffling of feet as Jongin passes the threshold and takes off his jacket. Behind him a slightly shorter man with a mop of black hair and dimpled smile enters. He shrugs off his jacket as well, before heading into the warmth of the apartment.

Enter, Zhang Yixing, Jongin’s soon to be brother-in-law. A dancer who immigrated from China to Korea to study dance, he and Jongin met when the younger man found a lost Yixing trailing behind a janitor in the science lab, asking the poor man to be his tutor in botched Korean. Luckily, Jongin knew a bit of Chinese and someone who could help Yixing. He dragged him away from the janitor and gave him a small tour of the campus, Jongin even treated Yixing to lunch before leading Yixing to his new tutor—Kim Junmyeon, Jongin’s older brother, President of every club that ever existed, and a pentalinguist.

Little fact about Jongin: he is the youngest of three brothers.

Little fact about his older brothers: overprotective and clingy.

Little fact about Jongin and Kyungsoo’s relationship: When Do Kyungsoo got into a relationship with Kim Jongin he inadvertently got into a relationship with his two overprotective brothers and their fussy partners.

And, by default, Baekhyun got into a relationship with Jongin’s family.

It’s weird. But it works.

Junmyeon is the second eldest, also known as the nerd mother: half-student an dhalf-doting parent. The guy skipped two grades in high school and, by some unknown power, graduated top his class while president of the student council and editor-in-chief chief of the school newspaper.

Baekhyun swears Junmyeon spent half of his life in front of his desk and the other half making sure that Jongin was alive.

So when Junmyeon and Yixing got together, it came as quite a shock.

Junmyeon communicates with detachment and professionalism to anyone not his brothers, but Yixing disarmed him in ways no one thought possible. Because while Junmyeon kept himself away with coldness and an impersonal tone, Yixing closed in with affection and soft touches. Junmyeon often left lessons flustered.

And after three years of dating on and off, Junmyeon finally found it in himself to ask for Yixing’s hand in marriage. Yixing said yes and Junmyeon ugly cried.

Baekhyun had a good laugh at that one.

“Hello! Sorry for the intrusion.” Yixing chirps, his eyes crinkling in delight as he jovially waves at the two. Yixing smiles, his prominent dimples making an appearance. The man with his lithe frame, serene skin, and friendly eyes always looked so innocent and naïve, but the man is incredibly intelligent, and can disarm when provoked, but he’s pleasant most of the time.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo wave back, though with less enthusiasm.

“What’s wrong? You guys seem down?” Yixing pouts, his Korean has gotten much better after Junmyeon’s tutelage, but his Chinese accent makes an appearance from time to time.

Wait. Fiancé.

While Baekhyun creates a new way to discover the ins and outs of love, Jongin is intent on giving his boyfriend a peck on the cheek.

But he notices that Kyungsoo’s cheeks are moist and tad rosier than usual. He reaches out in concern, his lips curling into a frown.

“Hey, were you crying?” Jongin says eyes searching for a reason to why his usually snippy boyfriend looked a bit muzzled.

There’s a pause, in which Kyungsoo gently takes away Jongin’s hand from his cheek and takes a dab at his cheek. Kyungsoo’s soft expression upturns into what Jongin knows is annoyance.

Kyungsoo turns from his boyfriend to Baekhyun, “If you ever tell anyone, anyone, what happened today, I will douse everything that you love and cherish in hydrochloric acid.”

“I can’t even tell him?” Baekhyun asks aghast, gesturing to Jongin.

Kyungsoo’s gaze intensifies, “Him, especially.” He says, eyes flaring, teeth gritted, before excusing himself to go to the bathroom.

Baekhyun would name that, “Satan in Denial”

“I just left for about an hour and you have my satanic boyfriend getting teary eyed,” Jongin asks his face looking at Baekhyun in awe and wonder.

“What did you do?”                                                          

“Just some talking.” Baekhyun dismisses, “Hey, I thought you had rehearsals the entire day, why are you back so early?” Baekhyun asks.

Yixing takes a seat beside Baekhyun, placing his arm around the smaller man. Baekhyun was used to the Chinese’s extreme affection. Yixing clings to people—he hugs, and snuggles without care.

“Some of the guys got snowed in. The news said it’s forecasted to get stronger in the afternoon,” Kai explains plopping himself down into the seat previously occupied by Kyungsoo.

“Junnie’s stuck at work and we can’t drive back, so we’re sleeping here tonight.” Yixing adds nuzzling himself closer to Baekhyun.

Yixing and Junmyeon moved from their cozy studio apartment to a more spacious two-bedroom unit uptown ever since the engagement. And because Yixing worked with Jongin at the studio and Junmyeon still works for the financial consultation firm not far from there, they took a car together in the morning and would drop Jongin home before heading home.

“Oh, that reminds me. I have to tell Kyungsoo that you guys are sleeping over,” Jongin says suddenly standing up.

“Do you want anything?” Jongin asks Yixing. The Chinese hindering his nuzzling to look at the other dancer.

“Tea would be nice.”

Jongin nods, “Coming right up,”

“Thanks, Jongin.”

“Anything for you Yixing. We all know Junmyeon will have my head if I don’t treat you like the Chinese prince that you are.”

Yixing chuckles while shaking his head, “He loves you more than that, you know.”

“Yeah, I got demoted to slave ever since you came into the picture.” Kai chuckles, “Baekhyun, you should stay over as well. You’re not getting anywhere in that snow, unless you want to die looking like a plump eggplant.” Kai says before disappearing into the guest rooms. Baekhyun looks confused and starts sitting up, heading to the window.

“Is it really that bad?”

Yixing stands up as well, following the younger man to the window. The two watch the raging storm rage outside, their view nothing but a flurry of white and grey.

“You can get to the next block or so, but anything farther might end you frozen and dead. And knowing you, you’d end up dead.”

“Thanks,” Baekhyun deadpans, not taking the jibe about his abysmal survival skills to heart. Yixing can get really blunt sometimes. He doesn’t mean to offend, he just says what’s on his mind, even though what’s on his mind breaches on socially acceptable. It’s a trait of the Chinese man that often has Junmyeon flailing about trying to explain that Yixing doesn’t mean to offend, while Yixing laughs at him.

“Just looking out for you!” Yixing chirps heading back to couch completely oblivious.

Baekhyun instinctively reaches for his phone, but is surprised to feel air rather than laminated plastic. He groans in realization. He left his phone at home because he was expecting to return before the sun came up. He knew how Chanyeol had a tendency to worry, sometimes going into hysterics because he’s dumb like that.

At the same time, Jongin comes back with a cup of tea an amused smile on his face. He barrels towards the younger man.

“Jongin, could you do me a favor and text the jolly green giant that I’m alive and safe? I left my phone in our apartment.” Baekhyun asks while batting his eyelashes at the boy.

“No.” Jongin protests, arms crossing firmly across his chests.

“Eh.”

“Tell me what you and Soo were talking about, then I’ll text him.” Jongin smirks.

“You do know your little boyfriend just threatened to white wash everything that I hold dear, right? You’re asking me to bargain my life for a text?”

“A text and the Kim Jongin Protection Plan,” there’s a cheeky grin riding up Jongin’s face. It’s sneaky and conniving. Baekhyun likes this Jongin.

“And what does this protection plan promise?” the smaller asks, eyebrows raised.

“Well, the Kim Jongin Protection Plan promises protection from potential death caused by people named Do Kyungsoo. This includes protection from physical, emotional, and psychological harm from said squishy man.”

“Well, you drive quite a bargain.”

Jongin’s smile grows larger, “So, do we have a deal?” he reaches out his hand to Baekhyun.

“You had me at, protection from potential death.”

Baekhyun imitates the taller and reaches for the other’s hand, clasping it hand shaking it firmly, each giving knowing smiles.

Jongin face turns gleeful as he shoves Baekhyun to the sofa where Yixing is quietly sipping his tea

"So, spill."

Author's Note:

So this is part 1 (aka before everything goes to .)

I've got the next part almost done, it's just a matter of refining it. 

Hope you guys like it, and you can look forward to the conclusion soon.